Daily Reprieve

From the Daily Reflections of December 30;

Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.   (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 562)

Tradition Twelve became important early in my sobriety and, along with the Twelve Steps, it continues to be a must in my recovery. I became aware after I joined the Fellowship that I had personality problems, so that when I first heard it, the Tradition’s message was very clear: there exists an immediate way for me to face, with others, my alcoholism and attendant anger, defensiveness, offensiveness. I saw Tradition Twelve as being a great ego-deflator; it relieved my anger and gave me a chance to utilize the principles of the program. All of the Steps, and this particular Tradition, have guided me over decades of continuous sobriety. I am grateful to those who were here when I needed them.

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Focusing on personalities in a group is a divisive pursuit.  Trying to become the most popular personality, trying to diminish the most displeasing personality, surrounding myself with the most supportive personalities, all becomes a game that manifests in many forms of “us and them” schisms. For me, this dethroning of the personality game is necessary for group cohesion.  This is the power of anonymity.   What then shall fill the natural void left so that isolating ego does not return to dominate our safe haven? The way I read this tradition, I look for opportunities to understand and apply the principles of the 12 Steps in all my affairs.  We all have this necessary pursuit in common.   This simple and agreed upon pursuit helps protect our life-giving union.  Principles before personalities.

From the Daily Reflections of December 29;

. . . therefore the joy of good living is the theme of A.A.’s Twelfth Step.   (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 125)

A.A. is a joyful program! Even so, I occasionally balk at taking the necessary steps to move ahead, and find myself resisting the very actions that could bring about the joy I want. I would not resist if those actions did not touch some vulnerable area of my life, an area that needs hope and fulfillment. Repeated exposure to joyfulness has a way of softening the hard, outer edges of my ego. Therein lies the power of joyfulness to help all members of A.A.

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I don’t think you should ever fragment a quote, beginning it with the word, therefore, unless you are going to explain what it is there for.

Understanding is the key to right principles and attitudes, and right action is the key to good living;  therefore the joy of good living is the theme of A.A.’s Twelfth Step.  (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 125)

See, it demonstrates a process with several prerequisites.  You cannot have the joy of good living without having the “good living.”  You cannot have good living without being able to take right action based on the principles and attitudes revealed in the Twelve Steps.  You cannot take right action unless you have a good understanding of the principles and attitudes that are presented in the 12 Steps.  It all begins with understanding and applying the principles in all my affairs and continuing that process until I have secured the joy of good living.  I like feeling joy, so I will be motivated for even more understanding so that I can experience even more joy, and I will not be satisfied until I habitually experience the joy of good living.

From the Daily Reflections of December 28;

In A.A. we aim not only for sobriety — we try again to become citizens of the world that we rejected, and of the world that once rejected us. This is the ultimate demonstration toward which Twelfth Step work is the first but not the final step.   (As Bill Sees It, page 21)

The old line says, “Suit up and show up,” That action is so important that I like to think of it as my motto. I can choose each day to suit up and show up, or not. Showing up at meetings starts me toward feeling a part of that meeting, for then I can do what I say I’ll do at meetings. I can talk with newcomers, and I can share my experience; that’s what credibility, honesty, and courtesy really are. Suiting up and showing up are the concrete actions I take in my ongoing return to normal living.

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I find it interesting that Bill sees Twelfth Step work, the last Step of the 12 Steps, as the first but not final Step.  He seem to be thinking about a process beyond but based on the 12 Steps of recovery.  The principles of the program help to define what it means to be a true citizen of the World.   My relevance and usefulness in the World is demonstrated daily by developing the skill stated simply as the ability to Suit Up and Show Up.  It is a basic dependability, a vibrant predictability, a daily courage that makes me a silent force of nature.  I believe it is possible for my life, not just my words, to shout out that we can recover.

From the Daily Reflections of December 27;

“Quite as important was the discovery that spiritual principles would solve all my problems.”   (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 42)

Through the recovery process described in the Big Book, I have come to realize that the same instructions that work on my alcoholism, work on much more. Whenever I am angry or frustrated, I consider the matter a manifestation of the main problem within me, alcoholism. As I “walk” through the Steps, my difficulty is usually dealt with long before I reach the Twelfth “suggestion,” and those difficulties that persist are remedied when I make an effort to carry the message to someone else. These principles do solve my problems! I have not encountered an exception, and I have been brought to a way of living which is satisfying and useful.

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Absolutes are scary.  And to me they are repulsive.  It seems to me that it is an indication that we are playing God when we can easily spout out absolutes.  “…spiritual principles would solve ALL my problems.”  I have not yet experienced all my problems and do not have the capacity to know that such a statement is true.  Yet when that absolute is transformed to “These principles do solve my problems!  I have not encountered an exception…”, that is based on the experience of a mortal man who is excited about how effective the principles of the Steps are in his life.

So I can say that the spiritual principles of the 12 Steps of AA have proven effective in my own life to keep me sober.  They also lay the groundwork for even greater depth of character and usefulness in my life.  That is keeping it real and truthful.

From the Daily Reflections of December 26;

Furthermore, how shall we come to terms with seeming failure or success? Can we now accept and adjust to either without despair or pride? Can we accept poverty, sickness, loneliness, and bereavement with courage and serenity? Can we steadfastly content ourselves with the humbler, yet sometimes more durable, satisfactions when the brighter, more glittering achievements are denied us?   (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 112)

After I found A.A. and stopped drinking, it took a while before I understood why the First Step contained two parts: my powerlessness over alcohol, and my life’s unmanageability. In the same way, I believed for a long time that, in order to be in tune with the Twelve Steps, it was enough for me “to carry this message to alcoholics.” That was rushing things. I was forgetting that there were a total of Twelve Steps and that the Twelfth Step also had more than one part. Eventually I learned that it was necessary for me to “practice these principles” in all areas of my life. In working all the Steps thoroughly, I not only stay sober and help someone else to achieve sobriety, but also I transform my difficulty with living into a joy of living.

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I do not know how to take a message of recovery to those still suffering as an event separate from a lifestyle of devotion to the principals of the program.  Just as the unmanageability of life is linked to a surrender to being powerless to alcohol, the helpfulness of recovery is a fruit of devotion to self-improvement and transformation.  When my character develops in strength, my message of recovery will grow in credibility.  This is an effort worthy of devotion.

Rest in peace, Leornard Nimoy.  He lived long and prospered. It was not a shock, he stayed with us for as long as he could, and I really appreciate that.

From the Daily Reflections of December 25;

Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God’s will into all of our activities. “How can I best serve Thee — Thy will (not mine) be done.”   (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 85)

I read this passage each morning, to start off my day, because it is a continual reminder to “practice these principles in all my affairs.” When I keep God’s will at the forefront of my mind, I am able to do what I should be doing, and that puts me at peace with life, with myself and with God.

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Following the will of God means that you seek your Higher Power for direction and make your daily living a matter of following what you understand those directives to be. It implies communication, with an emphasis on increased skill in hearing and discipline in limiting what we say or petition your Higher Power for. It is my understanding that those seeking the daily will of Gomu (God of my understanding) use one of four approaches, or a combination of them all. They are the Logos Leggers, the Mystic Mergers, the Synchronistic Bump-a-longs, and the Iconic Visualization and Replacement Performers.

The Logos Leggers are those who do not trust listening to voices in their heads because of past problems with mental or psychological problems similar to dissociation disorders. So, they are dedicated to some form of Sacred or Trusted text, such as the Big Book or the Bible or the like. Their morning meditations amount to study sessions. They are able to trust God to speak primarily in this fashion and are quite wary of other approaches. They tend to think of the guidance of God as a revelation of written mission orders to be fulfilled.

The Mystic Mergers expect to develop the ability to hear an internal guiding voice, and that all revealed directives are designed to foster spiritual intimacy between the mortal and their God. They expect mystical connections that transform their sensitivities so that they can communicate with the Higher Power on a continuous basis. They expect to move to a state of transcendence, and thus the goal is transformation. It is all about the relationship.

Synchronistic Bump-a-longs are similar to the Mystic Mergers, except they seek to become aware of a path that leads them to a child-like trust of God as an all-encompassing force. They seek a state of morning serenity and then look throughout the day for magical hints to pull them along a path. The goal is to become trusting and sensitive to the omnipresence of Gomu (God of my understanding). These people tend to put more emphasis on hearing God through other people.

Finally, the Iconic Visualization and Replacement Performers see a central figure as the one you visualize and seek to become, replacing all personal expressions with attempts to become whatever your favorite icon is. You imagine how your Icon would behave in your place and you seek to emulate that icon.

I have done all four and often do a combination in my personal approach. The Mystic Merger is my personal favorite.

From the Daily Reflections of December 24;

We have come to believe He would like us to keep our heads in the clouds with Him, but that our feet ought to be firmly planted on earth. That is where our fellow travelers are, and that is where our work must be done. These are the realities for us. We have found nothing incompatible between a powerful spiritual experience and a life of sane and happy usefulness.   (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 130)

All the prayer and meditation in the world will not help me unless they are accompanied by action. Practicing the principles in all my affairs shows me the care that God takes in all parts of my life. God appears in my world when I move aside, and allow Him to step into it.

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In this reflection I am asked to consider the balance between the mystical magic and its practical expression in living one day at a time. Understanding the significance of the message encapsulated in the 12 Steps and developing pragmatic expressions of that awareness is akin to the study of Dharma in many eastern systems of belief.  In fact, practicing the principles and doing the work of progressing in the Steps of the program, I think, could be called the Dharma of AA.

(Image Credit to Loraine A. Baird aka Quiche Loraine of Deviant Art)

From the Daily Reflections of December 23;

Our Twelfth Step — carrying the message — is the basic service that AA’s Fellowship gives; this is our principal aim and the main reason for our existence.   (The Language of the Heart, page 160)

I thank God for those who came before me, those who told me not to forget the Three Legacies: Recovery, Unity and Service. In my home group, the Three Legacies were described on a sign which said: “You take a three-legged stool, try to balance it on only one leg, or two. Our Three Legacies must be kept intact. In Recovery, we get sober together; in Unity, we work together for the good of our Steps and Traditions; and through Service — we give away freely what has been given to us.”

One of the chief gifts of my life has been to know that I will have no message to give, unless I recover in unity with A.A. principles.

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Dawson Earle Trotman (March 25, 1906–June 18, 1956) was an evangelist and founder of The Navigators.

Trotman founded The Navigators in 1933 and through this worldwide Christian organization supported various Christian ideals: maintaining the basic disciplines of the Christ-centered Spirit-filled life, abiding in the Word of God, the importance of personal follow-up, one-on-one discipleship training, scripture memorization, and principles for multiplying Christian disciples, laborers, and equippers around the world. He lost his own life on June 18, 1956 while rescuing a girl, Allene Beck, from drowning during water-skiing in Schroon Lake, New York.

Dr. Billy Graham said: “I think Daws has personally touched more lives than anybody I have ever known.” His work and writings were instrumental in the creation of the Campus Outreach ministry, which focuses on discipleship as a method of building up the community of Christians on college campuses.

(SOURCE:  Bio tab on Dawson Trotman in Wikipedia)

I encountered the Navigators when I was in the Air Force.  They had little discipleship kits you could buy from them complete with scriptural memorization cards and guide books.  I really enjoyed the pragmatism of the approach.  I mentioned Dawson Trotman here because the contributor to the Daily Reflections spoke about the three legged stool.  This is something that his AA group took from the Navigators: (The Wheel History of the Navigators).

The illustration is about achieving a balanced spiritual approach.  It is a wonderful idea if you are a piece of furniture.  Wouldn’t it be better to think of three or four breasts you can suckle from our Higher Power that nurture growth, which is never a stagnant process.  You could chose the most valuable faucet based on your personal need, once you discover it.  It is more beneficial to me.  Maybe you would do better with having access to as many tools as possible in your toolkit.  The point is, I suppose, that we need exposure and expression of the three legacies in our lives to keep and give away the serenity we find in these rooms.

From the Daily Reflections of December 22;

The way our “worthy” alcoholics have sometimes tried to judge the “less worthy” is, as we look back on it, rather comical. Imagine, if you can, one alcoholic judging another!   (The Language of the Heart, page 37).

Who am I to judge anyone? When I first entered the Fellowship I found that I liked everyone. After all, A.A. was going to help me to a better way of life without alcohol. The reality was that I couldn’t possibly like everyone, nor they me. As I’ve grown in the Fellowship, I’ve learned to love everyone just from listening to what they had to say. That person over there, or the one right here, may be the one God has chosen to give me the message I need for today. I must always remember to place principles above personalities.

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“We want to stay out of this controversy. We do not want to be the arbiter of anyone’s sex conduct. We all have sex problems.” (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 69)

My stepson died of an overdose in 2007.  He could never really process the rejection of his biological father.  The bio-dad started tagging pictures from the Facebook memorial page that my former wife established.  I was livid and I felt that I was having to accept the unacceptable.  My grief came rushing back, and I knew that emotional anguish was pushing me toward relapse and possibly some rash action.  I sent out a notice to my friends of Bill for prayer and then took off to meeting.  I reached out to connect in the rooms.  This is a miracle response from an alcoholic.

Then someone spoke up who had also lost a son and knew of my life, and did not approve of my BDSM sex orientation.  He told me that he had experienced overcoming the selfishness of using his grief for an excuse to relapse, and that I would not find serenity until I was in the Will of God.  I was thankful for his need to confront me at this vulnerable time because he reminded me of what I never want to be again.  That is the one regret I had with my stepson, was that I was too religious to embrace him completely, like he really needed.  I was more concerned about him mouthing the proper words and living a churchian homogenized life.

Someone else spoke in a genuine fashion that gave me the exact words I needed to hear.  I am still sober and still processing the grief and resentment.  I just did not realize how much of an issue this is for me.  And as far as the religious in the rooms, I pray that I do not become the thing I hate by responding to judgement with judgement.

Oh, and I participated through a phone meeting in a 12 step group called Recovery in the Lifestyle, in case you also have a BDSM sex orientation and would like to find others in recovery who can adapt the program to the paradox of power exchange relationships.

From the Daily Reflections of December 21;

When working with a man and his family, you should take care not to participate in their quarrels. You may spoil your chance of being helpful if you do.   (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 100).

When trying to help a fellow alcoholic, I’ve given in to an impulse to give advice, and perhaps that’s inevitable. But allowing others the right to be wrong reaps its own benefits. The best I can do — and it sounds easier than it is to put into practice — is to listen, share personal experience, and pray for others.

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(Click Image to Source Credit)

I am not much of one to participate in people’s active quarrels.  I do have enough co-dependent tendencies to get sucked into a futile peace-keeping missions to manage social situations to prevent anything from ever occurring in the first place.    When the self-will of an alcoholic (or addict) is running riot, it really is an exercise in futility.  Sometimes consequences and the resulting desperation is a gift from God and I don’t need to get caught in the crossfire.  If sharing my personal experience is not desired, it is time for me to go back to the house and let the chemical hell take its course.

I keep a page on this site for important things to remind myself of when I am sponsoring or doing 12th Step work ~ click here.