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Endigar 991

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on June 29, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Aug 12:

A particular incident reminds me of the sense of surrender that I feel when I truly take the Third Step and turn my will and my life over to God’s care. Some years ago my sister discovered that she had a brain tumor. Her initial diagnosis was dire – also, fortunately, inaccurate. When I heard about my sister’s choices for treatment, I felt that she should pursue certain avenues that she had ruled out. I grew increasingly impatient with her choices until I read a commentary by a person I respect, suggesting that the avenues I had been championing could do more harm than good.

That’s when I realized the limits of my own understanding. I saw that my sense of urgency stemmed not from certainty but from fear. I discovered that my only honest course of action was to turn my fear and my love over to the care of my Higher Power. I could no longer pretend to know what was best.

Today’s Reminder

I am not a rocket scientist, a philosopher, or a wizard. Even if I were all three, I would still find myself looking off the edge of my understanding into a vast unknown. As I recognize my own limitations, I am more grateful than ever for a Higher Power who is free from such restrictions.

” . . . time will change and even reverse many of your present opinions. Refrain, therefore, awhile from setting yourself up as a judge of the highest matters.” ~ Plato

END OF QUOTE—————————————

There comes a moment—sometimes gentle, sometimes shattering—when I am reminded that I do not see the whole picture. I might dress my fear in the robes of urgency, convincing myself that I must act, must decide, must fix. But beneath that frantic energy is often a frightened child, scrambling for control in a universe too vast to tame.

I once believed that if I just knew more, if I read enough, meditated enough, mapped enough of the darkness, I could avoid suffering. But the truth is, I will never outgrow my need for surrender. My most honest prayer is not a request for answers, but a yielding of both my fear and my love into the care of a Higher Power who knows—and is not bound by—my limitations.

There is a sacred hush in realizing: I do not have to be the judge of the highest matters. I can lay down my gavel. My opinions will change. What feels urgent today may become irrelevant tomorrow. But the quiet, consistent grace of my Higher Power remains—unchanged by time, untouched by ego, undiminished by my doubt.

And so, I pause. I breathe. I release. Not because I have the answers, but because I no longer need them to keep going.

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Endigar 988

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on June 25, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Aug 11:

When I feel I just can’t face the world and want nothing more than to bury my head under the covers and hide, I know I need an Al-Anon meeting! I may have to push myself out the door, but I always feel better – and saner – when I break the isolation and reach out for help, I usually feel relief the minute I walk into an Al-Anon room, even if it’s a meeting I’ve never attended before. I find a healing, comforting Power in these rooms, a Power greater than myself. And because my Higher Power speaks through other people, I often hear exactly what I need.

We all go through periods of sadness, lethargy, and grief – that’s part of life. But depression can become a habit that perpetuates itself, unless I intercede by acting on my own behalf. Al-Anon cannot solve every problem, and if depression lingers, I may want to consider seeking professional help. But more often than not, what I need to do is bring my body to an Al-Anon meeting. I know that no matter how I feel, when I take an action to get some help, I make myself available to the Higher Power in these rooms.

Today’s Reminder

When in doubt, I will go to an Al-Anon meeting and invite my Higher Power to do for me what I cannot do for myself.

“There are times when I have to hurt through a situation and when this happens, the choice is not whether to hurt or not to hurt, but what to do while I am hurting.” ~ . . . In All Our Affairs

END OF QUOTE—————————————

There are mornings when the very idea of existence feels unbearable. I wake up heavy—not always with sorrow, sometimes with nothing at all, just a kind of gray emptiness that clings to my bones. The thought of facing the day feels like too much. My bed becomes not just a place of rest, but a cave, a hiding place, an invisible tomb. That is when I know—this is not where I’m meant to stay.

When I feel the pull to disappear, it is often a whisper from the part of me that remembers what it’s like to be alone too long. I used to think I needed to feel better before I could go to a meeting. Now I know better: I go because I don’t feel better.

Dragging my body to a recovery room—sometimes that is the miracle. I don’t have to be wise. I don’t have to be inspired. I just have to show up. The healing begins with presence. My heart may still feel numb, my thoughts may still swirl with shame or resistance, but something always shifts the moment I walk through the door. Even when the faces are unfamiliar, the spiritual gravity is the same: I am not alone.

I would like to say that I have stopped expecting thunder and lightning when I seek divine guidance. More often, my Higher Power sounds like a shaky voice across a circle. A soft laugh during a break. That is the voice that meets me in my pain—not to erase it, but to sit with me while I hurt. And somehow, that shared pain becomes bearable.

I suppose there is a difference between feeling grief and becoming it. Depression can become a rhythm, a posture. Left unchecked, it convinces me that it’s just who I am. But I’ve learned that while I can’t always choose whether I hurt, I can choose what to do while I’m hurting. I can choose to reach for light even if I’m not sure I’ll feel its warmth right away.

I’ve heard it said that faith is a verb. In my darkest moments, faith looks like keys in my hand and shoes on my feet. It looks like driving to a meeting even while the voice in my head insists I won’t be welcome, or I won’t be helped, or I’m too broken this time. Especially then, I go. Because those voices are not God. They are the residue of old survival patterns trying to masquerade as truth.

I’ve learned to walk anyway.

Today, I don’t have to wait to feel good to do good for myself.
I can hurt and still walk.
I can doubt and still show up.
I can fall into silence and still be heard.

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Endigar 985

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on June 23, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Aug 09:

Before coming to Al-Anon, I never felt I could be myself around other people. I was too busy trying to be what I thought others wanted me to be, afraid people wouldn’t accept me the way I am.

But with my first Al-Anon meeting I felt at ease. Members talked about common characteristics that I recognized in myself. “They’re talking about themselves, but they’re describing me!” I thought. “I’m not crazy after all!” Meetings helped me to realize that there were many people in this world like me – people who had been affected by another’s alcoholism. I didn’t have to lie to people in these meetings, and eventually I learned that I didn’t have to lie to anyone anywhere. I came to see that I can live my life for inner peace and not for outward appearances.

Today’s Reminder

Living with joys and problems affirms my membership in the human race. What sets me apart is the path on which I have been placed to walk. No one can walk it for me, nor can I change my path to suit anyone else.

“The shell that had enclosed my life, that had prevented me from living and loving, has cracked, and the power of the Al-Anon program is filling the void that for years kept me at a distance from life.” ~ As We Understood …

END OF QUOTE—————————————

NOTE: Title: As We Understood… This book is a collection of writings from Al-Anon members sharing their personal and diverse understandings of spirituality and a Higher Power.

Published by: Al-Anon Family Groups
First Published: 1985
Length: ~250 pages
Purpose: Spiritual exploration and personal understanding of a Higher Power.

Rather than presenting a fixed doctrine or theology, the book emphasizes:

  • Personal experiences with spirituality
  • Cultural and religious diversity in understanding a Higher Power
  • Evolution of spiritual awareness through the Twelve Steps
  • Meditations, reflections, and essays from individual members

Before I found recovery, I was a shapeshifter—not the mythical kind, but the wounded kind. I wore masks so well that I began to forget there was a face beneath them. I measured my value in terms of acceptance from others, crafting versions of myself like armor. But it was never about love—it was about fear. Fear that the raw, unpolished truth of who I was would repel the world. So I adjusted, adapted, and appeased.

And then, one day, I walked into a 12 Step room. I didn’t know what I was expecting—maybe judgment, maybe silence—but instead I heard people speak my soul aloud. They were describing themselves, but every word mirrored something hidden inside me. Shame melted a little. I laughed when they laughed. I cried before I even knew why. “I’m not crazy after all.” That realization didn’t come like a lightning bolt—it came like a warm light, quiet and steady, touching places long frozen over.

These rooms gave me more than just recognition. They gave me permission. Permission to stop lying. To stop managing perceptions. To stop living as an echo of someone else’s approval. I started to learn that truth isn’t a weapon—it’s a salve. And honesty, the kind I feared would exile me, became the bridge to connection. That bridge didn’t lead to performance—it led to peace.

The journey inward is one no one can walk for me. My pain may not be unique, but my path is. And when I accepted that—when I stopped editing myself for the sake of belonging—I discovered that I had always belonged. I just hadn’t yet arrived.

There’s something sacred about breaking open. Like a shell cracked by divine timing, the fracture isn’t a failure—it’s a threshold. I didn’t just let go of control. I let go of loneliness. That empty space I carried for so long wasn’t a flaw—it was a womb, waiting to be filled by something real. The Al-Anon program didn’t just hand me tools. It breathed into that emptiness, and what grew there was life. Messy, beautiful, human life.

Now I understand that I don’t walk this road to be seen—I walk it to see. Myself. Others. My Higher Power. And I walk it honestly. That means sometimes with a limp. Sometimes off course. But always, always toward the truth. And that’s the gift I protect most fiercely: I no longer abandon myself just to be loved. I love myself enough not to abandon who I am becoming.

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Endigar 982

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on June 20, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Aug 07:

I’ve heard my Al-Anon friends refer to Steps Ten, Eleven, and Twelve as “maintenance” Steps. But I don’t want to merely maintain where I was when I completed Step Nine. This is not time to stagnate! Instead, I call them “growth” Steps. No matter how old I get, these last three Steps let me continue to challenge myself.

I tested this theory of mine when my spouse and I retired. I have more time now to meddle in others’ affairs, worry about our health, worry about finances, worry about world conditions, or to put it bluntly, just more time to go back to my old “stinking thing.” But with the help of these Steps, I find I also have more time to be aware of the extraordinary benefits of personal growth, with my Higher Power ever there to guide me and give me strength. Only with this increasing conscious contact with my God, can I live as I want to today.

The icing on the cake has been that I have more time to carry the message of this beautiful way of life. Some of my most pleasant memories, not to mention the times of greater growth, have come from this sharing with others and in giving service to my group and to Al-Anon as a whole.

Today’s Reminder

With the help of the Steps, I need never be stuck again.

“Be not afraid of growing slowly, Be afraid only of standing still.” ~ Chinese Proverb

END OF QUOTE—————————————

There was a time when the word maintenance felt like a settling—a quiet surrender to inertia. But I have learned, as the light of recovery grows steadier, that what some call maintenance, I experience as movement. Steps Ten, Eleven, and Twelve are not the end of the journey, nor are they merely a way to keep my spiritual tires inflated—they are the path of transformation itself. They are the rhythm of continued becoming.

When I first completed Step Nine, I felt something shift. A burden lifted, yes—but more than that, a space opened up inside me. And it didn’t ask for preservation. It asked for filling. For deeper honesty, deeper communion with my Higher Power, and deeper service. If I had stopped then, I might have become polished on the outside but hollow within. Instead, the invitation came clear: Grow.

Retirement brought unexpected challenges—more time to think, to meddle, to worry. The old fears found room again to rehearse their monologues. But I had tools now. I had the quiet daily practices of Steps Ten and Eleven—the gentle review of my inner world and the simple, sacred reaching toward God. These Steps became a compass when I felt adrift, a grounding when the old chaos tried to disguise itself as productivity.

And then there’s Step Twelve. The one that reminds me: this isn’t just for me. Carrying the message—whether in a quiet word over coffee or chairing a meeting—expands the gifts of recovery beyond my small life. It opens the windows again and again. It reminds me that joy doesn’t come from perfect circumstances, but from shared truth. I’ve been lifted more in giving than in receiving. Some of the most unexpected grace has shown up when I thought I was the one doing the helping.

Today, I don’t want to maintain—I want to be renewed. I want to be surprised by my own willingness to grow. That’s the miracle: this way of life doesn’t grow old, even as I do. It keeps inviting me, day after day, into the better version of myself—one that walks in humility, serves in love, and listens for the voice of God in every small moment.

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Endigar 979

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on June 17, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Aug 04:

I can certainly learn from criticism, and I want to remain open to hearing what others have to say, but neither my popularity nor my ability to please those I live and work with are legitimate measures of my worth as an individual. Al-Anon helps me to recognize that I have value simply because I breathe the breath of humanity. As I gain self-esteem, I find it easier to evaluate my behavior more realistically.

The support I get in Al-Anon helps me find the courage to learn about myself. As I come to feel at home with myself and my values, my likes and dislikes, my dreams and choices, I am increasingly able to risk other people’s disapproval. I am equally able to hone others when they choose to be themselves whether or not I like what I see.

Today’s Reminder

With the help of a loving Sponsor and the support of my fellow Al-Anon members, I am learning to find my place in this world – a place where I can live with dignity and self-respect.

“I exist as I am, that is enough, if no other in the world be aware I sit content, and if each and all be aware I sit content” ~ Walt Whitman

END OF QUOTE—————————————

In the rooms of 12 Step recovery, I’m slowly unlearning a lifetime of performance—this old belief that I am only as good as what others think of me. Approval was once my oxygen. I would hold my breath, shapeshift, and contort my spirit into whatever I thought might earn a nod, a smile, or—God forbid—avoid rejection.

But recovery has given me a new breath to draw from: the breath of humanity, the truth that I have worth simply because I exist. Not because I am liked. Not because I am helpful. Not because I never upset anyone. Just because I am.

That realization didn’t land all at once. It came in small whispers—through shares that mirrored my hidden pain, through the steady voice of my Sponsor reminding me that dignity isn’t something I earn; it’s something I reclaim.

With the safety net of this fellowship, I’ve begun to risk being seen—not the curated self, but the actual self. And oddly enough, the more I become acquainted with who I really am, the less I need unanimous applause to feel okay. I can stand when others sit. I can disagree and still belong. I can love someone and let them disapprove of me.

The beauty of this journey is that it opens my hands—not just to receive love, but to offer it freely. I no longer have to hoard connection or manipulate acceptance. I can honor someone else’s path, even if it’s different from mine. I can let them be real, too.

And in moments of solitude, when there is no audience and no validation, I can whisper to the silence:

“I exist as I am, that is enough.”

And I sit content.

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Endigar 974

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on June 12, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Aug 01:

I came to Al-Anon to discover how to get a loved one to stop drinking, hoping that my life would then return to normal. In Al-Anon I came to understand that I did not cause alcoholism, I can’t control it, and I can’t cure it. But I can apply the Twelve Step to my own life so that I can find sanity and contentment whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not. This is why, in Al-Anon, the focus must be on me.

I soon discovered that I had problems of my own that needed attention: I had undergone some unhealthy changes as I attempted to cope with the disease of alcoholism. These changes had occurred to slowly and subtly that I had not been aware of them. I shared openly about this in Al-Anon meetings and became willing to let go of attitudes that no longer seemed appropriate. With the help of my Higher Power, I began to she self-destructive habits. In time I felt I had regained my true self. I began to grow again.

Today’s Reminder

I do not respond well when someone tries to impose their will on me; why have I tried to impose my will on those around me? There is only one person I am responsible for, and that is me. There is only one person who can make my life as full as possible – that, too, is me.

“Today I will keep hands off and keep my focus where it belongs, on me.” ~ . . . In All Our Affairs

END OF QUOTE—————————————

When I first came to Al-Anon, I was bargaining with God.

Just help them gain sobriety and sanity. Then everything can go back to normal.
That was my silent prayer. That was my illusion.

But recovery, like truth, does not bargain. It gently dismantles the scaffolding of denial, one beam at a time, until I’m standing alone in the clearing. And there, I saw it:
The obsession to solve life with chemicals wasn’t the only problem.
I had changed, too.

I had become someone I didn’t recognize—tensed up, hyper-vigilant, consumed with fixing, managing, anticipating. I thought I was helping. I thought I was strong. But I was bending in ways that were breaking me.

Al-Anon didn’t offer me a formula for saving anyone else. It offered me a mirror. And for the first time, I looked into it not to judge, but to see—with honesty, with humility, and eventually… with grace.

That’s when the shift began.

Not overnight. But in layers. Like molting skin, old habits and roles began to slough off. In Something simpler emerged.
Something closer to the me I had misplaced.

And I began to grow again.

That phrase—the focus must be on me—used to sound selfish. Now I know it’s sacred. Not because others don’t matter, but because I do. Because sanity and serenity can’t grow in soil poisoned by control and codependence.

And here’s the hard truth I’ve had to face in Step Work and in silence:
I don’t respond well when someone tries to impose their will on me.
So why did I believe it was love to do that to someone else?

I let go. Not with bitterness, but with reverence. I keep my hands off other people’s journeys and place them gently on my own heart. That is my territory. That is my sacred ground.

Because there is only one soul I am truly responsible for. And when I take that responsibility seriously—not as burden, but as blessing—I become whole again.

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Endigar 972

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on June 10, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Jul 30:

I’ve often heard that happiness is an inside job, and, much of the time, I can be as happy as I diced to be. Yet I have often found happiness fleeting. I know it’s unrealistic to expect to be happy all the time, but I think I might achieve this goal much more often if I made a firmer commitment to my decision to be happy. Instead, I choose happiness and then abandon my choice at the first sign of trouble. How deep can my commitment be if I all eve slight obstacles to rob me of my sense of well-being?

Commitment takes work; it is a discipline. When I make a decision, I must ask myself what I really want and if I am willing to work for it. Old habits are hard to break. If i have a long-standing habit of responding to problems by feeling like a helpless victim, it may not be easy to stand by my decision to be happy. A change of attitude sometimes helps: Perhaps I can look at problems as opportunities to commit more deeply to my choices. In other words, every obstacle can prompt me to assert that I really mean it – I do want to be happy.

Today’s Reminder

When I make a choice and then stick with it, I teach myself that my choices do have meaning and I am worthy of trust. I have an opportunity to make a commitment to one of my choices today.

“Our very life depends on everything’s recurring till we answer from within.” ~ Robert Frost

END OF QUOTE—————————————

Sometimes I think recovery asks me not just to get sober, but to get real—to start telling the truth about what I really want, and how easily I abandon it when life pokes at old wounds.

This realization hits me in the gut, because I have chosen happiness before. I’ve whispered it in prayers, journaled it into affirmations, even tried to fake it till I made it. But under stress, I still default to that familiar old posture: the slumped shoulders of the victim, the inner narrative that says, “See? Nothing good lasts.”

But I don’t want to live like that anymore. That’s why I show up to meetings. That’s why I inventory. That’s why I pray.

Because happiness, for me, isn’t about getting what I want—it’s about learning to want what I’ve got. To bless it. To be in right relationship with my life, even when it’s inconvenient or painful or just plain boring.

And yeah—it takes commitment. Real, grown-ass, spiritual discipline. Not because I’m trying to be perfect, but because I’m trying to be free.

And every time I choose to recommit—to this path, to my recovery, to the decision to live awake—I remind myself:
I am not powerless over my own response.
I am not the victim of every passing emotion.
I am not who I used to be.

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Endigar 968

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on June 3, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Jul 26:

I am learning to identify illusions that make my life unmanageable. For example, I wanted to stop controlling people and situations, but the harder I tried, the more I felt as if I were knocking my head against a wall. Then someone mentioned that I couldn’t give up something I didn’t have. Perhaps I could try giving up the illusion of control. Once I saw that my attempts to exercise power were based on illusions, it was easier to let go and let God.

Another illusion is that I have a big hole inside and I must fill it with something from outside myself. Compulsively shopping, obsessing about relationships, trying to fix everyone else’s problems – these are some of the ways I’ve tried to fill this hole. Yet the problem is spiritual emptiness and must be filled from within. It wasn’t until I saw through the illusion that I was deficient and needed to look outside myself for wholeness, that I began to heal.


Today’s Reminder

Today, if I hear myself thinking that I am not good enough or that I need something outside myself to make me whole, I’ll know that I am listening to illusions. Today I can call an Al-Anon friend and come back to reality.

“. . . human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.” ~ William James

END OF QUOTE—————————————

My work in recovery is not just a story of struggle—but a series of quiet turning points, points where I take a breath between battles. I take time to recognize the significance of genuine expression. I realized that any of us, myself especially, when subjected to prolonged periods of internal abuse, like the alcoholic written about in The Doctor’s Opinion, soon find that they “cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false.”

There’s a sacred power in beginning to name illusions. In early recovery, the lines between illusion and reality often blur, and the pain feels real enough to confuse the two. That’s why this moment—this realization—is profound: I couldn’t give up control because I never truly had it. That kind of truth doesn’t just land in the mind—it softens the fists we’ve kept clenched for years.

And then there’s the hole—the aching, familiar void we all try to outrun or out-buy or out-fix. I know that urge, to chase wholeness in others, in things, in saving or seducing or pleasing. But this realization reminds me that spiritual emptiness is not a flaw—it’s a calling. A whisper that we are ready to return to ourselves. Not to fill the hole with something else, but to meet the space within with light, attention, and care.

When I hear the old voices whisper: You’re not enough. You need more. Fix it fast.—I will pause. I will know this is illusion speaking. And I will return to what is real: connection. Friendship. God. And the quiet truth that I am already whole, even as I heal.

This is not the end of the work. But it is the end of the lie.

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Endigar 966

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on June 2, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Jul 25:

After years of letting people take advantage of me, I had built up quite a store of anger, resentment, and guilt by the time I found Al-Anon. So many times I wanted to bite off my tongue after saying, “Yes,” when I really wanted to say, “No.” Why did I continue to deny my own feelings just to gain someone’s approval?

As I worked the Al-Anon program, the answer became apparent: What I lacked was courage. In the Serenity Prayer I lean that courage is granted by my higher Power, so that is where I turned first. Then it was up to me to do my part. Was I willing to try to learn to say, “No,” when I meant no? Was I willing to accept that not everyone would be thrilled with this change? Was I willing to face the real me behind the people-pleasing image? Fed up with volunteering to be treated like a doormat, I squared my shoulders and answered, “Yes.”

Today’s Reminder

It is not always appropriate to reveal my every thought, especially when dealing with an active alcoholic. But do I make a conscious choice about what I say? And when it is appropriate, do I say what I mean and mean what I say? If not, why not? All I have to offer anyone is my own experience of the truth.

“There is a prince that is too great to pay for peace . . . One cannot pay the price of self-respect.” ~ Woodrow Wilson

END OF QUOTE—————————————

I know what it’s like to say “yes” when everything in me is screaming “no,” and then carry the weight of that quiet betrayal inside myself. The approval I was chasing always came at too high a price: my peace, my boundaries, my dignity.

Recovery taught me that this pattern wasn’t just about weakness—it was about survival. Somewhere along the line, I had internalized the idea that my value came from being agreeable, accommodating, small. But underneath that surface compliance, I was stockpiling rage and shame. I was afraid to be honest, because honesty might have made me look unlovable, or even worse—disposable.

When I started practicing the program, the word courage hit differently. It wasn’t a grand, dramatic thing. It was quiet. Steady. A spiritual muscle I had to learn to flex. Turning to a Higher Power helped me realize I didn’t have to conjure that courage on my own. It was something I could receive—if I was willing.

Learning to say “no” with love—not defiance, not bitterness, just clarity—has been one of the most sacred disciplines of my recovery. And letting go of the fantasy that I could please everyone freed me to meet the real version of myself. Not the one polished up for applause, but the one who breathes deeply, speaks truth, and trusts that that’s enough.

Today, I ask myself—not out of judgment, but out of care—Why am I saying this? Who is it serving? Am I betraying myself to stay in someone else’s good graces? And I remember: the truth I’ve lived through, the healing I’ve done, the boundary I draw—that’s all I have to give. That is my offering. And it’s enough.

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Endigar 963

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on May 29, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Jul 22:

Al-Anon’s Suggested Closing says that “though you may not like all of us, you’ll love us in a very special way – the same way we already love you.” In other words, every Al-Anon meeting can be an opportunity to practice placing principles above personalities. Most of us are highly aware of the personalities of people around us. Instead of getting lost in petty likes and dislikes, it is important to remember why we come to meetings. We all need each other in order to recover.

I don’t have to like everybody, but I want to look deeper to find the sprit that we share in common. Perhaps I can find peace with each person by reminding myself of those things that draw us together – a common interest, a common belief, a common goal. I will then have a resource for strength rather than a target for negative thinking. I will have placed principles about personalities.

Today’s Reminder

I will keep an open mind toward each person I encounter today. If I am ready to learn, anyone can be my teacher.

“The open door to helpful answers is communication based on love. Such communication depends on awareness of and respect for each other’s well-being and willingness to accept in another what may not measure up to our own standards and expectations.” ~ The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage

END OF QUOTE—————————————

How easy it is for my mind to fixate on personalities—on judgments, reactions, stories I tell myself about others. Especially in recovery, where emotions can run high and vulnerability is the norm, it’s tempting to let certain voices, faces, or tones distract me from why I show up. But the principles of the Twelve Steps offer me a different path—a reminder that I don’t have to like everyone, but I can still choose to love them in that deeper, spiritual sense. The same way I hope to be loved when I’m not at my best.

Love in these recovery rooms isn’t sentimental or selective. It’s a principle. It’s a practice. And it’s one I can lean on when my instincts pull me toward criticism or distance. When I shift from judging to seeking connection, everything changes. When I look for the spirit in others—not the surface—I find something in common: pain, hope, courage, a willingness to heal. And when I choose to see that, I’m not just giving someone else grace. I’m giving myself peace. I’m reminding myself that I’m not alone. That we all came here for healing, and we need each other to find it.

Even the ones I struggle with can become teachers, if I let them. That’s humbling. And liberating. I’ll try to keep the door open. I’ll try to place principles above personalities—not because it’s easy, but because it frees me. It roots me in love instead of fear. And that’s where I want to live.

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