Endigar 645 ~ Principles, Not Personalities

From the Daily Reflections of December 22;

The way our “worthy” alcoholics have sometimes tried to judge the “less worthy” is, as we look back on it, rather comical. Imagine, if you can, one alcoholic judging another!   (The Language of the Heart, page 37).

Who am I to judge anyone? When I first entered the Fellowship I found that I liked everyone. After all, A.A. was going to help me to a better way of life without alcohol. The reality was that I couldn’t possibly like everyone, nor they me. As I’ve grown in the Fellowship, I’ve learned to love everyone just from listening to what they had to say. That person over there, or the one right here, may be the one God has chosen to give me the message I need for today. I must always remember to place principles above personalities.





“We want to stay out of this controversy. We do not want to be the arbiter of anyone’s sex conduct. We all have sex problems.” (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 69)

My stepson died of an overdose in 2007.  He could never really process the rejection of his biological father.  The bio-dad started tagging pictures from the Facebook memorial page that my former wife established.  I was livid and I felt that I was having to accept the unacceptable.  My grief came rushing back, and I knew that emotional anguish was pushing me toward relapse and possibly some rash action.  I sent out a notice to my friends of Bill for prayer and then took off to meeting.  I reached out to connect in the rooms.  This is a miracle response from an alcoholic.

Then someone spoke up who had also lost a son and knew of my life, and did not approve of my BDSM sex orientation.  He told me that he had experienced overcoming the selfishness of using his grief for an excuse to relapse, and that I would not find serenity until I was in the Will of God.  I was thankful for his need to confront me at this vulnerable time because he reminded me of what I never want to be again.  That is the one regret I had with my stepson, was that I was too religious to embrace him completely, like he really needed.  I was more concerned about him mouthing the proper words and living a churchian homogenized life.

Someone else spoke in a genuine fashion that gave me the exact words I needed to hear.  I am still sober and still processing the grief and resentment.  I just did not realize how much of an issue this is for me.  And as far as the religious in the rooms, I pray that I do not become the thing I hate by responding to judgement with judgement.


Oh, and I participated through a phone meeting in a 12 step group called Recovery in the Lifestyle, in case you also have a BDSM sex orientation and would like to find others in recovery who can adapt the program to the paradox of power exchange relationships.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: