Daily Reprieve

From the Daily Reflections of October 19;

The principle that we shall find no enduring strength until we first admit complete defeat is the main taproot from which our whole Society has sprung and flowered.   (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, pages 21 – 22)

Defeated, and knowing it, I arrived at the doors of A.A., alone and afraid of the unknown. A power outside of myself had picked me up off my bed, guided me to the phone book, then to the bus stop, and through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous. Once inside A.A. I experienced a sense of being loved and accepted, something I had not felt since early childhood. May I never lose the sense of wonder I experienced on that first evening with A.A., the greatest event of my entire life.

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The greatest events of my entire life are found as a result of my interactive union with a Higher Power.  My personal mythology has evolved over time, but there has been an entity out there that we humans have called God.  It is a place-holder name for the Infinite All just as Zero is the place-holder name for the infinite nothing.  We assign other names based on our personal experience with that which works the best to foster our relationship with the Infinite One.

The contributor to this Daily Reflection looks at that first evening with A.A. as the greatest event of his entire life.  I have no such singular event.  My infant children’s heads resting with complete trust upon my shoulder as I walk about to help them sleep is burned deeply in my heart and comes close to being exalted among the greatest events of my life.  This event was the result of faith in a God that loves family.  Yet, when I felt that I had lost all including precious faith, I wrestled with God like Jacob, and I did it in the rooms of AA.  Although I walked away limping, I found GOMU (God of my understanding).  I can now see that this simple faith is with the Infinite One that loves my sanity and encourages a very pragmatic morality to protect my heart.  A.A. is my Peniel.

From the Daily Reflections of October 18;

True humility and an open mind can lead us to faith, . . .   (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 33)

My alcoholic thinking led me to believe that I could control my drinking, but I couldn’t. When I came to A.A., I realized that God was speaking to me through my group. My mind was open just enough to know that I needed His help. A real, honest acceptance of A.A. took more time, but with it came humility. I know how insane I was, and I am extremely grateful to have my sanity restored to me and to be a sober alcoholic. The new, sober me is a much better person than I ever could have been without A.A.

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 Photographer:  Open Source, unable to locate.

Finding myself in trouble for things that only a stupid or insane person would do was my first humiliating admission.  It was a slight crack in the door of my double life.  My self-deception was the primary core of my alcoholic insanity.  I relate to the progressive acquisition of sanity that was the result of my participation in A.A. and I have become less susceptible to the dominating deception that mind-altering strategies found in any addictive behavior will improve my life.  Even if I give way to the lure of perpetual intensity, I know it to be self-deception.  For me it is the choice of seeking lighting bolt experiences or oak tree growth.  That choice is no longer hidden from me.  I am better as an AA oak than an alcoholic burst.

Photo Credit: Jeannine of Garden Envy

From the Daily Reflections of October 17;

Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God’s will into all of our activities.   (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 85)

How do I maintain my spiritual condition? For me it’s quite simple: on a daily basis I ask my Higher Power to grant me the gift of sobriety for that day! I have talked to many alcoholics who have gone back to drinking and I always ask them: “Did you pray for sobriety the day you took your first drink?” Not one of them said yes. As I practice Step Ten and try to keep my house in order on a daily basis, I have the knowledge that if I ask for a daily reprieve, it will be granted.

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It seems to me, that the contributor is trying to help those who relapsed to find their part in it, as well as how to maintain distance from the relapse.  Finding my part in something that happens to me is not the same as holding or being held accountable for a crime committed in a Life’s court.  I am not turning myself over to the authorities for my misdeeds.  I am going back to a place where I have experienced failure and seeking out something, anything, where I played a part in my tragedy.  In the recovery program, this skill is the beginning of overcoming areas of personal powerlessness.  The vision of God’s will in all my activities is the vindication and power of GOMU (God of my understanding) in my life.  It begins with a daily habit of discovering my part, useful or useless, and letting it catalyze my internal power to live and prosper.

From the Daily Reflections of October 16;

This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime.   (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 84)

During my early years in A.A. I saw Step Ten as a suggestion that I periodically look at my behavior and reactions. If there was something wrong, I should admit it; if an apology was necessary, I should give one. After a few years of sobriety I felt I should undertake a self-examination more frequently. Not until several more years of sobriety had elapsed did I realize the full meaning of Step Ten, and the word “continued.” “Continued” does not mean occasionally, or frequently. It means each day.

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I have worked the steps four or five times and each time I have gone deeper and found something I missed before.  This last time, I actually finished my ninth step completely.  I realized that because I viewed the last three steps as maintenance steps, I did not believe them to be mission essential.  They were good ideas that I approached with the mindless performance of brushing my teeth or cooking or laundry.   They were chores that required discipline and consistency but would do nothing to improve life, just maintain it.  This has been particularly true of the tenth step.  Now that I have actually developed a system for working it, I am making more discoveries about myself and using the subsequent transformations to live life more powerfully.   The maintenance of step ten is to keep climbing upward in the way I live my life.  It is not the maintenance of the flat line ritualistic performance I accepted in active alcoholism as my highest achievement.   Devotion to step ten is easier when I realize positive growth one day at a time.

From the Daily Reflections of October 15;

Gossip barbed with our anger, a polite form of murder by character assassination, has its satisfactions for us, too. Here we are not trying to help those we criticize; we are trying to proclaim our own righteousness.   (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 67)

Sometimes I don’t realize that I gossiped about someone until the end of the day, when I take an inventory of the day’s activities, and then, my gossiping appears like a blemish in my beautiful day. How could I have said something like that? Gossip shows its ugly head during a coffee break or lunch with business associates, or I may gossip during the evening, when I’m tired from the day’s activities, and feel justified in bolstering my ego at the expense of someone else.

Character defects like gossip sneak into my life when I am not making a constant effort to work the Twelve Steps of recovery. I need to remind myself that my uniqueness is the blessing of my being, and that applies equally to everyone who crosses my path in life’s journey. Today the only inventory I need to take is my own. I’ll leave judgment of others to the Final Judge — Divine Providence.

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There are two individual attributes that are discussed in this contribution that, when I perceive them threatened, I might react with gossip; my righteousness and my uniqueness.  If I am righteous, I am justified in the power placed in my hands.  If I am unique in this culture of mass production, I have demonstrated the value of my individuality.  I can lift myself higher than my peers as more righteous and unique by seeking personal excellence or by attacking those who threaten my current claims.  I say ‘or’ because I believe they are mutually exclusive propositions.  Those who pursue excellence give others the permission and encouragement to do the same.  They are inclusive in their upward climb.  The treacherous gossiper cannot build long term trust in relationships and his exclusiveness pushes him toward isolating selfishness.  The tenth step can allow me to see the logical conclusion of my current actions and alter course before the painful tragedy ensnares my life.  The path of inclusive empowerment requires a personal inventory rather that overrides a personal hit-list.

From the Daily Reflections of October 14;

When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. . . . On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. . . . Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives.   (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 86)

I lacked serenity. With more to do than seemed possible, I fell further behind, no matter how hard I tried. Worries about things not done yesterday and fear of tomorrow’s deadlines denied me the calm I needed to be effective each day. Before taking Steps Ten and Eleven, I began to read passages like the one cited above. I tried to focus on God’s will, not my problems, and to trust that He would manage my day. It worked! Slowly, but it worked!

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It is really pathetic when I try to manage the results of life.  I am filled with stress and I view people as things to be managed and manipulated.  I am filled with self-judgment in failing to express the unquestionable authority and infinite power necessary to fulfill such expectations.  My designated area of living is to perform tasks as revealed through my connection with God and other life representatives.  I do tasks.  Gomu (God of my understanding) does results.  I perform tasks effectively when I stay connected.  This is simple enough for me to hook in.  It does work.  I need this simple vigilance to embrace the task and release the results.

(Unable to locate artist for image – viral on internet with no credit)

From the Daily Reflections of October 13;

Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help.   (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 84)

The immediate admission of wrong thoughts or actions is a tough task for most human beings, but for recovering alcoholics like me it is difficult because of my propensity toward ego, fear and pride. The freedom the A.A. program offers me becomes more abundant when, through unremitting inventories of myself, I admit, acknowledge and accept responsibility for my wrong-doing. It is possible then for me to grow into a deeper and better understanding of humility. My willingness to admit when the fault is mine facilitates the progression of my growth and helps me to become more understanding and helpful to others.

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Humility is something that I can easily associate with being a beaten, sad, servant to the harsh voices of self-loathing.  That is the state of humiliation given me in my active alcoholism.  Humility does not come from the inward duress of self-hatred.   The recovery program begins to feed me the confidence that my life can change as demonstrated in the abstinence of alcohol and the mysterious state of neutrality towards it that is given to us in the process.  I then gain realizations that I am so much more when I have a character worth sharing.  I see that all that I desire to have in my own life is made truly possible in the respect of other lives.  My greatest force for my personal empowerment comes from recognizing my part in a disturbing situation and using that as a seed of spiritual transformation in unity with the Fellowship and Gomu (God of my understanding).

[Image by Dan Saunders via Bioglow]

From the Daily Reflections of October 12;

When we speak or act hastily or rashly, the ability to be fair-minded and tolerant evaporates on the spot.   (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 91)

Being fair-minded and tolerant is a goal toward which I must work daily. I ask God, as I understand Him, to help me to be loving and tolerant to my loved ones, and to those with whom I am in close contact. I ask for guidance to curb my speech when I am agitated, and I take a moment to reflect on the emotional upheaval my words may cause, not only to someone else, but also to myself. Prayer, meditation and inventories are the key to sound thinking and positive action for me.

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This contribution reminded me of a book I read when I was a much younger man called “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,” by Stephen Covey.  Time has eroded much I gained from that first read, but it has been marked in my mind’s archives as an excellent resource.  Maybe I will return for a second encounter.  One story and the seed idea it relayed has stayed with me and seems quite appropriate with this daily reflection.  I will share it with you now.

BETWEEN STIMULUS AND RESPONSE

Frankl was a determinist raised in the tradition of Freudian psychology, which postulates that whatever happens to you as a child shapes your character and personality and basically governs your whole life. The limits and parameters of your life are set, and, basically, you can’t do much about it.

Frankl was also a psychiatrist and a Jew. He was imprisoned in the death camps of Nazi Germany, where he experienced things that were so repugnant to our sense of decency that we shudder to even repeat them.

His parents, his brother, and his wife died in the camps or were sent to the gas ovens. Except for his sister, his entire family perished. Frankl himself suffered torture and innumerable indignities, never knowing from one moment to the next if his path would lead to the ovens or if he would be among the “saved” who would remove the bodies or shovel out the ashes of those so fated.

One day, naked and alone in a small room, he began to become aware of what he later called “the last of the human freedoms” — the freedom his Nazi captors could not take away. They could control his entire environment, they could do what they wanted to his body, but Viktor Frankl himself was a self-aware being who could look as an observer at his very involvement. His basic identity was intact.

He could decide within himself how all of this was going to affect him. Between what happened to him, or the stimulus, and his response to it, was his freedom or power to choose that response.

In the midst of his experiences, Frankl would project himself into different circumstances, such as lecturing to his students after his release from the death camps. He would describe himself in the classroom, in his mind’s eye, and give his students the lessons he was learning during his very torture.

Through a series of such disciplines — mental, emotional, and moral, principally using memory and imagination — he exercised his small, embryonic freedom until it grew larger and larger, until he had more freedom than his Nazi captors. They had more liberty, more options to choose from in their environment; but he had more freedom, more internal power to exercise his options. He became an inspiration to those around him, even to some of the guards. He helped others find meaning in their suffering and dignity in their prison existence.

In the midst of the most degrading circumstances imaginable, Frankl used the human endowment of self-awareness to discover a fundamental principle about the nature of man: Between stimulus and response, man has the freedom to choose.

 (Image is of Viktor Frankl)