Daily Reprieve

From Today’s Daily Reflections (August 5th);

How persistently we claim the right to decide all by ourselves just what we shall think and just how we shall act.   (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 37)

If I accept and act upon the advice of those who have made the program work for themselves, I have a chance to outgrow the limits of the past. Some problems will shrink to nothingness, while others may require patient, well-thought-out action. Listening deeply when others share can develop intuition in handling problems which arise unexpectedly. It is usually best for me to avoid impetuous action. Attending a meeting or calling a fellow A.A. member will usually reduce tension enough to bring relief to a desperate sufferer like me. Sharing problems at meetings with other alcoholics to whom I relate, or privately with my sponsor, can change aspects of the positions in which I find myself. Character defects are identified and I begin to see how they work against me. When I put my faith in the spiritual power of the program, when I trust others to teach me what I need to do to have a better life, I find that I can trust myself to do what is necessary.

END OF QUOTE

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When I take a solitary stand against my alcoholism, I must take a stand against my own mind and body with my own mind and body.  It is a suicide mission.

In the recovery program, I found ways to connect with others and with my Higher Power.  Through the collective conscience of recovery, I find a victory I had never thought would be possible.

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

Faith, to be sure, is necessary, but faith alone can avail nothing. We can have faith, yet keep God out of our lives.   (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 34)

As a child I constantly questioned the existence of God. To a “scientific thinker” like me, no answer could withstand a thorough dissection, until a very patient woman finally said to me, “You must have faith.” With that simple statement, the seeds of my recovery were sown!

Today, as I practice my recovery – cutting back the weeds of alcoholism – slowly I am letting those early seeds of faith grow and bloom. Each day of recovery, of ardent gardening, brings the Higher Power of my understanding more fully into my life. My God has always been with me through faith, but it is my responsibility to have the willingness to accept His presence.

I ask God to grant me the willingness to do His will.

END OF QUOTE

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In recovery I have been a lazy skeptic.  A scientific skeptic is proactively attempting to remove fallacious thinking from a theory to get as close to the truth as possible.  A lazy skeptic is one who has a habit of using intellect to shoot down areas of accountability.  A lazy skeptic is a professional critic of life.  Everyone is struggling to put together a mythology that works in their lives.  For me to have a mythology that worked in my life, I had to give up the role as professional critic and gather what bits I could find, and assert to myself what I believe is real, and my mythology had to include a Loving God. Something that I can hold onto.

This is why smart people have such a hard time in recovery. They have enough intellect to shoot down the working mythology of others. I do believe there is a loving God out there, yet the goal of this holographic universe is to develop a working mythology that allows us to overcome our lower self destructive versions and allows us to become a higher version of ourselves, one that can be helpful to others.

The way from lazy skeptic to scientific one is open-mindedness and work, I think.

[ My Definition of a Working Mythology ]

From Tomorrow’s Daily Reflections;

Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us.   (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 77)

It is clear that God’s plan for me is expressed through love. God loved me enough to take me from alleys and jails so that I could be made a useful participant in His world. My response is to love all of His children through service and by example. I ask God to help me imitate His love for me through my love for others.

END OF QUOTE

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The love of God in this whole recovery process only becomes relevant to me as I learn to hear and comprehend communication from Gomu (God of my understanding).   Until that becomes a “working part of the mind” (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 87), I must rely on the strength of my self-love and desire for self-preservation to motivate me to help others.  I must find a way to give what I desire to keep.  So, until that time, the best I can give is a simulation of His apparent love.

I am posting tomorrow’s reflection today because I have to make a long distant journey on an amends’ adventure.  God grant me the serenity, courage, and wisdom for this mission.

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

At the moment we are trying to put our lives in order. But this is not an end in itself.  (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 77)

How easily I can become misdirected in approaching the Eighth Step! I wish to be free, somehow transformed by my Sixth and Seventh Step work. Now, more than ever, I am vulnerable to my own self-interest and hidden agenda. I am careful to remember that self-satisfaction, which sometimes comes through the spoken forgiveness of those I have harmed, is not my true objective. I become willing to make amends, knowing that through this process I am mended and made fit to move forward, to know and desire God’s will for me.

END OF QUOTE

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“I am vulnerable to my own self-interest and hidden agenda…self-satisfaction…is not my true objective…”

What then is my true objective?

“…through this process I am mended and made fit to move forward, to know and desire God’s will for me.”

The tools this program trains me to use so that I may have a helpful life to other alcoholics is prayer, meditation, principals of the steps to live by, and sponsorship received and given in the fellowship.

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it.   (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 83)

When new in the program, I couldn’t comprehend living the spiritual aspect of the program, but now that I’m sober, I can’t comprehend living without it. Spirituality was what I had been seeking. God, as I understand Him, has given me answers to the whys that kept me drinking for twenty years. By living a spiritual life, by asking God for help, I have learned to love, care for and feel compassion for all my fellow men, and to feel joy in a world where, before, I felt only fear.

END OF QUOTE
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In context on page 83 of the Big Book, the spirituality that surpasses theory and becomes something I live out is cleaning house and making amends to the people I have hurt.  I think the spiritual life is acting out on the realization that individual human lives are significant.

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, Courage to change the things we can, And wisdom to know the difference.   (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 125)

The power of this prayer is overwhelming in that its simple beauty parallels the A.A. Fellowship. There are times when I get stuck while reciting it, but if I examine the section which is troubling me, I find the answer to my problem. The first time this happened I was scared, but now I use it as a valuable tool. By accepting life as it is, I gain serenity. By taking action, I gain courage and I thank God for the ability to distinguish between those situations I can work on, and those I must turn over. All that I have now is a gift from God: my life, my usefulness, my contentment, and this program. The serenity enables me to continue walking forward.

Alcoholics Anonymous is the easier, softer way.

END OF QUOTE

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The convergence of these three paths lead to the most powerful expression of my life.  The path of serenity is where I develop my ability to hear and understand Gomu (God of my understanding).  The path of courage is where I develop my interactive usefulness to God and others.  The path of Wisdom is where I take the events of my life and make them a way of living a balanced life.  I have the tools to learn from my experience at the crossroads of these three paths.

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

. . . he has struck something better than gold. . . .He may not see at once that he has barely scratched a limitless lode which will pay dividends only if he mines it for the rest of his life and insists on giving away the entire product.   (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 129)

My part of the Seventh Tradition means so much more than just giving money to pay for the coffee. It means being accepted for myself by belonging to a group. For the first time I can be responsible, because I have a choice. I can learn the principles of working out problems in my daily life by getting involved in the “business” of A.A. By being self-supporting, I can give back to A.A. what A.A. gave to me! Giving back to A.A. not only ensures my own sobriety, but allows me to buy insurance that A.A. will be here for my grandchildren.

END OF QUOTE

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In harvesting the spiritual wealth of A.A., I will be tempted by two natural impulses that could snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.  First, I could believe that I have arrived at the end of my efforts.  I have graduated from the program.  I can mark milestones in my journey, but should always reset for a further destination.  The second impulse is the desire to withdraw and horde what I gain.  Once my life has been restored, it is easy to return to isolated self interest.  It was in that state of fearful pride that I forged my self-destructive assertions.  I must develop a lifetime of connective habits and a sense of intimate responsibility as the primary force of my newfound freedom.  The skills I develop in the group can be used in my own life as an individual.  I who had once needed help can now become the helper.  My own grandchildren might find relief in the rooms I helped to strengthen.  If I remain persistently generous to this way of life I will leave a legacy of sobriety that will live beyond my physical existence.

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

As active alcoholics we were always looking for a handout in one way or another.   (The Twelve Traditions Illustrated, page 14)

The challenge of the Seventh Tradition is a personal challenge, reminding me to share and give of myself. Before sobriety the only thing I ever supported was my habit of drinking. Now my efforts are a smile, a kind word, and kindness.

I saw that I had to start carrying my own weight and to allow my new friends to walk with me because, through the practice of the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, I’ve never had it so good.

END OF QUOTE

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Connect strongly.  Give where I know I will have to take.  Invest in the bank where I will have to make withdrawals.   Leave no voids of consumption untended.

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

Let us resist the proud assumption that since God has enabled us to do well in one area we are destined to be a channel of saving grace for everybody.  (A.A. Comes of Age, page 232)

A.A. groups exist to help alcoholics achieve sobriety. Large or small, firmly established or brand-new, speaker, discussion or study, each group has but one reason for being: to carry the message to the still-suffering alcoholic. The group exists so that the alcoholic can find a new way of life, a life abundant in happiness, joy, and freedom. To recover, most alcoholics need the support of a group of other alcoholics who share their experience, strength and hope. Thus my sobriety, and our program’s survival, depend on my determination to put first things first.

END OF QUOTE

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Once A.A. became successful in countering alcoholism and the public began to take notice, the fellowship faced two potentially devastating advisories who might be jealous and territorial; the scientific and the religious communities.  In order to grow in power A.A. needed to evade controversy and limit its focus.  The medical community had given us the Disease Concept that counters religious guilt and the religious community had inspired the GOMU (God of my understanding) concept that resisted intellectual prejudice.  Like the founding fathers of the United States, A.A.’s infancy had to be protected from entangling alliances.  We had reasons to be grateful to and fear both camps.

An implication from the quote from A.A. Comes of Age is that the belief that an approach is “destined to be a channel of saving grace for everybody” is a prideful assumption.  Since there are groups in both science and religion that are infected with this false pride, A.A. needed a way to protect ourselves internally and externally.

Then too, it would be a product of false pride to believe that Alcoholics Anonymous is a cure-all, even for alcoholism. Here we must remember our debt to the men and women of medicine. Here we be friendly and, above all, open minded toward every new development in the medical or psychiatric art that promises to be helpful to sick people. We should always be friendly to those in the fields of alcoholic research, rehabilitation, and education. We should endorse none especially but hold ourselves in readiness to co-operate so far as we can with them all. Let us constantly remind ourselves that the experts in religion are the clergymen; that the practice of medicine is for physicians; and that we, the recovered alcoholics, are their assistants.
There are those who predict that alcoholics anonymous may well become a new spearhead for a spiritual awakening throughout the world. When our friends say these things they are both generous and sincere. But we of A.A. must reflect that such a tribute and such a prophecy could well prove to be a heady drink for most of us-that is, if we really came to believe this to be the real purpose of A.A., and if we commenced to behave accordingly. Our society, therefore, will prudently cleave to its single purpose: the carrying of the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. Let us resist the proud assumption that since God has enabled us to do well in one area we are destined to be a channel of saving grace for everybody. (A.A. Comes of Age, page 232)

There are now many groups that pattern themselves after the 12-step recovery program forged in Alcoholics Anonymous.

[ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_twelve-step_groups ]

As we have grown, attacks from intellectuals and zealots alike rail against the validity of this program, but to no avail for we are no longer an infant entity.

We have also faced internal conflicts for we are “erratic alcoholics”  (Alcoholics Anonymous, page xviii) who had to find a way to work together.  The fact that we did should be testimony to the Higher Power present among us.

I know that within myself I have a lazy skeptic who will use my intellect to become a professional critic, with no solution offered to fill the void of powerlessness.  I am also vulnerable to the religious hijack of my simple faith in Gomu to counter the burden and fear of an isolated self.

To those still suffering I will stand along side with a single purpose; recovery from alcoholism.  I hope we will be able to help shield each other from the crossfire between religion and science.

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

We will make every personal sacrifice necessary to insure the unity of Alcoholics Anonymous. We will do this because we have learned to love God and one another.   (A.A. Comes of Age, page 234)

To be self-supporting through my own contributions was never a strong characteristic during my days as a practicing alcoholic. The giving of time or money always demanded a price tag.

As a newcomer I was told “we have to give it away in order to keep it.” As I began to adopt the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous in my life, I soon found it was a privilege to give to the Fellowship as an expression of the gratitude I felt in my heart. My love of God and of others became the motivating factor in my life, with no thought of return. I realize now that giving freely is God’s way of expressing Himself through me.

END OF QUOTE

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It all centers around the big IT.  When I am wanting IT in the beginning of my journey, I am finding opportunities to give IT away.  When I have acquired IT, I feel gratitude and give IT to the fellowship where I found IT.  When I become IT, I no longer look for IT to be given to me.   Gomu (God of my understanding) and I become one and loving is as natural as breathing.

Tag, you’re IT.