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Endigar 942

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on May 12, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Jul 03:

Normally, our group welcomes newcomers in a particular way — we share what Al-Anon has done for us, introduce our literature, and offer a few Al-Anon slogans before getting on with the meeting. No one ever took a group conscience about this procedure, it’s just the way we’ve done it for some time.

One evening, the chairperson departed from the usual procedure. I completely forgot why I was at the meeting and spent the rest of the evening worrying about the newcomers. They weren’t hearing what they were supposed to hear! Would they be all right? Would they come back?

At the very end of the meeting, one of the newcomers timidly spoke up. I was on the edge of my seat with concern until he said hew grateful he was to have hear the words the chairperson spoke, because they were exactly what he needed to hear. Once again I was reminded that God works through our groups to make sure that we all get what we need. I certainly got what I needed that night.

Today’s Reminder

I do not know what is best for other people. Today I will remember that newcomers, and everyone else, are in the hands of a Power greater than myself.

“When I stopped dwelling on how things would probably work out, I was better able to pay attention to what I was doing.” ~ Living with Sobriety

END OF QUOTE—————————————

I have a strong inner manager. It loves predictability, order, and knowing exactly how things “should” go—especially when it comes to welcoming someone into the circle of recovery. There’s a kind of comfort in ritual, in structure. It feels like safety, like assurance that the message of hope will land exactly as it’s supposed to.

But recovery isn’t a script. And healing doesn’t always arrive in the package I expect.

I am not the architect of someone else’s recovery. I don’t control the message. I don’t carry the weight of another’s transformation. I am just one part of something much bigger—a channel, a witness, a companion on the path.

God moves in ways I cannot choreograph. And when I’m trying too hard to hold the steering wheel, I miss the beauty of the journey unfolding in front of me.

Today, I’m learning to loosen my grip. To trust that a Power greater than me is always at work, even when things go off-plan. Especially then.

I don’t have to know what’s best for others. I just have to keep showing up, being present, and letting grace move where it will.

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Endigar 939

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on May 9, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Jun 30:

While walking through the woods one day, I was surprised to hear a child’s voice. I followed the sound, trying in vain to understand the child’s words. When I spotted a boy perched on a rock, I realized why his words had made no sense: he was repeating the alphabet. ‘Why are you saying your ABCs so many times?’ I asked him. The child replied, ‘I’m saying my prayers.’ I couldn’t help but laugh. ‘Prayers? All I hear is the alphabet.’ Patiently the child explained, ‘Well, I don’t know all the words, so I give God the letters. God know what I’m trying to say.'”

Years ago, when my grandmother told me this story, it meant little to me, but the spiritual life I’ve found in Al-Anon has given it new meaning. Today the story reminds me that prayer is for me, not for God, who knows what I’m going through without explanation. With prayer I say I am willing to be helped. The meaning behind my prayers comes from my heart, not from my words.

Today’s Reminder

Prayer is my most personal form of communication. I can pray by consciously thinking, writing, creating, feeling, and hoping. Whether I reach deep inside myself or turn outward toward the majesty of nature, it is the spirit of prayer rather than its form that matters. Today I will let my heart speak.

“God meets me where I am . . . If I am just willing, He will come to me.” ~ As We Understood . . .

END OF QUOTE—————————————

For me, prayer has always been complicated. Speaking words into the silence feels like tossing stones into a void and pretending they land somewhere sacred. It’s a communication that, when stripped down to just verbal language, becomes sterile—like trying to explain a dream using only math. It feels one-sided, incomplete. Honestly, it often feels fake unless I engage something more whole-brain, more musical, more alive.

I don’t always know the words either. I just know the ache behind them, the longing for connection, for alignment, for help. And maybe that’s enough. Maybe offering up the raw materials—my thoughts, my images, my scribbles, my quiet humming—is prayer enough. Maybe the divine hears me not through my vocabulary but through my willingness.

In recovery, I’ve learned that prayer isn’t performance. It isn’t persuasion. It’s participation. It’s me saying, “I’m here. I’m open. Help me.” Sometimes it looks like writing. Sometimes it’s a melody that slips out while I’m folding laundry. Sometimes it’s just me staring at a tree and letting my heart do the talking.

Today, I don’t need to have the right words. I just need to show up. To offer the alphabet of my inner life—broken letters and all—and trust that something bigger than me understands the message I can’t articulate. That’s enough.

Today I will let my heart speak.

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Endigar 936

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on May 6, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Jun 27:

One day I received a call from a newcomer to Al-Anon. We chatted for a while, and then he asked if I would consider being his Sponsor. I was shocked! I never expected anyone to ask me! I felt deeply humbled and ecstatically grateful at the same time.

But had I grown sufficiently to offer help to someone else? Did I have anything to give? Could I be there for someone else without losing myself? Fear took over for a minute, but then I remembered that he was not asking me to be his savior, only his helper, whose example and experience might lead him to his own recovery.

I know that my Higher Power brings people into my life who can help me to grow. So I said a quick prayer, asking to be worthy, and answered that I would be honored to be his Sponsor.

Today’s Reminder

Being a Sponsor is as much a commitment to myself as it is to someone else. It is not a favor. Sponsorship gives me a chance to share intimately, to care, to practice detaching with love, and to apply the Al-Anon principles more consciously than ever. And, if I listen to my own words, I find that I usually tell those whom I sponsor exactly what I myself need to hear.

“Give what you have. To someone, it may be better than you dare to think.” ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

END OF QUOTE—————————————

By the time someone first asked me to be their Sponsor and truly began to do the work, I’d already been through a few false starts. They didn’t all make it—and I had to learn to accept that. What mattered was: I stayed sober. I stayed the course.

That was a win.

When the request came again, it didn’t shake me. I’ve led before. Taught. Served. I know how to hold a line. But recovery taught me that this line isn’t about command—it’s about presence. I’m not here to drag someone across the finish line. I’m here to walk beside them until they learn to walk on their own.

Sponsorship, for me, isn’t some mountaintop of wisdom. It’s a practice in staying human, honest, and awake. I don’t have to be a savior. I don’t have to fix anything. I just need to show up clean, consistent, and real.

And when I speak from experience, I listen to my own words. Often, I hear what I still need to hear.

It’s a mutual sharpening. A quiet contract between two people trying to live differently.

And even if they fall away again, I stay.
That’s what I can give.

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Endigar 935 ~ The Messenger

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on May 5, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Jun 26:

Forgiveness can be just a change of attitude. I came to Al-Anon full of bitterness toward the alcoholic in my life. When I realized that my bitterness hurt me more than anyone else, I began to search for another way to view my situation.

In time, I came to believe that my alcoholic loved one might be the messenger my Higher Power used to let me know that I needed to get help. It is not fair to shackle her with credit or blame for the amount of time it took for me to pay attention to that message. I chose to tolerate a great deal of unacceptable behavior because I was unwilling to admit that I needed help. I did the best I could with the tools and knowledge I had at hand, and I believe that she did too. Eventually the message got through. I made it to the rooms of Al-Anon, and my life changed in miraculous ways. I don’t deny that hurtful things were said and done along the way, but I refuse to carry the burden of bitterness any further. Instead, I am grateful for what I have learned.

Today’s Reminder

I will not allow resentments to drag me down any longer. I am building a better and more loving life today.

“Forgiving is not forgetting, it’s letting go of the hurt.” ~ Mary McLeod Bethune

END OF QUOTE—————————————

There was a time when I carried bitterness like armor—close to the chest, heavy on the shoulders. I came into recovery with a heart full of accusations, convinced the unfaithful ones in my life were the architect of my pain. But time and grace are strange companions. Somewhere along the journey, I began to see with different eyes.

What if—just what if—she was not my enemy, but a messenger?

Not a perfect one. Not a gentle one. But a necessary one.

I can’t pretend the hurt didn’t happen. I won’t gloss over the words, the nights, the betrayal. But I can choose how long I carry it. I can choose whether to let those memories define the whole story or just a chapter of it.

And here’s the truth: I stayed too long in chaos, not because I was stupid, but because I didn’t know another way. I tolerated more than I should have, not because I liked suffering, but because I hadn’t yet learned to reach for help. That learning came slowly, and painfully—but it did come. And when it did, I walked into the rooms of 12 Step recovery. And my life began to change.

Forgiveness, I’ve found, isn’t always about saying “it’s okay.” Sometimes it’s just about setting the weight down. Seeing the past with clearer eyes. Letting my pain transform into compassion—not for her behavior, but for the brokenness in both of us.

Today, I give thanks not for the damage, but for the awakening it sparked. The messenger delivered the message. I listened. And that listening saved my life.

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Endigar 934

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on May 4, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Jun 25:

After years of letting people take advantage of me, I had built up quite a store of anger, resentment, and guilt by the time I found Al-Anon. So many times I wanted to bite off my tongue after saying, “Yes,” when I really wanted to say, “No.” Why did I continue to deny my own feelings just to gain someone’s approval?

As I worked the Al-Anon program, the answer became apparent: What I lacked was courage. In the Serenity Prayer I learned that courage is granted by my Higher Power, so that is where I turned first. Then it was up to me to do my part. Was I willing to try to learn to say, “No,” when I meant no? Was I willing to accept that not everyone would be thrilled with this change? Was I willing to face the real me behind the people-pleasing image? Fed up with volunteering to be treated like a doormat, I squared my shoulders and answered, “Yes.”

Today’s Reminder

It is not always appropriate to reveal my every thought, especially when dealing with an active alcoholic. But do I make a conscious choice about what I say? And when it is appropriate, do I say what I mean and mean what I say? If not, why not? All I have to offer anyone is my own experience of the truth.

“There is a price that is too great to pay for peace . . . One cannot pay the price of self-respect.”

~ Woodrow Wilson

END OF QUOTE—————————————

Self-abandonment is something that many experience when living in codependence. There is a great emotional cost of saying “yes” when the soul longs to say “no.” The biting of the tongue becomes a metaphor not just for silence, but for self-erasure. There was a time when I mistook silence for peace and compliance for love. I said “yes” so many times my tongue began to feel like an artifact—not a tool of truth, but a relic of performance. Behind every forced agreement, a little part of me curled inward, retreating from a world that never asked how I truly felt.

By the time I found Al-Anon, I was brimming with what I thought was anger toward others, but it was really the grief of self-abandonment. Resentment was the smoke; guilt was the ash. I had made a habit of swallowing my truth, hoping it would earn me a place in someone else’s peace. It never did.

Working the program taught me something both terrifying and liberating: I wasn’t lacking love—I was lacking courage. Not the kind of courage that roars, but the kind that whispers, “No,” when my soul knows that “yes” would be betrayal. The Serenity Prayer didn’t just soothe me—it instructed me. Courage is granted, yes—but only to those who ask for it, who receive it, and who dare to wield it.

The turning point wasn’t dramatic. It was a simple moment, sacred in its clarity. I realized I could stop volunteering for mistreatment. I could stop mistaking martyrdom for virtue. I stood up—not against someone else, but for myself. That was the moment I began to recover—not just from the effects of someone else’s drinking, but from the long habit of abandoning my own spirit.

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