From Courage to Change of Nov 24:
I am forever looking at friends and strangers and making little improvements: “She’d look much more attractive if only…” or, “He would be a lot easier to deal with if only…”
Step Ten is my daily reminder to let go of such thoughts. It reminds me to continue to take my own inventory and to promptly admit when I am wrong.
Every day I can look to myself and decide what improvement I can make. How can I grow today? What can I do by day’s end to improve myself? Is there something I can learn? Is there some challenge I can meet? Is there some old, tired fear I can walk through and be rid of? Is there some new happiness I can experience? Step Ten reminds me to be honest with myself, acknowledging my progress, admitting my mistakes, and recognizing opportunities to grow today.
Today’s Reminder
When I keep track of my inventory on a daily basis, I no longer have to fear that I will fall into that vague, hazy state in which denial so easily takes root. When I turn this inventory over to my Higher Power, I know that I am moving toward freedom.
“A man should never be ashamed to own he has been in the wrong, which is but saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.” – Alexander Pope
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NOTE: Alexander Pope (1688–1744) was one of the most important English poets and satirists of the early 18th century. One thing that makes Pope particularly interesting is that he was physically disabled and socially marginalized. As a child he contracted what is generally believed to have been Pott’s disease, a form of spinal tuberculosis, which severely affected his growth and caused lifelong pain and physical deformity. Some of his sayings: “To err is human; to forgive, divine.” “Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.” “A little learning is a dangerous thing.”
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These are the seven questions I ask myself each night: Was I resentful? Was I selfish? Was I dishonest? Was I afraid? Do I owe an apology? Have I kept something to myself which should be discussed with another person at once? Was I kind and loving toward all? Anyone with time in the rooms knows that I extracted those self inventory prompts from the Big Book on pages 86 to 87.
I am more dutiful about this regimen than I was in the beginning of my recovery. The repetition of it is both boring and reassuring.
Then comes the troublesome question, “What could I have done better.” Most of the time I simply don’t know. But I try.
“Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time? Or were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life?”
And then comes the poetry of the Stream of Life. These are good prompts. Some people benefit more from them than others. I wish there was more of the Spirit of Recovery whispering in my ear when I am asked what I could have done better. So, a lot of my living is educated guesswork. It is the best that I can do. I let the questions echo in the night, and I listen. When I wake in the morning and go to a meeting, I am still listening.
I often feel like I am skinny dipping in the stream of life. Exposed but willing to be present. To try.
Daily Reprieve 
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