Archive for self-care

Endigar 1038

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on September 10, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Sep 20:

Trying to follow a suggestion I heard in Al-Anon meetings, I dutifully wrote lists of things for which I was grateful. I listed such things as my health, my job, and food on my table. When I was finished, I didn’t feel very grateful; my mind was still weighted down with the negative thinking that had resulted from living with alcoholism. But I had made a gesture, and the seed of gratitude was planted.

I gradually learned to appreciate the small accomplishments of my daily life. Perhaps I was able to avoid a pointless argument by reciting the Serenity Prayer, or my sharing helped a newcomer, or I finished something I had been neglecting. I was beginning to change. I made a point of recognizing small changes, and my self- esteem grew. The daily application of Al-Anon principles helped me to deepen my sense of gratitude and replace those nagging, negative thoughts. Eventually I was able to go back to my original list and be truly grateful for those things I had taken for granted.

Today’s Reminder

I need to nurture myself with gratitude. Today I can practice appreciating myself, my world, and my Higher Power.

“I would lie in bed at night and say the alphabet, counting all the things I had to be grateful for, starting with the letter A… This made a great change in my life.” – As We Understood

END OF QUOTE—————————————

I admit that gratitude once felt like frivolity and sometimes it even felt delusional, but I kept practicing. Even when I didn’t “feel it,” I trusted the process. I began to look for gratitude in the unexpected places—inside the mundane. I share my gratitude with others, offering hope to those still in the fog.

I wish I could say that I honor the practice daily.  Not like a mindless obligation, but because I suspect it keeps me well. When I have used it, well, gratitude would soften my defenses and invite me into connection. Gratitude is not just a list—it’s a way of listening to life.

What began as rote lists transformed into a deeper awareness: gratitude is not a trick of the mind, but a lens that reshapes the heart. Even the things I once took for granted became luminous—health, work, food, relationships—no longer just words on a page but living realities. Gratitude allowed me to see not only what I had, but Who was walking with me, guiding me toward peace.

Gratitude became not a demand but a nourishment. It shifted from a list to a daily practice of noticing, of receiving, of resting in the presence of what is. Today, I nurture myself with gratitude because it keeps me connected—

  • To my Higher Power, who is present in both small victories and quiet grace.
  • To my world, which offers daily gifts if I pause to notice them.
  • To myself, who is no longer defined by what’s broken but by what’s being mended.

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Endigar 1003

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on July 10, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Aug 20:

A billboard in my town reads, “Some come to the fountain of knowledge to drink. Some come to gargle.” My pre-Al-Anon self would have chuckled at this message, but I would have felt some anxiety about whether I was a drinker or a gargler. Life was either black or white, and in order to feel comfortable, I had to know which extreme applied. But whichever label I pinned on myself would leave me feeling wrong, so I would scramble to fix myself.

Now, thanks to Al-Anon, I accept more easily the thought that sometimes I drink, sometimes I gargle, and sometimes I stub my toe on the fountain as I stumble by. I don’t have to do better or differently. The best that I can do is good enough. I can relax and enjoy the joke.

Today’s Reminder

Al-Anon encourages me to examine my thoughts and actions, but this is meant as an act of self-love, not as a weapon to use against myself. When I begin to accept myself exactly as I am , life will feel a lot more gentle.

“Sometimes we try so hard that we fail to see that the light we are seeking is within us.” ~ As We Understood . . .

END OF QUOTE—————————————

Before recovery, I lived in a mind forged by fear—its favorite tools were labels, extremes, and invisible measuring sticks. It has often been that I can’t hold ambiguity without anxiety. I needed certainty—not because it gave me peace, but because I thought certainty would give me safety.

But the 12 Step program offered me something far better than certainty—it offered compassionate permission.

Permission to laugh at myself.
Permission to be human.
Permission to admit I’ve both sipped wisdom and choked on it, depending on the day.
Permission to trip over my own healing and still call it progress.

This program doesn’t ask me to strive for some shimmering perfection. It asks me to show up. It asks me to observe without judgment. It asks me to speak to myself as gently as I would to a child learning to walk.

The more I practice this self-acceptance, the more I realize that rigidity was never my refuge—it was my prison. I kept trying to “fix” myself because I believed I was broken beyond repair. But today I see: I’m not a project, I’m a person. I’m not a performance, I’m a soul.

“Rule 62: Don’t take yourself too damn seriously.” ~ 12 Steps & 12 Traditions, 2021 edition, page 164.

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Endigar 997

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on July 4, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Aug 16:

During stressful periods it can be tempting to skip a meal, push ourselves until we are totally exhausted, and generally ignore our basic needs. In the midst of crisis, taking time out for an Al-Anon meeting, a call to a Sponsor, or a breath of fresh air may seem like a waste of all-too-precious moments. There don’t seem to be enough hours in a day, and something has to go. But are we choosing wisely?

At the very time we most need to take good care of ourselves, we are likely to do the opposite. If we decide that our needs are unimportant or that we’re too busy, we sabotage our own best interests. In times of crisis, we need to be at our best. By making an extra effort to get nutritious food, sleep, Al-Anon support, relaxation, and quiet time with our Higher Power, we strengthen ourselves physically, emotionally, and spiritually. This can make a difficult situation a little easier.

Today’s Reminder

I am the only one who can make my well-being my top priority. I owe it to myself to pay attention to the needs of my body, mind, and spirit.

“Putting ‘First Things First’ in troubled times often means finding whatever way I can to set aside my burdens, even if just for a moment, to make time for myself.” ~ . . . In All Our Affairs

END OF QUOTE—————————————

There is a strange cruelty in how I sometimes treat myself in moments of overwhelm. As if the very fire I’m walking through demands I become less human—skip meals, ignore sleep, shut down connection, abandon prayer. And yet, I’ve learned that this reflex is often the voice of my disease dressed up in urgency: “There’s no time for care. You don’t matter right now. Just keep going.”

But I do matter. Especially in crisis.
That’s when the spiritual machinery needs oiling the most.

I’ve come to see my physical body not as separate from my recovery, but as its sacred vessel. A tired mind cannot perceive truth. A hungry soul cannot offer grace. A disconnected heart cannot stay surrendered. If I am to show up with integrity—for myself, for others, for my Higher Power—I must begin by honoring my limits, not defying them.

This is where “First Things First” becomes more than a slogan. It becomes a lifeline.

Maybe it means stepping outside for one unhurried breath.
Maybe it means calling someone who knows the terrain I’m in.
Maybe it means whispering “God, help me” with trembling lips over cold coffee.

Whatever the gesture, it’s a reclaiming of dignity.
Not as luxury. As necessity.

I used to think self-care was selfish. But now I know: neglecting myself in the name of service or survival is just another form of spiritual dishonesty. I owe it to this journey, to my Higher Power, to treat the vessel as sacred. Because when the winds rise, I need a soul strong enough to sail.

So today, I will eat. I will breathe. I will ask for help.
I will not mistake exhaustion for virtue.

Because serenity is not the absence of hardship—it is the decision to not abandon myself in the middle of it.

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Endigar 979

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on June 17, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Aug 04:

I can certainly learn from criticism, and I want to remain open to hearing what others have to say, but neither my popularity nor my ability to please those I live and work with are legitimate measures of my worth as an individual. Al-Anon helps me to recognize that I have value simply because I breathe the breath of humanity. As I gain self-esteem, I find it easier to evaluate my behavior more realistically.

The support I get in Al-Anon helps me find the courage to learn about myself. As I come to feel at home with myself and my values, my likes and dislikes, my dreams and choices, I am increasingly able to risk other people’s disapproval. I am equally able to hone others when they choose to be themselves whether or not I like what I see.

Today’s Reminder

With the help of a loving Sponsor and the support of my fellow Al-Anon members, I am learning to find my place in this world – a place where I can live with dignity and self-respect.

“I exist as I am, that is enough, if no other in the world be aware I sit content, and if each and all be aware I sit content” ~ Walt Whitman

END OF QUOTE—————————————

In the rooms of 12 Step recovery, I’m slowly unlearning a lifetime of performance—this old belief that I am only as good as what others think of me. Approval was once my oxygen. I would hold my breath, shapeshift, and contort my spirit into whatever I thought might earn a nod, a smile, or—God forbid—avoid rejection.

But recovery has given me a new breath to draw from: the breath of humanity, the truth that I have worth simply because I exist. Not because I am liked. Not because I am helpful. Not because I never upset anyone. Just because I am.

That realization didn’t land all at once. It came in small whispers—through shares that mirrored my hidden pain, through the steady voice of my Sponsor reminding me that dignity isn’t something I earn; it’s something I reclaim.

With the safety net of this fellowship, I’ve begun to risk being seen—not the curated self, but the actual self. And oddly enough, the more I become acquainted with who I really am, the less I need unanimous applause to feel okay. I can stand when others sit. I can disagree and still belong. I can love someone and let them disapprove of me.

The beauty of this journey is that it opens my hands—not just to receive love, but to offer it freely. I no longer have to hoard connection or manipulate acceptance. I can honor someone else’s path, even if it’s different from mine. I can let them be real, too.

And in moments of solitude, when there is no audience and no validation, I can whisper to the silence:

“I exist as I am, that is enough.”

And I sit content.

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Endigar 959

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on May 26, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Jul 19:

Al-Anon taught me the difference between walls and boundaries. Walls are solid and rigid; they keep others out, and they keep me trapped inside. Boundaries are flexible, changeable, removeable, so it’s up to me how open or closed I’ll be at any given time. They let me decide what behavior is acceptable, not only from others but from myself. Today I can say, “No,” with love instead of hostility, so it doesn’t put an end to my relationships.

I’ve learned about boundaries from Al-Anon’s own set of boundaries: the Twelve Traditions. Although their purpose is to protect Al-Anon, they actually encourage the growth of the fellowship. This is true of my personal boundaries as well. As I decide what is and isn’t acceptable for me, I learn to live protected without walls.

Today’s Reminder

Do my defenses keep me safe, or do they isolate me? Today I can love myself enough to look for healthier ways to protect myself, ways that don’t close everyone out.

“People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.” ~ Joseph Fort Newton

END OF QUOTE—————————————

Note: Joseph Fort Newton (1880–1950) was an American Protestant minister and a prominent Masonic author. Newton authored a number of Masonic books, including his best-known works, The Builders, published in 1914, and The Men’s House, published in 1923. Does anyone else sense the irony of a Mason speaking on the problems with “building walls” while finding fulfillment in the closed and often secretive society of Freemasonry? Hmm…

Perhaps there is some validity to Oscar Wilde’s words;  “Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.”

How often have I desire to build a safe fortress and found I was locked into a self-made prison. There was a time when I thought strength meant building walls—thick ones. Emotional, relational, even spiritual walls. I thought they would keep me safe. But what they really did was isolate me, cut me off not just from others but from myself. I couldn’t breathe behind those bricks. Couldn’t feel. Couldn’t trust. And I mistook that numbness for safety.

Al-Anon helped me see another way. It didn’t tear the walls down for me—it showed me the door. The path to boundaries instead of barricades. I can see that boundaries are different. They’re alive. They breathe with me. They give me the dignity of choice: how open I want to be, how much to let in, how much to let go. Boundaries don’t shut down connection; they make it possible.

Learning to say “No” without rage or shame has changed my relationships—and not just with others. My relationship with myself has opened. I don’t have to punish others to protect myself, and I don’t have to punish myself to keep others close. That’s grace in action.

I agree that there is hard earned wisdom in the Twelve Traditions. They can model what healthy boundaries look like in community. They’re not there to limit love—they’re there to hold it. In the same way, when I honor my personal boundaries, I’m not making myself smaller. I’m making space for who I really am to grow. I’m not building a fortress. I’m building a home.

Today, I live protected—not walled in.

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Endigar 940

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 10, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Jul 01:

Most of us have spent far too much time feeling badly about who we are and what we have done. We may have been harshly criticized by others or we may have simply lost perspective and become overly hard on ourselves. Today we have an opportunity to stop that kind of self-destructive thinking. Isn’t it about time we allowed ourselves to feel good about ourselves.

It takes time of old doubts to fade and wounds to heal. Self-confidence comes slowly, but it rows with practice. We can begin by acknowledging that we do have positive qualities. For those of us who have negative, self-critical thoughts running though our heads all day long, we can make an extra effort to counteract them with positive thoughts. For every defect we identify, we can also try to name an asset. Some of us find it helpful to list five or ten things about our day that we have a right to feel good about before we go to sleep.

With practice, we learn to treat ourselves with gentleness and compassion. We all have many admirable qualities, and we ow it to ourselves to let them shine.

Today’s Reminder

Today I will make an effort to remember that I am a terrific human being.

“Ever’thing there is but lovin’ leaves a rust on yo’ soul.” ~ Langston Hughes

END OF QUOTE—————————————

There are times in my life when it seems like all I can see are my faults. The reel played constantly—mistakes, regrets, harsh words said and received. It wasn’t just other people who judged me; I became my own worst critic, carving up my own sense of self with relentless precision. Somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be kind to the person in the mirror.

Recovery invites us to do something radical: to stop the war against ourselves.

Healing doesn’t mean pretending everything is perfect. It means we stop reinforcing the lie that we are inherently flawed, broken beyond repair, or unworthy of grace. That kind of thinking isn’t humility—it’s sabotage. And I’ve lived under its weight long enough.

So today, I’m making an effort to notice what’s good. Not in some fake, affirmations-pasted-over-wounds kind of way, but with honest eyes. I handled something better today than I would have a year ago. I showed up when I could have bailed. I remembered to breathe before I spoke. Maybe I was generous, or patient, or simply got out of bed when everything in me wanted to hide. Those things count. They matter. I matter.

This shift doesn’t come overnight. Old shame is sticky. But every time I catch a negative thought and replace it with something truer and kinder, I’m breaking a pattern. I’m laying the bricks of a new foundation. Gentleness is not weakness. Compassion is not self-indulgent. These are muscles we build, slowly and intentionally, until they’re strong enough to carry us through.

Tonight, before I sleep, I’ll write down five things I feel good about—small, simple, real. Not because I’m trying to become something I’m not, but because I’m learning to recognize who I’ve been all along.

I’m not here to punish myself anymore. I’m here to live free.

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Endigar 930 ~ The Quiet Strength of Meditation

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , on April 30, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Jun 21:

What exactly is meditation? Is it something hypnotic, strange, and beyond my capabilities? The dictionary tells me it means, “to think contemplatively.” When I look up “contemplate” it says, “to view thoughtfully.”

In every quiet moment I can find to calm my mind and think through the day ahead of me, I am meditating. During these moments, by clearing my mind and asking my Higher Power to guide me, I find answers to my concerns. I don’t always expect or enjoy the answers I get, but to turn away from them causes even greater turmoil.

I have spent too much of the past working against my better instincts. God gave me instincts as a help, not a hindrance. The more I am quiet enough to discover and follow these instincts, the stronger they become.

Today’s Reminder

I will take time to clear my mind and focus on what is essential for today. I will release any unimportant thoughts. I will then allow myself to be guided toward the best action I can take for today. Regardless of how simple the answers my seem, I will listen without judgment. I will not take my thoughts for granted, for they may be my only guide.

“Go to your bosom: Knock there, and ask your heart what it doth know.” ~ William Shakespeare

END OF QUOTE—————————————

Before recovery, I thought meditation was for other people — the enlightened, the peaceful, the ones who lit incense and floated above pain. I didn’t trust stillness back then; it felt like a trap. I needed chaos to feel alive.

But somewhere along the way, as I kept showing up for my regular practice — simple, imperfect, mostly just sitting and breathing — something started to shift. I began to notice that silence didn’t mean absence. It meant space. Spaciousness. A room inside myself where my Higher Power could speak in the only language the soul understands: quiet.

This reflection reminds me that meditation isn’t a performance — it’s permission. Permission to stop trying to figure everything out. Permission to be empty, just for a few minutes, and listen without fixing. Sometimes I receive insight. Sometimes just presence. Sometimes, like today, I realize how deeply it has shaped me — not because I’m “doing it right,” but because I no longer lose myself in every loud moment that comes.

When I had an automobile accident today, my body was hit — but I wasn’t. And maybe that’s what meditation has given me: a self that’s no longer tied to every external storm. I don’t have to panic. I don’t even have to react. I just breathe, ask for guidance, and wait.

I don’t always like the answers. But I’ve lived long enough to know that running from the truth hurts worse than facing it. I’ve fought my own spiritual instincts for years, called them inconvenient, too soft, too slow. But now I see — they were never the problem. They were the compass I didn’t know how to read.

Today, I’ll keep clearing a little space. Not for perfection — for direction. Even the gentlest nudge from within is enough to move mountains when I’m willing to trust it.

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