From Courage to Change of Jul 07:
I thought that in every conflict, in every confrontation, someone was invariably at fault. It was essential to assign blame and I would stew for hours weighing the evidence. I became a chronic scorekeeper. Because I approached every situation with this attitude, I was consumed by guilt and anger. Defensive and anxious, I made sure my own back was always covered.
Al-Anon helps me understand that disputes come up even when everyone is doing their best. Obsessively reviewing everyone’s behavior focuses my attention where it doesn’t belong and keeps me too busy to have any serenity. Instead, I can consider the part I have played. If I have made mistakes, I am free to make amends.
Today I know that conflict is not necessarily an indication that someone is wrong. Difficulties may just arise. Sometimes people simply disagree.
Today’s Reminder
Today I accept that each life has its share of conflict. It is not my job to document every such incident. Instead of wringing my hands and pointing my finger, I can consider the possibility that everything is happening exactly as it should. Sometimes, blame is just an excuse to keep busy so that I don’t have to feel the discomfort of my powerlessness.
“The mind grows by what it feeds on.” ~ Josiah G. Holland
END OF QUOTE—————————————
I feel the echo of my old patterns: the scanning, the obsessing, the endless mental courtroom where I played prosecutor, defense attorney, and judge. For a long time, I couldn’t imagine a conflict without a culprit. If something hurt, someone had to be guilty. And if I couldn’t make someone else carry it, I carried it myself. Guilt and blame became a rhythm, a heartbeat under everything.
But recovery has been asking me to let go of the scoreboard.
Al-Anon reminds me: not every tension needs a villain. Not every disagreement signals failure. Some pain is just life brushing up against itself. Some moments aren’t mine to solve or prevent—they’re mine to breathe through. That’s uncomfortable. Powerlessness is uncomfortable.
Maybe I’m learning to rest my mind. Is it possible that I can ask: What’s mine? What’s not? I can trust that reality unfolds whether I micromanage it or not. That doesn’t make me passive—it makes me sane. It makes me present.
Conflict can be a teacher, not a threat. Discomfort can be a passage, not a punishment.
And when I remember that, I’m free to walk in honesty, not hypervigilance. To show up with grace, not guilt. To be part of the world, not the referee of it.
Daily Reprieve 
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