Daily Reprieve

From the Daily Reflections of November 6;

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him. . . .   (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 96)

The first words I speak when arising in the morning are, “I arise, O God, to do Thy will.” This is the shortest prayer I know and it is deeply ingrained in me. Prayer doesn’t change God’s attitude toward me; it changes my attitude toward God. As distinguished from prayer, meditation is a quiet time, without words. To be centered is to be physically relaxed, emotionally calm, mentally focused and spiritually aware.

One way to keep the channel open and to improve my conscious contact with God is to maintain a grateful attitude.  On the days when I am grateful, good things seem to happen in my life. The instant I start cursing things in my life, however, the flow of good stops. God did not interrupt the flow; my own negativity did.

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I am not able to maintain connection with Gomu (God of my understanding) if I view the relationship as distant and demanding.  Like all my relationships, there are up days and down days.  There are times when I can connect, and I am able to walk through fire and on water with my Higher Power.  Then there are times that my anxiety bubbles up like a salsa laden stomach acid and all I can do is grab hold of any discipline I can remember.  I really do not wish to lash out at God, but sometimes it is the most intimate thing I can do in my spiritual walk.  If I was God, I would manipulate the hell out of me to get me to do what needs to be done.  I would wake me up in the morning and slap my face hard so that my first thought is “thy will be done.”  My God has chosen a less intrusive approach than my previous god in a bottle.  So, Gomu’s Will be done.

From the Daily Reflections of November 5;

This . . . has to do with the quality of faith. . . . In no deep or meaningful sense had we ever taken stock of ourselves. . . . We had not even prayed rightly. We had always said, “Grant me my wishes” instead of “Thy will be done.”   (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 32)

God does not grant me material possessions, take away my suffering, or spare me from disasters, but He does give me a good life, the ability to cope, and peace of mind. My prayers are simple: first, they express my gratitude for the good things in my life, regardless of how hard I have to search for them; and second, I ask only for the strength and the wisdom to do His will. He answers with solutions to my problems, sustaining my ability to live through daily frustrations with a serenity I did not believe existed, and with the strength to practice the principles of A.A. in all of my everyday affairs.

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When I pray “Thy (Your) will be done” to GOMU (God of my understanding), which must be a loving God to be effective in my life, I see four implications that are reasonable and necessary and will be the fruit of that petition.

1.  It is necessary and reasonable to expect that we will communicate directly or indirectly with Gomu so that we will know what represents His or Her Will.  Thus, this prayer carries with it an implication that we will have an increased ability to communicate to our Higher Power as we seek to fulfill Gomu’s Will.

2.  It is a necessary and reasonable expectation that Gomu will empower and/or provide for us in the accomplishment of that Will.  The activity of pursuing the Will of our Higher Power will create legitimate needs that will be satisfied.

3.  It is a necessary and reasonable expectation that the Will of a loving God will guide you into the fulfillment of something within yourself that reveals you to you.

4.  It is necessary and reasonable to expect there to be some discomfort in the fulfilling of Gomu’s Will because it will not be something that can be accomplished with isolated selfishness.  It will require you to grow beyond what you have created of yourself in isolation.

In the fulfillment of Gomu’s Will, I find Him necessary and reasonable in the making of a better life.  All this starts with the prayer, Your Will be done.

From the Daily Reflections of November 4;

. . . when they [self-examination, meditation and prayer] are logically related and interwoven, the result is an unshakable foundation for life.  (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 98)

The last three Steps of the program invoke God’s loving discipline upon my willful nature. If I devote just a few moments every night to a review of the highlights of my day, along with an acknowledgement of those aspects that didn’t please me so much, I gain a personal history of myself, one that is essential to my journey into self-discovery. I was able to note my growth, or lack of it, and to ask in prayerful meditation to be relieved of those continuing shortcomings that cause me pain. Meditation and prayer also teach me the art of focusing and listening. I find that the turmoil of the day gets tuned out as I pray for His will and guidance. The practice of asking Him to help me in my strivings for perfection puts a new slant on the tedium of any day, because I know there is honor in any job done well. The daily discipline of prayer and meditation will keep me in fit spiritual condition, able to face whatever the day brings-without the thought of a drink.

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I am looking for a balanced ego that can embrace such simple disciplines. My ego chafes at its place of submission with a Higher Power. It uses the art of extremes to assert its independence, and that is when I am cut off from the life-giving source of the Infinite One.  I either go limp, or I play god. Becoming limp initially seems spiritual. I have “surrendered” and I am no longer in control.  Whatever happens, God rules, while I drool. Life piles up on me, and I feel abandoned.  Then I decide to go to the other extreme and face life on my terms. I slash and burn my way trying to achieve an unassailable fortress, finding instead an inescapable prison.

For me, I have had to understand what part of life belongs to a very real and active God, and what part of life belongs to an embryonic god (another way of saying child of god) such as myself. God is in charge of the RESULTS of my life, and I am in charge of the WORK that is revealed as I go along. Knowing I am an embryonic god means that if I do not work in my life, it does not get done. Going limp is not an option.  When I attempt to take my finite understanding and order the Universe as pleases my imagination, I am going to meet a great deal of resistance. The daily discipline of AA helps me to know my work, my place, and share a vision with Gomu.

(Image Credit: “Balance” by QuantomStarBox )

From the Daily Reflections of November 3;

There is a direct linkage among self-examination, meditation, and prayer. Taken separately, these practices can bring much relief and benefit.   (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 98)

If I do my self-examination first, then surely, I’ll have enough humility to pray and meditate-because I’ll see and feel my need for them. Some wish to begin and end with prayer, leaving the self-examination and meditation to take place in between, whereas others start with meditation, listening for advice from God about their still hidden or unacknowledged defects. Still others engage in written and verbal work on their defects, ending with a prayer of praise and thanksgiving. These three — self-examination, meditation and prayer — form a circle, without a beginning or an end. No matter where, or how, I start, I eventually arrive at my destination: a better life.

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Gomu leads me to recreate my life.  When I am involved in self-examination, I am given to obsessive work.  When I am involved in meditation, it is about surrender to a walking, but alert, trance while I attempt to see beyond the urgent reality. When I pray, I am seeking to express my most intense need and desires to One I have concluded actually gives a damn about me and my particulars.  They are not as neatly packed into the day as I would like, but they all surge into prominence at the right time when I am seeking conscious contact with my Higher Power.  The funny thing is, I have grown somewhat addicted to the altered state of mind I achieve while in meditation. I do not expect this obsession to turn against me as long as I take what I gain and turn it into packing myself into the stream of life becoming a useful member of the human race.

From the Daily Reflections of November 2;

The other Steps can keep most of us sober and somehow functioning. But Step Eleven can keep us growing, . . .   (The Language of the Heart, page 240)

A sober alcoholic finds it much easier to be optimistic about life. Optimism is the natural result of my finding myself gradually able to make the best, rather than the worst, of each situation. As my physical sobriety continues, I come out of the fog, gain a clearer perspective and am better able to determine what courses of action to take. As vital as physical sobriety is, I can achieve a greater potential for myself by developing an ever-increasing willingness to avail myself of the guidance and direction of a Higher Power. My ability to do so comes from my learning-and practicing-the principles of the A.A. program. The melding of my physical and spiritual sobriety produces the substance of a more positive life.

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I refer to my physical sobriety as abstinence.  I know how to achieve abstinence in AA.  Mostly, when I speak of sobriety, it is spiritual sobriety that I am considering.  I think most of us view emotional and spiritual sobriety as the same thing.  I do not.  I think emotional stability and the predominance of serenity are fruits of spiritual sobriety.  It is a life of continuous improvement.  The belief that I have arrived sets me up to rest on my spiritual laurels.  Seeking progress rather than perfection is my goal.  This is the primary source and fruit of my optimism.

From the Daily Reflections of November 1;

It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe.   (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 85)

My first sponsor told me there were two things to say about prayer and meditation: first, I had to start and second, I had to continue. When I came to A.A. my spiritual life was bankrupt; if I considered God at all, He was to be called upon only when my self-will was incapable of a task or when overwhelming fears had eroded my ego.

Today I am grateful for a new life, one in which my prayers are those of thanksgiving. My prayer time is more for listening than for talking. I know today that if I cannot change the wind, I can adjust my sail. I know the difference between superstition and spirituality. I know there is a graceful way of being right, and many ways to be wrong.

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Long before I activated my alcoholism, I learned to pray.  How I prayed was a good indication of my own spiritual welfare.  My prayer life is an ongoing interaction that intensifies and becomes difficult when I give way to fear and anxiety.  This, for me, is where learning to find serenity is important.  Fear has its own voice and it often dresses up as God.  When I fall into fear, I relinquish pursuit of intuitive understanding and send out a petition to overcome the anxiety.  I do the next right thing until I can detect a loving and caring voice once again.  The practice of finding reasons to be grateful helps regain serenity.  If I stop praying and seeking conscious contact with my Higher Power, I not only assume responsibility for the work I am here to perform, but I begin taking over the results.   The results are not in my control.  The work is.

From the Daily Reflections of October 31;

All history affords us the spectacle of striving nations and groups finally torn asunder because they were designed for, or tempted into, controversy. Others fell apart because of sheer self-righteousness while trying to enforce upon the rest of mankind some millennium of their own specification.   (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 176)

As an A.A. member and sponsor, I know I can cause real damage if I yield to temptation and give opinions and advice on another’s medical, marital, or religious problems. I am not a doctor, counselor, or lawyer. I cannot tell anyone how he or she should live; however, I can share how I came through similar situations without drinking, and how A.A.’s Steps and Traditions help me in dealing with my life.

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For me, as an individual alcoholic and as a member of the AA Fellowship, avoiding controversy is going to be the best way to travel.  I must contribute to the protection of the community that helps ensure my own survival.  If I am considering the possibility of entering into controversy outside of my support network, I must consider carefully the wisdom of that approach.  There may be times when I have to confront, but it should not be impulsive.  I need to pause and connect within the group, and then make a careful plan for my own participation.

From the Daily Reflections of October 30;

Never since it began has Alcoholics Anonymous been divided by a major controversial issue. Nor has our Fellowship ever publicly taken sides on any question in an embattled world. This, however, has been no earned virtue. It could almost be said that we were born with it. . . . “So long as we don’t argue these matters privately, it’s a cinch we never shall publicly.”   (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 176)

Do I remember that I have a right to my opinion but that others don’t have to share it? That’s the spirit of “Live and Let Live.” The Serenity Prayer reminds me, with God’s help, to “Accept the things I cannot change.” Am I still trying to change others? When it comes to “Courage to change the things I can,” do I remember that my opinions are mine, and yours are yours? Am I still afraid to be me? When it comes to “Wisdom to know the difference,” do I remember that my opinions come from my experience? If I have a know-it-all attitude, aren’t I being deliberately controversial?

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Tradition Ten:  Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the A.A. name ought never be drawn into public controversy.

This concept is AA’s own little piece of the Tao.  I quote the following from an article by Michael Vlach:

Daoism (or Taoism) is a Chinese philosophical system that began around the 6th century B.C with the life and teachings of the founder of Daoism—Laozi (or Lao Tzu). Laozi allegedly wrote the Tao Te Ching (“The Way and Its Power”) which explains basic Daoist beliefs.

According to Daoism the absolute concept in the universe is Dao. The Dao is a mysterious, cosmic power that is present in all experiences. It is an impersonal and invisible way that the universe follows. Indescribable in nature, the Dao is a natural force that makes the universe the way it is.

With Daoism, the universe is neither good nor evil—it is beyond good and evil. The universe just is. The secret to living a good and harmonious life is through inactivity. One of the key concepts of Daoism is wuwei which is the accomplishing of tasks without assertion or aggression. According to Daoism, active attempts to conquer nature or improve society are futile and only make things worse. Thus, Daoism is often against education, rituals, and participation in social and political institutions. These things are artificial structures that draw people away from the peace and harmony that come through inaction. Trouble and suffering come when people are too active.

According to Daoism the best life is the simple life of inactivity and attention to the basic needs of yourself and your family. A motto of Daoism could be “Live and let live.” By doing nothing, humans can exist in harmony with nature. A long life is often viewed as the reward for those who live in harmony with the Dao.

From the Daily Reflections of October 29;

Since recovery from alcoholism is life itself to us, it is imperative that we preserve in full strength our means of survival.  (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 177)

The honesty expressed by the members of A.A. in meetings has the power to open my mind. Nothing can block the flow of energy that honesty carries with it. The only obstacle to this flow of energy is inebriation, but even then, no one will find a closed door if he or she has left and chooses to return. Once he or she has received the gift of sobriety, each A.A. member is challenged on a daily basis to accept a program of honesty.

My Higher Power created me for a purpose in life. I ask Him to accept my honest efforts to continue on my journey in the spiritual way of life. I call on Him for strength to know and seek His will.

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Is it possible to speak thoughts with words we believe to be honest, because they are spoken with great emotion?  Sometimes expressing myself is the venting of swirling emotions that are wrapped around narratives in my life that I have constructed.  The justifying fantasies of an alcoholic can be quite potent.  It feels genuine, but impulsive and reactive communication rarely helps me to be honest, that is, to be truthful.  My alcoholic denial uses intense emotions as a weapon, conducting drive-by shootings of the truth about me.  I need a safe place where I can foster my serenity.  That is what, for the most part, I gain from attending meetings and connecting with others.  In this serenity, I can coax the truth out into the open.  This life devoted to honesty is a key to my sanity and one of the best gifts I can return to the Fellowship.

From the Daily Reflections of October 28;

We conceive the survival and spread of Alcoholics Anonymous to be something of far greater importance than the weight we could collectively throw back of any other cause.   (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 177)

How much it means to me that an unbroken tradition of more than half a century is a thread that connects me to Bill W. and Dr. Bob. How much more grounded I feel to be in a Fellowship whose aims are constant and unflagging. I am grateful that the energies of A.A. have never been scattered, but focused instead on our members and on individual sobriety.

My beliefs are what make me human; I am free to hold any opinion, but A.A.’s purpose —so clearly stated fifty years ago — is for me to keep sober. That purpose has promoted round-the-clock meeting schedules, and the thousands of intergroup and central service offices, with their thousands of volunteers. Like the sun focused through a magnifying glass, A.A.’s single vision has lit a fire of faith in sobriety in millions of hearts, including mine.

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This contribution to the Daily Reflections is about Tradition Ten:  “Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the A.A. name ought never be drawn into public controversy.”

And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone – even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality – safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.   (Alcoholics Anonymous, pages 84-85)

Our step ten work helps us to experience the miracle of neutrality.  Our spiritual fitness allows us to face individual challenges with serenity.  This tradition makes it clear that utilizing and developing that skill within the rooms to protect the group from public controversy is the payback we give to our source of miracles, the AA Fellowship.   I will protect its singular focus of helping the alcoholic recover in gratitude for my own life and sanity.