Daily Reprieve

From the Daily Reflections of December 24;

We have come to believe He would like us to keep our heads in the clouds with Him, but that our feet ought to be firmly planted on earth. That is where our fellow travelers are, and that is where our work must be done. These are the realities for us. We have found nothing incompatible between a powerful spiritual experience and a life of sane and happy usefulness.   (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 130)

All the prayer and meditation in the world will not help me unless they are accompanied by action. Practicing the principles in all my affairs shows me the care that God takes in all parts of my life. God appears in my world when I move aside, and allow Him to step into it.

END OF QUOTE

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In this reflection I am asked to consider the balance between the mystical magic and its practical expression in living one day at a time. Understanding the significance of the message encapsulated in the 12 Steps and developing pragmatic expressions of that awareness is akin to the study of Dharma in many eastern systems of belief.  In fact, practicing the principles and doing the work of progressing in the Steps of the program, I think, could be called the Dharma of AA.

(Image Credit to Loraine A. Baird aka Quiche Loraine of Deviant Art)

From the Daily Reflections of December 23;

Our Twelfth Step — carrying the message — is the basic service that AA’s Fellowship gives; this is our principal aim and the main reason for our existence.   (The Language of the Heart, page 160)

I thank God for those who came before me, those who told me not to forget the Three Legacies: Recovery, Unity and Service. In my home group, the Three Legacies were described on a sign which said: “You take a three-legged stool, try to balance it on only one leg, or two. Our Three Legacies must be kept intact. In Recovery, we get sober together; in Unity, we work together for the good of our Steps and Traditions; and through Service — we give away freely what has been given to us.”

One of the chief gifts of my life has been to know that I will have no message to give, unless I recover in unity with A.A. principles.

END OF QUOTE

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Dawson Earle Trotman (March 25, 1906–June 18, 1956) was an evangelist and founder of The Navigators.

Trotman founded The Navigators in 1933 and through this worldwide Christian organization supported various Christian ideals: maintaining the basic disciplines of the Christ-centered Spirit-filled life, abiding in the Word of God, the importance of personal follow-up, one-on-one discipleship training, scripture memorization, and principles for multiplying Christian disciples, laborers, and equippers around the world. He lost his own life on June 18, 1956 while rescuing a girl, Allene Beck, from drowning during water-skiing in Schroon Lake, New York.

Dr. Billy Graham said: “I think Daws has personally touched more lives than anybody I have ever known.” His work and writings were instrumental in the creation of the Campus Outreach ministry, which focuses on discipleship as a method of building up the community of Christians on college campuses.

(SOURCE:  Bio tab on Dawson Trotman in Wikipedia)

I encountered the Navigators when I was in the Air Force.  They had little discipleship kits you could buy from them complete with scriptural memorization cards and guide books.  I really enjoyed the pragmatism of the approach.  I mentioned Dawson Trotman here because the contributor to the Daily Reflections spoke about the three legged stool.  This is something that his AA group took from the Navigators: (The Wheel History of the Navigators).

The illustration is about achieving a balanced spiritual approach.  It is a wonderful idea if you are a piece of furniture.  Wouldn’t it be better to think of three or four breasts you can suckle from our Higher Power that nurture growth, which is never a stagnant process.  You could chose the most valuable faucet based on your personal need, once you discover it.  It is more beneficial to me.  Maybe you would do better with having access to as many tools as possible in your toolkit.  The point is, I suppose, that we need exposure and expression of the three legacies in our lives to keep and give away the serenity we find in these rooms.

From the Daily Reflections of December 22;

The way our “worthy” alcoholics have sometimes tried to judge the “less worthy” is, as we look back on it, rather comical. Imagine, if you can, one alcoholic judging another!   (The Language of the Heart, page 37).

Who am I to judge anyone? When I first entered the Fellowship I found that I liked everyone. After all, A.A. was going to help me to a better way of life without alcohol. The reality was that I couldn’t possibly like everyone, nor they me. As I’ve grown in the Fellowship, I’ve learned to love everyone just from listening to what they had to say. That person over there, or the one right here, may be the one God has chosen to give me the message I need for today. I must always remember to place principles above personalities.

END OF QUOTE

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“We want to stay out of this controversy. We do not want to be the arbiter of anyone’s sex conduct. We all have sex problems.” (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 69)

My stepson died of an overdose in 2007.  He could never really process the rejection of his biological father.  The bio-dad started tagging pictures from the Facebook memorial page that my former wife established.  I was livid and I felt that I was having to accept the unacceptable.  My grief came rushing back, and I knew that emotional anguish was pushing me toward relapse and possibly some rash action.  I sent out a notice to my friends of Bill for prayer and then took off to meeting.  I reached out to connect in the rooms.  This is a miracle response from an alcoholic.

Then someone spoke up who had also lost a son and knew of my life, and did not approve of my BDSM sex orientation.  He told me that he had experienced overcoming the selfishness of using his grief for an excuse to relapse, and that I would not find serenity until I was in the Will of God.  I was thankful for his need to confront me at this vulnerable time because he reminded me of what I never want to be again.  That is the one regret I had with my stepson, was that I was too religious to embrace him completely, like he really needed.  I was more concerned about him mouthing the proper words and living a churchian homogenized life.

Someone else spoke in a genuine fashion that gave me the exact words I needed to hear.  I am still sober and still processing the grief and resentment.  I just did not realize how much of an issue this is for me.  And as far as the religious in the rooms, I pray that I do not become the thing I hate by responding to judgement with judgement.

Oh, and I participated through a phone meeting in a 12 step group called Recovery in the Lifestyle, in case you also have a BDSM sex orientation and would like to find others in recovery who can adapt the program to the paradox of power exchange relationships.

From the Daily Reflections of December 21;

When working with a man and his family, you should take care not to participate in their quarrels. You may spoil your chance of being helpful if you do.   (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 100).

When trying to help a fellow alcoholic, I’ve given in to an impulse to give advice, and perhaps that’s inevitable. But allowing others the right to be wrong reaps its own benefits. The best I can do — and it sounds easier than it is to put into practice — is to listen, share personal experience, and pray for others.

END OF QUOTE

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(Click Image to Source Credit)

I am not much of one to participate in people’s active quarrels.  I do have enough co-dependent tendencies to get sucked into a futile peace-keeping missions to manage social situations to prevent anything from ever occurring in the first place.    When the self-will of an alcoholic (or addict) is running riot, it really is an exercise in futility.  Sometimes consequences and the resulting desperation is a gift from God and I don’t need to get caught in the crossfire.  If sharing my personal experience is not desired, it is time for me to go back to the house and let the chemical hell take its course.

I keep a page on this site for important things to remind myself of when I am sponsoring or doing 12th Step work ~ click here.

From the Daily Reflections of December 20;

This is indeed the kind of giving that actually demands nothing. He does not expect his brother sufferer to pay him, or even to love him. And then he discovers that by the divine paradox of this kind of giving he has found his own reward, whether his brother has yet received anything or not.   (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 109).

Through experience with Twelfth Step work, I came to understand the rewards of giving that demands nothing in return. At first I expected recovery in others, but I soon learned that this did not happen. Once I acquired the humility to accept the fact that every Twelfth Step call was not going to result in a success, then I was open to receive the rewards of selfless giving.

END OF QUOTE

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The goal of my recovery is to be able to give without the fear of being diminished.  Normally I would need to know that I will be appreciated, loved, and respected for the success of my activities.  This is the life of isolated self exaltation.  This is how I protected myself from being drained by any attempt to help others.  In recovery I am guaranteed nothing but connection within the Fellowship and with my Higher Power.  I can now enjoy a secret empowerment that allows me to risk giving without ensuring reward.  In this endeavor, I am in union with an infinitely powerful and loving Spirit, my Gomu (God of my understanding).

From the Daily Reflections of December 19;

When dealing with an alcoholic, there may be a natural annoyance that a man could be so weak, stupid and irresponsible. Even when you understand the malady better, you may feel this feeling rising.   (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 139)

Having suffered from alcoholism, I should understand the illness, but sometimes I feel annoyance, even contempt, toward a person who cannot make it in A.A. When I feel that way, I am satisfying my false sense of superiority and I must remember, but for the grace of God, there go I.

END OF QUOTE

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I have been that weak, stupid, and irresponsible individual who has ridden the relapse rodeo in recovery. It is hard to learn to trust my own mind when I tell myself that I am indeed alcoholic when I have been so good at lying to myself in the past.  It is hard to lose faith in the chemical deliverance from the places I get locked into such as depression or boredom.  It is hard to remember the terrible consequences of the past when I tend to exaggerate or manufacture the miseries of the present. Now that I have overcome a hopeless state of mind and body. and know what I need to do to stay sober and make progress toward emotional stability, may I become better at giving away what I have acquired to those who still suffer.

(Clickable Image)

From the Daily Reflections of December 17;

. . . work with other alcoholics. . . . It works when other activities fail.   (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 89)

“Life will take on new meaning,” as the Big Book says (p. 89). This promise has helped me to avoid self-seeking and self-pity. To watch others grow in this wonderful program, to see them improve the quality of their lives, is a priceless reward for my effort to help others. Self-examination is yet another reward for an ongoing recovery, as are serenity, peace and contentment. The energy derived from seeing others on a successful path, of sharing with them the joys of the journey, gives to my life a new meaning.

END OF QUOTE

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Another human face caught in an alcoholic tragedy is a reflection of my own past struggles.  When I seek to help them, I reach back in time and validate those efforts that brought recovery into my own life.  The opposite effect occurs when I ignore those still suffering.  This is the paradox of the self-preserving altruism practiced in the 12 Step program.

From the Daily Reflections of December 16;

. . . nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. . . .

Both you and the new man must walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress. . . . Follow the dictates of a Higher Power and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world, no matter what your present circumstances!   (Alcoholics Anonymous, pages 89, 100)

Doing the right things for the right reasons — this is my way of controlling my selfishness and self centeredness. I realize that my dependency on a Higher Power clears the way for peace of mind, happiness and sobriety. I pray each day that I will avoid my previous actions, so that I will be helpful to others.

END OF QUOTE

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 (Photo by Tommy Clark; Click Image)

This pursuit of sobriety cannot and was never meant to be a solitary journey.  I see a counselor to resist falling too long into depression.  She recommended that I see the following TED talk.  I will share it with you:

From the Daily Reflections of December 15;

Offer him [the alcoholic] friendship and fellowship. Tell him that if he wants to get well you will do anything to help.   (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 95)

I remember how attracted I was to the two men from A.A. who Twelfth-Stepped me. They said I could have what they had, with no conditions attached, that all I had to do was make my own decision to join them on the pathway to recovery. When I start convincing a newcomer to do things my way, I forget how helpful those two men were to me in their open-minded generosity.

END OF QUOTE

————————————— When your will has been broken, your mind has been turned against you, and your heart has been humiliated into paralysis you become the animated corpse of horror movies.  This is what alcohol summoned into my life.  The assertion that alcohol finally “beat us into a state of reasonableness,” (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 48) is a cruel understatement of the situation. I was a mess coming into the rooms.

The will of my Higher Power, the mind of the 12 Steps, and the heart of the Fellowship acted as life support in early recovery.  The open-minded generosity that the Reflections contributor spoke of lured me back to life.  I was introduced to the paradox that surrender brought empowerment, and I desperately needed spiritual power.

How could I not want to do anything possible to help other sufferers as they first walk through the door?  It is only a lingering fear that prevents me.  And fear must be faced and overcome for me to continue to freely live.  I either grow or shrink.  Spiritual life is not a defensive war.  The casualties of alcoholism and addiction are real.  I will do anything to help.