Daily Reprieve

From Courage to Change of February 29;

I am told that the automatic pilot in an airplane does not work by locking onto a course and sticking to it. Instead, it steers back and forth over the path of an assigned course and makes the necessary corrections when it sense that it has started.

In reality, the auto pilot is on course only 5 to 10 percent of the time. The 90 or 95 percent of the time it is off course and correcting for its deviation.

I, too, must make continuous adjustments. I am much more willing  to do so today because I have stopped  expecting myself to be perfectly on course. I am bound to make plenty of mistakes, but with the help of the Al-Anon program, I am learning to accept mistakes as an inevitable part of the adventure of living.

Today’s Reminder

I can learn to steer the course my Higher Power sets by relying on a process of trial and error that includes  a willingness to continually make adjustments.

“A person who makes no mistakes usually does not make anything.” ~ Alcoholism, the Family Disease

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My paraphrase of the famous Star Trek into:

FEAR;  my Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the mindship Endigar. Its continuing mission: to explore strange new worlds of thought, to seek out a new life and new networks of advancement, to boldly go where no Me has gone before.

Cue the epic music and move forward with the day…

From Courage to Change of February 28;

Turning over my will and my life to the care of a Higher Power (the Third Step) is an ongoing process. At first I surrendered only the big problems. I felt I had no choice — I was clearly powerless, and my best efforts had let me down. There was nowhere left to turn except to a Power greater than myself who could accomplish what I could not.

As my recovery progressed, I came to trust this Higher Power. Today I am pursuing a deeper relationship by improving my conscious contact with my Higher Power. When I face a  decision, whether it involves dealing with an alcoholic, accepting a job offer,  or making plans for the evening, I ask for guidance. When I pick up the phone to speak with an Al-Anon friend, I ask that I might serve as a channel for my Higher Power. I can’t always know my Higher Power’s will, but I can seek greater spiritual awareness every day by becoming willing to receive guidance.

Today’s Reminder

Faith take practice. I will include my Higher Power in more of my actions and decisions today.

“Step Three suggests I teach myself, from this moment on, to be receptive, to open myself to help from my Higher Power.” ~ Al-Anon’s Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions

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I have begun to suspect that the primary point to this temporary stage of an eternal life is to develop a relationship with the Infinite One, as I sometimes call my Higher Power. The Eternal Father at other times. I have many names in the development of this relationship. Back when I was still resentful of God and myself, I referred to this Great Spirit as the Godfather who makes you an offer you cannot refuse. I saw the Spirit use alcohol as a Guido who came to beat me into a “state of reasonableness” (Alcoholics Anonymous pg 48). I have come a long way since then.

I think the point of problems large and small may be to provide opportunities to grow close to the God of my understanding, to appreciate that there is more to this spiritual journey than just being talked off the jumper’s ledge. I have grown up dealing with problems in human relationships because of the warped intimacy that co-dependency and addiction foster. I am paranoid of manipulation and abandonment which is a hard internal landscape to farm crops of trust. Step Three is the most “ongoing” process in my life. I have come to believe that it is possibly the most essential process in the 12-Step program.

My paraphrase of the Third Step Prayer from the Big Book; “GOMU  (God of my understanding), I offer myself to You, to develop and direct as I, by personal consent, follow Your revealed will. Relieve me of the bondage of isolated self, that I may be more effective in discovering and fulfilling Your will. Let the overcoming of my difficulties be a witness of the power of walking closely with You, so that others can see and trust the true democracy of Your caring direction. Let the impact of our united path encourage those You want to help in my environment to also seek Your power, love, and lifestyle enhancement in their own journey.  May the accomplishing of Your will become as habitual as breathing!”

From Courage to Change of February 27;

It is not necessary for me to map out a master plan for my recovery – my Higher Power has  already done that. It is only necessary to humbly ask for God’s guidance and for the willingness to follow that guidance today. I know that I am not alone: I will receive all the help I need along the way. After praying for recovery, I can let go, knowing I will walk serenely in the right direction.

But I can make some choices that will help to speed up my progress. I can take good care  of myself more consistently. I can attend Al-Anon meetings, call my Sponsor, try some new kind of service work. I can relax, meditate, exercise, read Al-Anon literature, play, eat a healthy meal. I find that when I put forth the effort to do what I can each day, I gradually get stronger.

Today’s Reminder

I cannot control my recovery. I can’t force myself to let go any faster, nor insist upon serenity. But I can take small actions to remind myself that I am a willing participant in this process. I have every reason to be hopeful, for each step I take is a step toward living life more fully. Today I will do something nice for myself  that  I haven’t made time for until now.

“If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with success unexpected in common hours.” ~ Henry David Thoreau

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“I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” ~ John 15:5 (Words of the Christ)

I have struggled with the idea of letting go in many areas of my life. The only times I have successfully “let go” is when I realized it was so that I could grasp something more valuable and beneficial. I release to gain.

Recently I have returned to an old practice of my younger years with a new determination. I meditate on God with pen and paper before me and write the words that come to me that are different than my own thoughts. I have learned to sever the voice of fear from this time, since that has been the primary God-imposter in my head. My own thoughts are familiar to me, the paths they take, the caverns of my mind it has me wander. No, this is a practice I take with me throughout the day that helps me move forward.

It has improved as I have matured. I am not so much looking for detailed guidance as I am trying to understand and become friends with this entity that has loved me, has intervened in my behalf, and that encourages me with simple words that have impact because of this Source I believe to be outside of myself:

“There is no need to fear. I will show Myself strong in your life. I want you to lay your head down in peace. Trust me with this life, day by day.”

From Courage to Change of February 26;

We all make mistakes. But hopefully, as we apply the Al-Anon program and continue to grow in self-awareness, we will learn from those mistakes. Amends can be made for any harm we’ve done, and we can change our behavior and attitudes so that we won’t repeat the same errors. thus, even painful past experiences can help us learn to create a better future.

The greatest obstacle to this learning process is shame. Shame is an excuse to hate ourselves today for something we did or didn’t do in the past.  There is no room in a shame-filled mind for the fact that we did our best at the time, no room to accept that as human beings we are bound to make mistakes.

If I feel ashamed, I need a reality check because my thinking is probably distorted. Even though it may take great courage, if I share about it with an Al-Anon friend, I will interrupt the self-destructive thoughts and make room for a more loving and nurturing point of view. With  a little help, I may discover that even my most embarrassing  moments can bless my life by teaching me to turn in a more positive direction.

Today’s Reminder

Today I will love myself enough to recognize shame as an error in judgment.

“The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but ourselves as well.” ~ Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

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[Elisabeth Kübler-Ross was a Swiss-American psychiatrist, a pioneer in near-death studies and the author of the groundbreaking book On Death and Dying, where she first discussed her theory of the five stages of grief discussed in detail in the Kübler-Ross model article.]

I have recently finished reading a book by a friend I met in the 12 Step recovery rooms in my area. He survived a suicide attempt and as a result, had a near death experience (NDE). I have read of several NDEs and the experience has some common threads of leaving or separating from the body but still aware of the surrounding environment of the body, the translation to a spiritual plane such as a tunnel, a light, a passage and then finally there is the encounter with some form of enlightenment that conforms to the spiritual inspiration of the Earthly experience.

All such revelation from across the veil is in antithesis to shame. Guilt and taking responsibility for cleaning up my side of the street have nothing to do with suicide and shame. Guilt can lead to action, but shame crushes the heart needed for self-improvement and recovery. I would like to read the works of Kübler-Ross. The book I finished reading was entitled I Saw Love by Tim Holmes. It has much to say about addiction and recovery. I recommend you take a peak as well. I found it on Amazon.