Daily Reprieve

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

The chief activator of our defects has been self-centered fear. . . .   (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 76)

When I feel uncomfortable, irritated, or depressed, I look for fear. This “evil and corroding thread” is the root of my distress: Fear of failure; fear of others’ opinions; fear of harm, and many other fears. I have found a Higher Power who does not want me to live in fear and, as a result, the experience of A.A. in my life is freedom and joy. I am no longer willing to live with the multitude of character defects that characterized my life while I was drinking. Step Seven is my vehicle to freedom from these defects. I pray for help in identifying the fear underneath the defect, and then I ask God to relieve me of that fear. This method works for me without fail and is one of the great miracles of my life in Alcoholics Anonymous.

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I see the self-centered, isolated fear as a vacuum sucking for power and finding little or none to meet life on life’s terms.  Those terms involve the inability to keep control of my environment.  It is the natural reaction to the realization that in many areas, I am powerless.  I am being retrained to look for a spiritual rather than a chemical remedy.

Fear can also be an opportunity to get to know my Higher Power.  It is a way that I get to know more about Gomu (God of my understanding) and the nature of our relationship.  Eventually, my fear list becomes a very specific faith list.  Fear of public performance introduces me to the God of public courage.  Fear of being misunderstood introduces me to the God of clear and accurate communication.

I believe that it is a spiritual maxim that I will become like that which a consistently focus on.  Obsessing over my fear gives me more reason to fear.  Meditating on the particulars of my simple faith causes me to naturally emulate my Higher Power.

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

Our human resources, as marshalled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly. . . . Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God’s will into all our activities.   (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 45, 85)

I hear talk of the “weak-willed” alcoholic, but I am one of the strongest-willed people on earth! I now know that my incredible strength of will is not enough to save my life. My problem is not one of “weakness,” but rather of direction. When I, without falsely diminishing myself, accept my honest limitations and turn to God’s guidance, my worst faults become my greatest assets. My strong will, rightly directed, keeps me working until the promises of the program become my daily reality.

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I have a particular interest in the Power to Will and the Power to Submit or Surrender.  I think they are opposite sides of the same coin.  An overwhelming law of balance in nature “suggests” that one power cannot increase without creating a corresponding hunger on the other side of that coin of human dynamics.  I suspect that if I desire to exercise my willpower in this universe, I will awaken an equally powerful desire to submit my will to something.   As an alcoholic, the exercise of my isolated willpower reinforced a hunger to bow to the tyranny of the bottle.   Now I use a willpower forged in human connection, and this creates a hunger to submit to a Higher Power that has my best interests at heart.  I willingly place the invisible collar around my neck and bend the knee, pursuing what I understand to be the will of Gomu (God of my understanding), because in this dynamic, my willpower in all other areas can become quite formidable without destroying me or others.

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

. . . deep down in every man, woman and child, is the fundamental idea of God. It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, but in some form or other it is there. For faith in a Power greater than ourselves, and miraculous demonstrations of that power in human lives, are facts as old as man himself.   (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 55)

I have seen the workings of the unseen God in A.A. rooms around the country. Miracles of recovery are everywhere in evidence. I now believe that God is in these rooms and in my heart. Today faith is as natural to me, a former agnostic, as breathing, eating and sleeping. The Twelve Steps have helped to change my life in many ways, but none is more effective than the acquisition of a Higher Power.

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An Inversion of today’s contribution from the Big Book;

. . . deep down in every aspect of God / Goddess is the fundamental idea of Humanity.  It may be obscured by the primal violence of exaggerated survival instincts, but in some form or other it is there.  For faith in a united human Power embraced within and a part of Myself, and the miraculous delegation of My power in human lives, are facts as old as God Myself.

There is an interplay between Gomu (God of my understanding) and myself that is so intimate I come to doubt that we are separate, and yet I see the workings of transformation aided by external interventions that help me to know, absolutely know, that the reality of the God concept is not my isolated possession.  The way in which Gomu finds a peculiar expression in every individual says that the Higher Power wants to draw close for an intimate interaction.

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times.   (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 87)

Some say that experience is the best teacher, but I believe that experience is the only teacher. I have been able to learn of God’s love for me only by the experience of my dependence on that love. At first I could not be sure of His direction in my life, but now I see that if I am to be bold enough to ask for His guidance, I must act as if He has provided it. I frequently ask God to help me remember that He has a path for me.

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It is possible, I believe, to learn from the experience of others.  It takes empathy, humility, and getting tired of the painfully slow process of learning in isolation.

“Though there is no way of proving it, we believe that early in our drinking careers most of us could have stopped drinking.”  (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 32)

“We, who are familiar with the symptoms, see large numbers of potential alcoholics among young people everywhere.  But try to get them to see it!”  [Footnote; True when this book was first published.  But a 2003 U.S. / Canada membership survey showed about one-twelfth of A.A.’s were thirty and under.]”

The high bottom phenomenon has developed in abstinence and can develop to produce the simple faith necessary to find the spirituality that makes us happily sober.

I do not want to have to test every aspect of this process if it is not necessary.  Many of us have suffered and fallen, and hopefully we can secure their experience for the group, and for ourselves.

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

We find that no one need have difficulty with the spirituality of the program.  Willingness, honesty and open-mindedness are the essentials of recovery.  But these are indispensable.   (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 568)

Am I honest enough to accept myself as I am and let this be the “me” that I let others see? Do I have the willingness to go to any length, to do whatever is necessary to stay sober?  Do I have the open mindedness to hear what I have to hear, to think what I have to think, and to feel what I have to feel?

If my answer to these questions is “Yes,” I know enough about the spirituality of the program to stay sober. As I continue to work the Twelve Steps, I move on to the heart of true sobriety: serenity with myself, with others, and with God as I understand Him.

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An interesting implication of today’s Daily Reflection is that there are things I have to hear, thoughts I have to think, and feelings I have to feel in order to obtain sobriety.  I cannot block them out with old ways that have reinforced my alcoholism.   This requires that I develop open-mindedness.  Another implication is that my honest self-appraisal must move from internal acceptance to public exposure, which can be a very scary prospect.

The final implication for me is one I have often heard, and that is that our willingness must be translated to actions motivated by a desperation to stay sober above all other concerns.  Sobriety is not just a good idea for me, it is life and death.  It is the most essential idea in this spiritual heart transplant.

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

The principles we have set down are guides to progress.   (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 6)

Just as a sculptor will use different tools to achieve desired effects in creating a work of art, in Alcoholics Anonymous the Twelve Steps are used to bring about results in my own life. I do not overwhelm myself with life’s problems, and how much more work needs to be done. I let myself be comforted in knowing that my life is now in the hands of my Higher Power, a master craftsman who is shaping each part of my life into a unique work of art. By working my program I can be satisfied, knowing that “in doing the best that we can for today, we are doing all that God asks of us.”

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Where there is anxiety in my gut, please replace it with trust in my connection to you, my Higher Power.   Validate my simple faith to those who examine my life.  Let them see that I am more effective connected than isolated.  Carve out my true self.

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

The unity, the effectiveness, and even the survival of A.A. will always depend upon our continued willingness to give up some of our personal ambitions and desires for the common safety and welfare. Just as sacrifice means survival for the individual alcoholic, so does sacrifice mean unity and survival for the group and for A.A.’s entire Fellowship.   (As Bill Sees It, page 220)

I have learned that I must sacrifice some of my personality traits for the good of A.A. and, as a result, I have been rewarded with many gifts. False pride can be inflated through prestige but, by living Tradition Six, I receive the gift of humility instead. Cooperation without affiliation is often deceiving. If I remain unrelated to outside interests, I am free to keep A.A. autonomous. Then the Fellowship will be here, healthy and strong for generations to come.

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… = Sacrifice (Service) = Unity (Humility) = Survival (Recovery) = Sacrifice (Service) = Unity(Humility) = Survival (Recovery) = Sacrifice (Service) = Unity(Humility) = Survival (Recovery) …

They are all linked in a continuous swirling dynamic.  I entered the fellowship looking for Survival through Recovery, one day at time.  I was taught that to keep what I gain, I must give it away.  The Sacrifice of Service will be an inconvenience to my isolating self ego, but it will not violate my personal survival.  As I learn to connect within the rooms, I see that the magic comes to the individual (me) through the group (everyone else).  I am a more powerful and sane individual as part of this group than I am through isolated self reliance.  Humility protects that reality.

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

Having learned to live so happily, we’d show everyone else how. . . . Yes, we of A.A. did dream those dreams. How natural that was, since most alcoholics are bankrupt idealists. . . . So why shouldn’t we share our way of life with everyone?   (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 156)

The great discovery of sobriety led me to feel the need to spread the “good news” to the world around me. The grandiose thoughts of my drinking days returned. Later, I learned that concentrating on my own recovery was a full-time process. As I became a sober citizen in this world, I observed a rippling effect which, without any conscious effort on my part, reached any “related facility or outside enterprise,” without diverting me from my primary purpose of staying sober and helping other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.

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I suppose my past religious experiences have inoculated me against evangelistic zeal.  I do not trust it.  What I do embrace is helping others so that I can live.  This self-preserving altruism makes sense to me.  If I desire to keep this way of life, and I do, then I must find a way to share it.  I believe this is a good sort of selfishness.

The selfishness I must be rid of is the one that isolates me.  One path to isolation is spiritual pride.

The heart of AA that reaches out a hand to the suffering alcoholic is a natural group phenomena.  My individual contribution is my willingness to go to any lengths to stay sober, to stay alive. God and the group provide the miraculous results.

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

A year and six months later these three had succeeded with seven more.   (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 159)

If it had not been for the fierce determination of our founders, A.A. would have quickly faded like so many other so-called good causes. I look at the hundreds of meetings weekly in the city where I live and I know A.A. is available twenty-four hours a day. If I had had to hang on with nothing but hope and a desire not to drink, experiencing rejection wherever I went, I would have sought the easier, softer way and returned to my previous way of life.

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I created this flowchart for the founding of AA.  I will end this article with sources that I used to establish it.  I love the flow of history because, if you stand back, you can see that there is a bigger picture populated with individuals struggling to survive.  There is something out there that gives a damn about us.

1.  It is my understanding, told to me in a meeting in Augusta, Georgia, that Rowland H. was a man of means who was looking for the best therapy he could find to counter his alcoholism and was originally looking for Sigmund Freud.  Because Mr. Freud was unavailable, he went to his associate Carl Jung.  Imagine what would have happened to us if Rowland had laid on the couch of Sigmund Freud.  According to subsequent historical research, this event occurred in 1926 rather than 1930.

2.  Ebby Thatcher, Bill Wilson’s friend, was rescued from the asylum and Roland relayed the need for the Vital Spiritual Experience and introduced him to the Oxford movement.

3.  Ebby resided at the Calvary Rescue Mission and had heard the concept of choosing a God of your own understanding from Rev. Sam Shoemaker who maintained the mission.  Ebby would relay this to his agnostic friend Bill Wilson later on when he was reaching out to his still suffering friend.

4.  Bill W checked into the  Charles B. Towns Hospital a fourth time to dry out.  Dr. Silkworth presented the disease model of alcoholism to Bill and suggested sharing his actual experiences with alcoholics rather than preaching to them.  He then had an appearance of light and interaction with what he believed to be God.

5.  While in Akron, Ohio on business that had proven unsuccessful (Imagine if Bill W.’s business venture had been successful), in a desperate attempt to remain sober, sought out another alcoholic to help.  A local church put him in contact with Dr. Bob.  This meeting proved the ability of one alcoholic sharing his experience, strength, and hope with another one served to help both alcoholics.  AA’s anniversary is based on Dr. Bob’s sobriety date; June 10th, 1935.

The founders were desperate drunks.  They were not saints.  They connected with one another and with the Invisible Painter of the Big Picture.  I am grateful for the following concepts and those chosen to inject them into the collective consciousness that has now become Alcoholics Anonymous:

Carl Jung ~ The Need for a Vital Spiritual Experience beyond Religion.

Dr. Frank Buchman ~ Founder of the Oxford Group ~ The Seeds for the 12 Step Program, Sponsorship, and Spirituality over Religion – Pragmatic Morality.  Provided negative example for the need of the spiritual principle of Anonymity.

Samuel Shoemaker & Ebby Thatcher ~ The concept of a God of my own understanding which is the birth of GOMU.

Dr. William Silkworth ~ The Disease Concept of Alcoholism and the need for a Psychic Change, a Spiritual Awakening, echoing Dr. Jung.

Bill W. and Dr. Bob ~ the power of one alcoholic to another, the birth of the Fellowship.

The Invisible Painter of the Big Picture ~ doing for us -united- what we could not do for ourselves -isolated-.

SOURCES;

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcoholics_Anonymous

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rowland_Hazard_III

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Oxford_Group

There are hyperlinks and primary source footnotes if you are interested in further research.  I love wikipedia.

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

We obey A.A.’s Steps and Traditions because we really want them for ourselves. It is no longer a question of good or evil; we conform because we genuinely want to conform. . Such is the evidence of God’s grace and love among us.   (A.A. Comes of Age, page 106)

It is fun to watch myself grow in A.A. I fought conformity to A.A. principles from the moment I entered, but I learned from the pain of my belligerence that, in choosing to live the A.A. way of life, I opened myself to God’s grace and love. Then I began to know the full meaning of being a member of Alcoholics Anonymous.

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I hold the idea of conformity in suspicion.  The word reminds me of the assimilation process of the Borg from the Star Trek series.  So I am struggling this morning with today’s contribution from the Daily Reflections.

I do not want to seem immature or unenlightened, so I was looking for a way to agree and conform to the concept of obedience and conformation.  Maybe the reality is that I am not advanced enough in the A.A. Way to embrace this concept.  I will remain open-minded and see what happens. . .

I had a similar problem with words such as “surrender” and “powerlessness” and I was able to work through it.

Am I free to choose to reject food, water, air-breathing, and personal hygiene?  Yes I am.  Why should I sleep just because that is the habit of my species?  Maybe that is just an archaic practice left over from our earlier evolutionary development.  There is so much free land in the ocean which is free of government control and concepts of material ownership.  All I have to do is quit breathing air and I can have it all.

I read an article in the Scientific American by Martin A. Nowak, who is a professor of Mathematics and Biology in Harvard’s program of evolutionary dynamics.  It discusses the evolution of cooperation and asserts that competition is not the only force that shaped life on Earth.  He discussed five mechanisms for cooperation which I paraphrase simply as reciprocal back scratching, stable communities, family, competing teams, and the power of reputation and the desire to associate with the exalted ones known for their generosity.  He asserts this latter mechanism is enhanced in humans because of our ability to develop language and it makes us super-cooperators.

I think that there is one mechanism that I must also consider.  I call it the oblivion factor.  I am aware of myself, my thoughts, my emotions, and my history.  They are important to me.  I am important to me.  If I believe that it all ends in a few decades, then conforming does nothing to avert my greatest tragedy which is the end of the universe for me.  I become nothing with no self-awareness.  I may escape this harsh reality somewhat by having children who will carry with them my memory and genetics, but even that will fade.  It will all be stripped away with time.  I am relegated to a world where death dominates my thinking and fear consumes my heart.  In that Universe I do not care about the long term effects of my human stewardship of the planet earth.  My Earth will explode in a few decades.

The cooperation of A.A. helps me to acknowledge that oblivion is not inevitable for me.  I do not have to embrace a tragic end.  There is something out there beyond the constraints of my physical body that cares about me.  The assimilation of the Borg is a meditation on the death to the individual self-awareness.  The tyranny of my alcoholism is just such a death.  When it comes to alcohol, “resistance is futile,” because I am isolated in a world of competition.

Wow, that was exhausting.  I suspect that I am over-complicating things again.  Simplicity is usually the hallmark of a real connection with my Higher Power.  Complex meanderings of my mind generally indicate that I am unplugging and trying to develop isolated self-reliance.  Relieve me of the burden of isolated self.  Such is my process of growth in unity and function.  I chose to conform to a design for living that works.