Archive for personal-growth

Endigar 1049

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on September 30, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Sep 30:

Just for today I can try out new behavior. I can take the point of view that perhaps I have been given a lifetime to learn something about myself. Maybe life is a series of experiments in which some succeed and some fail — and in which the failures, as well as the successes, point the way to fresh experiments.

Just for today I might try slightly changing some pattern of behavior that repeatedly causes me problems, just to see what happens. For example, if I have a habit of responding with a negative attitude to a particular person or situation — getting out of bed, working, requests for help, authority figures — I can try a different, more positive response. I can think of it as research and learn from whatever happens.

This day is all I have to work with. The past is over, and tomorrow is out of my reach. I will try to remember what a great gift this day can be and make full use of it.

Today’s Reminder

Just for today I will look for ways to enjoy life — stop by a garden, try a new hobby, or call a good friend. I can look for humor. I can savor love. I can explore something new. Maybe just for today, I’ll try standing on my head to see if I like the view.

“Just for today I will find a little time to relax and to realize what life is and can be; time to think about God and get a better perspective on myself.” ~ Alcoholism, the Family Disease

END OF QUOTE—————————————

What if my life is not a courtroom, chained to judgment, but a laboratory sharpened with fire? Not a place of accusation, but of experiment. I am not on trial — I am the researcher. Shame’s jagged terrain is dissolved into data. Every flaw I uncover — negativity, resistance, avoidance — is not doom. It is raw material. Each error is not a sentence. It is an opportunity to recalibrate the compass that guards My Story.

Change is not spectacle. It is not sweeping gestures for applause. Change is forged in substitutions so small they vanish unless I guard them:

  • The moment I refuse to snap back.
  • The second I rise without rehearsing defeat.
  • The pause before I spit on authority as enemy.

Each act is data. Each data point is Self-Patriotism. Failures do not condemn me. They redirect the inquiry. Success does not crown me. It keeps the lab lights burning. The pattern is relentless: learn, adjust, grow.

Even the smallest changes carry mystical force. To pause in a garden, to hear laughter, to risk a new act — these are not trifles. They are sacraments of Presence. They are not trivial; I know better. They are revelations hidden in the ordinary, liturgies of personal spirituality: God speaking through the simple, through the small.

The framework clarifies: Today is the laboratory. Not yesterday, not tomorrow. Today is My field of trial and error, where each action is tested against the the ideal of Self manifestation. What matters is not perfect conclusions. What matters is participation — the act of trying again.

I extend patience to myself as I would to a child soldiering through the first lessons of survival. Each attempt recorded. Each reaction inventoried. Each adjustment forged into Social Containment. I try new responses even when the crowd watches, even when shame orders me to hide.

My life is not a final exam. It is the ongoing experiment. I admit my patterns, even when they are stubborn and ugly. I allow failure to teach me rather than silence me. I am not waiting for judgment. I am manufacturing freedom. Every day grants me permission to fail, permission to learn, permission to grow. This permission is not weakness. It is assertion — granted not by gods of murder, but by the Higher Power who asks only for my willingness.

This is not court. This is laboratory. This is My Story.

Endigar 1036

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on September 8, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Sep 19:

In making a list of all the people we have harmed (Step Eight), some names come to mind at once, while others require more thought. Our Fourth Step inventory can help to refresh our memories. We can ask ourselves about situations in which each character defect might have led us to act in a harmful manner and add the names of those concerned to our Eighth Step list.

We can also look at names already on the list and ask ourselves if we have behaved in similar fashion toward others. Many of us discover previously hidden patterns of destructive behavior as a result of putting this list in writing. Even when our defects were not involved, we may have harmed others despite the most honorable intentions. Their names also belong on the list.

Once we are clear about the harm we have done, it becomes possible to make changes and amends so that we can feel better about our behavior and about the way we relate to others.

Today’s Reminder

An Eighth Step list helps me to let go of guilt and regret I may be carrying from the past. I will approach this Step with love and gentleness because I take it for my own freedom.

“Our actions have consequences, and sometimes other people get hurt. By taking Step Eight, we acknowledge this fact and become willing to make amends.” ~ In All Our Affairs

END OF QUOTE—————————————

Step Eight: “Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.”

I once thought of amends as a grim duty, a payment for sins. But Recovery has reframed it for me. This list becomes less about punishment and more about preparation for freedom. The willingness to name and acknowledge is itself an act of love. It is as though my Higher Power whispers: “Your past does not define you, but it must be honored.” In that honoring comes release.

What I often find in Step Eight is the thread of repetition: the same defect woven through different relationships, manifesting in familiar harm. Writing these names down allows me to see the pattern clearly. And even when I acted from good intentions, the impact mattered more than my motives. This list is not about condemning myself—it’s about gathering the evidence of how my actions landed on others, so that I can walk forward free of guilt and regret.

I can approach Step Eight with gentleness, remembering:

  • This list is for my freedom.
  • Intentions matter less than impact.
  • Every name is a chance to reconnect with honesty and love.
  • Acknowledging harm is not self-condemnation, but the beginning of self-respect.

I face the truth of the harm I’ve done without hiding behind excuses. I keep writing, even when shame urges me to stop and I ask, “What hidden patterns are still shaping my relationships?”
I remember those I’ve harmed are more than characters in my story—they carry their own wounds. I put it in writing, refusing to leave the truth half-seen. I own my part, and in doing so, I reclaim my dignity. Each name is not only an echo of harm, but also a possibility for healing.

Endigar 1027

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on August 18, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Sep 12:

In dealing with a change, a problem, or a discovery, awareness is often followed by a period of acceptance before we can take action. This process is sometimes referred to as the Three A’s– Awareness, Acceptance, and Action.

Coping with a new awareness can be extremely awkward, and most of us are eager to spare ourselves pain or discomfort. Yet, until we accept the reality with which we have been faced, we probably won’t be capable of taking effective action with confidence.

Still, we may hesitate to accept an unpleasant reality because we feel that by accepting, we condone something that is intolerable. But this is not the case. As it says so eloquently in One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, “Acceptance does not mean submission to a degrading situation. It means accepting the fact of a situation, then deciding what we will do about it.” Acceptance can be empowering because it makes choice possible.

Today’s Reminder

I will give myself time to accept my situation before I act. Unforeseen options can become available when I accept what is.

“For here we are not afraid to follow truth wherever it may lead.” ~ Thomas Jefferson

END OF QUOTE—————————————

The three A’s are Awareness, Acceptance, and Action.

Awareness comes first, and it can feel like a light switched on in a dark room. Sometimes that light is gentle, and sometimes it is blinding. Either way, once I see, I cannot unsee. That is both the gift and the discomfort of awareness: it stirs me awake.

But then comes the pause — the liminal space called acceptance. This is where I often struggle. Part of me wants to leap immediately into fixing, doing, proving that I can handle what I’ve discovered. Yet without acceptance, my actions are frantic and hollow. They are more about escaping discomfort than walking with truth.

In my first rehab center, my counselor gave me a prescription for a text in the book, Alcoholics Anonymous, that states that acceptance is the solution to all my problems. I was afflicted with “acceptance issues.” I have feared that acceptance would mean condoning harm, weakness, or loss. But the program reminds me that acceptance is not submission. It is clarity. It is the strength to stop wrestling with what is, so I can finally decide what can be. In that surrender lies power, because choice only emerges once reality is no longer denied.

The final “A” — action — becomes a natural outflow, not a panicked reaction. It is not about perfection or guarantees. It is simply the next right step, grounded in serenity rather than desperation.

 Awareness need not terrify me, acceptance need not paralyze me, and action need not overwhelm me. Together, the Three A’s give me a rhythm for living: to see, to breathe, to step forward in trust.

Endigar 1021

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on August 8, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Sep 07:

I never thought much about Tradition Seven, which says that every group ought to be fully self-supporting. I thought it referred only to paying the rent. But recently I was involved with a group that maintained itself financially and still was not fully self-supporting because no one would commit to service. I already held several positions, and when my various terms expired, no one was willing to take my place. I made what felt like the responsible choice for myself and stepped down anyway. The meeting closed. In my opinion, a group that cannot fill its service positions is not fully self-supporting.

Today, in other, more flourishing groups, I have a greater appreciation of my responsibility to this Tradition. I believe that as we nurture our groups, we nurture and empower ourselves. We can make a contribution; we can make choices that help us to allow healing in ourselves and others.

Today’s Reminder

There’s more to maintaining a fully self-supporting Al-Anon group than just paying the rent. Continuity of service is important to our common welfare. Today I will think about the contribution I am making to my home group.

“I can support my group in a number of ways. When the basket is passed, I can give what I can. Just as important, I can give my time and moral support to help make ours the kind of group I want to belong to.” – Alateen—a day at a time

END OF QUOTE—————————————

Every group ought to be fully self-supporting without resorting to outside contributions. The spirit of tradition seven is that the group and its autonomy are essential for its member individuals. Part of protecting individual recovery of one’s truest self is to support the most intimate group with personal time and resource. It is also a good litmus test of the vibrancy of one’s progress in the program. The person with untreated alcoholism or addiction is obsessively selfish and prone to isolation. All the traditions test the potency of the 12 Steps in an individual’s life.

So I ask myself today:

– Am I a guest in this program, or a steward of it?
– Do I give only when I’m inspired—or also when I’m responsible?
– Is my recovery group something I take from, or something I help carry?

I’m not here to burn out or martyr myself. But I am here to take part in the sacred exchange that is community. When I offer my service, even in small ways, I reinforce the scaffolding that holds this whole miraculous thing together.

Endigar 963

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on May 29, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Jul 22:

Al-Anon’s Suggested Closing says that “though you may not like all of us, you’ll love us in a very special way – the same way we already love you.” In other words, every Al-Anon meeting can be an opportunity to practice placing principles above personalities. Most of us are highly aware of the personalities of people around us. Instead of getting lost in petty likes and dislikes, it is important to remember why we come to meetings. We all need each other in order to recover.

I don’t have to like everybody, but I want to look deeper to find the sprit that we share in common. Perhaps I can find peace with each person by reminding myself of those things that draw us together – a common interest, a common belief, a common goal. I will then have a resource for strength rather than a target for negative thinking. I will have placed principles about personalities.

Today’s Reminder

I will keep an open mind toward each person I encounter today. If I am ready to learn, anyone can be my teacher.

“The open door to helpful answers is communication based on love. Such communication depends on awareness of and respect for each other’s well-being and willingness to accept in another what may not measure up to our own standards and expectations.” ~ The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage

END OF QUOTE—————————————

How easy it is for my mind to fixate on personalities—on judgments, reactions, stories I tell myself about others. Especially in recovery, where emotions can run high and vulnerability is the norm, it’s tempting to let certain voices, faces, or tones distract me from why I show up. But the principles of the Twelve Steps offer me a different path—a reminder that I don’t have to like everyone, but I can still choose to love them in that deeper, spiritual sense. The same way I hope to be loved when I’m not at my best.

Love in these recovery rooms isn’t sentimental or selective. It’s a principle. It’s a practice. And it’s one I can lean on when my instincts pull me toward criticism or distance. When I shift from judging to seeking connection, everything changes. When I look for the spirit in others—not the surface—I find something in common: pain, hope, courage, a willingness to heal. And when I choose to see that, I’m not just giving someone else grace. I’m giving myself peace. I’m reminding myself that I’m not alone. That we all came here for healing, and we need each other to find it.

Even the ones I struggle with can become teachers, if I let them. That’s humbling. And liberating. I’ll try to keep the door open. I’ll try to place principles above personalities—not because it’s easy, but because it frees me. It roots me in love instead of fear. And that’s where I want to live.

Endigar 941

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on May 11, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Jul 02:

Al-Anon helps many of us to identify and change self-destructive behavior. In my case, procrastination was the source of a great deal of needless anxiety, but with Al-Anon’s help I have managed to recognize and change that pattern.

As I learned to focus on myself, I began to pay attention to my own thoughts and feelings. When I felt anxious, I took the time to find out what was causing my discomfort. I realized that I had a habit of postponing unpleasant tasks until the last possible moment. knowing I would have to perform the task eventually, I found it hard to relax until it was done. I came to see that if I took care of the task right away, I could usually let go of anxiety and appreciate the rest of the day. Old habits can be hard to break. It didn’t happen overnight, but as I became more willing to let of procrastination, my life became more manageable and more enjoyable.

Today’s Reminder

If I am getting in the way of my own best interests, a closer look at my behavior can lead to positive changes. By focusing on myself, I move toward freedom and serenity today.

“Do not look where you fell, but where you slipped.” ~ Liberian proverb

END OF QUOTE—————————————

Procrastination used to be my quiet tormentor. It didn’t shout or storm—it just hovered, a low hum of anxiety in the background of my days. I’d put something off—a phone call, a piece of paperwork, a conversation I didn’t want to have—and then feel that weight settle into my chest like a stone. I thought I was buying myself peace by avoiding the uncomfortable. In truth, I was leasing a longer discomfort with compound interest.

Al-Anon has taught me that focusing on me—not on the chaos around me, not on the behavior of others—is the key to change. When I turned that focus inward, I noticed the pattern. The stress wasn’t just about the task itself; it was about knowing it was there and trying to pretend it wasn’t. That tension ruled more of my day than I realized.

Little by little, I began to try something different. I asked myself: What would happen if I just did it now? And sometimes, the answer was: nothing dramatic. No perfection required. No magical fix. Just one less thing weighing me down.

That shift—doing things sooner rather than later—not only eased the task itself, but freed up my emotional energy. I started to feel lighter, clearer, less tangled up. I realized that avoidance was a way I had tried to protect myself from discomfort, but it was also a way I robbed myself of serenity.

Recovery doesn’t mean I never fall back into old habits. But now I recognize them faster. And with awareness comes choice. I don’t have to let fear or resistance run the show. I can choose action, even imperfect action, and with it comes peace. I seek to honor the part of me that wants life to feel manageable and calm. I give that part space by facing what’s in front of me—gently, directly, one thing at a time.

Endigar 940

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 10, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Jul 01:

Most of us have spent far too much time feeling badly about who we are and what we have done. We may have been harshly criticized by others or we may have simply lost perspective and become overly hard on ourselves. Today we have an opportunity to stop that kind of self-destructive thinking. Isn’t it about time we allowed ourselves to feel good about ourselves.

It takes time of old doubts to fade and wounds to heal. Self-confidence comes slowly, but it rows with practice. We can begin by acknowledging that we do have positive qualities. For those of us who have negative, self-critical thoughts running though our heads all day long, we can make an extra effort to counteract them with positive thoughts. For every defect we identify, we can also try to name an asset. Some of us find it helpful to list five or ten things about our day that we have a right to feel good about before we go to sleep.

With practice, we learn to treat ourselves with gentleness and compassion. We all have many admirable qualities, and we ow it to ourselves to let them shine.

Today’s Reminder

Today I will make an effort to remember that I am a terrific human being.

“Ever’thing there is but lovin’ leaves a rust on yo’ soul.” ~ Langston Hughes

END OF QUOTE—————————————

There are times in my life when it seems like all I can see are my faults. The reel played constantly—mistakes, regrets, harsh words said and received. It wasn’t just other people who judged me; I became my own worst critic, carving up my own sense of self with relentless precision. Somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be kind to the person in the mirror.

Recovery invites us to do something radical: to stop the war against ourselves.

Healing doesn’t mean pretending everything is perfect. It means we stop reinforcing the lie that we are inherently flawed, broken beyond repair, or unworthy of grace. That kind of thinking isn’t humility—it’s sabotage. And I’ve lived under its weight long enough.

So today, I’m making an effort to notice what’s good. Not in some fake, affirmations-pasted-over-wounds kind of way, but with honest eyes. I handled something better today than I would have a year ago. I showed up when I could have bailed. I remembered to breathe before I spoke. Maybe I was generous, or patient, or simply got out of bed when everything in me wanted to hide. Those things count. They matter. I matter.

This shift doesn’t come overnight. Old shame is sticky. But every time I catch a negative thought and replace it with something truer and kinder, I’m breaking a pattern. I’m laying the bricks of a new foundation. Gentleness is not weakness. Compassion is not self-indulgent. These are muscles we build, slowly and intentionally, until they’re strong enough to carry us through.

Tonight, before I sleep, I’ll write down five things I feel good about—small, simple, real. Not because I’m trying to become something I’m not, but because I’m learning to recognize who I’ve been all along.

I’m not here to punish myself anymore. I’m here to live free.

Endigar 934

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on May 4, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Jun 25:

After years of letting people take advantage of me, I had built up quite a store of anger, resentment, and guilt by the time I found Al-Anon. So many times I wanted to bite off my tongue after saying, “Yes,” when I really wanted to say, “No.” Why did I continue to deny my own feelings just to gain someone’s approval?

As I worked the Al-Anon program, the answer became apparent: What I lacked was courage. In the Serenity Prayer I learned that courage is granted by my Higher Power, so that is where I turned first. Then it was up to me to do my part. Was I willing to try to learn to say, “No,” when I meant no? Was I willing to accept that not everyone would be thrilled with this change? Was I willing to face the real me behind the people-pleasing image? Fed up with volunteering to be treated like a doormat, I squared my shoulders and answered, “Yes.”

Today’s Reminder

It is not always appropriate to reveal my every thought, especially when dealing with an active alcoholic. But do I make a conscious choice about what I say? And when it is appropriate, do I say what I mean and mean what I say? If not, why not? All I have to offer anyone is my own experience of the truth.

“There is a price that is too great to pay for peace . . . One cannot pay the price of self-respect.”

~ Woodrow Wilson

END OF QUOTE—————————————

Self-abandonment is something that many experience when living in codependence. There is a great emotional cost of saying “yes” when the soul longs to say “no.” The biting of the tongue becomes a metaphor not just for silence, but for self-erasure. There was a time when I mistook silence for peace and compliance for love. I said “yes” so many times my tongue began to feel like an artifact—not a tool of truth, but a relic of performance. Behind every forced agreement, a little part of me curled inward, retreating from a world that never asked how I truly felt.

By the time I found Al-Anon, I was brimming with what I thought was anger toward others, but it was really the grief of self-abandonment. Resentment was the smoke; guilt was the ash. I had made a habit of swallowing my truth, hoping it would earn me a place in someone else’s peace. It never did.

Working the program taught me something both terrifying and liberating: I wasn’t lacking love—I was lacking courage. Not the kind of courage that roars, but the kind that whispers, “No,” when my soul knows that “yes” would be betrayal. The Serenity Prayer didn’t just soothe me—it instructed me. Courage is granted, yes—but only to those who ask for it, who receive it, and who dare to wield it.

The turning point wasn’t dramatic. It was a simple moment, sacred in its clarity. I realized I could stop volunteering for mistreatment. I could stop mistaking martyrdom for virtue. I stood up—not against someone else, but for myself. That was the moment I began to recover—not just from the effects of someone else’s drinking, but from the long habit of abandoning my own spirit.

Endigar 932

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 2, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Jun 23:

The courage to be honest with ourselves is one quality we can cultivate to help our spiritual growth. It takes a commitment to honesty to admit that someone we love has a drinking problem, that alcoholism and many other things are beyond our control, that there is a source of help greater than ourselves, and that we need the care of that Higher Power.

Honesty allows us to look at ourselves, to share our discoveries with God and others, to admit that we need spiritual help in moving forward, and to free ourselves by making amends for past wrongs.

We need to be truthful with ourselves as we continue to review our attitudes and actions each day. This allows us to be humble enough to reach out to others as equals, and to continue to grow in every area of our lives. Where do we find the courage to be so honest with ourselves? The courage to change the things we can is found in our continuously-developing relationship with a Power greater than ourselves.

Today’s Reminder

I know that honesty is an essential part of the Twelve Steps. I am willing to be more honest with myself today.

“Where is there dignity unless there is honesty?” ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero

END OF QUOTE—————————————

I feel the quiet, persistent tug of recovery calling me back—not to perfection, but to truth. Not the glamorous kind, not the kind that wins applause or brings immediate peace. The kind of truth that stings a little when I speak it. The kind that demands I put aside my pride, my polished story, and look at what is, not just what I wish were true.

Honesty in recovery isn’t just about admitting someone else has a problem—it’s about facing where I still struggle, even now. It’s about telling the truth that maybe I’m scared, or tired, or resentful. That sometimes I still want to control the uncontrollable, and that I forget—again—that there’s a Power greater than me whose care is always available.

But when I am honest, something shifts. A weight lifts. There’s a dignity in standing bare before that Higher Power and saying, “Here I am. This is what I’ve got today.” Whether that’s strength or shame, hope or heavy grief—it’s all welcome in that sacred space.

This honesty frees me to keep growing. It opens the door to humility, and with that, real connection—where I can meet others not from a place of superiority or shame, but shoulder to shoulder. And I remember that honesty is not a once-and-done declaration. It’s a practice. A willingness. A daily return.

So today, I say yes again. Yes, to truth. Yes, to courage. Yes, to a Power greater than myself, who teaches me that even when I feel weak, this willingness to be honest is, in fact, my greatest strength.

Endigar 929

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on April 29, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Jun 20:

Fear was a daily part of my experience of alcoholism, and I learned certain ways to cope with it. I often catch myself reacting to my fears in the same way today, even though my circumstances have changed. For example, I often keep quiet when confronted, instead of speaking my mind. This might be a legitimate response, except that I don’t consciously make the choice. This is not responding, it’s reacting, giving up my self-respect out of fear and out of habit.

My best alternative is to admit that I have a problem, accept my reactions, and turn them over to my Higher Power. I’ve often heard that courage is fear that has said its prayers. I must recognize my fear, I must say those prayers, and I must have faith as I wait for healing.

In the meantime, there are important ways in which I can help myself. The first step in learning to respond more effectively to others is to learn to respond more effectively to myself. I can learn to respond with love, caring, and respect for myself, even for those parts of me that experience fear, confusion, and anger.

Today’s Reminder

Today I’ll try to become more aware of alternatives that I haven’t yet recognized.

“. . . Al-Anon helped me to accept the fact that, although I have no control over other people’s reactions or thoughts, I can change the way I react.” ~ . . . In All Our Affairs

END OF QUOTE—————————————

Fear used to be the water I swam in — so constant I didn’t even know it had a name. It shaped everything: the way I spoke (or stayed silent), the way I moved through relationships, the way I tried to survive. I learned to shrink, to please, to disappear. It wasn’t a conscious decision — it was instinct. It was armor. It was all I knew.

Even now, in recovery, I sometimes catch myself slipping back into those old patterns — not because I’m failing, but because the body remembers. I still find myself going quiet when I’m afraid, even if I have something important to say. I freeze, I retreat, I abandon myself, not because I want to, but because I forget I have another choice.

That’s the difference recovery is teaching me — between reacting and responding. Reaction is old wiring. Response is healing.

And the path to response starts with awareness. It starts with pausing long enough to say, Oh. I’m scared right now. And then instead of pushing it away or letting it run the show, I bring it to prayer. I offer it to my Higher Power — not to be instantly fixed, but to be held.

I’ve always loved that phrase: “Courage is fear that has said its prayers.” It doesn’t mean the fear disappears. It means it no longer has the final word.

One of the most important things I’ve learned is that I cannot respond lovingly to others if I don’t first learn how to respond lovingly to myself. That includes the parts of me that still feel scared, confused, or angry. They’re not signs of failure — they’re signs of being human. And they’re worthy of compassion.

Today, I don’t have to control anyone else’s thoughts, feelings, or reactions. That’s not my job. My job is to become more aware of myself — and to gently, steadily, practice choosing love over fear.
Especially when it comes to the way I treat me.

Courage is armor
A blind man wears;
That calloused scar
Of outlived despairs;
Courage is Fear
That has said its prayers.

~ Karle Wilson Baker