Archive for mindfulness

Endigar 1094

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on November 19, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Nov 13:

I read somewhere that the things that are urgent are rarely important, and the things that are important are rarely urgent. I can get so caught up in the nagging, trivial matters of day-to-day life that I forget to make time for more important pursuits. The Al-Anon slogan I find most helpful in getting my priorities in order is “First Things First.”

Today, maintaining my serenity is my first priority. My connection with my Higher Power is the source of serenity, so maintaining that connection is my “first thing.”

If I imagine I am in a dark room and that my Higher Power is my only source of light, then my best hope for navigating around the furniture will be to bring that source of light with me as I move through the room. Otherwise, I may get through the room, but my passage is sure to be slow, confusing, and possibly painful.

Today’s Reminder

As I think about what to do with this day, I will set some time aside for what is really important. I will put first things first today.

“Let us spend one day as deliberately as Nature, and not be thrown off the track by every nutshell and mosquito’s wing that falls on the rails.”
~ Henry David Thoreau

END OF QUOTE—————————————

There’s a line often attributed to Dwight D. Eisenhower — and later popularized by Stephen Covey — that says:
“What is important is seldom urgent, and what is urgent is seldom important.”

Even if the exact phrasing shifts across history, the truth inside it remains sharp: urgency has a way of masquerading as meaning. It pushes. It demands. It pressures. But the important things — the soul-things — rarely raise their voices.

Covey built an entire framework around this idea, showing how much of our peace is lost when we live in the quadrant of urgency and neglect the quieter, deeper space where real growth happens. Al-Anon expresses the same wisdom through the simple slogan: “First Things First.”

Today, my “first thing” is serenity.
Not the illusion of control, not a flurry of tasks, not the anxious scanning of what might go wrong — but serenity. And serenity begins with connection to my Higher Power.

This is Covey’s wisdom translated into spiritual language:
When I choose the important over the urgent, I reclaim my life.
When I choose presence over panic, I reclaim my spirit.
When I choose serenity first, I make space for genuine guidance instead of old patterns.

So today, as I look at what lies before me, I ask:

Is this urgent… or is it important?
And will I carry the light of connection with me as I decide?

If my first act is to connect with my Higher Power, everything afterward returns to proportion.
The room brightens.
The bruising stops.
And I can walk through the day with clarity, not chaos.

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Endigar 1082

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on November 6, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Nov 01:

Sometimes a horse refuses to obey the rider’s command and races out of control. My thoughts can do this too, when I frantically try, over and over, to solve a difficult problem. Riding lessons have taught me not to continually repeat a command louder, but to stop the horse, get his attention, and begin again.

Likewise, when my thoughts race out of control, I need to stop. I may do this by breathing deeply and looking at my surroundings. It can help to replace the obsessive thoughts with something positive, such as an Al-Anon slogan, the Serenity Prayer, or another comforting topic that has nothing to do with my problem.

Later I may want to think about the problem again in a more serene way with the help of an Al-Anon friend or Sponsor. When I put some distance between myself and obsessive thinking, I can better look at my situation without losing all control.

Today’s Reminder

Sometimes I have to let go of a problem before I can find a solution. My racing thoughts may be making so much noise that I can’t hear the guidance my inner voice is offering. Quieting the noise is a skill I can learn with practice. At first I may have to still my thoughts again and again, but in Al-Anon I learn that practice makes progress, one minute, one thought at a time.

“All men’s miseries derive from not being able to sit quiet in a room alone.”
~ Blaise Pascal

END OF QUOTE—————————————

NOTE: Blaise Pascal (1623–1662) was one of those rare minds whose work reshaped multiple fields at once—mathematics, physics, philosophy, theology, and even the design of early computers. He was a French mathematician, physicist, inventor, writer, and Christian thinker.

His Core Philosophical Insight

Pascal saw humanity as caught between two infinities:

  • Our misery and smallness in the vast universe
  • Our grandeur in being able to recognize that smallness

“Man is a reed, the weakest in nature, but he is a thinking reed.”

We are fragile—but aware.
Our suffering is real—but so is our capacity for meaning.

END OF NOTE—————————————

There is a subtle violence in the mind when it begins to gallop.
It is not malicious — it is frightened.

A horse that bolts is not trying to betray the rider.
It is trying to survive something it feels.
It runs because something in its body believes running is the only safety left.

Our thoughts do the same.
When fear, shame, or unresolved tension rises, the mind tries to outrun it —
solve faster, think harder, rehearse the catastrophe in advance
so we will not be caught off guard.

But like the horse, the mind cannot be forced into calm by force.

Trying to “think louder” only tightens the panic.

So, the recovery wisdom here is not about domination, but reconnection.

Not: Control the mind.
But: Return to the reins.

The stopping is the spiritual moment.
The breath is the stable.
The stillness is the hand on the horse’s neck.

When we interrupt the runaway motion —
even for a breath —
we step back into our own body,
our own agency,
our own present moment.

And in that space, something quieter — something older — begins to speak.
Not the fear.
Not the frantic future.
But the inner voice that does not shout.

This is the voice that says guidance cannot be heard over racing thoughts.

Because God whispers.

And whispers are not heard when the mind is sprinting.

“Sometimes I have to let go of a problem before I can find the solution” —
this is not resignation.
It is humility in its most functional form:

I cannot think my way into peace,
but I may be able to breathe my way into clarity.

And clarity makes room for truth.

Sometimes we need to stand still long enough for the horse to remember that it is safe.

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Endigar 1067

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on October 21, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Oct 18:

As we pursue recovery, we may encounter opportunities to deepen learning we began long ago. Perhaps we once learned to detach from a particular problem. Now, months or years later, when we once again need to detach, it can feel as if we’ve forgotten everything we knew. It’s important to remember at such moments that, although the feelings may be the same, we are not the same.

My recovery matters. All of the experience, strength, and hope I have accumulated is within me today, guiding my choices. I may not recognize it right now, but I have made progress, and I continue to make progress with every step I take. Perhaps I am learning something I have learned before; I must need to know it more deeply. I may go through the process this time with greater awareness, or turn to my Higher Power more quickly and easily, or reach out to an Al-Anon friend without hesitation.

Today’s Reminder

Instead of assuming that I have failed because I am learning a difficult lesson once more, I might embrace the experience as part of a long-term healing process that requires repetition and practice. I can trust that eventually I will learn it so well that it will become an automatic, confident, and healthy response.

“The human mind always makes progress, but it is a progress in spirals.” ~ Madame de Stael

NOTE: Madame de Staël (full name Anne Louise Germaine de Staël-Holstein, 1766–1817) was a French-Swiss intellectual, writer, and political thinker—one of the most influential women of her age.

END OF QUOTE—————————————

The rhythm of recovery’s spiral is not a lullaby — it’s a drill. It bores deeper into the stone of the self until the truth seeps through like water. Growth doesn’t always look like triumph; sometimes it looks like an old battlefield revisited with new armor. The same pain, yes — but this time, the sword doesn’t shake in my hand.

Detachment, as the weak define it, sounds like walking away. But as I live it, detachment is a warrior’s pause — the art of holding the line without losing the pulse. It’s the refusal to drown in someone else’s storm. It’s the dangerous calm that comes after I’ve stopped needing to win and started needing to see. Every return to this lesson burns the dross from love until what’s left is clean and sovereign.

Recovery is not amnesia. It is architecture — every collapse becoming a new foundation. When I think I’m back at square one, I’m actually in the same arena at a higher altitude. The ache of recognition isn’t regression; it’s proof that my soul is spiraling toward precision. Each repetition is the body remembering what the spirit already knows: that freedom is not given, it’s forged through the fire of return.

So I trust the spiral. I trust the tightening orbit around the truth. When old wounds sing their familiar songs, I answer — not as a victim repeating history, but as a blacksmith of grace, hammering rhythm into revelation. My Higher Power wastes nothing. Even the echoes are used. Every repetition is a drill, every drill is devotion, and every scar is a sigil carved into the temple of endurance.

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Endigar 1038

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on September 10, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Sep 20:

Trying to follow a suggestion I heard in Al-Anon meetings, I dutifully wrote lists of things for which I was grateful. I listed such things as my health, my job, and food on my table. When I was finished, I didn’t feel very grateful; my mind was still weighted down with the negative thinking that had resulted from living with alcoholism. But I had made a gesture, and the seed of gratitude was planted.

I gradually learned to appreciate the small accomplishments of my daily life. Perhaps I was able to avoid a pointless argument by reciting the Serenity Prayer, or my sharing helped a newcomer, or I finished something I had been neglecting. I was beginning to change. I made a point of recognizing small changes, and my self- esteem grew. The daily application of Al-Anon principles helped me to deepen my sense of gratitude and replace those nagging, negative thoughts. Eventually I was able to go back to my original list and be truly grateful for those things I had taken for granted.

Today’s Reminder

I need to nurture myself with gratitude. Today I can practice appreciating myself, my world, and my Higher Power.

“I would lie in bed at night and say the alphabet, counting all the things I had to be grateful for, starting with the letter A… This made a great change in my life.” – As We Understood

END OF QUOTE—————————————

I admit that gratitude once felt like frivolity and sometimes it even felt delusional, but I kept practicing. Even when I didn’t “feel it,” I trusted the process. I began to look for gratitude in the unexpected places—inside the mundane. I share my gratitude with others, offering hope to those still in the fog.

I wish I could say that I honor the practice daily.  Not like a mindless obligation, but because I suspect it keeps me well. When I have used it, well, gratitude would soften my defenses and invite me into connection. Gratitude is not just a list—it’s a way of listening to life.

What began as rote lists transformed into a deeper awareness: gratitude is not a trick of the mind, but a lens that reshapes the heart. Even the things I once took for granted became luminous—health, work, food, relationships—no longer just words on a page but living realities. Gratitude allowed me to see not only what I had, but Who was walking with me, guiding me toward peace.

Gratitude became not a demand but a nourishment. It shifted from a list to a daily practice of noticing, of receiving, of resting in the presence of what is. Today, I nurture myself with gratitude because it keeps me connected—

  • To my Higher Power, who is present in both small victories and quiet grace.
  • To my world, which offers daily gifts if I pause to notice them.
  • To myself, who is no longer defined by what’s broken but by what’s being mended.

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Endigar 1027

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on August 18, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Sep 12:

In dealing with a change, a problem, or a discovery, awareness is often followed by a period of acceptance before we can take action. This process is sometimes referred to as the Three A’s– Awareness, Acceptance, and Action.

Coping with a new awareness can be extremely awkward, and most of us are eager to spare ourselves pain or discomfort. Yet, until we accept the reality with which we have been faced, we probably won’t be capable of taking effective action with confidence.

Still, we may hesitate to accept an unpleasant reality because we feel that by accepting, we condone something that is intolerable. But this is not the case. As it says so eloquently in One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, “Acceptance does not mean submission to a degrading situation. It means accepting the fact of a situation, then deciding what we will do about it.” Acceptance can be empowering because it makes choice possible.

Today’s Reminder

I will give myself time to accept my situation before I act. Unforeseen options can become available when I accept what is.

“For here we are not afraid to follow truth wherever it may lead.” ~ Thomas Jefferson

END OF QUOTE—————————————

The three A’s are Awareness, Acceptance, and Action.

Awareness comes first, and it can feel like a light switched on in a dark room. Sometimes that light is gentle, and sometimes it is blinding. Either way, once I see, I cannot unsee. That is both the gift and the discomfort of awareness: it stirs me awake.

But then comes the pause — the liminal space called acceptance. This is where I often struggle. Part of me wants to leap immediately into fixing, doing, proving that I can handle what I’ve discovered. Yet without acceptance, my actions are frantic and hollow. They are more about escaping discomfort than walking with truth.

In my first rehab center, my counselor gave me a prescription for a text in the book, Alcoholics Anonymous, that states that acceptance is the solution to all my problems. I was afflicted with “acceptance issues.” I have feared that acceptance would mean condoning harm, weakness, or loss. But the program reminds me that acceptance is not submission. It is clarity. It is the strength to stop wrestling with what is, so I can finally decide what can be. In that surrender lies power, because choice only emerges once reality is no longer denied.

The final “A” — action — becomes a natural outflow, not a panicked reaction. It is not about perfection or guarantees. It is simply the next right step, grounded in serenity rather than desperation.

 Awareness need not terrify me, acceptance need not paralyze me, and action need not overwhelm me. Together, the Three A’s give me a rhythm for living: to see, to breathe, to step forward in trust.

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Endigar 1013

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on July 23, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Aug 30:

Normally my Sponsor would recommend a gratitude list when I felt low, but one day, when I complained about a family situation, he suggested that I list all the things I was unhappy about. Several days later my depression had passed, and when I told my Sponsor about the terrific day I was having, he suggested a gratitude list. He thought it might help me to refer to it the next time I felt blue. That made sense to me, so I complied.

When I went to put this new list in the drawer where I keep my papers, I noticed the earlier list and read it once more. To my surprise, my list of grievances was almost identical to my gratitude list — the same people, same house, same life. Nothing about my circumstances had changed except the way I felt about them. For the first time I truly understood how much my attitude dictates the way I experience the world.

Today’s Reminder

Today I recognize how powerful my mind can be. I can’t always feel good, and I have no interest in whitewashing my difficulties by pasting a smile on my face. But I can recognize that I am constantly making choices about how I perceive my world. With the help of Al- Anon and my friends in the fellowship, I can make those choices more consciously and more actively than ever before.

“Change your thoughts and you change your world.” – Norman Vincent Peale

END OF QUOTE—————————————

Norman Vincent Peale (1898–1993) was a Christian minister, author, and influential figure in American religious life, best known for popularizing the concept of “positive thinking” through his landmark 1952 book, The Power of Positive Thinking. A Methodist-turned-Reformed pastor, Peale served for more than half a century at Marble Collegiate Church in New York City.

There was a time in my life when the storm inside me felt louder than any peace I could muster. I’d sit with my Sponsor and bring him the scraps of my spirit—my grief, my discontent, my twisted thoughts—and he’d thoughtfully hand me back a tool. Sometimes it was a gratitude list, sometimes a question, and once—he told me that in my observations, my journaling, look for the patterns in my pain and resentment.

I have indeed found that my gratitude lists and my painful patterns dance in the same neighborhoods. It is true that sometimes, it is a matter of perspective.

This is where the real work of the program lives for me: not just in inventorying my defects, but in inventorying my perceptions. My attitude isn’t just the lens through which I see the world—it’s often the author of my experience. The same facts can tell wildly different stories depending on whether I’m rooted in fear or in faith.

I no longer see gratitude as a forced smile or a way to gaslight myself into feeling better. I see it as a recalibration of my spiritual compass. It reminds me that the story isn’t over, and I get to choose the tone of the next chapter. I still allow space for grief, anger, confusion—but I don’t build my home there. I let those feelings pass through like weather. And when I forget, my lists are there. Both of them. To remind me how much power I truly hold—not over people or outcomes, but over my own way of seeing.

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Endigar 955 ~ Step Two

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , on May 22, 2025 by endigar

Step Two: “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

2nd Step Principle: My need for the ability to tell the true from the false with a whole and sane mind is the beginning of my connection with an untapped Power greater than myself. (Principles after the First Step are constructed from personal reflection and acceptance. Use my version or formulate your own.)

AA Extracted Value: Hope

ACA Extracted Values: Open-mindedness & Clarity

Other Extracted Values: Awareness

There was a time when the word sanity felt like a distant, almost mythical concept—something reserved for others who didn’t carry the chaos I carried inside. But Step Two invites me to gently question the assumptions I’ve lived under. It doesn’t demand immediate belief. It doesn’t threaten or corner. It offers a possibility. That’s all—just maybe. Maybe I don’t have to stay lost. Maybe there is a way out. Maybe I don’t have to figure it all out on my own anymore.

That possibility is where hope begins.

The principle that struck me most is this: the ability to tell the true from the false. That sounds simple, but in the fog of dysfunction—especially as an adult child—it’s not. In fact, it might be the most difficult and most essential gift I can receive. In my old patterns, I confused love with control, guilt with responsibility, chaos with aliveness, and emotional numbness with safety. That distortion of truth was the insanity I was operating under.

So when I consider a Power greater than myself, I think of clarity. Not lightning bolts or grand visions, but the quiet power that lets me see the next right thing clearly. That lets me pause, breathe, and ask, “Is this true?” That helps me discern the real from the reactive. That kind of clarity is divinely sane.

Hope isn’t fantasy. Hope doesn’t float. It leans in. Like the metaphor of archery, hope isn’t just pointing in the right direction. It’s breath control. It’s stillness. It’s trust in the strength of your own arm guided by something beyond it. There is discipline in it. There is surrender, yes—but it’s not passive. It’s a relational act. I do my part by aiming well. My Higher Power does the rest by allowing grace to guide the arrow.

I’ve spent years aiming blindly, without realizing my sights were misaligned. I’ve hoped for things that weren’t mine to carry. I’ve hoped without action. That’s not hope. That’s despair dressed in a costume. True hope is choosing to keep aiming, keep breathing, and trust that if I keep showing up with willingness, I will hit something real, something healing. Maybe not today. But the arc is shifting. The mind is clearing. And I’m learning to tell the true from the false.

That, to me, is the first flicker of sanity.

And that flicker is enough for today.

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Endigar 940

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 10, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Jul 01:

Most of us have spent far too much time feeling badly about who we are and what we have done. We may have been harshly criticized by others or we may have simply lost perspective and become overly hard on ourselves. Today we have an opportunity to stop that kind of self-destructive thinking. Isn’t it about time we allowed ourselves to feel good about ourselves.

It takes time of old doubts to fade and wounds to heal. Self-confidence comes slowly, but it rows with practice. We can begin by acknowledging that we do have positive qualities. For those of us who have negative, self-critical thoughts running though our heads all day long, we can make an extra effort to counteract them with positive thoughts. For every defect we identify, we can also try to name an asset. Some of us find it helpful to list five or ten things about our day that we have a right to feel good about before we go to sleep.

With practice, we learn to treat ourselves with gentleness and compassion. We all have many admirable qualities, and we ow it to ourselves to let them shine.

Today’s Reminder

Today I will make an effort to remember that I am a terrific human being.

“Ever’thing there is but lovin’ leaves a rust on yo’ soul.” ~ Langston Hughes

END OF QUOTE—————————————

There are times in my life when it seems like all I can see are my faults. The reel played constantly—mistakes, regrets, harsh words said and received. It wasn’t just other people who judged me; I became my own worst critic, carving up my own sense of self with relentless precision. Somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be kind to the person in the mirror.

Recovery invites us to do something radical: to stop the war against ourselves.

Healing doesn’t mean pretending everything is perfect. It means we stop reinforcing the lie that we are inherently flawed, broken beyond repair, or unworthy of grace. That kind of thinking isn’t humility—it’s sabotage. And I’ve lived under its weight long enough.

So today, I’m making an effort to notice what’s good. Not in some fake, affirmations-pasted-over-wounds kind of way, but with honest eyes. I handled something better today than I would have a year ago. I showed up when I could have bailed. I remembered to breathe before I spoke. Maybe I was generous, or patient, or simply got out of bed when everything in me wanted to hide. Those things count. They matter. I matter.

This shift doesn’t come overnight. Old shame is sticky. But every time I catch a negative thought and replace it with something truer and kinder, I’m breaking a pattern. I’m laying the bricks of a new foundation. Gentleness is not weakness. Compassion is not self-indulgent. These are muscles we build, slowly and intentionally, until they’re strong enough to carry us through.

Tonight, before I sleep, I’ll write down five things I feel good about—small, simple, real. Not because I’m trying to become something I’m not, but because I’m learning to recognize who I’ve been all along.

I’m not here to punish myself anymore. I’m here to live free.

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Endigar 930 ~ The Quiet Strength of Meditation

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , on April 30, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Jun 21:

What exactly is meditation? Is it something hypnotic, strange, and beyond my capabilities? The dictionary tells me it means, “to think contemplatively.” When I look up “contemplate” it says, “to view thoughtfully.”

In every quiet moment I can find to calm my mind and think through the day ahead of me, I am meditating. During these moments, by clearing my mind and asking my Higher Power to guide me, I find answers to my concerns. I don’t always expect or enjoy the answers I get, but to turn away from them causes even greater turmoil.

I have spent too much of the past working against my better instincts. God gave me instincts as a help, not a hindrance. The more I am quiet enough to discover and follow these instincts, the stronger they become.

Today’s Reminder

I will take time to clear my mind and focus on what is essential for today. I will release any unimportant thoughts. I will then allow myself to be guided toward the best action I can take for today. Regardless of how simple the answers my seem, I will listen without judgment. I will not take my thoughts for granted, for they may be my only guide.

“Go to your bosom: Knock there, and ask your heart what it doth know.” ~ William Shakespeare

END OF QUOTE—————————————

Before recovery, I thought meditation was for other people — the enlightened, the peaceful, the ones who lit incense and floated above pain. I didn’t trust stillness back then; it felt like a trap. I needed chaos to feel alive.

But somewhere along the way, as I kept showing up for my regular practice — simple, imperfect, mostly just sitting and breathing — something started to shift. I began to notice that silence didn’t mean absence. It meant space. Spaciousness. A room inside myself where my Higher Power could speak in the only language the soul understands: quiet.

This reflection reminds me that meditation isn’t a performance — it’s permission. Permission to stop trying to figure everything out. Permission to be empty, just for a few minutes, and listen without fixing. Sometimes I receive insight. Sometimes just presence. Sometimes, like today, I realize how deeply it has shaped me — not because I’m “doing it right,” but because I no longer lose myself in every loud moment that comes.

When I had an automobile accident today, my body was hit — but I wasn’t. And maybe that’s what meditation has given me: a self that’s no longer tied to every external storm. I don’t have to panic. I don’t even have to react. I just breathe, ask for guidance, and wait.

I don’t always like the answers. But I’ve lived long enough to know that running from the truth hurts worse than facing it. I’ve fought my own spiritual instincts for years, called them inconvenient, too soft, too slow. But now I see — they were never the problem. They were the compass I didn’t know how to read.

Today, I’ll keep clearing a little space. Not for perfection — for direction. Even the gentlest nudge from within is enough to move mountains when I’m willing to trust it.

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Endigar 920

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on February 20, 2025 by endigar

Courage to Change of Jun 13:

In Step Eleven I seek to improve my conscious contact with God through prayer and meditation. How I do this is completely up to me. Perhaps I become more conscious of a Higher Power when I look for signs of guidance in the people around me, or in the events and unexplained coincidences of my life. Or perhaps I seek this Power further away from the world of logic and reason. I might look for answers through my feelings, or my instincts, or my dreams. Maybe I pursue a more traditional spiritual path. Or I can decide to keep myself open to all of these possibilities. Whatever path I choose, I know I must keep trying as often as I can to follow the course offered to me by my Higher Power. Only in this way can I be confident of my actions; only in this way can I find the courage to change.

Today’s Reminder

I will take time to clear my mind of unnecessary, hurried thoughts. There seems to be a limited amount of space in my mind until I do. But when I clear this clutter away, the space becomes limitless and the guidance I am truly willing to accept comes through.

“The spiritual exercise suggested by the Eleventh Step is a powerful force for good in our lives. Let me not ever think I have no time for it.”

~ The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage

END OF QUOTE—————————————

““I believe the universe wants to be noticed. I think the universe is improbably biased toward consciousness, that it rewards intelligence in part because the universe enjoys its elegance being observed. And who am I, living in the middle of history, to tell the universe that it—or my observation of it—is temporary?”

~ The Fault in Our Stars – John Green

WHERE ARE YOU? I am looking. I am listening. I am lusting. El Shaddai. Oh breasted One.

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