Endigar 462 ~ Conforming to the A.A. Way

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

We obey A.A.’s Steps and Traditions because we really want them for ourselves. It is no longer a question of good or evil; we conform because we genuinely want to conform. . Such is the evidence of God’s grace and love among us.   (A.A. Comes of Age, page 106)

It is fun to watch myself grow in A.A. I fought conformity to A.A. principles from the moment I entered, but I learned from the pain of my belligerence that, in choosing to live the A.A. way of life, I opened myself to God’s grace and love. Then I began to know the full meaning of being a member of Alcoholics Anonymous.

END OF QUOTE

———————————–

Borg-PLUGGED-IN

I hold the idea of conformity in suspicion.  The word reminds me of the assimilation process of the Borg from the Star Trek series.  So I am struggling this morning with today’s contribution from the Daily Reflections.

I do not want to seem immature or unenlightened, so I was looking for a way to agree and conform to the concept of obedience and conformation.  Maybe the reality is that I am not advanced enough in the A.A. Way to embrace this concept.  I will remain open-minded and see what happens. . .

I had a similar problem with words such as “surrender” and “powerlessness” and I was able to work through it.

Am I free to choose to reject food, water, air-breathing, and personal hygiene?  Yes I am.  Why should I sleep just because that is the habit of my species?  Maybe that is just an archaic practice left over from our earlier evolutionary development.  There is so much free land in the ocean which is free of government control and concepts of material ownership.  All I have to do is quit breathing air and I can have it all.

I read an article in the Scientific American by Martin A. Nowak, who is a professor of Mathematics and Biology in Harvard’s program of evolutionary dynamics.  It discusses the evolution of cooperation and asserts that competition is not the only force that shaped life on Earth.  He discussed five mechanisms for cooperation which I paraphrase simply as reciprocal back scratching, stable communities, family, competing teams, and the power of reputation and the desire to associate with the exalted ones known for their generosity.  He asserts this latter mechanism is enhanced in humans because of our ability to develop language and it makes us super-cooperators.

I think that there is one mechanism that I must also consider.  I call it the oblivion factor.  I am aware of myself, my thoughts, my emotions, and my history.  They are important to me.  I am important to me.  If I believe that it all ends in a few decades, then conforming does nothing to avert my greatest tragedy which is the end of the universe for me.  I become nothing with no self-awareness.  I may escape this harsh reality somewhat by having children who will carry with them my memory and genetics, but even that will fade.  It will all be stripped away with time.  I am relegated to a world where death dominates my thinking and fear consumes my heart.  In that Universe I do not care about the long term effects of my human stewardship of the planet earth.  My Earth will explode in a few decades.

The cooperation of A.A. helps me to acknowledge that oblivion is not inevitable for me.  I do not have to embrace a tragic end.  There is something out there beyond the constraints of my physical body that cares about me.  The assimilation of the Borg is a meditation on the death to the individual self-awareness.  The tyranny of my alcoholism is just such a death.  When it comes to alcohol, “resistance is futile,” because I am isolated in a world of competition.

Wow, that was exhausting.  I suspect that I am over-complicating things again.  Simplicity is usually the hallmark of a real connection with my Higher Power.  Complex meanderings of my mind generally indicate that I am unplugging and trying to develop isolated self-reliance.  Relieve me of the burden of isolated self.  Such is my process of growth in unity and function.  I chose to conform to a design for living that works.

2 Responses to “Endigar 462 ~ Conforming to the A.A. Way”

  1. Colin's Blog Says:

    My pea size brain was struggling to understand some of this but the last four sentences, beginning “Complex meanderings of my mind…” is just what i needed to read today – it’s the third evening on the trot i’m not at a meeting and i’m sat talking to myself. Many thanks.

  2. endigar Says:

    Thank-you for your feedback and I am very grateful that I finally got to useful place. May you be prospered in your journey.

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