Daily Reprieve

From Courage to Change of Aug 02:

My overwhelming desire for control becomes glaringly obvious when I am tempted to control my group. I decide that I know what is best for all of us, or that I am the only one who truly understands the Traditions, or that I know what newcomers need to hear and I alone must make sure they hear it. I may view this as a finely-developed sense of responsibility, but my attitudes and actions still amount to a form of dominance.

The Second Tradition says, “For our group purpose there is but one authority – a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.” We strive to conduct our meetings as a fellowship of equals and to practice rotation of leadership. No single member has the right to take charge.

When I insist upon having my way, I am tampering with the spiritual nature of Al-Anon as a whole. Just as my Higher Power guides me in my daily life, a Power greater than myself is working within my group through the voices of its members.

Today’s Reminder

I am only one voice in a thriving worldwide fellowship. When in doubt, I will defer to the wisdom of the group conscience.

“Any attempt to manage or direct is likely to have disastrous consequences for group harmony.” ~ Alcoholism, the Family Disease

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In recovery, I often confront the illusion of control—the feeling that I must be the one to steer the ship, to manage the course of others, and to mold situations to fit my vision of how things should unfold. This impulse, disguised as responsibility, betrays my underlying need for dominance. It’s a need rooted in fear, a fear that if I do not assert my way, things will fall apart, that others will falter in ways I cannot control.

The Second Tradition helps me to recognize that the true power within our fellowship is not rooted in one individual’s will but in the collective guidance of a Higher Power, expressed through the voices and experiences of all those present. The Tradition gently reminds me that we are all equals here, each a thread in the fabric of a larger tapestry, woven together by a shared purpose: healing and growth.

The group conscience is the true guide here, and in my moments of doubt or uncertainty, it is the wisdom of the collective that I must trust. My voice is one among many, and when I am tempted to push others into my vision of the best route, I risk overshadowing the very essence of fellowship. In recovery, I am reminded that my role is not to lead alone but to serve in connection, not to manage but to listen, to surrender my need for control and allow the group’s collective wisdom to shape the path forward.

And so, when I am tempted to take charge, I pause. I breathe. I listen. And I defer to the wisdom of the group, trusting that in doing so, I align myself with the spiritual force that guides our shared journey.

From Courage to Change of Jul 03:

Normally, our group welcomes newcomers in a particular way — we share what Al-Anon has done for us, introduce our literature, and offer a few Al-Anon slogans before getting on with the meeting. No one ever took a group conscience about this procedure, it’s just the way we’ve done it for some time.

One evening, the chairperson departed from the usual procedure. I completely forgot why I was at the meeting and spent the rest of the evening worrying about the newcomers. They weren’t hearing what they were supposed to hear! Would they be all right? Would they come back?

At the very end of the meeting, one of the newcomers timidly spoke up. I was on the edge of my seat with concern until he said hew grateful he was to have hear the words the chairperson spoke, because they were exactly what he needed to hear. Once again I was reminded that God works through our groups to make sure that we all get what we need. I certainly got what I needed that night.

Today’s Reminder

I do not know what is best for other people. Today I will remember that newcomers, and everyone else, are in the hands of a Power greater than myself.

“When I stopped dwelling on how things would probably work out, I was better able to pay attention to what I was doing.” ~ Living with Sobriety

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I have a strong inner manager. It loves predictability, order, and knowing exactly how things “should” go—especially when it comes to welcoming someone into the circle of recovery. There’s a kind of comfort in ritual, in structure. It feels like safety, like assurance that the message of hope will land exactly as it’s supposed to.

But recovery isn’t a script. And healing doesn’t always arrive in the package I expect.

I am not the architect of someone else’s recovery. I don’t control the message. I don’t carry the weight of another’s transformation. I am just one part of something much bigger—a channel, a witness, a companion on the path.

God moves in ways I cannot choreograph. And when I’m trying too hard to hold the steering wheel, I miss the beauty of the journey unfolding in front of me.

Today, I’m learning to loosen my grip. To trust that a Power greater than me is always at work, even when things go off-plan. Especially then.

I don’t have to know what’s best for others. I just have to keep showing up, being present, and letting grace move where it will.