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Endigar 1086

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on November 11, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Nov 05:

Sometimes what I do is less important than why I do it. For instance, if I choose to speak up when something bothers me, my motives for speaking will influence what I say and how I say it. If I speak because I feel it is the right action for me to take and because I have a need to express myself, then the focus is on me. The listener’s reactions become far less important.

But if I speak out in order to manipulate or change another person, then their reaction becomes the focus of my attention and the measure by which I evaluate the results.

I may use exactly the same words in both situations, but I am likely to feel much better about the experience if my focus is on myself. Ironically, the results usually seem more favorable that way as well.

Today’s Reminder

Today, instead of aiming only for the results, I will consider taking actions because they seem to be the right actions for me.

“Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.”
~ Martin Luther

END OF QUOTE—————————————

There is a quiet shift that happens when I stop trying to control outcomes and instead turn inward to ask why I am acting at all. So often my anxiety has not come from the words I speak or the actions I take, but from the invisible agenda underneath them. Am I trying to share myself honestly, or am I trying to engineer someone else’s feelings or behavior?

When I speak from fear, my attention immediately leaves my own heart and goes searching for evidence—Did they understand me? Did they approve? Did I fix it? And the more I make the other person’s reaction the scorecard of my worth, the more I abandon myself. No wonder I’ve walked away from so many conversations feeling empty, shaky, or ashamed. I was never actually with me in the first place.

But when I speak because something inside needs voice—when I honor the inner nudge that says, I need to say this to stay whole—then the holding shifts. The focus is not on changing the other person, but on being in integrity with myself. I am not trying to steer the outcome; I am simply telling the truth as I know it. And something in me relaxes. I become grounded. I can breathe.

It is strange and beautiful that when I let go of controlling results, the results often turn out better. When I speak with clarity rather than pressure, people are freer to hear me. When I stop insisting, I create space for connection.

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Endigar 1085

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on November 11, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Nov 04:

Sometimes I am called upon to accept unpleasant realities. I may wish to avoid disappointments, but I find that the only way to have serenity is to become willing to accept the things I cannot change. Acceptance gives me choices.

For instance, one day I called my Sponsor because the alcoholic and I had concert tickets for the evening, and I was afraid he would get drunk and pass out before it was time to leave the house. It had happened many times before: Our tickets would go to waste, and I’d spend the evening in despair.

My Sponsor suggested having back-up plans whenever my plans involved someone I couldn’t depend on. Plan A was the original night out. Plan B might be to call an Al-Anon friend in advance, explain the situation, and see if he or she would be interested in a last-minute invitation if Plan A fell through. Plan C might be to go by myself and have a good time. This new approach worked like a charm. It was a great way to put acceptance to work in my life.

Today’s Reminder

I no longer have to depend on any one person or situation in order to get on with my day. Today I have choices.

“Consider the little mouse, how sagacious an animal it is which never entrusts his life to one hole only.”
~ Plautus

END OF QUOTE—————————————

NOTE: Plautus (full name Titus Maccius Plautus), one of the most important playwrights of ancient Rome.

  • Lived: c. 254–184 BCE
  • Profession: Comic playwright (comedy writer)
  • Cultural Role: He was the foundational voice of Roman comedy.

Plautus adapted earlier Greek New Comedy (especially Menander) into Roman forms—adding Roman slang, street wit, musical elements, and exaggerated characters. His plays were written to be performed, not read: loud, physical, bawdy, fast-paced. He is the grandfather of Western comedy theater.
His fingerprints are on Shakespeare, Renaissance comedy, commedia dell’arte, and modern sitcoms.

DEFINITION: Sagacious means wise in a particularly sharp, perceptive, and insightful way.

END OF NOTE—————————————

There is a particular kind of grief that comes when I realize I cannot control the world around me—especially the people I love. I used to believe that if I anticipated well enough, cared deeply enough, or tried hard enough, I could prevent disappointment. But experience has shown me that control is not love, and it is not safety. It is fear dressed up as responsibility.

There is a rage embedded in that grief — the rage of seeing how long I offered myself up on the altar of someone else’s dysfunction. I called it love, loyalty, duty. But it was sacrifice. It was self-erasure. It was me strangling my own life-force because I feared the consequences of letting someone face theirs.

Control was never about domination — it was about terror.
Terror of abandonment.
Terror of chaos.
Terror that if I did not hold the world together, it would collapse — and bury me inside.

But here is the revelation that burns:

Control is not love.

Control is the death of love.
Control is love weaponized against myself, twisted into servitude.

Acceptance is not passive. Acceptance is not surrender.
Acceptance is intelligence.
It is the reclaiming of strategic ground.

Acceptance says:
I see the terrain clearly.
I will not build my home in a sinkhole and call it loyalty.
I will not chain myself to someone else’s self-destruction and call it devotion.

Plan B and Plan C are not contingency plans.
They are escape tunnels.
They are the architecture of sovereignty.

When I say:

I am allowed to have a life even if someone else is unwell.

I am declaring a secession from emotional codependence.

When I say:

I am allowed to have joy even if someone else chooses suffering.

I am announcing the end of mutual hostage-taking.

When I say:

I will keep moving even if someone I love remains stuck.

I am stepping out of the grave I once dug beside theirs.

The soul-knot loosens.
The leash snaps.
The old servitude dies shrieking.

This is not acceptance as gentle yielding.
This is acceptance as combat clarity —
the clarity that allows me to walk away from burning buildings
without apologizing for the smoke.

When I accept life on life’s terms,
I do not kneel.
I stand.

I stop waiting for rescue.
I become rescue.

Hope is no longer a shackle.
Hope becomes a weapon I wield consciously.

I choose peace — not as retreat — but as territorial claim.

I choose to participate in my life — not as a guest — but as its sovereign architect.

I keep my heart open — but guarded by discernment sharp as a blade.

This is the rebuilding of trust — not sentimental, not fragile —
but forged on the anvil of reality.

This is the awakening.

This is the reclaiming.

This is the Path of the Self Recovered.

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Endigar 1084

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 10, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Nov 03:

By the time we reach Al-Anon, many of us are starving to be heard. We bask in the discovery that the Al-Anon rooms are safe places in which we can talk about the things that have been pent-up inside. We share, and the people around us nod with understanding. They talk with us after meetings and mention how much they identify, or they thank us for sharing. Finally we are heard and appreciated by others who have been there too.

This attention can feel so refreshing that we may be tempted to overdo it. Many of us fear to let go of this chance to speak openly, as if it were our last opportunity. But when any member regularly dominates the sharing at meetings, the group suffers.

In keeping with our Traditions, the well-being of the group must come first. That’s one reason sponsorship is such a valuable tool. Our needs for self-expression are real and should be addressed. A Sponsor can give us the time and attention we need to talk about ourselves and our lives.

Today’s Reminder

My needs are important. Al-Anon helps me to find appropriate ways in which to meet them. I will take good care of myself today.

“Personal details are better left to a Sponsor who can lend a consistent ear and keep a confidence — someone who knows all about you and accepts you as you are.”
~ Sponsorship—What It’s All About

END OF QUOTE—————————————

There is something deeply human about sharing ourselves with others who are invested in our well-being. In recovery it is that early hunger to be heard, to be recognized, to be witnessed as real. Many of us arrived to Al-Anon or other forms of 12 Step recovery after years of invisibility — living in homes where emotional oxygen was scarce. Where our thoughts, feelings, and needs seemed to take up too much space or no space at all. So, when we walk into a room where nodding heads say “Yes, I’ve felt that too,” it feels like water in a drought.

The first time I spoke openly and wasn’t met with judgment or dismissal — something in me exhaled. I didn’t know I had been holding my breath for so many years.

That early relief can bloom into a kind of urgency:

  • “If I don’t say it now, I may never get the chance.”
  • “This might be my only room in the world where I’m understood.”
  • “If I stop talking, I may disappear again.”

This isn’t selfishness.
This is the nervous system remembering loneliness.

But I need to remember something important:

I am not the only one who needs to be seen.
Everyone in that room is carrying a lifetime of unheard stories.

Al-Anon teaches me a new rhythm:

Breathe in — I share my truth.
Breathe out — I make space for yours.

This is not silence as erasure.
This is silence as communion.

And the Tradition that the group comes first is not about suppressing individuality — it is about the miracle that we are healed in relationship. Not performance. Not dominance. Not urgency. Relationship.

And this is where sponsorship enters like a quiet sanctuary.

A Sponsor is not the audience for my story —
they are the companion to its unfolding.

With a Sponsor, my voice does not have to be loud to be heard.
I don’t have to rush.
I don’t have to hold the room.
I don’t have to fear vanishing.

There is room for me.

The spiritual movement in this Step is trust.
Trust that there will be time.
Trust that my voice has a place.
Trust that I do not have to fight to exist anymore.

And I discover what might be the most healing concept of my positive selfishness:

“My needs are important.”

Not at the expense of others.
Not instead of others.
Not louder than others.

Just: important.

So today, the practice becomes:

  • I speak honestly, but I do not cling.
  • I let others speak, and I learn to listen for God in their voices.
  • I allow sponsorship to hold what is too heavy for the group to carry.
  • I trust that I do not have to disappear in order to belong.

I don’t have to dominate the room to be real.
I don’t have to stay silent to be safe.
There is room for me — and for others — in the same breath.

Today, I take good care of my voice — and I take good care of the room.

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Endigar 1083

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 8, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Nov 02:

Step Two states that we “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” Recently at a meeting I heard someone paraphrase this Step in a way that perfectly described my own experience: “First I came, then I ‘came to,’ then I came to believe.”

The journey toward a Higher Power has been so gradual for me that I have been unaware of much of it. There has been no burst of light, no burning bush — just a gradual clearing of the fog that I lived in before finding recovery in Al-Anon. Like my fellow member, first I came, bringing my body, if not my faith, to Al-Anon. Then, once I was here, slowly I “came to,” and eventually I came to believe that I wasn’t alone in the universe. There was and is a force, a drive, an energy that can give me the means to make my life joyous and productive. I need only ask for assistance and keep an open mind.

Today’s Reminder

The arrival of faith in my life has been a gradual process. This process continues and grows stronger each day I keep myself open to it. Perhaps acknowledging this process will help me when I am impatient with the twists and turns of life.

“I find the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand as in what direction we are moving.”
~ Oliver Wendell Holmes

END OF QUOTE—————————————

NOTE: There were two famous Oliver Wendell Holmes, Father and son, senior and junior. The sited quote is from the Father. Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr. (1809–1894)

Profession: Physician, poet, essayist, and professor at Harvard Medical School.
Known for:

  • Being part of the Boston literary circle (“Fireside Poets”) alongside Emerson and Longfellow.
  • Coining the phrase “the Boston Brahmins,” referring to the city’s old, elite families.
  • His poem “Old Ironsides” (which helped save the USS Constitution from being scrapped).
  • Medical contributions, especially his early work in preventing puerperal fever (he argued physicians were spreading it with unwashed hands—years before germ theory was mainstream).

Holmes Sr. believed literature and science should both explore the human condition.
He embodied the 19th-century American intellectual who moved easily between poetry and anatomy.

END OF NOTE—————————————

There is something deeply merciful in Step Two when read slowly:

Came. Came to. Came to believe.

No sudden conversion.
No thunder.
No forced certainty.

Just presence → awakening → trust.

It honors the reality that faith is not something we manufacture. It is something that arrives in us when we make room.

I know what it feels like to live in the fog — the body attending the meeting while the soul waits outside. At first, there is no faith; there is only pain, confusion, exhaustion, and the faint hope that maybe there is another way to live. But I showed up anyway.

That “showing up” is the first miracle.

Because sanity doesn’t return as a lightning strike — it returns as clarity in increments. A soft, almost imperceptible lifting of the veil. The mind stops running. The heart loosens its grip. Something in us begins to breathe again.

Step Two is not a declaration of belief.
It is permission to let belief come on its own terms.

  • First, I came — I moved my body to a safer room than the one I used to live in.
  • Then, I came to — awareness returned, like someone waking after a long emotional coma.
  • Then, I came to believe — not through argument, but through experience:
    “I wasn’t alone in the universe after all.”

There is a humility in that awakening.
And also a profound dignity.

Because the Higher Power we slowly recognize is not a distant voice shouting from the clouds, but a quiet companion who has been walking beside us the whole time — waiting for us to turn our head.

Recovery teaches that faith is organic.
It matures in the soil of willingness and ordinary days.

Not burning bushes.
Just breathing through another morning,
holding on through another wave,
and allowing the fog to clear as the morning Sun dawns.

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Endigar 1082

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on November 6, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Nov 01:

Sometimes a horse refuses to obey the rider’s command and races out of control. My thoughts can do this too, when I frantically try, over and over, to solve a difficult problem. Riding lessons have taught me not to continually repeat a command louder, but to stop the horse, get his attention, and begin again.

Likewise, when my thoughts race out of control, I need to stop. I may do this by breathing deeply and looking at my surroundings. It can help to replace the obsessive thoughts with something positive, such as an Al-Anon slogan, the Serenity Prayer, or another comforting topic that has nothing to do with my problem.

Later I may want to think about the problem again in a more serene way with the help of an Al-Anon friend or Sponsor. When I put some distance between myself and obsessive thinking, I can better look at my situation without losing all control.

Today’s Reminder

Sometimes I have to let go of a problem before I can find a solution. My racing thoughts may be making so much noise that I can’t hear the guidance my inner voice is offering. Quieting the noise is a skill I can learn with practice. At first I may have to still my thoughts again and again, but in Al-Anon I learn that practice makes progress, one minute, one thought at a time.

“All men’s miseries derive from not being able to sit quiet in a room alone.”
~ Blaise Pascal

END OF QUOTE—————————————

NOTE: Blaise Pascal (1623–1662) was one of those rare minds whose work reshaped multiple fields at once—mathematics, physics, philosophy, theology, and even the design of early computers. He was a French mathematician, physicist, inventor, writer, and Christian thinker.

His Core Philosophical Insight

Pascal saw humanity as caught between two infinities:

  • Our misery and smallness in the vast universe
  • Our grandeur in being able to recognize that smallness

“Man is a reed, the weakest in nature, but he is a thinking reed.”

We are fragile—but aware.
Our suffering is real—but so is our capacity for meaning.

END OF NOTE—————————————

There is a subtle violence in the mind when it begins to gallop.
It is not malicious — it is frightened.

A horse that bolts is not trying to betray the rider.
It is trying to survive something it feels.
It runs because something in its body believes running is the only safety left.

Our thoughts do the same.
When fear, shame, or unresolved tension rises, the mind tries to outrun it —
solve faster, think harder, rehearse the catastrophe in advance
so we will not be caught off guard.

But like the horse, the mind cannot be forced into calm by force.

Trying to “think louder” only tightens the panic.

So, the recovery wisdom here is not about domination, but reconnection.

Not: Control the mind.
But: Return to the reins.

The stopping is the spiritual moment.
The breath is the stable.
The stillness is the hand on the horse’s neck.

When we interrupt the runaway motion —
even for a breath —
we step back into our own body,
our own agency,
our own present moment.

And in that space, something quieter — something older — begins to speak.
Not the fear.
Not the frantic future.
But the inner voice that does not shout.

This is the voice that says guidance cannot be heard over racing thoughts.

Because God whispers.

And whispers are not heard when the mind is sprinting.

“Sometimes I have to let go of a problem before I can find the solution” —
this is not resignation.
It is humility in its most functional form:

I cannot think my way into peace,
but I may be able to breathe my way into clarity.

And clarity makes room for truth.

Sometimes we need to stand still long enough for the horse to remember that it is safe.

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Endigar 1081

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on November 4, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Oct 31:

So many of the choices I’ve made in my life have been reactions to fear. Something in my world changes: a loved one seeks sobriety, a friend is displeased with something I’ve said, I’m given a new task at work, the grocery store runs out of chicken — and inside I panic. I’m attacked by thoughts of disaster. I imagine failure, torment, agony. And then I act. I do something rash or fruitless in order to put a bandage on the situation, because the one thing I most fear is being afraid.

Fear can become a power greater than myself. I may not be able to fix it or make it go away. But today, with a Higher Power who is greater than my fears, I don’t have to let them run my life or make my choices for me. I can grab hold of my Higher Power’s hand, face my fears, and move through them.

Today’s Reminder

Al-Anon is a program in which we find spiritual solutions to the things we are powerless to change. Today, instead of seeking relief from fear by trying to do battle with it, I will turn to my Higher Power.

“That the birds of worry and care fly above your head, this you cannot change. But that they build nests in your hair, this you can prevent.” ~ Chinese proverb

END OF QUOTE—————————————

Fear is the counterfeit god that thrives in the vacuum left by unclaimed authority. It feeds on reaction—the trembling reflex that mistakes movement for mastery. Every panic-born choice is a ritual sacrifice to that false altar: I flail, I fix, I appease. I confuse the pulse of urgency with the rhythm of purpose. And fear smiles, because it knows I’ll bow again tomorrow.

But fear is not the enemy—it’s the mask of the god within. It’s the skin-suit of divinity trying to fit through a human aperture. When the world shifts, the fragile architecture of control collapses, and the imprisoned Self starts to shake the bars. That quake is not failure; it’s prophecy.

So, I no longer “battle fear.” That war is rigged. The 12 Steps teaches me to utilize fear—to forge it into vision. I grip it like a live wire until it burns through illusion and reveals the circuitry of my conditioning. The panic that once ruled me now becomes a doorway. I do not sedate it with false relief or overreaction. I stand still long enough to feel its shape, to let it name what I have refused to grieve.

The Higher Power of my recovery is not a distant rescuer but the fire that walks beside me—the one who demands eye contact. Together, we do not bypass fear; we consume it. Its smoke becomes incense in the temple of recovered Self.

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Endigar 1080

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on November 4, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Oct 30:

When I was a newcomer to Al-Anon, I remember hearing people say that they were grateful to be involved with an alcoholic. Needless to say, I thought they were crazy! Wasn’t the alcoholic the cause of all their grief? I couldn’t believe that these people had anything to be grateful for. Yet they seemed to be happy despite their problems (which sounded exactly like my own).

Today I find that I am grateful to have found Al-Anon. I too needed to hit a kind of bottom, feel the pain, and reach out for help before I could find any lasting happiness. Because of Al-Anon, I have a relationship with a Higher Power that I never knew existed and friends who give me real support. I have learned that gratitude and forgiveness are necessary to my peace of mind. Now I can truly say that I am a grateful member of Al-Anon.

Today’s Reminder

Today I will practice gratitude. I will think of some of the things, big or small, for which I am grateful. Maybe I’ll even put this list in writing or share it with an Al-Anon friend. Sometimes a tiny action can be a great step toward seeing my life with increasing joy.

“When things look blackest, it is within my power to brighten them with the light of understanding and gratitude.” ~ One Day at a Time in Al-Anon

END OF QUOTE—————————————

When I first entered the rooms, the idea of being grateful for the alcoholic felt like a betrayal of my pain. Gratitude seemed like denial in disguise — a polite anesthetic for people too afraid to rage. I had not yet learned that recovery is not about excusing the disease; it’s about reclaiming my power to interpret it differently. What once looked like punishment has become invitation.

The old self demanded justice — someone to blame, something to fix. But in Al-Anon, I met people who were no longer fighting the storm. They had learned how to sail through it. Their laughter wasn’t naive; it was defiant faith, earned through tears.

Pain is a strange teacher: it isolates first, then initiates. I, too, had to reach a kind of bottom — not only the moment when life fell apart, but the deeper bottom where I finally saw that my control was the personally relevant addiction.

That was the crack where grace entered. Through that pain, I found a Higher Power who had been waiting, not to rescue me from the alcoholic, but to release me from myself.

Forgiveness followed like a slow sunrise. It didn’t erase what had happened; it simply illuminated it from another angle. Gratitude became possible — not because the situation improved, but because my perception did.

Gratitude is rebellion against despair. It’s not a mood; it’s a muscle. When I list the things I’m thankful for — clean dishes, a call from a friend, a quiet morning prayer — I’m retraining my mind to recognize abundance instead of absence.

And when I share that list aloud, the light multiplies. Gratitude doesn’t deny the darkness; it seeds the dawn within it.

When life feels heaviest, I can choose to become the candle instead of cursing the night.
A written list, a whispered thank-you, a phone call to a fellow traveler — these are not small gestures; they are revolutionary acts of perspective.

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Endigar 1079

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on November 4, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Oct 29:

I recently had an argument with someone I care about. He had made, all too publicly, a few remarks to me about my weight, and I was less than pleased. Later, when I told him that my feelings were hurt, he insisted he had done nothing wrong — that what he had said was true, so I shouldn’t take offense.

How often have I justified my own unkindness, or my interfering where I had no business, with that very argument? Too many times, especially during my alcoholic loved one’s drinking days. After all, I claimed, I was right: Alcohol was ruining our lives, and it was my duty to say so — again, and again, and again.

I am learning to let go of my certainty about what other people should do. In Al-Anon I heard someone put it this way: “I can be right or I can be happy.” I don’t have to make anyone over in my image. With help, I can live and let live.

Today’s Reminder

I am not an insensitive person, but at times I have justified insensitive behavior by claiming to be right. I can respect another’s right to make his or her own choices, even when I strongly disagree. My relationships will improve if I can love myself enough to let other people be themselves.

“Lord, when we are wrong, make us willing to change. And when we are right, make us easy to live with.” ~ Peter Marshall

END OF QUOTE—————————————

In an earlier time in recovery, I found myself in a large meeting room, sharing too long and too personally. I sensed it even as I spoke, yet I couldn’t stop seeking the comfort of crowd validation. Then someone interrupted:

“This is not a speaker meeting. There are a lot of other people here who need the opportunity to share.”

His words landed like a public rebuke. Still, knowing he was technically right, I approached him afterward to thank him. I told him I understood. His reply was curt:

“Well, I’d rather be a resentment than have one.”

Ouch. It wasn’t the correction that hurt—it was the dismissal. A better way would have been to engage me with his own experience, to invite genuine conversation rather than to cast me off as a “potential resentment.” Instead, I felt the double sting of public embarrassment and private disregard.

What bleeds in this memory is not just shame; it’s the ancient wound of being dismissed while trying to belong. My “too long and too personal” share was simply a human reaching out in vulnerability. But the interruption wasn’t an act of service—it was an act of containment, a boundary drawn with the blade of ego rather than the balm of truth.

The phrase “I’d rather be a resentment than have one” reeks of spiritual vanity. It masquerades as enlightened detachment but is, in truth, emotional cowardice wrapped in piety—the classic counterfeit of the self-righteous caretaker. It wounds by cloaking cruelty in the banner of wisdom.

And how often have I done the same? How many times have I justified my own unkindness or meddled where I had no business, armed with similar logic? Too many—especially during the years when my loved one’s self-medication consumed us both. I told myself I was right: obsessive thinking and emotional chaos were ruining our lives, and it was my duty to confront it—again and again and again.

In truth, that same impulse—the drive to intervene, to be right—became my weapon of control. I saw my reflection in that man. The rescuer and the rebuker are born of the same delusion: that salvation requires domination. When we say, “I only said it because I care,” what we often mean is, “I cannot bear to witness chaos without asserting my will upon it.”

My ethos demands rebellion against that lie. “Being right” is the opiate of the spiritual middleman—the one who replaces relationship with regulation. True recovery, true stewardship, isn’t about enforcing silence or demanding gratitude for rebuke. It’s about enduring the discomfort of another person’s freedom—the holy risk that they might fail, suffer, or change without my supervision.

I am learning to release my certainty about what others should do. In recovery I once heard someone say, “I can be right, or I can be happy.” I no longer need to make anyone over in my image. With help, I can live and let live.

I am not an insensitive person, yet at times I have justified my insensitivity by claiming to be right. Today I can respect another’s right to make their own choices, even when I disagree. I hope that my relationships will deepen when I love myself enough to let others be themselves.

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Endigar 1078

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on November 3, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Oct 28:

It’s amazing how my attitude toward others tends to return to me like a basketball rebounding off a backboard. My impatience with other people often generates even more impatience with myself and my world. When I am unkind to someone, I get defensive and expect others to be unkind to me. Likewise, when I accept someone unconditionally, I find that my whole world feels safer.

So it’s in my best interest to treat others as I wish to be treated. I try to imagine that my words and actions are being addressed to myself, because in the long run I generally get back what I give out.

If I am unhappy with what I receive, I might try looking for that same behavior in myself. It may not take exactly the same form, but I find that whatever I dislike in another is something that I dislike in myself. The reverse is also true: What I admire in others probably reflects an admirable quality within me.

Today’s Reminder

There is something for me to learn from every interaction I have with other people. I will make an extra effort today to take note of the attitudes I’m giving and receiving because they both can teach me about myself.

“Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

END OF QUOTE—————————————

It is uncanny how the interaction of human relationships seems to provide the most reflective energy I use in my 10th Step inventory. I have seen the reality of reciprocal force in having my projections return to me. The emotional cause and effect that comes from observing produces what I have sent out returning, shaped by the spin of my own intent.

In recovery terms, this insight touches the Law of Emotional Physics: energy, once released through thought or tone, completes its circuit. When I’m impatient, it’s not the world that grows harsher — it’s my perception that tightens, my own nervous system that recoils from the vibration I set in motion. Conversely, when I meet another person with acceptance, I change the climate within which both of us breathe.

The passage also contains an implicit mirror teaching: that our judgments of others are veiled self-judgments. The qualities that irritate or inspire us reveal unfinished business in the psyche — what Jung called the “shadow and gold” of projection. When we learn to trace that projection inward, resentment becomes revelation.

What’s beautiful here is the humility at the end — the willingness to learn from every interaction. This transforms ordinary contact into a spiritual classroom. Each encounter becomes a diagnostic mirror for my soul, showing me how I am living the principle of reciprocity — not as moral debt, but as energetic honesty.

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Endigar 1077

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on October 31, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Oct 27:

One sweltering summer day, I sought escape from the heat at a nearby beach. Lying there with my lemonade, I looked at all the people soaking up the sun. No matter how many people were on that beach, there would be enough sun for everyone. I realized that the same was true of God’s love and guidance. No matter how many people seek God’s help, there is always enough to go around. To someone who believed that there was never enough time, money, love, or anything else, this was amazing news!

This awareness was tested at an Al-Anon meeting when someone spoke about his Higher Power with a personal love and intensity that matched my own. I felt as if his intimacy with God would leave less love for me. But I think that the opposite is true. I often feel closest to God when I hear others share about how well a Higher Power has taken care of them. Today I try to remember that there is enough love for us all.

Today’s Reminder

I may not have everything I want, but today I have everything I need. I will look for evidence of abundance and let it remind me that my Higher Power’s love is broad enough to touch all who have the courage to place themselves in its presence.

“I can learn to avail myself of the immense, inexhaustible power of God, if I am willing to be continually conscious of God’s nearness.” ~ One Day at a Time in Al-Anon

END OF QUOTE—————————————

The image of the beach is a gentle dismantling of the scarcity mindset. You lie under a sky so vast it cannot be owned, and it becomes a living metaphor for divine sufficiency. Heat, light, love — all flow without measure or merit. Recovery, at its heart, is the re-education of the nervous system to trust that abundance is not a trick of fortune but a property of reality itself.

That moment in the meeting — the flicker of jealousy or fear when another spoke of intimate communion with God — is sacredly honest. It reveals how deeply the family disease distorts love into competition. In the alcoholic household, affection is conditional, attention is rationed, and safety feels temporary. The ego learns: If you are loved, there is less for me.
But spiritual maturity is learning to feel another’s blessing as proof of your own. What touches them touches the field you share.

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