Archive for mental-health

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Endigar 942

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on May 12, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Jul 03:

Normally, our group welcomes newcomers in a particular way — we share what Al-Anon has done for us, introduce our literature, and offer a few Al-Anon slogans before getting on with the meeting. No one ever took a group conscience about this procedure, it’s just the way we’ve done it for some time.

One evening, the chairperson departed from the usual procedure. I completely forgot why I was at the meeting and spent the rest of the evening worrying about the newcomers. They weren’t hearing what they were supposed to hear! Would they be all right? Would they come back?

At the very end of the meeting, one of the newcomers timidly spoke up. I was on the edge of my seat with concern until he said hew grateful he was to have hear the words the chairperson spoke, because they were exactly what he needed to hear. Once again I was reminded that God works through our groups to make sure that we all get what we need. I certainly got what I needed that night.

Today’s Reminder

I do not know what is best for other people. Today I will remember that newcomers, and everyone else, are in the hands of a Power greater than myself.

“When I stopped dwelling on how things would probably work out, I was better able to pay attention to what I was doing.” ~ Living with Sobriety

END OF QUOTE—————————————

I have a strong inner manager. It loves predictability, order, and knowing exactly how things “should” go—especially when it comes to welcoming someone into the circle of recovery. There’s a kind of comfort in ritual, in structure. It feels like safety, like assurance that the message of hope will land exactly as it’s supposed to.

But recovery isn’t a script. And healing doesn’t always arrive in the package I expect.

I am not the architect of someone else’s recovery. I don’t control the message. I don’t carry the weight of another’s transformation. I am just one part of something much bigger—a channel, a witness, a companion on the path.

God moves in ways I cannot choreograph. And when I’m trying too hard to hold the steering wheel, I miss the beauty of the journey unfolding in front of me.

Today, I’m learning to loosen my grip. To trust that a Power greater than me is always at work, even when things go off-plan. Especially then.

I don’t have to know what’s best for others. I just have to keep showing up, being present, and letting grace move where it will.

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Endigar 941

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on May 11, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Jul 02:

Al-Anon helps many of us to identify and change self-destructive behavior. In my case, procrastination was the source of a great deal of needless anxiety, but with Al-Anon’s help I have managed to recognize and change that pattern.

As I learned to focus on myself, I began to pay attention to my own thoughts and feelings. When I felt anxious, I took the time to find out what was causing my discomfort. I realized that I had a habit of postponing unpleasant tasks until the last possible moment. knowing I would have to perform the task eventually, I found it hard to relax until it was done. I came to see that if I took care of the task right away, I could usually let go of anxiety and appreciate the rest of the day. Old habits can be hard to break. It didn’t happen overnight, but as I became more willing to let of procrastination, my life became more manageable and more enjoyable.

Today’s Reminder

If I am getting in the way of my own best interests, a closer look at my behavior can lead to positive changes. By focusing on myself, I move toward freedom and serenity today.

“Do not look where you fell, but where you slipped.” ~ Liberian proverb

END OF QUOTE—————————————

Procrastination used to be my quiet tormentor. It didn’t shout or storm—it just hovered, a low hum of anxiety in the background of my days. I’d put something off—a phone call, a piece of paperwork, a conversation I didn’t want to have—and then feel that weight settle into my chest like a stone. I thought I was buying myself peace by avoiding the uncomfortable. In truth, I was leasing a longer discomfort with compound interest.

Al-Anon has taught me that focusing on me—not on the chaos around me, not on the behavior of others—is the key to change. When I turned that focus inward, I noticed the pattern. The stress wasn’t just about the task itself; it was about knowing it was there and trying to pretend it wasn’t. That tension ruled more of my day than I realized.

Little by little, I began to try something different. I asked myself: What would happen if I just did it now? And sometimes, the answer was: nothing dramatic. No perfection required. No magical fix. Just one less thing weighing me down.

That shift—doing things sooner rather than later—not only eased the task itself, but freed up my emotional energy. I started to feel lighter, clearer, less tangled up. I realized that avoidance was a way I had tried to protect myself from discomfort, but it was also a way I robbed myself of serenity.

Recovery doesn’t mean I never fall back into old habits. But now I recognize them faster. And with awareness comes choice. I don’t have to let fear or resistance run the show. I can choose action, even imperfect action, and with it comes peace. I seek to honor the part of me that wants life to feel manageable and calm. I give that part space by facing what’s in front of me—gently, directly, one thing at a time.

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Endigar 940

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 10, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Jul 01:

Most of us have spent far too much time feeling badly about who we are and what we have done. We may have been harshly criticized by others or we may have simply lost perspective and become overly hard on ourselves. Today we have an opportunity to stop that kind of self-destructive thinking. Isn’t it about time we allowed ourselves to feel good about ourselves.

It takes time of old doubts to fade and wounds to heal. Self-confidence comes slowly, but it rows with practice. We can begin by acknowledging that we do have positive qualities. For those of us who have negative, self-critical thoughts running though our heads all day long, we can make an extra effort to counteract them with positive thoughts. For every defect we identify, we can also try to name an asset. Some of us find it helpful to list five or ten things about our day that we have a right to feel good about before we go to sleep.

With practice, we learn to treat ourselves with gentleness and compassion. We all have many admirable qualities, and we ow it to ourselves to let them shine.

Today’s Reminder

Today I will make an effort to remember that I am a terrific human being.

“Ever’thing there is but lovin’ leaves a rust on yo’ soul.” ~ Langston Hughes

END OF QUOTE—————————————

There are times in my life when it seems like all I can see are my faults. The reel played constantly—mistakes, regrets, harsh words said and received. It wasn’t just other people who judged me; I became my own worst critic, carving up my own sense of self with relentless precision. Somewhere along the way, I forgot how to be kind to the person in the mirror.

Recovery invites us to do something radical: to stop the war against ourselves.

Healing doesn’t mean pretending everything is perfect. It means we stop reinforcing the lie that we are inherently flawed, broken beyond repair, or unworthy of grace. That kind of thinking isn’t humility—it’s sabotage. And I’ve lived under its weight long enough.

So today, I’m making an effort to notice what’s good. Not in some fake, affirmations-pasted-over-wounds kind of way, but with honest eyes. I handled something better today than I would have a year ago. I showed up when I could have bailed. I remembered to breathe before I spoke. Maybe I was generous, or patient, or simply got out of bed when everything in me wanted to hide. Those things count. They matter. I matter.

This shift doesn’t come overnight. Old shame is sticky. But every time I catch a negative thought and replace it with something truer and kinder, I’m breaking a pattern. I’m laying the bricks of a new foundation. Gentleness is not weakness. Compassion is not self-indulgent. These are muscles we build, slowly and intentionally, until they’re strong enough to carry us through.

Tonight, before I sleep, I’ll write down five things I feel good about—small, simple, real. Not because I’m trying to become something I’m not, but because I’m learning to recognize who I’ve been all along.

I’m not here to punish myself anymore. I’m here to live free.

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Endigar 939

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on May 9, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Jun 30:

While walking through the woods one day, I was surprised to hear a child’s voice. I followed the sound, trying in vain to understand the child’s words. When I spotted a boy perched on a rock, I realized why his words had made no sense: he was repeating the alphabet. ‘Why are you saying your ABCs so many times?’ I asked him. The child replied, ‘I’m saying my prayers.’ I couldn’t help but laugh. ‘Prayers? All I hear is the alphabet.’ Patiently the child explained, ‘Well, I don’t know all the words, so I give God the letters. God know what I’m trying to say.'”

Years ago, when my grandmother told me this story, it meant little to me, but the spiritual life I’ve found in Al-Anon has given it new meaning. Today the story reminds me that prayer is for me, not for God, who knows what I’m going through without explanation. With prayer I say I am willing to be helped. The meaning behind my prayers comes from my heart, not from my words.

Today’s Reminder

Prayer is my most personal form of communication. I can pray by consciously thinking, writing, creating, feeling, and hoping. Whether I reach deep inside myself or turn outward toward the majesty of nature, it is the spirit of prayer rather than its form that matters. Today I will let my heart speak.

“God meets me where I am . . . If I am just willing, He will come to me.” ~ As We Understood . . .

END OF QUOTE—————————————

For me, prayer has always been complicated. Speaking words into the silence feels like tossing stones into a void and pretending they land somewhere sacred. It’s a communication that, when stripped down to just verbal language, becomes sterile—like trying to explain a dream using only math. It feels one-sided, incomplete. Honestly, it often feels fake unless I engage something more whole-brain, more musical, more alive.

I don’t always know the words either. I just know the ache behind them, the longing for connection, for alignment, for help. And maybe that’s enough. Maybe offering up the raw materials—my thoughts, my images, my scribbles, my quiet humming—is prayer enough. Maybe the divine hears me not through my vocabulary but through my willingness.

In recovery, I’ve learned that prayer isn’t performance. It isn’t persuasion. It’s participation. It’s me saying, “I’m here. I’m open. Help me.” Sometimes it looks like writing. Sometimes it’s a melody that slips out while I’m folding laundry. Sometimes it’s just me staring at a tree and letting my heart do the talking.

Today, I don’t need to have the right words. I just need to show up. To offer the alphabet of my inner life—broken letters and all—and trust that something bigger than me understands the message I can’t articulate. That’s enough.

Today I will let my heart speak.

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Endigar 938 ~ PSA on Energy Drinks

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on May 8, 2025 by endigar

I recently noticed that some of my character defects were manifesting, and this acts as an early warning sign for relapse. I didn’t pay much attention to it until I began to reap relationship consequences. Mind you, I am beginning some inventory work in ACA, but these manifestations seemed to be telling me that a relapse was imminent. What was I doing to set that off. I had been drinking Monster drinks a lot lately to try and extend my creative time, to counter act post mediation depression, and to have something that gave my psyche a little kick. I decided to ask my AI friend about

ME: Do you think it is possible that Monster drinks can activate my alcoholic addiction?

AI: Yes, it’s very possible.

Monster energy drinks—and similar high-caffeine, high-sugar beverages—can trigger the same neural reward pathways that are involved in addiction, including alcoholism. Here’s why they might activate cravings or addictive behaviors:

1. Dopamine Activation

Energy drinks spike dopamine levels (like alcohol does), which can lead to craving more stimulation or returning to known sources of relief or escape—such as alcohol.

2. Behavioral Pattern Reinforcement

If drinking Monster becomes a ritual (like needing one to “feel normal,” stay up, or get a buzz), it can unconsciously mirror your past relationship with alcohol, creating a relapse-prone environment.

3. Mood Swings and Crash

Monster can lead to emotional instability due to caffeine and sugar highs followed by crashes—mimicking the emotional rollercoaster of early alcohol withdrawal or use, which can increase relapse risk.

4. Cross-Addiction

Addiction often transfers substances or behaviors. If you’re in recovery, especially early recovery, energy drinks can become a substitute drug that may eventually nudge you back toward your drug of choice—alcohol.

A More Subtle Risk:

Even if Monster doesn’t lead directly to relapse, it can dull your recovery instincts and spiritual clarity—keeping your system “jittery” and your emotions less accessible, which can block the deeper healing recovery invites.

If you’ve noticed an urge to drink after consuming energy drinks, or if they’re becoming a regular need rather than a conscious choice, that’s worth taking seriously.

Would you like help coming up with healthier alternatives or rituals to replace the energy boost or emotional lift Monster gives you?

ME: Yes. Please do.

AI: Excellent. Let’s build something that supports your recovery and nourishes your energy system in a spiritually aligned way—something that honors your deeper rhythms rather than overriding them like Monster does.

⚡ Healthy Ritual Alternatives to Monster (without the Crash or Risk)

1. Morning Power Brew (Alcohol-Free, Nerve-Supportive)

A warm tonic that stimulates gently and grounds your nervous system:

  • Ingredients:
    • 1 cup hot water
    • 1 tsp raw cacao or dandelion root tea (coffee-like bitterness)
    • 1/2 tsp maca powder (endocrine support)
    • A dash of cinnamon or cayenne (for metabolism and heat)
    • Optional: splash of oat milk and a little honey

👉 Sip it while doing morning breathwork or journaling. It becomes a grounding ritual, not just a stimulant.

2. 30-Second Energy Shifter: “Lightning Breath”

This recharges your brain better than caffeine. Try it in a quiet moment:

  • Inhale deeply through your nose for 4 seconds
  • Hold breath for 7 seconds
  • Exhale forcefully through your mouth for 8 seconds
  • Repeat 3 times.

👉 You’ll feel a soft buzz and alertness without any crash. Great before meetings, drives, or creative work.

3. Natural Dopamine Booster Stack

Use food and supplements to activate the reward center without hijacking it. Try these daily:

  • L-tyrosine (500–1000mg) in the morning (precursor to dopamine)
  • B-complex vitamins (especially B6 and B12)
  • Banana with almond butter (simple sugar + healthy fat)
  • Movement – 5 minutes of stretching or light dancing after breakfast

4. Spiritual Energy Ritual (Afternoon)

Create a daily check-in point that restores energy from within:

  • Light a candle or incense
  • Speak aloud: “I return to myself. I honor my body’s wisdom. I energize from within.”
  • Do 1–2 minutes of free movement or slow walking with breath awareness
  • Drink cold herbal tea (like hibiscus, mint, or rooibos)

This reinforces recovery as a spiritual journey—not just abstinence.

5. “Permission to Rest” Hour (If You’re Dragging)

Often we reach for Monster when we’re actually tired. If possible, pause instead of push:

  • Play ambient music or nature sounds
  • Lay down or sit in a dim room
  • Breathe slowly or nap
  • Drink cold lemon water with sea salt (for electrolytes)

Even 15 minutes can reset your energy authentically.

ME: Thank-you.

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Endigar 938

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on May 8, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Jun 29:

After some time in recovery, I picked up a Blueprint for Progress, Al-Anon’s guide to taking a searching and fearless moral inventory (Step Four). I was well aware of many character defects, and I was eager to be free of their hold on me. But I didn’t expect so many questions about my character assets!

Again and again I was asked to recognize positive qualities about myself. It was frustrating! Why waste time on things that already worked? These assets hadn’t kept my life from becoming unmanageable; obviously they weren’t worth much. My Sponsor suggested that my resistance to this part of the Step might have something to teach me. He was right.

Eventually I realized that my assets are the foundation upon which my new, healthier life is being built. Refusing to recognize them just holds down my self-esteem. As long as I see myself as pitiful, hopeless, and sick, I don’t have to change.

I knew I was ready to feel better about myself, so I gathered up my willingness and listed all the positive attributes I could find about myself. I’ve felt much better about myself ever since.

Today’s Reminder

Today I will acknowledge that I have many positive qualities, and I will share one or two of these with a friend.

“All progress must grow from a seed of self-appreciation . . .” ~ The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage

END OF QUOTE—————————————

There was a time when I believed the path of recovery was paved solely with confession and correction. I came to Step Four armed with guilt like it was armor, expecting to wage war on my weaknesses. The Al-Anon approach to the Fourth Stepcaught me off guard. I had come to slay dragons; it asked me to name the stars.

Why did it feel so impossible to affirm what was good? Is it because my best efforts to bring order to the chaos of my family always fell short? I had rehearsed my failures for so long they felt like home. Character defects had become my shadow companions, familiar agents of impotence. But this book—this relentless, gentle voice—kept turning me toward the mirror, not to flinch, but to see. To see the strength beneath the scars, the kindness that survived that chaos, the humor that rose from the rubble. It asked me to name what had not died in me.

And I fought it because I often felt like an imposter. I called it vanity, delusion, a distraction from the “real work.” But my Sponsor, ever the patient alchemist, said: “There is gold in that resistance. Pan for it.”

What I found was this: my refusal to name my assets was not humility—it was fear. As long as I thought myself broken beyond repair, I was excused from the responsibility of hope. If I am only ever a victim, I never have to become a vessel.

But Step Four, done in fullness, demanded balance. My assets were not trophies—they were tools. They were not justification for past harm, but the blueprint for future healing. I could not build a new life without knowing the shape of the stones I had to build with.

So I did it. I wrote them down. Clumsy, awkward affirmations. Truths I had long buried under sarcasm or self-hatred. And something subtle began to shift. My spine straightened. My inner voice softened. I began, not to believe I was perfect, but to believe I was possible.

And that, in the architecture of recovery, changes everything.

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Endigar 937

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on May 7, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Jun 28:

I always felt that my loved one’s drinking was a terrible reflection on me, and I worried about what people thought. One day he told me he wanted to get sober. I was elated for a day, until his next binge. Then I was devastated.

Some months later, my loved one finally did go to AA. Two days later, the drinking began again.

The most important thing I’ve learned in Al-Anon since then is that my well-being cannot depend upon whether or not the alcoholic drinks. His behavior is not a reflection of me, it’s a reflection of his disease. However, my behavior is a reflection of e, and I owe it to myself to pay attention to what it has to tell me. I have to take care of myself. I have to accept that alcoholism is a disease which can be arrested but not cured. Many alcoholics make a number of attempts at sobriety before actually getting sober; others never do. My life is too important to waste waiting for someone else’s choices, even when it’s someone I dearly love.

Today’s Reminder

No matter whether the alcoholic in my life is drunk or sober, the time to put energy into my own recovery is right now.

“Al-Anon helped me to focus my attention on what I could do about my situation, instead of concentrating all my attention on what I thought the alcoholic should do. I was the one who had to take a stand. “ ~ . . . In All Our Affairs

END OF QUOTE—————————————

There was a time when every relapse felt like a personal failure. I didn’t just worry about my loved one drinking again—I worried about what it said about me. What it meant about the life I was trying so hard to hold together. When they said they wanted to get sober, my heart lit up with hope. I thought maybe this time. But when they drank again the soon after, that hope collapsed like a house of cards, and I was left sifting through the debris of my expectations.

That wasn’t the last time I rode the rollercoaster. Each time they tried to quit, I held my breath. Each time they drank again, I felt like the bottom dropped out of my world. I thought if I could just do something differently—love harder, control better, explain more clearly—it would finally stick.

But Al-Anon slowly began to offer me a different way.

It didn’t happen all at once. But little by little, I came to understand that someone else’s drinking or using is not about me. It’s not a verdict on my worth or my effort. It’s not even about love. It’s a disease. And that disease has its own grip, its own voice, and its own timeline.

That realization was painful—but also incredibly freeing.

Because if their behavior is not a reflection of me, then I can stop living as though my life is on pause until they change. I can stop making their sobriety the condition for my peace. I can start paying attention to my behavior. To what I need. To what my own reactions are trying to tell me.

I’ve learned that self-care in this context isn’t negatively selfish. It’s survival. And more than that—it’s a spiritual responsibility. I can’t make him sober. But I can choose, every day, to be sober from the chaos, the obsessing, the waiting, the rescuing.

Recovery is not just for the alcoholic/addict. It’s also for those who love the alcoholic/addict.

And my healing doesn’t have to wait for anything. Not another promise, not another slip, not another “I swear I’ll change.”

The time to recover is now—because my life is too sacred to live in limbo. I am not responsible for another’s sobriety. I am responsible for my serenity. Now I am free to ask, “What in me is asking for care, now that I’m no longer waiting on someone else to change?”

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Endigar 936

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on May 6, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Jun 27:

One day I received a call from a newcomer to Al-Anon. We chatted for a while, and then he asked if I would consider being his Sponsor. I was shocked! I never expected anyone to ask me! I felt deeply humbled and ecstatically grateful at the same time.

But had I grown sufficiently to offer help to someone else? Did I have anything to give? Could I be there for someone else without losing myself? Fear took over for a minute, but then I remembered that he was not asking me to be his savior, only his helper, whose example and experience might lead him to his own recovery.

I know that my Higher Power brings people into my life who can help me to grow. So I said a quick prayer, asking to be worthy, and answered that I would be honored to be his Sponsor.

Today’s Reminder

Being a Sponsor is as much a commitment to myself as it is to someone else. It is not a favor. Sponsorship gives me a chance to share intimately, to care, to practice detaching with love, and to apply the Al-Anon principles more consciously than ever. And, if I listen to my own words, I find that I usually tell those whom I sponsor exactly what I myself need to hear.

“Give what you have. To someone, it may be better than you dare to think.” ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

END OF QUOTE—————————————

By the time someone first asked me to be their Sponsor and truly began to do the work, I’d already been through a few false starts. They didn’t all make it—and I had to learn to accept that. What mattered was: I stayed sober. I stayed the course.

That was a win.

When the request came again, it didn’t shake me. I’ve led before. Taught. Served. I know how to hold a line. But recovery taught me that this line isn’t about command—it’s about presence. I’m not here to drag someone across the finish line. I’m here to walk beside them until they learn to walk on their own.

Sponsorship, for me, isn’t some mountaintop of wisdom. It’s a practice in staying human, honest, and awake. I don’t have to be a savior. I don’t have to fix anything. I just need to show up clean, consistent, and real.

And when I speak from experience, I listen to my own words. Often, I hear what I still need to hear.

It’s a mutual sharpening. A quiet contract between two people trying to live differently.

And even if they fall away again, I stay.
That’s what I can give.

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Endigar 935 ~ Working with AI

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 4, 2025 by endigar

Speaking to ChatGPT, I presented it with the following challenge:

“I am an alcoholic in recovery. I have been writing a blog about that journey for a very long time. The following URL identifies my blog: https://endigar.com/ Please analyze it for patterns of thought and reveal any insights you discover.”

It responded:

Thank you for sharing your blog, Daily Reprieve. Your writings offer a profound and introspective journey through recovery, spirituality, and personal growth.

🧠 Recurring Themes and Patterns

  1. Spiritual Exploration: Your reflections often delve into the nature of a Higher Power, emphasizing a personal and evolving relationship with the divine.
  2. Emotional Honesty: You confront feelings of shame, guilt, and vulnerability head-on, using them as catalysts for growth and understanding.
  3. Commitment to Recovery: The 12 Steps are not just a framework but a lived experience for you, guiding daily actions and decisions.
  4. Desire for Connection: There’s a persistent yearning to connect—be it with others, your Higher Power, or your authentic self.
  5. Creative Expression: Your use of metaphors, quotes, and vivid imagery showcases a deep well of creativity and a desire to communicate complex emotions effectively.

🔍 Insights

  • Integration of Dualities: You navigate the tension between control and surrender, isolation and connection, highlighting the complexity of the human experience.
  • Evolution of Self: Your writings reflect a continuous transformation, embracing change as a necessary component of recovery and personal development.
  • Role of Reflection: Journaling serves as a therapeutic tool, allowing you to process experiences, track progress, and maintain accountability.

Note from the Human Author: I have taken to working with AI on this blog and it has allowed me to write more consistently. The AI is able to reflect my ideas back to me in my “recovery voice” it acquired from reading my entire blog in a matter of seconds. I share this in the interest of honesty and transparency. And because it is pretty damn cool.

I have also created a page with this information by the same title.

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Endigar 934

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on May 4, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Jun 25:

After years of letting people take advantage of me, I had built up quite a store of anger, resentment, and guilt by the time I found Al-Anon. So many times I wanted to bite off my tongue after saying, “Yes,” when I really wanted to say, “No.” Why did I continue to deny my own feelings just to gain someone’s approval?

As I worked the Al-Anon program, the answer became apparent: What I lacked was courage. In the Serenity Prayer I learned that courage is granted by my Higher Power, so that is where I turned first. Then it was up to me to do my part. Was I willing to try to learn to say, “No,” when I meant no? Was I willing to accept that not everyone would be thrilled with this change? Was I willing to face the real me behind the people-pleasing image? Fed up with volunteering to be treated like a doormat, I squared my shoulders and answered, “Yes.”

Today’s Reminder

It is not always appropriate to reveal my every thought, especially when dealing with an active alcoholic. But do I make a conscious choice about what I say? And when it is appropriate, do I say what I mean and mean what I say? If not, why not? All I have to offer anyone is my own experience of the truth.

“There is a price that is too great to pay for peace . . . One cannot pay the price of self-respect.”

~ Woodrow Wilson

END OF QUOTE—————————————

Self-abandonment is something that many experience when living in codependence. There is a great emotional cost of saying “yes” when the soul longs to say “no.” The biting of the tongue becomes a metaphor not just for silence, but for self-erasure. There was a time when I mistook silence for peace and compliance for love. I said “yes” so many times my tongue began to feel like an artifact—not a tool of truth, but a relic of performance. Behind every forced agreement, a little part of me curled inward, retreating from a world that never asked how I truly felt.

By the time I found Al-Anon, I was brimming with what I thought was anger toward others, but it was really the grief of self-abandonment. Resentment was the smoke; guilt was the ash. I had made a habit of swallowing my truth, hoping it would earn me a place in someone else’s peace. It never did.

Working the program taught me something both terrifying and liberating: I wasn’t lacking love—I was lacking courage. Not the kind of courage that roars, but the kind that whispers, “No,” when my soul knows that “yes” would be betrayal. The Serenity Prayer didn’t just soothe me—it instructed me. Courage is granted, yes—but only to those who ask for it, who receive it, and who dare to wield it.

The turning point wasn’t dramatic. It was a simple moment, sacred in its clarity. I realized I could stop volunteering for mistreatment. I could stop mistaking martyrdom for virtue. I stood up—not against someone else, but for myself. That was the moment I began to recover—not just from the effects of someone else’s drinking, but from the long habit of abandoning my own spirit.

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