Endigar 1060

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 14, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Oct 11:

When I was a beginner in Al-Anon, it was suggested that I learn about the disease of alcoholism, and I became a voracious reader on the subject. As I read, I began to analyze everything: Was Al-Anon a philosophy or a philosophical system? What would be the logical outcome of believing in a Power greater than myself? And just when was the alcoholic going to have a spiritual awakening?

These questions and others like them kept my mind busy but did not help me to get better. Fortunately, I continued to go to Al-Anon meetings and I read, reread, and rehearsed the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. Gradually I began to catch on. When I stopped trying to analyze and explain everything and started living the principles, actually using them in my everyday situations, the Al-Anon program suddenly made sense — and I started to change.

Today’s Reminder

Does analyzing my situation provide any useful insights, or is it an attempt to control the uncontrollable? Am I taking inventory or avoiding work that needs to be done by keeping my mind occupied? I have heard that knowledge is power. But sometimes my thirst for knowledge can be an attempt to exercise power where I am powerless. Instead, I can take the First Step.

“Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.” ~ Soren Kierkegaard

END OF QUOTE—————————————

NOTE: Søren Aabye Kierkegaard (1813–1855) was a Danish philosopher, theologian, poet, and social critic — often called the father of existentialism. His writing bridged the worlds of theology, philosophy, psychology, and literature, and it continues to shape how modern thinkers approach faith, meaning, and the individual’s relationship to existence itself.

Here’s a clear, layered summary of who he was and why he mattered:

1. The Individual vs. the Crowd

Kierkegaard believed that truth is subjective — not in the sense that “anything goes,” but that truth becomes real only when it is lived and experienced personally.
He rejected the idea that religion or ethics could be reduced to universal systems or dogmas.

“The crowd is untruth,” he wrote, meaning that genuine faith and authenticity cannot be found in conformity or public opinion.

He saw the individual before God as the ultimate moral and spiritual condition — a solitary struggle to live authentically rather than hide in social approval.

2. His War with Christendom

Kierkegaard was a lifelong Christian — but a radical critic of the institutional Church.
He accused the Danish state church of turning Christianity into comfortable, hollow routine — a “religion of Sundays,” stripped of the terror, passion, and paradox of genuine faith.

For him, true Christianity wasn’t about belief in doctrines, but about becoming a follower of Christ — a decision that demands anguish, risk, and personal sacrifice.
He called this leap the “leap of faith.”

“Faith begins precisely where thinking leaves off.”

3. Key Themes in His Thought

ThemeExplanation
Existential anxiety (Angst)The dizzying freedom humans feel when confronted with infinite possibilities — the “vertigo of freedom.”
DespairThe sickness of the soul that arises when a person refuses to become who they truly are in relation to God.
Stages on Life’s WayThree levels of existence: the aesthetic (pleasure and beauty), the ethical (duty and morality), and the religious (faith and paradox).
The Leap of FaithRationality can never fully grasp divine truth; faith requires a subjective, passionate commitment that defies reason.
Paradox of FaithExemplified by Abraham in Fear and Trembling, who was willing to sacrifice Isaac — a contradiction between ethics and obedience to God.

4. Major Works

  • Either/Or (1843) — contrasts aesthetic vs. ethical life; sets up his existential framework.
  • Fear and Trembling (1843) — explores faith, paradox, and the story of Abraham and Isaac.
  • The Concept of Anxiety (1844) — a proto-psychological analysis of freedom and sin.
  • The Sickness Unto Death (1849) — a study of despair and the human self before God.
  • Attack upon Christendom (1854–55) — his final polemic against the Danish church’s corruption of Christianity.

5. His Life

  • Born in Copenhagen, son of a devout, melancholic father whose sense of guilt deeply marked Søren’s outlook.
  • Engaged to Regine Olsen, but broke off the engagement — an event that haunted him and symbolized the tension between human love and divine calling in much of his writing.
  • Lived largely in isolation, publishing under multiple pseudonyms to express conflicting philosophical voices.
  • Died at 42, largely unrecognized, after collapsing in the street. His influence exploded only decades later.

6. Legacy and Influence

Kierkegaard’s ideas laid the groundwork for existentialism, influencing:

  • Friedrich Nietzsche (though Nietzsche reversed many of his religious conclusions)
  • Jean-Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir (atheistic existentialists)
  • Martin Heidegger, Karl Jaspers, and Gabriel Marcel
  • Paul Tillich, Karl Barth, and Dietrich Bonhoeffer (modern Christian theology)

He also anticipated depth psychology — his discussions of despair and anxiety prefigure Freud and Jung.

Essence of His Philosophy

“The most painful state of being is remembering the future, particularly one you can never have.”
— Søren Kierkegaard

He wanted each human being to wake up from the anesthesia of conformity — to face the terror and beauty of freedom, to live authentically before God, and to embrace subjective truth as a lived experience, not an abstract theory.

END OF NOTE—————————————

When the newcomer first encounters the Twelve Steps, it’s natural to seek comprehension through intellect. We read, question, and dissect the language, hoping to pin it down like a specimen under glass. Yet this can quickly become a subtle form of control — the mind’s last stronghold against surrender. We want to understand everything before trusting anything. Analysis can masquerade as progress, but often it’s simply anxiety in disguise — the frightened self trying to stay in charge.

Knowledge feels like power, especially to those of us who have lived in chaos. To know is to feel safe — or so we believe. But in the spiritual economy of recovery, that kind of safety is counterfeit. “Knowledge” can become a way to manage our powerlessness rather than to face it. We study instead of surrender; we define instead of experience. The First Step asks us to do something far more humbling: to lay down the sword of intellect and admit that our minds cannot save us.

The transformation begins when understanding yields to embodiment. Reading about humility is not the same as practicing it in conflict. Contemplating forgiveness differs from making amends. The program only “makes sense” when it is lived — when knowledge becomes muscle, when ideas take on flesh in the small, daily acts of kindness, restraint, and honesty.

Knowledge is power, but sometimes the thirst for knowledge is a bid for control. True power in recovery is not in mastery of ideas but in the willingness to be mastered by principle — to allow truth to guide, not to dominate it.

When we let go of our need to understand everything, serenity seeps in through the cracks left by surrender.

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Endigar 1059

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , on October 11, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Oct 10:

The road to my hometown wound along a steep hillside. As a child, I was often afraid that our car would swerve too widely and go over the edge. I used to take hold of the rear door handle and try to prevent this. I was too young to understand that my actions could not influence the path of the car. Yet I often take a similar approach to my adult fears and persist in futile actions.

Al-Anon helps me to accept what I cannot change and change what I can. Although I can’t control the way alcoholism has affected my life, I can’t control another person, and I can’t make life unfold according to my plans, I can admit my powerlessness and turn to my Higher Power for help.

When I am the driver, the responsibility for steering clear of the road’s edge is mine. It is up to me to take my recovery seriously, to work on my attitudes, to take care of my mind, body, and spirit, to make amends when I have done harm — in short, to change the things I can.

Today’s Reminder

Sometimes the only way I can determine what to accept and what to change is by trial and error. Mistakes can be opportunities to gain the wisdom to know the difference.

“If a crisis arises, or any problem baffles me, I hold it up to the light of the Serenity Prayer and extract its sting before it can hurt me.” ~ One Day at a Time in Al-Anon

END OF QUOTE—————————————

There’s a moment in my life where innocence hardens into delusion — the child’s hand gripping becomes the adult’s will clenching at the illusion of control. This is the birthplace of self-betrayal: that instant when fear dresses up as virtue and we call it responsibility, loyalty, or love.

I was told to hold things together. Families, marriages, reputations, systems. “Good” people clench under the command of madness, denial, and collective cowardice. Recovery unteaches that lie. It teaches that letting go is not collapse; it is rebellion. The first act of spiritual independence is unclenching.

The Serenity Prayer becomes a battlefield order. “Accept what I cannot change” is not submission — it’s intelligence. “Change what I can” is not sentimental; it’s strategy. “Wisdom to know the difference” is reconnaissance. The clinging hand of the child now grips the sword of discernment. I can no longer afford to confuse martyrdom with mastery.

Mistakes are not sins. They are the bruises of apprenticeship. Each wrong turn exposes another illusion — that perfection is power, or that fear keeps the journey safer than trust. Wisdom grows out of wreckage; I salvage what burns and build again.

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Endigar 1058

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 10, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Oct 9:

I used to think of God as my adversary. We were engaged in a battle of wills, and I wasn’t about to let down my guard. You can imagine how quickly this attitude led me to hit a hard emotional bottom! I came to Al-Anon, but I was reluctant to admit that I was powerless. I knew it was true — I had obviously failed to conquer alcoholism — but I wasn’t going to submit to my enemy!

I’m so grateful to Al-Anon for helping me learn to surrender. It took a long time, but I finally realized that surrender does not mean submission — it means I’m willing to stop fighting reality, to stop trying to do God’s part, and to do my own.
When I gather flowers, or marvel at nature’s wonders, I do not lose face when I concede that I am not in control. So it is with everything in my life. The best way I’ve found to invite serenity is to recognize that the world is in good hands.

Today’s Reminder

Today I can be grateful that the earth will continue to revolve without any help from me. I am free to live my own life, safe in the knowledge that a Higher Power is taking care of the world, my loved ones, and myself.

“The First Step prepares us for a new life, which we can achieve only by letting go of what we cannot control, and by undertaking, one day at a time, the monumental task of setting our world in order through a change in our own thinking.” ~ One Day at a Time in Al-Anon

END OF QUOTE—————————————

I was at a block this morning. I truly did come into the recovery rooms with a high level of distrust for surrender to any concept of God, a Higher Power. It has gotten much better, but internal cognitive dissonance prevents me from settling into the stable trust I desire. Sometimes, I am just tired of the limitations of my life. And I did not want to project that struggle into today’s writing. I asked AI to help me out and what it produced I found to be beneficial. I hope that it will be for you as well:

Opening Context

Many of us arrive in recovery with clenched fists toward the idea of God. We confuse control with strength and surrender with defeat. In truth, the First Step dismantles that illusion gently: powerlessness is not humiliation but permission to rest. To stop trying to play God is not to lose our dignity, but to rediscover it.

When the author says they once saw God as an adversary, they are describing one of the most human reflexes — the fear of being overpowered. Yet the paradox of recovery is that what feels like yielding to an enemy becomes yielding to life itself.

Scriptural Echoes

  • “Be still, and know that I am God.” — Psalm 46:10
    Stillness is the first act of trust.
  • “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” — Matthew 11:28
    The rest offered here is not absence of effort but the end of unnecessary struggle.
  • “Thy will be done.” — The Serenity Prayer’s hidden anchor.

Spiritual Realization

Surrender transforms when it ceases to be a white flag and becomes a flower gathered. The same hands that once clenched in defense now open to gather beauty. The text’s shift from “battle of wills” to “gathering flowers” is not accidental — it is a description of inner evolution.
Surrender, rightly understood, is the release of illusion: the illusion that our will can rewrite gravity, time, or the hearts of others.
Reality becomes a teacher instead of an opponent.

Meditative Questions

  1. Where in my life am I still treating reality as an adversary?
  2. What does it feel like in my body when I release control — not in despair, but in trust?
  3. Can I remember a moment when I stopped fighting and something good quietly unfolded on its own?
  4. How might I honor my Higher Power today not through effort, but through allowing?

Closing Reflection

The world continues to turn without our command, yet this is not a reason for despair — it is the foundation of serenity.
The First Step is not an abdication of power, but the discovery of where true power lives: in humility, trust, and alignment with the rhythm that already carries us.
When we stop trying to make the sun rise, we finally notice the dawn.

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Endigar 1057

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on October 8, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Oct 8:

My life is a miracle! When I felt alone and far from hope, I was guided to Al-Anon, where I learned that no situation is really. hopeless. Others had been through the pain of coping with a loved one’s alcoholism. They too had known frustration, anger, disappointment, and anxiety, yet had learned to live serene and even happy lives. Through the program, the tools that lead to serenity and the gift of recovery are mine for the taking, along with the support I need. Just as I was guided to Al-Anon, I am guided through recovery., and I continue to be transformed.

I see that miracles frequently touch my life. Maybe they always have, but I didn’t see them. Today I am aware of many gifts and wonders because I am actively practicing gratitude. So I thank my Higher Power for little things as well as big ones. I am grateful for the snooze button on my alarm clock that gives me a few extra minutes of sleep, as well as for the roof over my head, the clothes on my back and the ability to give and receive love

Today’s Reminder

When I take time for gratitude, I perceive a better world. Today I will appreciate the miracles all around me.

“Even the darkest of moments can be faced with a grateful heart, if not for the crisis itself, at least for the growth it can evoke with the help of our Higher Power.” ~ In All Our Affairs

END OF QUOTE—————————————

There was a time when “miracle” felt like a word for frivolous folk—those who seemed to have some secret disconnection from intelligence that transformed to grace. I lacked that quiet and powerful space. Miracles are not rare interventions from above; they are awakenings from within. When I first came to the Steps, it was because life had become unmanageable. Yet something—someone—guided me there. That was my first miracle: direction in the midst of despair.

Recovery re-teaches me to see what was always there. The same dawn that once felt empty now holds subtle color; the same face in the mirror that once looked defeated now carries quiet strength. The shift is not in the world but in my eyes, trained now by gratitude. Gratitude becomes a lens that re-enchants the ordinary. It converts “barely coping” into “blessed to have another chance.”

When I take inventory of what I once called coincidence, I recognize choreography. I see that I was never really abandoned; I was being prepared. The pain that pushed me to seek help, the people who spoke truth when I wanted silence, the Steps that broke my pride and then rebuilt me—all were instruments of something larger.

The miracle is not that suffering vanished; it’s that I can live serenely within life as it is. My Higher Power keeps sculpting me with gentle precision, turning what once felt like punishment into polish. Gratitude is how I say yes to that process.

Meditative Question:
Where in my daily routine might I pause—not to demand change, but to notice the quiet evidence that change has already begun?

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Endigar 1056

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 7, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Oct 7:

I felt my life was on hold. I wanted change; I expected it; I even tried to make it happen. But it was not within my power to make any of the changes I wanted. I was frustrated. I’m an action-taker, so I feel better when I am busy and industrious. There is a time to act. But in Al-Anon I learned that there is also a time to not act — to stop and wait. As my Sponsor puts it, “Don’t just do something, sit there.” How often I still find myself impatient with the pace of life. But today, when things don’t happen according to my schedule, I can accept that there may be a reason, and I can learn to adjust to what is. I may be experiencing great change on the inside even though I see little evidence on the outside. I can keep in mind that waiting time doesn’t have to mean wasted time. Even times of stillness have lessons to teach me.

Today’s Reminder

The invitation to live life fully is offered to me each day. I can accept the pace of change today, knowing it will bring both times of active involvement and periods of quiet waiting. I will let the surprises of the day open up before me.

“Besides the noble art of getting things done; there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of nonessentials.” ~ Lin Yutang

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NOTE:

Lin Yutang (1895 – 1976) was a Chinese scholar, writer, translator, and inventor whose life bridged the worlds of East and West with unusual humor and grace.

Intellectual & Literary Contributions

  • Humanistic Bridge: Lin sought to reconcile Chinese philosophy—particularly Taoism and Confucianism—with Western rationalism and Christian thought.
  • Major Works: His best-known books in English include My Country and My People (1935) and The Importance of Living (1937). Both helped Western readers appreciate Chinese culture not as exotic, but as profoundly human.
  • Style: Lin’s prose was witty, relaxed, and conversational, often celebrating the art of idleness, simplicity, and joy in daily life—virtues he found in Taoist and Confucian traditions.

Cultural & Linguistic Influence

  • Language Innovator: He designed a Chinese typewriter and an early Chinese word processor, motivated by his fascination with the written word and cross-cultural communication.
  • Translator & Mediator: Lin translated works of Chinese literature into English and vice versa, introducing Western readers to classical Chinese poets and philosophers.

Philosophy & Personality

Lin advocated what he called “the wisdom of the East with the comfort of the West.” He resisted both political dogma and missionary rigidity, emphasizing individual freedom, humor, and compassion. He once quipped that the ideal person is “half saint, half rascal.”

The Civil War (1927–1949)

  • The war was fought between the Chinese Nationalist Party (Kuomintang, or KMT) led by Chiang Kai-shek, and the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) led by Mao Zedong.
  • It began intermittently in the late 1920s, paused during the Japanese invasion (1937–1945), and resumed in full force after World War II.

The Final Conquest (1948–1949)

  • The Communists gained momentum in 1948, winning decisive battles such as Huaihai, Liaoshen, and Pingjin.
  • By October 1, 1949, Mao Zedong stood atop Tiananmen Gate in Beijing and proclaimed the founding of the People’s Republic of China (PRC).
  • The Nationalists retreated to Taiwan, where they maintained the Republic of China (ROC) government.

Aftermath

  • Mainland China came under Communist control, marking the end of centuries of dynastic and nationalist rule. Communism, as a Western brainchild, squashed, once more, the Chinese cultural empire.
  • Taiwan, under Chiang Kai-shek, remained outside Communist control and became a separate political entity — a division that persists to this day.

Early Japanese Encroachments (1931–1936)

  • 1931 – Invasion of Manchuria:
    Japan staged the Mukden Incident as a pretext to seize Manchuria, creating the puppet state of Manchukuo under the deposed Qing emperor Puyi.
  • 1933 – Great Wall Battles:
    Japan extended its control to Jehol and parts of northern China.
  • 1935–1936 – Northern China Buffer Zones:
    Japan pressured the Chinese Nationalist government into demilitarizing several northern provinces, effectively turning them into Japanese spheres of influence.

Full-Scale War with Japan (1937–1945)

  • July 7, 1937 – Marco Polo Bridge Incident:
    A skirmish near Beijing spiraled into a full invasion.
  • 1937–1938 – Rapid Conquest:
    Japan captured major cities including Beijing, Shanghai, and Nanjing.
    • The Nanjing Massacre (Dec 1937 – early 1938) saw mass killings and atrocities that remain one of the darkest chapters in modern history.
  • 1938–1940 – Occupation and Resistance:
    Japan controlled most coastal and eastern China, but Chinese Nationalist and Communist forces continued guerrilla resistance inland.
  • 1941–1945 – Integration into World War II:
    After Japan’s attack on Pearl Harbor, the Sino-Japanese conflict became part of the wider Pacific War.
    The U.S., Britain, and others began supporting Chiang Kai-shek’s Nationalist government.
  • 1945 – Defeat of Japan:
    Japan’s surrender in August 1945 ended its occupation of China.

Aftermath

  • The war left 20 to 25 million Chinese dead, cities destroyed, and China internally divided.
  • The temporary alliance between the Nationalists and Communists collapsed soon after the Japanese defeat, reigniting the Chinese Civil War, which the Communists ultimately won in 1949.

After the Communist takeover of China in 1949, Lin Yutang—like many intellectuals who valued freedom of expression—did not remain under Communist rule. His postwar life reflected his lifelong balancing act between East and West. Here’s the sequence:

Hong Kong (Late 1940s – Early 1950s)

When the Communists seized mainland China, Lin moved to Hong Kong, then still under British rule.

  • There he resumed writing in both English and Chinese, publishing essays critical of totalitarianism and advocating personal liberty.
  • His skepticism toward ideological rigidity—both Communist and Western—kept him at odds with dominant political movements.

United States (1950s–1960s)

Lin spent significant time in the United States, teaching, lecturing, and writing.

  • He was already well known in the U.S. because of his prewar bestsellers My Country and My People and The Importance of Living.
  • He became a U.S. citizen in 1948, just before the Communist victory in China.
  • He lived primarily in New York, where he continued to write in English and remain an informal cultural ambassador for Chinese humanism.

Taiwan (1960s–1976)

In the 1960s, Lin accepted invitations from Chiang Kai-shek’s Republic of China government to work and live in Taiwan.

  • He founded the Chinese Cultural Renaissance Movement, seeking to preserve traditional Chinese culture in the face of the Communist “Cultural Revolution” on the mainland.
  • He established his residence in Yangmingshan, near Taipei—a quiet, mountainous area. His home there is now the Lin Yutang House Museum.

Death and Legacy

  • Lin Yutang died in 1976 in Hong Kong, the same year Mao Zedong died on the mainland.
  • His life came full circle between cultures and ideologies, remaining loyal to neither nationalism nor communism, but to a deeply humane philosophy that saw freedom, humor, and compassion as the essence of civilization.

END OF NOTE—————————————

There was a season when waiting felt like punishment — a holding pattern before real life resumed. I mistook stillness for failure. In those times, I would pace the cage of my own impatience, confusing motion with meaning. Al-Anon has shown me a gentler rhythm: the truth that spiritual change germinates in the soil of surrender.

When I stop forcing outcomes, I start hearing the subtle movements within me. The Spirit does not rush to satisfy my calendar. It ripens me. While my eyes search for proof of progress, my roots may be deepening unseen. I learn, over and over, that waiting is not wasted — it is womb time.

To live fully means to embrace both the seed and the sprout, both the silence and the song. There are days for decisive action, and days when the only act is to breathe and trust the unseen choreography of grace.

Today I will let the day unfold at its own pace. I will release the tyranny of my timetable and let life reveal its timing — not mine.

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Endigar 1055

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on October 6, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Oct 6:

Although the crisis that brought us to Al-Anon may be past, there is always something new to learn, even after years of recovery. We change. Opportunities for spiritual growth, as well as new character defects, pop up like weeds in a newly-mown lawn, and we find ourselves turning to the Steps for a fresh look.

I experienced this one day when I noticed that I had begun to be angry much of the time. I thought that other people and situations were to blame, but I decided to concentrate on my own part of the picture. I took a written inventory of my memories, feelings, and behavior whenever I lost my serenity, and then read it aloud to someone I trust. As I read, the common thread — the exact nature of my wrongs — jumped out at me. My problem was my pride and arrogance, not my situation. The need to be right was robbing me of my serenity in all kinds of situations.

No matter how long I work the Al-Anon program, I will never cease finding new ways to apply it to my life. That is a blessing, for it means that my life will continue to get better.

Today’s Reminder

There is something new for me to learn today. I will open my mind and my heart to the lessons my Higher Power brings me.
“The important thing is not to stop questioning.” ~ Albert Einstein

END OF QUOTE—————————————

Like a gentle but bracing wind—the kind that wakes the soul without apology. It reminds us that recovery isn’t a one-time rescue but a living cycle of awareness, humility, and rediscovery. The “crisis” that brought us here may have passed, but the work of remaining teachable never ends. Every new layer of living—aging, loving, losing, forgiving—stirs up fresh sediment in the soul.

Anger is not condemned but examined. It becomes a mirror revealing the quiet arrogance that insists the world must adjust to our script. Pride, when disguised as principle, steals serenity one argument at a time. The inventory process here—writing, reading aloud, discovering the thread—is the crucible where humility is reforged. It is not shame that heals us, but truth spoken in trust.

To keep turning toward the Steps is to keep tending the soil of the self. We learn that serenity is not a permanent achievement—it’s a living ecosystem, constantly asking to be pruned, watered, and renewed.

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Endigar 1054

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on October 5, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Oct 5:

Sometimes I become so bogged down with dissatisfaction that I can’t see where I am or where I’m going. When I take time to “Think,” I realize that negativity keeps my life at a standstill. Al-Anon has helped me discover that, while it’s good to acknowledge whatever I feel, I have a choice about where to focus my attention. I’m challenged to find positive qualities in myself, my circumstances, and other human beings. As I attend meetings, list the things I am grateful for, and talk with other Al-Anon members, these attributes become apparent — if I’m willing to see them.

I believe I have a beautiful spirit that has been created for some purpose. The people and situations I encounter each day also have beauty and purpose. I can begin to look for the positive in everything I do and see. The perspective I’ve gained by doing so has shown me that some of the most difficult times in my life have produced the most wonderful changes.

Today’s Reminder

It may be difficult to break a long-established pattern of depression, doom-sayings, and complaining, but it’s worth the effort. I’ll replace a negative attitude with a positive one today.

“Sometimes I go about pitying myself. And all the while I am being carried across the sky. By beautiful clouds.” ~ Ojibway Indian saying

END OF QUOTE—————————————

There are moments when dissatisfaction thickens around me like fog—when my mind can only find what’s missing, what’s wrong, what’s unfair. In that haze, I lose sight of where I stand and where I’m going. Al-Anon reminds me that this fog is not truth; it is simply focus. My eyes have turned toward lack. My thoughts have pitched their tents in complaint. When I shift that gaze, I begin to see movement again.

Acknowledging pain is not the same as worshipping it. I can let my feelings rise and fall like waves, but I do not have to drown in them. The discipline of “Think” teaches me to pause before I descend into the whirlpool—to choose what I will amplify. Gratitude, even when whispered, begins to pierce through the fog.

Meetings help me remember that I am not uniquely cursed; I am part of a fellowship of souls learning to steer our minds toward light. Gratitude lists, honest conversations, the quiet presence of others walking the same road—these become the small lanterns that line my path.

Over time, I’ve begun to glimpse something holy in this practice: I do not have to create beauty; I have to notice it. My spirit was already fashioned with purpose. Even my hardships have been tutors in disguise, forcing growth I would never have chosen, revealing a tenderness I didn’t know I had.

Today, I can look at my life and say:
“I will think toward light.”
I can trust that the most difficult seasons—those that once looked like ruin—were actually turning the soil for better roots.

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Endigar 1053

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on October 5, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Oct 4:

I’ve heard it said that in Al-Anon we try to concentrate on our similarities rather than our differences. This doesn’t mean that we don’t have differences or that we shouldn’t acknowledge these differences. What it does suggest is that, by remembering why we are all here, we need never feel alone.

Like so many others, I came to Al-Anon feeling that my problems set me apart from everyone else. As time passed, I realized that it was my own fear and shame, and not the embarrassing details of my problems, that kept me at a distance. I learned that when I reached beyond these details, I could clasp the hands of others affected by alcoholism and thus find help.

We are all as unique as our fingerprints, but as our fingers join in the closing prayer, each of us is part of a circle of hope that is greater than any of our individual differences.

Today’s Reminder

Although we have our unique qualities, all hearts beat the same under the skin. Your heart reaches out to mine as you share your story and your faith. I know that the part of myself which I share with you is taken to your heart. Today I will cherish our collective strength.

“For the body is one and has many members, but all the members of that one body, being many, are one body.” ~ The Bible

END OF QUOTE—————————————

There is a reality that speaks to me: the subtle but radical shift from isolation born of shame to connection born of shared purpose. When I first came into the rooms, my instinct was to catalog my differences — to treat my pain like a fingerprint that no one else could decipher. But that impulse, though it felt self-protective, was also self-imprisoning. It was not my particular circumstances but my fear and shame that kept me separate.

In 12 Step Recovery, the invitation is not to erase individuality but to reframe it. I do not have to abandon my story or my uniqueness. Instead, I am asked to remember why we are all here: to find a path toward serenity in the midst of mine or someone else’s drinking, and to walk that path together. When I look beyond the details of my situation, I discover an invisible thread tying my heart to others’ hearts. That thread is stronger than the storylines that once isolated me.

I can remember being resistant to the religious nature of the prayers used in recovery. But then I saw that without the burden of dogma, it became an exercise in connection. Every hand retains its own lines and swirls, but together they make a circle. The circle does not cancel difference; it holds it, transforming it into a shared strength. That is the paradox of recovery: when I risk reaching beyond my shame, I discover that what I thought made me untouchable is the very place where connection begins.

Now I can cherish our collective strength without losing myself. I can honor the uniqueness of my fingerprint and still place my hand in the circle, knowing that under the skin our hearts beat the same. In that shared rhythm, I am never alone.

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Endigar 1052

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on October 3, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Oct 3:

Clearly, I didn’t know what compassion was, but I knew what it was not. Compassion was not seeking revenge, holding a grudge, calling names, or screaming and throwing things in anger. Yet that was how I frequently behaved toward this person I claimed to love. For me, the beginning of learning compassion was to eliminate such behavior.

While I still have a hard time defining compassion, I think it starts with the recognition that I am dealing with a sick person who sometimes exhibits symptoms of a disease. I don’t have to take it personally when these symptoms, such as verbal abuse, appear, nor do I have the right to punish anyone for being sick.

I am a worthwhile human being. I don’t have to sit and take abuse. But I have no right to dish it out, either.

Today’s Reminder

I will spend more time with myself in this lifetime than with anyone else. Let me learn to be the kind of person I would like to have as a friend.

“He who would have beautiful roses in his garden must have beautiful roses in his heart.” ~ S.R. Hole

END OF QUOTE—————————————

Compassion was once a slippery word, an idol others claimed to know. I did not. Codependence had buried that experience beneath confusion. What I knew, what I felt in my bones, was only what compassion was not.

It was not rage erupting to scorch every bridge.
It was not grudges gripping cold around my core.
It was not venom spat as names, hurled like stones, each syllable a chain.

That terrain I knew too well. It was familiar. It was desolation.

Growth, for me, is not swinging back. Growth is refusing to feed the cycle of abuse. Restraint is not weakness; it is control of the battlefield. When I refuse to strike back, I do not sanctify them—I sanctify myself.

Compassion is not bestowed. It is cultivated in the dirt of my own choices. It is not miracle. It is muscle. It grows in ordinary decisions: pausing instead of lashing, speaking without venom, walking away without cruelty.

In that refusal, I discover a new dignity — one not granted by family, faith, or foe, but forged in my refusal to be dragged down. I am a worthwhile human being. That worth is not granted by abusers, gods, or patriots. It is not earned by compliance, and it is not erased by rejection. It is mine.

That worth does not demand I sit passively in abuse. Nor does it give me license to mirror cruelty with cruelty. Retaliation is not freedom. It is contagion. My responsibility is sharper: to cultivate the kind of person I would myself choose as companion. This is Intelligent Self-Patriotism.

What does true compassion feel like in the body? It is not collapse. It is not retaliation. It is the tension of standing between. Strong spine, steady breath. I recognize sickness in others, but I do not let their infection excuse my own. Their disease is theirs. My containment is mine.

So I take inventory of my behavior before I dare judge another’s. That is Intelligence: guarding my Story against the poison of hypocrisy. I confess: I am learning compassion slowly, imperfectly, but sincerely — and sincerity, not speed, is what makes it real and lasting.

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Endigar 1051

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on October 2, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Oct 2:

It is essential to my recovery to help my Al-Anon group by accepting any of the various responsibilities necessary to keep things running smoothly. Perhaps the principal reason that service is so vital is that it brings me into frequent contact with newcomers. I can get caught up in the trivial problems of everyday life and lose perspective on the many gifts I have received since coming to Al-Anon. Talking with newcomers brings me back to reality. When I set out literature, make coffee, or chair a meeting, I become someone a newcomer might think to approach.

I remember the frustration of struggling with alcoholism by myself. I had no tools, no one to talk to. Al-Anon changed that. Now, no matter how difficult things may seem, I have a fellowship and a way of life that help me to cope. I am no longer alone.

Today I have much for which I am grateful, but I need to remember how far I have come so I don’t get lost in negativity over relatively unimportant matters. Service helps me remember.

Today’s Reminder

The Al-Anon program was there for me when I needed it. I will do what I can to ensure that it continues to thrive. I know that any service I offer will strengthen my own recovery.

“God did for me what I couldn’t do for myself. He got me involved in service work. It saved my life, my family, my sanity.” ~ In All Our Affairs

END OF QUOTE—————————————

Service redraws my inner map — not as decoration, but as survival. Petty grievances lure me into false terrain, a swamp of complaint and wounded righteousness. Service is not kindness. Service is compass. It is the act of cutting through fog to reclaim True North: gratitude honed into defensive weaponry.

The landmarks on this map are not marble idols or patriotic monuments. They are coffee pots, pamphlet stacks, folded chairs — ordinary altars, invisible to the untrained eye. To me, they are boundary stones, proof that I have walked out of chaos and into containment. They keep me from wandering back into the Lostness.

I place newcomers at the center, not myself — not out of sainthood, but survival. Their desperation is no burden of charity; it is my cure for forgetfulness. When I see their eyes, raw with the chaos I once carried, I remember the distance I have traveled. Their need sharpens my memory more than any sermon ever could.

This is not about saving them. It is about protecting me. Their struggle tethers me to the map. Without them, I drift. With them, I remember. That reciprocity is marrow, not politeness. It is the blood-law of Recovery: I keep what I have by giving it away.

Love’s alchemy works best in overlooked places because there, it cannot be stolen. Although my inner core is quiet, small obediences to the external reality redraw the map of my freedom. This alchemy is not divine charity; it is Social Containment: channeling my chaos into rituals too small to fail.

The framework is sharp and simple, but I carve it deeper:

  • Service anchors gratitude.
  • Gratitude strengthens Recovery.
  • Recovery keeps me alive.

This is not philosophy. Not logic. It is lifeline. Blood-line. Service is not sideline — it is survival. To forget this is to court Enforced Stupidity.

I stretch the Tenth Step into service inventory: Am I still approachable? Still willing? Still giving what was once given to me?

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