From Courage to Change of Jul 09:
Life is a package deal. It is not enough to look only at the parts we like. It is necessary to face the whole picture so that we can make realistic choices for ourselves and stop setting ourselves up for disappointment.
Living with alcoholics, many of us coped with an ever-shifting situation in which our sense of reality changed from one minute to the next. We adapted by taking whatever part of reality suited us and ignoring the rest. Again and again we were devastated because reality didn’t go away just because it was ignored.
Our lives will remain unmanageable as long as we pretend that only half of the truth is real. That’s why sharing is such an important Al-Anon tool. When we share with other members about what is really going on, we cut through our denial and anchor ourselves in reality. While it may be difficult to face certain facts, when we allow ourselves to confront them, we cease to give our own denial the power to devastate us at every turn.
Today’s Reminder
I can’t cope with something unless I acknowledge its reality. When I am willing to look at the whole picture, I take the first step toward a more manageable life.
“If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them.” ~ Henry David Thoreau
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There was a time when I truly believed that if I just focused hard enough on the good parts—on what was beautiful, hopeful, or momentarily peaceful—I could survive the storm. I thought I was being strong by refusing to look at the wreckage, by trying to “stay positive” no matter what. But in truth, I was only seeing half the picture. And half-truths are the breeding ground of disappointment.
Growing up in the confusion of a dysfunctional home, I learned that safety often meant selective seeing. I learned to scan the room for danger and to rewrite what I saw if it didn’t fit what I could emotionally handle. Reality became fluid, like a dream I could half-control—but always woke from in pain.
That’s what the old patterns taught me: that denial was a form of protection. But recovery has shown me something deeper. Denial, while it may have served a purpose once, eventually becomes the architect of chaos. It creates a life built on shaky ground—where the truth shows up like an earthquake and knocks everything down.
When I choose to share honestly with others in recovery, something sacred happens. I align myself with the whole truth—not just the glittering parts, but the aching, unfinished, frightening pieces too. In that sharing, I reclaim my footing. I ground myself in what is, not just what I wish could be. I don’t have to carry the burden alone. I don’t have to fear reality. I can let it teach me.
Today, I choose to see it all. The beauty and the heartbreak, the joy and the shadow dragons. I let the whole picture guide my next right step. Because only in truth can my life become manageable. Only in truth can I become free.
Daily Reprieve 
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