In Al-Anon we talk a lot about the need to let others experience the consequences of their actions. We know that most alcoholics have to hit a “bottom” and become uncomfortable with their own behavior before they can effectively do something about it. Thos of us who love alcoholics often have to learn to get out of the way of this bottom. We learn to detach with love.
Another reason for detachment with love may be equally important in building healthy, loving, respectful relationships. Many of us have interfered not on with a love one’s problems but also with their achievements. I may have the best of intentions, but if I take over other people’s responsibilities, I may rob them of the chance to accomplish something and to feel good about what they’ve done. Although I am trying to help, my actions may be communicating a lack of respect for my loved ones’ abilities. When I detach with love, I offer support by freeing those I care about to experience both their own satisfactions and disappointments.
Today’s Reminder
I am learning the difference between help and interference. Today I will examine the way I offer support.
“Detachment did not mean disinterest… I considered detachment ‘respect for another’s personhood.’” ~ Al-Anon Faces Alcoholism
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Respectful detachment; which speaks less of stepping away and more of stepping aside—creating sacred space for the other to walk their path, however winding or painful it may be. In Al-Anon’s framing, detachment is not abandonment or apathy.
It is, in fact, a deeper form of love—one that honors the sovereignty of the other.
When I rush in to rescue, to soften the blow, or to finish the task, I might be protecting others from their pain—but also from their growth. It is humbling to recognize that even our help, when uninvited or habitual, can be a subtle form of control. This passage reminds me: We do not walk their path for them—we walk alongside, when welcome, and step back when needed.
The phrase, “respect for another’s personhood,” is especially moving. It redefines detachment not as coldness but as reverence. We don’t need to micromanage the divine unfolding of another’s life story. By letting go, we express faith—not only in them, but in the wisdom of life itself.
Step Zero: I want to live and I ask for help to avoid a tragic end.
This is a radical declaration of both vulnerability and agency. “Step Zero” implies a prelude to transformation—before any formal step of healing or recovery begins, there must be the will to survive. It’s raw, honest, and elemental. There’s humility in asking for help, yet courage in the admission. It echoes the cry of someone poised on the edge, choosing life over oblivion.
It’s also a spiritual reset—a return to a primal human truth: the desire to live is sacred.
Associated Principle: Recovery of my truest Self cannot be given, it must be taken through the collective mind.
This speaks to personal empowerment through shared consciousness. The truest Self isn’t something that can be handed over by a savior or found in isolation. It must be taken—claimed—by the individual, but in the presence or context of others. The “collective mind” may refer to community, ancestral memory, shared trauma, or a larger spiritual ecosystem. It suggests that real healing isn’t solitary—it happens within the web of interbeing.
There’s also a challenge here: one must be active, not passive, in recovering the Self. No one else can do it for you.
Extracted Values: Positive Selfishness, Free Will, and Collective Awareness.
Positive Selfishness is reclaiming the right to prioritize your own well-being—not in a destructive or narcissistic way, but as an act of survival and dignity.
Free Will anchors the idea that choosing to live, choosing to heal, is a sovereign act. No one else gets to decide for you.
Collective Awareness reminds us that while healing is personal, it is never private. Our actions ripple outward. We are seen, felt, and mirrored by others.
—the Breath before the Word—
I want to live. Not just exist, not just endure.
I want to stand on the trembling edge and say to the dark: “Help Me.“ Not because I am weak— but because I am choosing not to disappear.
This is Step Zero. The beginning beneath beginnings. Where the soul, still smoldering, dares to whisper its own name.
The Self—my truest Self— cannot be handed to me like a medal, or a crown.
It must be taken. Wrestled back from the jaws of silence and forgetting. Taken—not from others, but with them. Through the dreamwork of the collective mind. The shared ache. The silent nod across generations.
Only in this sacred tension— between the I and the We— do I remember who I’ve always been.
So, I practice Positive Selfishness— not to hoard, but to heal.
I invoke Free Will— as a spell against despair.
And I move with Collective Awareness— because my healing is never mine alone.
And so— before I take a step, before I raise a hand, I say: I want to live.
“Many have fallen by the edge of the sword, but more have fallen by the tongue.” This quotation calls attention to a weapon many of us have been known to use: sarcasm. The cutting remark, the snide innuendo, the scornful sneer.
If I could see myself uttering these verbal assaults, I would not be proud of the picture. So why do it? When I am angry or frustrated, I may get momentary satisfaction in scoring a hit, but does sarcasm get me what I truly desire? Will attacking someone else help to solve the problems between us? Is this really the way I wish to behave? Of course not.
Sometimes I feel helpless and angry. When that happens, I might try calling an Al-Anon friend or going to a meeting where I can get some perspective. I might write down every nasty word I want to say and then read it to my Sponsor. Sometimes it feels good to let it out. But I need to do it appropriately and not hurt others needlessly in doing so. Afterward, I’ll be better able to behave constructively and communicate in a way I can be proud of.
Today’s Reminder
Most of us carry more than our share of shame. I will not add to the problem by using cruel, clever words to humiliate a fellow human being. In doing so, I would be shaming myself.
“Everyone in an alcoholic situation deserves and needs extra loving care.” ~ Living with Sobriety
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There’s something seductive about the verbal kill — that flash of superiority, the illusion of power. Especially when I feel powerless inside. When anger has no safe container, when grief hasn’t been grieved, when fear stands at the door of my heart pretending to be courage. That’s when the tongue gets sharp.
And yet, every time I wield words to wound, I am the one who limps away bleeding. Because what I really wanted was connection — not conquest. What I really needed was to be heard, not to be feared. And sarcasm never bridges that gap. It widens it.
Maybe it would be good to learn to call someone. Write it down. Speak it aloud to a Sponsor who won’t flinch. Let the heat rise and cool. Only then am I able to say what’s genuinely true — not just what’s clever.
Humor isn’t my enemy. Neither is anger. They are both holy when held with care. But cruelty masquerading as wit? That’s just unprocessed pain taking the stage in disguise.
Today, I pray for the courage to lay down my sword — even the invisible one. To trade pride for presence. To speak with the kind of fire that warms, not burns. Because I know what it is to walk wounded in a world already full of blades.
Slowly, as I began to recover, I realized what a wonderful gift the Al-Anon program was. It gave me an understanding of this disease, the tools to change my life, the courage to use them, and a place to talk about my secrets and to hear others share theirs. I wanted my family and friends to have all of these things as well.
The I read the Twelfth Step, about carrying the message to others, and began my missionary work. I dragged people to meetings. I preached what I’d learned to anyone who would listen – and even those who wouldn’t. Of course, I made a fool of myself and none of this worked.
Then I read the Twelfth Step again. This time I noticed the part about practicing these principles in all my affairs. Slowly I came to understand that in living these principles I would carry the message by example.
Today’s Reminder
It’s only natural to want tot share what works for me with those I love. But when I must share it now, I may be more interested in changing others than in sharing my experience, strength, and hope. If I am insistent on carrying the message, I can work on improving the message my own example conveys.
“We ought not to insist on everyone following in our footsteps, nor to take upon ourselves to give instructions in spirituality when, perhaps, we don’t even know what it is.”
~Teresa of Avila
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There was a time I thought love meant rescue. That I could keep someone from the edge by standing at it myself. That my sobriety could absorb their chaos. That if I hurt just right, it would heal them.
But the Steps didn’t lead me there.
They led me to detachment. Not indifference — God, no. But love with boundaries. Respect with surrender. A kind of spiritual stepping back that feels like dying, until you realize it’s not them you’re losing — it’s the illusion of control.
I’ve had to let people walk into pain. I’ve had to stop cushioning consequences. I’ve had to stop rewriting the story God was trying to tell them.
Because the truth is: I’m not the author of anyone else’s recovery. I don’t get to fast-forward their learning curve. I don’t get to stand between them and their moment of surrender.
It hurts to watch. Sometimes it rips something open in me. But today I trust that love can stand back, not just stand by.
I trust that consequences are sometimes grace in disguise.
I don’t do it perfectly. But I do it more than I used to. And that, for today, is enough.
In Step Eleven I seek to improve my conscious contact with God through prayer and meditation. How I do this is completely up to me. Perhaps I become more conscious of a Higher Power when I look for signs of guidance in the people around me, or in the events and unexplained coincidences of my life. Or perhaps I seek this Power further away from the world of logic and reason. I might look for answers through my feelings, or my instincts, or my dreams. Maybe I pursue a more traditional spiritual path. Or I can decide to keep myself open to all of these possibilities. Whatever path I choose, I know I must keep trying as often as I can to follow the course offered to me by my Higher Power. Only in this way can I be confident of my actions; only in this way can I find the courage to change.
Today’s Reminder
I will take time to clear my mind of unnecessary, hurried thoughts. There seems to be a limited amount of space in my mind until I do. But when I clear this clutter away, the space becomes limitless and the guidance I am truly willing to accept comes through.
“The spiritual exercise suggested by the Eleventh Step is a powerful force for good in our lives. Let me not ever think I have no time for it.”
~ The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage
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““I believe the universe wants to be noticed. I think the universe is improbably biased toward consciousness, that it rewards intelligence in part because the universe enjoys its elegance being observed. And who am I, living in the middle of history, to tell the universe that it—or my observation of it—is temporary?”
~ The Fault in Our Stars – John Green
WHERE ARE YOU? I am looking. I am listening. I am lusting. El Shaddai. Oh breasted One.
Since the Tenth Step is part of my daily routine, I try to think of it as a gentle, warm, and loving way to take care of myself. By continuing to take my own inventory and promptly admitting when I am wrong, I clear out many unwanted attitudes that might otherwise clutter my day.
This Step has helped me to learn that living one day at a time involves more than pulling my attention back from fears about the future. It also means leaving yesterday’s baggage in the past. Each day I ask myself if carrying this extra weight will in any way help me today. If not, I can drop it here and now and walk away from unwanted negativity with a lightness of spirit.
Today’s Reminder
On this new day, let me quietly reflect and search out any negative feelings that are left over from yesterday. Old resentments will interfere with my serenity today. Perhaps it is time to let them go.
“Each day, each new moment can be an opportunity to clear the air and start again, fresh and free.”
…In All Our Affairs
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I have trouble with letting go of the day. A new day doesn’t usually feel like something given to me, but something arriving to take me in directions I prefer not to go. But the darkness of eventide provides me with a respite, a playground for my imagination, a place where the exploration of ideas meets no criticism from the collective machine that grinds through the daylight. I am jealous for this time, and allowing a ritual such as Step Ten to accompany me to this sacred escape is not something I relish.
Yet, had I not invited alcohol, gaming, and movie binging into this temple of Morpheus because I was eaten away with thought worms that fed off my life. Neither the parasitic worms nor the solutions of escapism provided me with respite, release, or freedom. The deadliest criticisms I had to endure never came from the surrounding society. Step Ten allows me to smash all the mirrors that have nothing to do with my own personal inventory and to stop trying to hit targets for my life provided by ghosts of inadequacy. It is never the day that needs to be renewed. It is me. A well informed spirit has no fear of walking in the daylight. I desire that. Thus, I surrender the quiet to my Higher Power through this ritual.
“Can you imagine the number of mirrors this man must have smashed?” ~ J.K. Rowling
Yes. I can. He had to smash every single mirror, except one. I keep mine clean and clear with Step Ten. To your own self be true.
Step Nine says I need not make direct amends to those I have injured if, in doing so, I might cause further injury. How do I know whether or not to take action?
If direct amends are inappropriate, I can trust my Higher Power to let me know. Otherwise, if I have worked the Eighth Step and become truly willing to make amends, I believe the opportunities will arise when I am ready.
For example, I was unable to discuss my personal life with my mother. Fearing her rejection, I rejected her instead. An upcoming visit presented an opportunity to make amends, but I wasn’t sure I was ready. Would making amends at this tie injure me?
After my mother arrived, I had the feeling that this was “the time.” I prayed for courage and asked my Higher Power to help me find the words. My mother sat down with me in a quiet moment and, to my amazement, brought up every subject I had wanted to discuss. I realized that the opportunity to be close to her had always existed, but I hadn’t been willing, until then, to take part in it.
Today’s Reminder
My Higher Power does not put any challenges before me that I am unable to face. The comfort I find in that knowledge can overcome my fears.
“The lure of the distant and the difficult is deceptive. The great opportunity is where you are.”
~ John Burroughs
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It sounds to me that the best approach to the Step Eight and Nine amends is to list all, to become willing to make amends to all, and then, after an honest conversation with my sponsor or other points of accountability, to make a notation, a mark, and to set aside those that might cause further harm.
These set-aside amends, I make to my Higher Power and seek inspiration for a lifestyle amends. I pray for those who deserved an amends from me, and only if my Higher Power gives me opportunity and inspiration, do I carefully move forward.
Otherwise, I change the way I live in honor of that karmic debt.
“There was once a very small town with a narrow cobblestone lane that ran north to south through the town. In the center of the town, the lane was lined on both sides with many small kiosks for food, tea, and all the other items needed for living. There were numerous other lanes and paths that ran both parallel and perpendicular to the main lane that went through the center of town. One of the rules of this town was that all donkeys, which most of the town people used to carry their goods, had to be tethered just outside the town center in a special area designed just for them.
Unfortunately, one day one of the townspeople forgot to tether his donkey securely and it got loose, wandered down into the center of town, and settled several yards before the tea kiosk on the north end of the lane blocking access to anyone attempting to walk south down the lane. Now this particular donkey, who was very big and very stubborn and was used to getting his own way, refused to move as people tried to talk him or even shove him out of the way. Since no one could get by the donkey, a crowd began to gather. Those brave souls who tried to slip in front of or behind the donkey to get to their favorite shop would most often receive a swift kick. Since the owner was nowhere to be found, the townspeople became exasperated. The donkey was ruining their day.
As they were discussing what to do, one of them looked north up the lane and noticed a famous Taoist master, who often came to town for some tea, watching their activities from some distance away. “Ah, he will know what to do one of them said to the others. Let’s watch and learn from him.” The Taoist master continued walking toward them until he reached one of the perpendicular lanes, where he turned and disappeared. The townspeople stared in disbelief. “He always walks this way to get his tea,” one of them said. “Where has he gone?” In confusion, they then returned to figuring out how to get past the donkey. A few minutes later the Taoist master suddenly appeared at the south end of the lane, on the other side of the donkey, walking north toward the tea kiosk. With a smile on his face, he waved to the townspeople as he entered the kiosk to get his tea. It didn’t take the townspeople long to realize that he had simply bypassed the donkey by making an extra effort to walk around the block.”
I am working yet another 12 Step program in ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunction). My first sponsor in the program retreated to the safety of his home and devoted himself to family life. As far as I know, he and his family are doing alright. I turned to the man who had been his sponsor and asked that he help me continue forward with the program. He agreed. We had great conversations and I appreciated his intellect. He was helpful to me until we got to the 3rd Step. He seemed to become aggressive toward me and he recognized it. He did not know why and we dismissed it and moved on. It was not something overly hurtful, and was even somewhat playful.
On Labor Day, 2024, I was chairing an AA meeting and all seemed to be going well. But my ACA sponsor had just received some disturbing news about one of his loved ones getting caught up in the web of addiction, and was now in the hospital. The upbeat nature of the sharing in the rooms was more than he could bare, and he shared his pain with us and his feeling of being personally responsible for transferring the disease across generation lines, since it was his granddaughter. He ended his share with “fuck you.” He had said that he didn’t want to dampen the mood and bring us down, and he doubled dipped with a weak attempt to alleviate the dead silence in the room with “I have a joke…never mind.”
I am not sure what he expected in a room of 42 alcoholics, but he was obviously not getting the personal healing or affirmation or…I don’t know. He would share several times more when others in the room tried to respond with traditional AA guidance. Before the meeting was over, many members were just getting up and leaving. I was blind-sided by his behavior. I brought the meeting to an end and went to him afterwards.
“Are you okay?”
He told me he was expressing remorse which he said is a perfectly natural human emotion. I thought to myself that his view of his own behavior was remorse. He apparently did not recognize his own aggression.
It did not make sense to me that he was feeling remorse about something he had absolutely no control over, and felt no remorse over something he should have supreme control over. He was no new-comer to the rooms.
“Is there anything I can do to be helpful?”
He said that maybe I could pray to my Higher Power. But he said it in a way that I did not know whether he was being serious or sarcastic.
I left and spent time praying to try and understand what had just happened. Early in my recovery period, I had shown my ass a few times in the room. I had hurt for the loss of my stepson to a drug overdose. I tried to focus on the part of his expression that I related to. But I could not shake the feeling that something ugly had just happened.
I called my AA Sponsor who told me about being at the mercy of emotions sometimes in sharing in the rooms and having to live with the consequences. I talked to several other people I trust. One who knew me more than anyone ever has, and one that was actually present in the room at the time.
The next day my ACA sponsor apologized to the group for violating AA protocol, “but I do not apologize for my thoughts.” He sounded like someone who was coerced into giving an apology. I could not even remember the particulars of his thoughts. It was the emotion of anger being vomited out on the unsuspecting that stayed with me. But that was my perspective. I decided to reach out directly to him via text, because he has a habit of talking over people when in direct communication. I am more at home with writing.
I suppose it would be unfair for me to reveal exactly what he said, because he spoke freely trusting me. But I am sure there are many that were in the room on Labor Day who felt their trust had been violated. Never the less, I will speak in generalities about that text communications. I will quote myself exactly and relay generally his response.
“I am not sure if you were being sarcastic or genuine, but I have reached to the Infinite Lonely (what I call the God of my understanding) to communicate with the Most High (what he calls the God of his understanding) requesting favor and protection for your grand daughter.
Are you angry or carrying a resentment toward me? In looking back to Monday (Labor Day), is there something I could have done better in chairing the meeting?”
He told me that Monday was not about me and he stated plainly that I was doing what I was supposed to do. He expressed a feeling of closeness to me.
He said that he was concerned that everybody in AA has an oatmeal answer for everything. He seemed to regret that he expected something different. He stated that he had done too much personal work and as a result is keenly aware of human behavior. He said that his problem was that he became impatient with everyone and that he should have been more accepting of people who just don’t know.
His mind imaged the end of the world being populated only by people from AA. Would that be the best examples of humanity? He stated that we both knew that would not be true.
He then turned to my assertion that I had spoken to my Higher Power to speak to his Higher Power about his granddaughter and said something I find interesting. Here I will quote his words exactly to avoid losing anything in my paraphrase.
“You can choose a ready guide from some celestial voice. If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice. You can choose from phantom fear or kindness that can kill. I will choose a path that’s real. I will choose free will.” (I later learned that this is a quote from Rush’s song, Free Will).
I like this as a stand alone quote. But in context with what we were talking about it felt a bit like a backhanded critique of my assertion. I try to push my personal paranoia down. He said, as if it was to make the relevance of the above quote clearer that he is not a group think sort of guy. Again, I relate but don’t actually understand the relevance.
He ended that conversation with an assertion that he knows he unintentionally confuses folks in the rooms, but he will not compromise the freedom he has found through ACA. He expressed gratitude to AA for his sobriety and ACA for his freedom.
I also want to be free in the working of my own program. I don’t want to suppress who I am to keep the interstate of his communication unobstructed. So, I sent the following text to him:
“I will say that I left that meeting hurt, confused, and defensive. I was not the only one. There was a mass exodus toward the end of the meeting. Your expression of remorse came out as anger and contention and blindsided me. A lot of my reaction stemmed from my own past with playing diplomat for explosive emotions. Isn’t the exercise of freedom at the expense of others a form of dominance? I relate to your anguish and remorse. And I have seen meetings absorb a lot of pain for individuals. But your intellect and presence coupled with the shotgun proclamation of “fuck you” felt like an assault. I think you could have managed that better with more consideration for the collateral damage to those who have less time with the program. I strongly suspect that your words should have been shared with your sponsor first. I am going to pull back and work the moral inventory of my ACA with my VA counselor to give time to heal. I do love and respect you. And I wish you to be always free. Just let me get out of the way first ;-)”
This did not seem to set well with him. I will quote exactly what follows because he demonstrated to me that he is likely to repeat his lack of consideration and combativeness in that particular fellowship:
“I appreciate you informing me of your feelings but as many people as you saw move away, many moved toward me. I don’t intend to explain myself to anybody. Sorry your feelings were hurt. Maybe a little more time will give you a thicker skin so you can understand things that aren’t as warm and fuzzy as you’d like to see them. You don’t know this, but along with you, I pick up on a regular basis a number of sponsees and with my methodology work them through the steps. Go ahead and be the master of ceremony in the meeting. Everybody loves you and I do too. Thanks for being the voice of the hurt and suffering.
Maybe you’ll be able to be more consistent in working the ACA program with someone else. It might possibly open your eyes to the codependency that regularly displays itself in the rooms of AA…but then again, you might not be ready for it.
If you decide you want to continue, I’ll be available. I have a question: How many people are you working with having completed your 12 steps? I’ll be glad to show you my schedule if you want to see it and that’s not brag, that’s fact.
If I am not mistaken, I got your ACA sponsor through the 12 steps of AA and ACA. He wasn’t able to maintain his program. Real nice guy. I don’t want to be unkind but you may want to apply a firmer hand with your sponsees instead of becoming their buddies.
Please respond. I’d like to hear what you think.”
So, I responded:
“I think you are effective. I most certainly will not argue that I have work to do on myself. It seems you are angry with me and seek to push a button. I do not wish to engage further.”
He continued:
“It’s not possible for you to provoke me to anger and I’m not here to argue, but maybe in 20 years you’ll be able to see it. I see a lot of people get drunk on the emotional side of the program. There is a lots of “love” going around.
I’m done.”
I document this so that I don’t have to repeat myself for those who know me face to face and wonder why I am making some changes in my participation. Feedback from readers is always welcome, and I know this is probably too personal to be blogged. But writing is the best exorcist of my personal demons.
I am looking for a way around the donkey in the alley.
NOTE: I have kept specific information such as names and locations out to protect anonymity. Only those who know me in recovery will be able to identify the players in this drama.
Step Seven: “Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings..”
7th Step Principle: One of the most powerful acts of our free will is to replace our isolating self view with the connected Self and thus activate the usefulness of our lives within the collective mind, and this change is the result of a mystical intimacy with our Higher Power. (Principles after the First Step are constructed from personal reflection and acceptance. Use my version or formulate your own.)
AA Extracted Value: Humility
ACA Extracted Values: Humility
Other Extracted Values: Courage
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“As you grow up, always tell the truth, do no harm to others, and don’t think you are the most important being on earth. Rich or poor, you then can look anyone in the eye and say, ‘I’m probably no better than you, but I’m certainly your equal.’ “
~ Harper Lee
Humility is knowing who we are, while respecting and empathizing with others for who they are. If we are honest, kind and unselfish in our judgments and conduct, we are more easily able to relate to our fellows, inside and outside of A.A. In Lee’s classic book To Kill a Mockingbird, the lead character Atticus Finch says: “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view…until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.” As an emotionally sober alcoholic, we walk around other alcoholics’ skins every day in the Fellowship, and it is a humbling experience, for we know we are all equals.
~ Alex M., Practice These Principles, page 200
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Photo of Harper Lee taken by Truman Capote in 1960
Do you believe in magic? Do you believe that people can transform from fearful mortals protecting their territory into something. . . more? I suspect that the brevity of life and the challenges in the cruelty of the mundane lock us into a twitching vigilance; a pitiful surrender of the predatory-prey dynamic. Piece by piece I accumulate evidence of a whispering parent of humanity, that seems to give a damn about our outcome but does not want to disturb our growth. Our free will, for some reason, must remain intact. The shadowy embrace refuses to imprison me or my fellows. It does not overwhelm us with an intimidating appearance that would most certainly obliterate our intelligent response to the Infinite One. It lets us struggle and find the reality of God in the soul of our fellow humans. Rejecting the shards of god embedded within every human being makes it impossible to embrace the Source of those Self-aware ones. Does that seem reasonable? The Higher Power approaches us much more humbly than one would expect from the center of all power. Now I emulate that behavior in reciprocated desire for intimacy.
Do you believe in magic? I do. We in the AA Fellowship do. We humbly ask the invisible parent to make us more than our fears.
Step Six: “Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.”
6th Step Principle: After establishing an objective awareness of my reasons for using and embracing my defects of character, I become willing to fulfill those needs through my connection with the Higher Power. (Principles after the First Step are constructed from personal reflection and acceptance. Use my version or formulate your own.)
AA Extracted Value: Willingness
ACA Extracted Values: Honesty & Trust
Other Extracted Values: Truthfulness
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“Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience, we ask that we be given strength and direction to do that right thing, no matter what the personal consequences may be. We may lose our position or reputation or face jail, but we are willing. “
~ Alcoholics Anonymous, Into Action, page 79
There are three places in the Big Book where we commit to go to any length to recover from our illness of alcoholism. The first time we commit is in “How It Works:” 1) “Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program…If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get–then you are ready to take certain steps” (How It Works, p.58). We next commit to go to any length in making our amends: 2) “We have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends…If we haven’t the will to do this we ask until it comes. Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol” (Into Action, p. 76). 3) Finally, in the excerpt above, we are asked to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience, or a change in our attitudes and actions sufficient for recovery from alcoholism; changes which should grow stronger as we complete the 12 Steps.
~ Alex M., Practice These Principles, page 177
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Unlike drinking alcohol, my misused natural instincts are not normally suicidal. In their proper place, they help me live life on life’s terms. In order to deal with my faults, I seek to go through a transformation of thought and attitude without abstinence from instinct. I discover how those exaggerated instincts were of benefit to me and offer that place of prominent need to my Higher Power. It ultimately becomes another excuse to connect with my Creator. It is an invitation to expand the life-saving covenant I initiated in the 3rd Step. I accept this invitation.
Daily Reprieve 
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