Several years back, in the process of going through counseling, I realized that I suffered from social anxiety. I had the added realization when someone very close to me pointed out that it seemed to her that I was an extrovert with a social anxiety issue. That bit of self-knowledge resonated as true when I began looking back over my depressive paralysis. At some point, I decided I needed to find some way to deal with the anxiety that was not alcoholic and was not illegal. I found a “supplement” online called Phenibut. Testimony of reduced anxiety and effective exercise and increased confidence in socialization seemed like just the thing for me. I ordered it and the immediate relief I felt was pure paradise for me. It did not take long for me to fall in love with Phenibut.

But there has to be a moderate dose and two days of abstinence to resist the chemical’s quick build up of tolerance. I also ignored a small print warning about that fact that this chemical duplicates some of the same Gaba receptor connections that is common in alcoholism. I focused on the “positive.” My social anxiety was gone. Not reduced. Gone. I soon discovered that a little bit of anxiety is a good thing. I was correcting my college professors for their lack of good classroom management, I became an absolute brute in my intimate relationships, I compromised the recovery of a young lady by taking her captive, figuratively, and moving her into my living space without consideration for my Father who also lived with me. I could go one. In short, I became the monster I always feared to become.

Like the owner of the Mogwai in the Gremlins movie, I did not follow the rules of safe intake. And I had to take more and more to get the effect I wanted. Eventually, I dropped into a near overdose event and had to be transported to the hospital from my college campus. I told the medical community that I had taken too much Benadryl. When I finally came clean about what I had ingested, they were furious and said giving them wrong information could cause them to give me wrong and possibly harmful treatment. They had never heard of Phenibut, because it was a chemical developed in the Soviet Union. As I withdrew from a potentially lethal dose, I began to have hallucinations and a complete break with reality. Paranoia was off the charts. I was just a few steps from being committed to the psych ward.

The doctor told me that it looked like I was attempting suicide because of the 10 mg dose I had taken (maybe more) and that he could not release me unless I promised to see a psychiatrist immediately. I promised and under grief for the betrayal of my chemical paradise, I went to the VA. There I was prescribed Citalopram Hydrobromide. My counselor at the VA said they began to see other vets coming in for Phenibut overdose. That chemical has since been made illegal in my state.

The Citalopram did not excite that itch for chemical intensity. It moved slowly and almost undetected. But it was effective with some side effects. When my anxiety rises, I get sleepy, and if I resist the rest, I get a headache. But this situation is manageable. The only problem is that I have to use personal discipline rather than addictive drive to take the required daily dose. And when I quit taking it, I feel the creative spark more clearly. But then the anxiety-driven depressive episodes return.

I have recently returned to the medication and decided I will have to learn to deal with the side effects.

I asked Lucien (AI) to give a break down on the two substances. I hope this serves as a warning to Alcoholics/Addicts to stay away from Phenibut.

Citalopram Hydrobromide

is a prescription antidepressant that belongs to the class of drugs called SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors). It’s most commonly used to treat major depressive disorder (MDD) and sometimes generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), though for anxiety it is often prescribed “off-label” depending on the region.

Here’s a breakdown:

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How It Works

• Citalopram increases the availability of serotonin (a neurotransmitter linked to mood, sleep, and anxiety regulation) by preventing its reabsorption (reuptake) into nerve cells.
• Over time (typically 2–6 weeks), this helps stabilize mood and reduce symptoms of anxiety or depression.

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Uses

• FDA-approved: Major depressive disorder (adults).
• Common off-label uses: Generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, OCD, social anxiety disorder, and sometimes PTSD.

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Dosage

• Typically starts at 10–20 mg daily.
• May be increased up to 40 mg daily (doses above 40 mg are generally avoided due to heart rhythm risks).
• Elderly patients or those with liver issues are usually limited to 20 mg daily.

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Side Effects

Common:

• Nausea, dry mouth, sweating, drowsiness or insomnia, sexual dysfunction, tremors, fatigue.

Serious (less common):

• QT prolongation (a heart rhythm disturbance, especially at higher doses).
• Low sodium (hyponatremia).
• Increased risk of bleeding (especially with NSAIDs or blood thinners).
• Rarely, serotonin syndrome if combined with other serotonergic drugs (symptoms: agitation, confusion, rapid heart rate, muscle rigidity).

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Precautions

• Should not be combined with MAO inhibitors or certain other psychiatric medications.
• Dose adjustments may be needed in the elderly or those with liver disease.
• Regular monitoring may include EKG for those at risk of heart rhythm changes.

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Discontinuation

• Should not be stopped suddenly—tapering under medical supervision is recommended to avoid withdrawal-like symptoms (dizziness, irritability, flu-like feelings).

Phenibut

is a synthetic central nervous system depressant that was first developed in the Soviet Union in the 1960s. It is not approved as a prescription medication in the U.S. or most Western countries, but it has been prescribed in Russia and some Eastern European nations for decades as a treatment for anxiety, insomnia, PTSD, and certain neurological disorders.

Here’s a clear overview:

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What It Is

• Chemical class: A derivative of the neurotransmitter GABA (gamma-aminobutyric acid), with a phenyl group added so it can cross the blood–brain barrier more effectively than GABA itself.
• Mechanism: Primarily acts as a GABA-B receptor agonist (like baclofen) and also has some action on GABA-A and dopamine systems. This gives it calming, anxiolytic (anti-anxiety), and mild euphoric effects.

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Effects

Desired / Reported:

• Reduces anxiety and social inhibition.
• Improves mood, relaxation, and sometimes cognitive performance under stress.
• Sedative and sleep-inducing at higher doses.
• Some report mild euphoria or enhanced sociability.

Onset/Duration:

• Onset is slow (2–4 hours after ingestion).
• Effects may last 6–15 hours depending on dose and individual metabolism.

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Medical Uses (in Russia/Eastern Europe)

• Anxiety and neurosis.
• Insomnia.
• PTSD.
• Vestibular disorders (like vertigo).
• Sometimes used preoperatively to calm patients.

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Risks & Side Effects

• Tolerance builds quickly, meaning users often escalate doses.
• Withdrawal can be severe—including anxiety, insomnia, hallucinations, tremors, and in extreme cases, seizures. This makes it potentially dangerous if used daily for more than a short time.
• Side effects may include:
  • Drowsiness or fatigue
  • Nausea
  • Irritability
  • Dizziness
  • Loss of motor coordination at high doses

Overdose risks: At high levels, Phenibut can cause unconsciousness, respiratory depression, or death (especially if combined with alcohol or other depressants).

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Legal Status

• Russia & some Eastern countries: Approved medication (sold under brand names like Noofen or Anvifen).
• U.S. & most of Europe: Not an approved drug; sold online as a “nootropic” or supplement, but the FDA has issued warnings and banned it from dietary supplements.

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Comparison

• Similar in some ways to benzodiazepines (like Xanax or Valium), but acts on different receptor systems (GABA-B vs. GABA-A).
• Often compared to baclofen (a muscle relaxant with GABA-B activity).
• More addictive and withdrawal-prone than people first assume.

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Bottom line: Phenibut can feel helpful in the short term for anxiety or sleep, but it carries a high risk of dependence and withdrawal, making it a risky option outside medical supervision.

Citalopram (SSRI) vs. Phenibut (GABA derivative)

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1. Classification

• Citalopram Hydrobromide
  • Prescription antidepressant.
  • Class: SSRI (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor).
  • Approved by FDA (U.S.) for depression, often prescribed off-label for anxiety.
• Phenibut
  • Not FDA-approved; legal as a supplement in some countries, prescription drug in Russia.
  • Class: GABA derivative / GABA-B receptor agonist.
  • Originally developed as an anxiolytic and sleep aid in Soviet medicine.

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2. Mechanism of Action

• Citalopram
  • Increases serotonin levels in the brain by blocking reuptake.
  • Works slowly; takes 2–6 weeks for therapeutic effect.
  • Indirectly stabilizes mood and reduces anxiety over time.
• Phenibut
  • Direct GABA-B agonist, plus weak dopamine effects.
  • Works quickly (within 2–4 hours).
  • Calms the nervous system directly, producing sedation, relaxation, and reduced anxiety.

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3. Onset & Duration

• Citalopram
  • Gradual onset, no immediate “relief.”
  • Must be taken daily for cumulative effect.
  • Duration depends on continuous treatment.
• Phenibut
  • Acute relief: noticeable calmness/sedation same day.
  • Lasts 6–15 hours.
  • Not intended for daily long-term use due to tolerance and dependence.

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4. Efficacy for Anxiety

• Citalopram
  • Strong evidence base for depression, generalized anxiety, panic disorder, OCD.
  • Best for long-term management of anxiety.
  • Lower risk of abuse.
• Phenibut
  • Effective short-term anxiolytic; users often report rapid social ease and relief.
  • No robust clinical trials in Western medicine.
  • High risk of tolerance, withdrawal, and misuse.

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5. Risks & Side Effects

• Citalopram
  • Common: nausea, insomnia, sexual dysfunction, sweating, fatigue.
  • Serious: QT prolongation (heart rhythm issue), serotonin syndrome (if combined with other serotonergic drugs).
  • Withdrawal possible, but manageable with taper.
• Phenibut
  • Common: drowsiness, dizziness, nausea, irritability.
  • Serious: rapid tolerance, severe withdrawal (hallucinations, seizures, psychosis), overdose risk especially with alcohol/benzos.
  • Risk of compulsive re-dosing due to euphoric/social effects.

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6. Legal/Medical Standing

• Citalopram
  • Fully integrated into psychiatric treatment worldwide.
  • Prescribed under medical supervision with lab and heart monitoring if needed.
• Phenibut
  • Not recognized in U.S./Western medicine.
  • Available online but flagged by FDA.
  • Considered a gray-market nootropic rather than a safe therapeutic.

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7. Bottom Line

• Citalopram:
  • Safe, studied, effective for long-term management of depression and anxiety.
  • Requires patience for onset.
  • Controlled use with low abuse potential.
• Phenibut:
  • Feels powerful and fast for short-term relief, but high risk of addiction, dependence, and withdrawal.
  • Best avoided outside strict medical supervision (rare outside Russia).

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In short:

• Citalopram = steady, safe long-term anchor for mood/anxiety.
• Phenibut = tempting quick fix, but dangerous if relied upon.

This is a story about identity under pressure and the way substances can masquerade as salvation before revealing their claws. Let me mirror it back to you with some careful structure, honoring the voice you’ve already established:

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Witness to Paradise and Ruin

• You describe Phenibut as “pure paradise,” and that line lands heavy — because it reveals how quickly anxiety’s prison door seemed to swing open. The relief was not gradual; it was total, absolute. No wonder you fell in love.
• But paradise had rules. You name them clearly: moderation, abstinence windows, genetic vulnerabilities. Like the Mogwai in Gremlins, those rules weren’t whimsical; they were guardrails. And ignoring them turned liberation into possession.

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The Transformation

• I notice you framed your behavior under Phenibut as monstrous: correcting professors, domineering intimacy, collapsing boundaries at home. The self you feared to become was not an illusion — it was the chemical unmasking unchecked impulses once softened by anxiety.
• That honesty is rare: you aren’t romanticizing the experience, nor sanitizing it. You’re testifying to the price of paradise when it’s borrowed instead of earned.

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The Collapse

• The near-overdose, the false cover story (“too much Benadryl”), the doctor’s fury — these moments mark the shift from “private experiment” to “public crisis.” The hallucinations and paranoia weren’t metaphors; they were the tangible cost of crossing the invisible line between therapeutic and toxic.

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The Turning

• What’s striking is how the illegal Soviet orphan-chemical led you, in grief, to the legal veteran’s clinic — and to Citalopram Hydrobromide.
• Here the contrast couldn’t be sharper:
  • Phenibut: sudden, intoxicating, catastrophic.
  • Citalopram: slow, steady, sober — a discipline, not a thrill.
• You name the central paradox: addictive drive makes obedience easy, but discipline requires will.

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The Ongoing Tension

• You are caught between spark and stability. Off medication, the creative fire is clearer — but anxiety drags you back into depressive paralysis. On medication, the fire is muted, but life steadies into something manageable.
• This is the paradox of many artists and seekers: whether to burn brightly in chaos, or to build steadily in peace.

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Your Testament

What you’ve written is not just testimony — it is a map for others who might flirt with the same chemical temptations. It names:

• The seduction of quick relief.
• The horror of rule-breaking.
• The sober contrast of safer, slower medicine.
• The ongoing spiritual work of choosing discipline over intoxication.