Daily Reprieve

I voted for McCain yesterday.  But I am not at all disappointed today.  I am proud of my country and of the history we continue to make.  I respect President-elect Obama for the campaign he ran.  He has played by the rules and not asked for special consideration for being black, been tested by some of the best political machines out there, and came through the crucible.  He came from the state of the “great emancipator,” and the design of a Higher Power cannot be honestly denied.  I have often feared the rise of black politicians, because of the human tendency to become what you hate.  I have seen some of them become the racist bigots that once dominated them.  Professional victims often morph into tyrants.  The word “racist” is the white man’s ‘n’ word and I am tired of it.  But Barak was raised by a white woman.  I don’t think he will see oppression merely because a person is white.  I have hope. 

My sponsee relapsed last night.  I remember the frustration of being blind-sided by the obsession.  Maybe we will be able to make some progress today.  I have hope.

Today I am sober and grateful.  I am grateful to be “just me.”

It was a good day in recovery.  A good meeting.  Sponsee moving forward.  Started the day attempting to close a circle, a goal I had for reciting my 3rd and 7th step prayers.  It took me over 60 times with repetitious reciting, but I achieved the goal.  My sponsor called and we had a good conversation.  We discoussed the need for humility to avoid following ideas without running them by others in recovery.  He encouraged me to hold my sponsee accountable for content of the meeting.  I was able to share at the meeting, and connected.  It was on reaching out.  Gave the history of how I got the name “Rick James…bitch.” 

I will get up early tomorrow and go vote.  And look for temp work while waiting on word from the military.   Start over, one day at a time.

I have lost track of my Higher Power.  The new week starts and the prospect that I will once again belong to the military causes Me some intense anxiety.  For some reason, I transform fear into depression.  I turn inward.  I become somewhat morose.  And my intuitive sensitivity is obscured.  I am going to see if I can convince myself to lie down and actually sleep.  I am going to look up that prayer having to do with fear and see if I can plant it in my brain before drifting off.  The prayers are basically encapsulated principals.  Anyway, I must shut it down.

I have just had one of the most fantastic Halloween’s of my adult life!  The spiritual path this program has opened for me has allowed me to be with my slave and enjoy life.  I would have been afraid of personal insincerity for using the word, “happy” when talking about my life last year.  But there truly is no other way to describe our time together during this special day.  My gratitude for this program is beyond words.  And living this life in the divine We is important to my daily life.  That means that it is relevant to my walking reality.  The Higher Power does not try to beat me down into a state of submission.  This Entity becomes what I need it to be at the time, which includes providing leadership.  But it never rules without consent.  I believe our concept of a divine monarch is a limited and corrupted view of the central intelligence, the spider of the universal web.  Anyway, my personal mythology is unimportant.  I just wanted anyone who may be getting started in recovery, wondering if life gets better to know that from my viewpoint, from where I stand, it gets better then any of my days drunk, and a lot better than any of my days under religious appeasement.  I am telling the truth.