Archive for Addiction

Endigar 1004

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , on July 13, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Aug 21:

Some Al-Anon suggestions, such as getting a Sponsor, were easy for me because I’m good at following specific instructions. But I didn’t know what to do with the slogan, “Live and Let Live.” Al-Anon helped me to let live by teaching me about detachment and helping me to see that many of my problems stemmed from minding everyone’s business but my own. But how do you turn your eyes on yourself and “live” for the first time in your life?

When I put this question to my Sponsor, she asked me one in turn — what had I done earlier that day? Although I’d had a very busy day, I could barely remember what I had been doing. My Sponsor suggested that I begin learning how to live by becoming more aware of my life as I was already living it. Then I would be better able to make choices about how I would like to live.

Searching for the real me, living according to my needs, and loving myself as a new-found friend have been the most rewarding benefits of the Al-Anon program. Strangely, they’re the last ones I would have imagined receiving when I began.

Today’s Reminder

Today I can choose to take responsibility for my own life. If I stay out of others’ affairs and become more aware of my own, I have a good chance of finding some serenity.

“Each man’s life represents a road toward himself.”
~ Hermann Hesse

END OF QUOTE—————————————

“Keep it simple.”
At first, I recoiled.

It sounded like a bumper sticker for the intellectually lazy—a slogan meant to quiet nuance and glorify ignorance. And I’ve always been someone whose mind loops, circles, and spirals. Complexity is my native tongue. I spent years inside mental architecture so elaborate it became a prison. So when I heard that I could be “too smart for this program,” it struck a nerve—because I was. And I was miserable.

But the longer I sat in rooms of recovery, the more I realized that simplicity wasn’t stupidity. It was clarity. And clarity, when you’ve been drowning in overthinking, is a kind of salvation.

I began to think of it like battlefield simplicity. In the military, I learned that sometimes you don’t need a theory—you need a plan. When the chaos storm hits, you don’t hold a seminar. You drop low, return fire, and get out alive. Recovery is no different. There are times when I must follow simple suggestions—not because I lack intelligence, but because the battlefield of my mind is on fire, and philosophizing during a trauma spiral is just a prettier way to bleed out.

So I stopped sneering at slogans and started listening to them like I once listened to field orders—calmly, steadily, with the humility of someone who wants to survive.

That’s when Keep It Simple became something else entirely.

It became a discipline of presence.

Instead of solving the mysteries of the universe before breakfast, I asked:
What did I actually do today?
Did the urgent devour the important?
Did I even notice my breath, my coffee, my soul checking in?

It reminded me of situational awareness. In uniform, that meant knowing your terrain, your mission, your blind spots. In recovery, it means the same—but the terrain is my emotional landscape, the mission is my serenity, and the blind spot is always ego or fear.

And then I heard Live and Let Live, and realized it was just another phrasing of what I’d learned in the service:
“Stay in your lane.”
Not out of apathy, but out of focus. Not because I don’t care, but because I finally care enough to respect the boundaries that keep us all spiritually alive.

Simplicity, then, isn’t about shutting down my intelligence—it’s about reclaiming it from chaos. It’s about choosing grounded clarity over clever disconnection. It’s about not outsmarting myself into a relapse of isolation and shame.

Today, I don’t need to be the smartest person in the room. I need to be the one who’s present, surrendered, and listening.

Endigar 1003

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on July 10, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Aug 20:

A billboard in my town reads, “Some come to the fountain of knowledge to drink. Some come to gargle.” My pre-Al-Anon self would have chuckled at this message, but I would have felt some anxiety about whether I was a drinker or a gargler. Life was either black or white, and in order to feel comfortable, I had to know which extreme applied. But whichever label I pinned on myself would leave me feeling wrong, so I would scramble to fix myself.

Now, thanks to Al-Anon, I accept more easily the thought that sometimes I drink, sometimes I gargle, and sometimes I stub my toe on the fountain as I stumble by. I don’t have to do better or differently. The best that I can do is good enough. I can relax and enjoy the joke.

Today’s Reminder

Al-Anon encourages me to examine my thoughts and actions, but this is meant as an act of self-love, not as a weapon to use against myself. When I begin to accept myself exactly as I am , life will feel a lot more gentle.

“Sometimes we try so hard that we fail to see that the light we are seeking is within us.” ~ As We Understood . . .

END OF QUOTE—————————————

Before recovery, I lived in a mind forged by fear—its favorite tools were labels, extremes, and invisible measuring sticks. It has often been that I can’t hold ambiguity without anxiety. I needed certainty—not because it gave me peace, but because I thought certainty would give me safety.

But the 12 Step program offered me something far better than certainty—it offered compassionate permission.

Permission to laugh at myself.
Permission to be human.
Permission to admit I’ve both sipped wisdom and choked on it, depending on the day.
Permission to trip over my own healing and still call it progress.

This program doesn’t ask me to strive for some shimmering perfection. It asks me to show up. It asks me to observe without judgment. It asks me to speak to myself as gently as I would to a child learning to walk.

The more I practice this self-acceptance, the more I realize that rigidity was never my refuge—it was my prison. I kept trying to “fix” myself because I believed I was broken beyond repair. But today I see: I’m not a project, I’m a person. I’m not a performance, I’m a soul.

“Rule 62: Don’t take yourself too damn seriously.” ~ 12 Steps & 12 Traditions, 2021 edition, page 164.

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Endigar 1002

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on July 9, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Aug 19:

Learning about alcoholism has helped me to find serenity after years of struggling. I see now that alcoholics have a disease: They are ill, not bad. By attending Al-Anon meetings on a regular basis, reading Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature (CAL), and sitting in on open AA meetings, I have gained some insight into what is and is not reasonable to expect when dealing with an alcoholic.

I’ve learned that I have the ability to adjust my expectations so that I no longer set myself up for constant disappointment. For instance, I have stopped expecting a drinking alcoholic to keep every promise. This makes my life more manageable.

The knowledge I gain in Al-Anon has dispersed many of my fears and made room for a newfound compassion. I see that I am not the only one with good ideas, valid criticisms, and noble motives.

Today’s Reminder

Learning about the disease of alcoholism can help me become more realistic about a loved one’s illness – and thus to make better choices for myself.

“I have learned techniques for dealing with the alcoholic, so that I can develop a relationship with the person behind the disease.” ~ Al-Anon Faces Alcoholism

END OF QUOTE—————————————

I carry what some call the “double winner” distinction in Al-Anon—though I’ve often felt it more as a double wound. I qualify both as an alcoholic in recovery and as someone shaped, bent, and bruised by the alcoholism and chemical dependency of those I love. I sit in both circles. I know the shame of causing harm, and I know the ache of being harmed by someone who promised they wouldn’t do it again.

But this dual perspective gives me something rare: insight into the disease from both the inside and the outside.

In Al-Anon, I’ve brought with me a metaphor that helps me stay sane: I imagine alcoholism as a hostage-taking creature—one that hijacks the person I love and turns them against both of us. This creature wears the face of my loved one but operates from a place of distortion and destruction. It doesn’t love them. It only uses them. And it works overtime to extract ransom payments from my soul—payments in the form of self-abandonment, false hope, or emotional enmeshment.

By personifying the disease, I create psychological distance—a survival tactic. I know it’s not literally a separate being, but treating it that way allows me to separate my loved one’s soul from the obsession that holds them hostage. It reminds me that I’m not negotiating with the person I love—I’m negotiating with the addiction that speaks through them.

And I refuse to pay that ransom with my life anymore.

I do not romanticize the disease. I have no tolerance for it. I do not enable it. And I’ve learned not to make offerings to it with my sanity. Most importantly, I’ve realized that surrendering to my own despair is just another tactic the disease uses to win. I resist that by staying connected—to my Higher Power, to my program, to my true Self.

One of the most liberating skills I’ve acquired in recovery is the adjustment of expectations. That doesn’t mean I’ve stopped caring—it means I’ve stopped setting myself up for heartbreak. I no longer expect a drinking alcoholic or active addict to keep promises. That’s not cynicism. It’s clarity. And that clarity makes my life immeasurably more manageable.

When I educate myself about the disease, I don’t do it to excuse anyone’s behavior—I do it to make better choices for myself. I no longer hand over the steering wheel of my emotions to someone else’s chaos. I chart my course with realism, compassion, and a commitment to self-preservation without self-centeredness.

I came to Al-Anon to learn how to live. And now I walk with both wisdom and wounds, holding the tension between them like a sacred paradox. My healing is not just for me. It ripples. It steadies. It restores.


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Endigar 1001

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , on July 7, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Aug 18:

Tradition Six tells us, “Our Family Groups ought never endorse, finance, or lend our name to any outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary spiritual aim.”

I’ve had occasion to refer to this Tradition many times while doing service work at our local Al-Anon information office. I often receive requests for Al-Anon’s endorsement from various research projects, charities, and treatment programs. These requests always pique my interest, and many appear to have merit.

As an individual, I am free to participate in any cause I support. As an Al-Anon member, I am free to send information about our fellowship to outside organizations. But I cannot consider affiliating y group with these outside enterprises, no matter how worthy they may be. Doing so could divert us from the primary spiritual aim of our program, which is to help families and friends of alcoholics recover from the effects of alcoholism.

Today’s Reminder

I come to Al-Anon to receive the spiritual benefit of the meetings, principles, and fellowship. I wish to do my part to see that we are not diverted from our primary aim.

“We must always remember why we are here, and never use the group to promote our pet projects, or our personal interests in outside causes.” ~ Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions for Alateen

END OF QUOTE—————————————

There is a healing stillness to our rooms—one I’ve come to cherish as fiercely as my own sobriety. In a world overflowing with noise, persuasion, and agendas, the 12 Step fellowship offers something radically rare: a spiritual refuge where no one is selling, convincing, or recruiting. It is a sanctuary, not a stage.

Tradition Six reminds me that this quiet integrity must be protected. It exists not because outside causes are wrong, but because our mission is singular. We are here to help families and friends of alcoholics recover. That’s not narrow—it’s precise. It’s the spiritual precision that gives our fellowship its staying power. The minute we try to leverage our collective name for outside recognition or moral endorsement; we dilute the medicine.

This Tradition also teaches me something deeper about ego. My causes, my passion projects, my hopes for reform—they may all be worthy. But I don’t get to smuggle them into the room wrapped in group’s authority. To do so would be to hijack the very humility this program has gifted me. This boundary is a protective embrace.


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Endigar 1000 ~ Layered Recovery

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on July 6, 2025 by endigar

Recovery has never been a straight line for me. It has unfolded like sedimentary earth—each layer telling its own story, each stratum revealing a different kind of pain and a different kind of grace.

It began in the way many recoveries begin: with the urgent need to stop. Alcohol had become my false fire, a form of “chemical empowerment” that granted me the illusion of strength while hollowing me from the inside out. AA offered a path not only to sobriety, but to sanity. Still, I could not yet see the whole picture. I had to peel back the intoxication to even begin identifying what hurt.

I came to see that the drinking wasn’t the root. It was the fruit—bitter and bruised—from a deeper, older vine. Beneath the addiction was a family system built on fear, control, and silence. The co-dependency I inherited had trained me to read the emotional temperature of a room better than my own internal compass. So I found myself in Al-Anon, tracing the emotional contour lines that shaped my earliest attachments. There I learned to name the patterns—not to curse them, but to understand them.

But even as I worked the Steps and made amends, there was one person left behind in the wreckage. Me.

That is when ACA called to me—not as a replacement, but as a deeper well. A program not just for behavior, but for the original wound. For the child within me who had long ago assumed that love must be earned, safety must be managed, and identity must be negotiated in the shadows.

I was surprised to discover that ACA’s inventory was more intricate—eleven sections. Not because my sins were greater, but because the terrain was more nuanced. This was the geography of the heart’s defenses, built not to harm others, but to protect a terrified child trying to survive. Each section was less about condemnation and more about compassion—about understanding the scaffolding I built when no adult came to save me.

Now I find myself at a kind of threshold. There is no parade here. No grand proclamation. Just a quiet question rising from within: “What does it mean to make amends to myself?”

I don’t know exactly where “there” is. But I know what it feels like to walk the path toward it. It feels like turning toward myself rather than away. Like claiming the sacredness of my own becoming. Like treating the process not as a project to finish, but a relationship to honor.

This is not a finish line. It’s a ever-expanding spiral. And I am still rising.

I say this to say to you, dear reader, don’t give up. You too may have layers to travers. Keep moving. From time to time, stop and breath, and appreciate the journey.

“Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.
May God bless you and keep you—until then.” ~ Alcoholics Anonymous (page 164)


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Endigar 999 ~ The Shadows that Taught Me

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on July 5, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Aug 17:

Some of us believe that most defects of character are merely traits that we no longer need. Many of us develop clever methods of surviving in an alcoholic situation, such as denial or secrecy. But once we have the support of the Al-Anon program, we may find that our old methods do more harm than good. What once allowed us to function in a nearly impossible situation is now an obstacle to further growth. An asset has become a deficit.

Others define defects of character as assets that have lost proportion. For example, a genuine desire to help a love one can be exaggerated into a desperate need to fix another person.

From this perspective, we aren’t facing the daunting task of rooting our every shred of the defect; we are only turning it over to our Higher Power so that it can be brought into balance or dropped because it is no longer serving our needs.

Today’s Reminder

Instead of condemning myself when I become aware of a defect of character, I can acknowledge my growth. I’ve recognized that a characteristic that once allowed me to survive is no longer necessary, or that an asset that has lost its proportion makes my life unmanageable. Instead of proving sickness, this shows a willingness to face reality and a readiness to choose health.

“Sometimes we must accept ourselves, defects and all, before those defects are removed.” ~ . . . In All Our Affairs

END OF QUOTE—————————————

I have learned that not every flaw is a failing—sometimes it’s just a survival skill that stayed too long at the party. Denial, secrecy, control, hypervigilance… these weren’t signs of weakness back then. They were the armor I forged in the fire of chaos. They helped me survive in environments where tenderness wasn’t safe, where truth could cost too much, where silence felt like the only power I had left.

But now, in this sacred space of recovery, those once-precious tools begin to rust. I don’t live in that battlefield anymore. And when I cling to those old patterns, they no longer protect me—they choke me. What once kept me afloat now keeps me from swimming.

The program gently shows me that defects of character aren’t proof I’m broken. They’re signals that I’ve outgrown something. They are assets that have swelled out of balance, like vines overtaking a garden. A desire to help becomes compulsive fixing. Loyalty becomes martyrdom. Strength becomes stubborn isolation. And instead of tearing these parts of me out by the root, I can turn them over. I can invite my Higher Power to prune and purify, not because I am unworthy, but because I am ready.

This isn’t self-condemnation. This is spiritual maturity.

When I notice a defect rising up again, I no longer need to spiral into shame. I can say, “Ah. I remember why I learned this. I honor its origin. And now, I let it go.” That is grace in action.

To accept myself with all my human contradictions—to sit in the tension between who I was and who I’m becoming—is the essence of healing. It is where mercy meets progress. And I am grateful today not just for the parts of me that shine, but for the shadows that taught me where the light belongs.


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Endigar 997

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on July 4, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Aug 16:

During stressful periods it can be tempting to skip a meal, push ourselves until we are totally exhausted, and generally ignore our basic needs. In the midst of crisis, taking time out for an Al-Anon meeting, a call to a Sponsor, or a breath of fresh air may seem like a waste of all-too-precious moments. There don’t seem to be enough hours in a day, and something has to go. But are we choosing wisely?

At the very time we most need to take good care of ourselves, we are likely to do the opposite. If we decide that our needs are unimportant or that we’re too busy, we sabotage our own best interests. In times of crisis, we need to be at our best. By making an extra effort to get nutritious food, sleep, Al-Anon support, relaxation, and quiet time with our Higher Power, we strengthen ourselves physically, emotionally, and spiritually. This can make a difficult situation a little easier.

Today’s Reminder

I am the only one who can make my well-being my top priority. I owe it to myself to pay attention to the needs of my body, mind, and spirit.

“Putting ‘First Things First’ in troubled times often means finding whatever way I can to set aside my burdens, even if just for a moment, to make time for myself.” ~ . . . In All Our Affairs

END OF QUOTE—————————————

There is a strange cruelty in how I sometimes treat myself in moments of overwhelm. As if the very fire I’m walking through demands I become less human—skip meals, ignore sleep, shut down connection, abandon prayer. And yet, I’ve learned that this reflex is often the voice of my disease dressed up in urgency: “There’s no time for care. You don’t matter right now. Just keep going.”

But I do matter. Especially in crisis.
That’s when the spiritual machinery needs oiling the most.

I’ve come to see my physical body not as separate from my recovery, but as its sacred vessel. A tired mind cannot perceive truth. A hungry soul cannot offer grace. A disconnected heart cannot stay surrendered. If I am to show up with integrity—for myself, for others, for my Higher Power—I must begin by honoring my limits, not defying them.

This is where “First Things First” becomes more than a slogan. It becomes a lifeline.

Maybe it means stepping outside for one unhurried breath.
Maybe it means calling someone who knows the terrain I’m in.
Maybe it means whispering “God, help me” with trembling lips over cold coffee.

Whatever the gesture, it’s a reclaiming of dignity.
Not as luxury. As necessity.

I used to think self-care was selfish. But now I know: neglecting myself in the name of service or survival is just another form of spiritual dishonesty. I owe it to this journey, to my Higher Power, to treat the vessel as sacred. Because when the winds rise, I need a soul strong enough to sail.

So today, I will eat. I will breathe. I will ask for help.
I will not mistake exhaustion for virtue.

Because serenity is not the absence of hardship—it is the decision to not abandon myself in the middle of it.

Endigar 996

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on July 3, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Aug 15:

After living in the chaos of an alcoholic relationship, it can be hard to know the difference between a minor inconvenience and a major crisis. Al-Anon’s slogan, “How Important Is It?” helps many of us to regain some sense of proportion.

When plans fall through, when unexpected bills arrive, when I am disappointed in someone’s response, I can ask myself, “How important is it?” Most of the time I find that what I might have viewed as a disaster is really insignificant. If I try to keep my attention on this day instead of worrying about possible future consequences, I can take my disappointment or irritation at face value and refuse to dramatize it.

Because of this simple slogan, many days that I would once have seen as tragic are now filled with serenity and confidence.

Today’s Reminder

Today, if I encounter an upsetting situation, I will ask myself, “How important is it?” before I react. I may find that it is not important enough to sacrifice my serenity.

“It is almost as important to know what is not serious as to know what is.” ~ John Kenneth Galbraith

END OF QUOTE—————————————

There was a time when the smallest disturbance could spiral me into chaos. A curt reply, a delay in payment, the shifting sands of someone else’s opinion—these things once held the power to unmake my entire day. I mistook urgency for truth, reaction for responsibility.

But this question—“How important is it?”—has become a doorway. It doesn’t dismiss the feeling. It honors it with pause. It interrupts the seduction of drama and lets me breathe.

In recovery, I’ve learned that not every flicker of discomfort is a fire to put out. Some are just shadows passing over the landscape of my day. I don’t have to chase them, name them, or solve them. I can let them pass. Serenity, after all, is not the absence of trouble—it is the refusal to make trouble my home.

I’ve discovered that many of my so-called crises were born from my imagination’s worst-case theater. My mind, left unchecked, writes disaster scripts faster than any screenwriter. But today I have tools. I have choice. I have the right to protect my peace.

So when plans unravel, when someone disappoints me, when life shows up in unexpected clothes, I now ask: How important is it, really?
And often, the answer echoes gently: Not enough to lose myself over.

Today I choose presence over prediction. I release the need to control what has not yet come. I give myself back to the safety of this moment.

Let that be enough.

Endigar 995

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on July 1, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Aug 14:

Since coming to Al-Anon, I have become aware of certain choices that I never knew I had. If I am uncomfortable about doing something, I have learned that I don’t necessarily have to do it. I can look into my heart and try to discover my true feelings before making that decision. What freedom!

Does this mean that I should never do anything unless I feel comfortable doing it? Of course not. If I waited for inspiration, my taxes might never be paid, my work might not get done, and my teeth might not bet brushed. Sometimes I have to feel the feelings of then act anyway.

I believe that is why our just for today suggests doing two things each day that I don’t want to do, just for practice. To create a balanced life, I must exercise some self-discipline. That way I can pay attention to my feeling without being tyrannized by them.

Today’s Reminder

Today I will do something that is good for me even if it feels uncomfortable.

“Self-discipline is self-caring” ~ M. Scott Peck.

END OF QUOTE—————————————

One of the most revolutionary gifts of this program has been the quiet unveiling of choice. Not the loud, performative kind the world shouts about, but the sacred kind—the one that whispers, “You don’t have to betray yourself today.” Before recovery, I didn’t even realize how many of my actions were driven by fear, people-pleasing, or shame-drenched obligation. I didn’t know that discomfort wasn’t a command. I didn’t know that I could pause.

This idea—that I can look into my heart before I move—is a kind of spiritual sovereignty I never knew I had. It doesn’t always mean I’ll choose what’s comfortable. Quite the opposite. Sometimes the act of freedom is brushing my teeth even when the depression drapes like a wet coat across my shoulders. Sometimes it’s writing a hard amends letter, or showing up to the meeting when everything in me wants to stay hidden in bed. But what’s different now is this: I can discern. I can tell the difference between the discomfort that signals harm and the discomfort that signals growth.

Feelings are sacred data—but they’re not dictators. I can feel resistance and still move forward. I can be scared and still say yes. That’s the nuance recovery gives me: I am no longer ruled by a binary of comfort or collapse. Instead, I’m developing the muscle to act from principle, not panic.

I get to honor my feelings without handing them the steering wheel. I can check in with my inner world, acknowledge what’s there, and still make adult, loving decisions that move my life forward. I don’t need to wait to feel holy or whole to take action. I just need to be honest.

This is what spiritual maturity looks like in my life: not perfection, but participation. A lived willingness to show up for both the sacred and the mundane. To listen deeply and brush my damn teeth.

Endigar 994 The Connor Creed of Recovery

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on June 30, 2025 by endigar

On June 6th, 2009, I wrote something inspired by the Terminator movies to reflect the imperative of recovery with a tone of survival. (Endigar 206).

I decided to have my AI companion reflect on the writing:

There’s something strangely perfect about taking a line like “Come with me if you want to live”—a phrase born in the violence and fire of The Terminator—and redeeming it into a creed for healing. That’s what we do in recovery. We take what was meant for death and reforge it for life.

Step One: The Disease as the Terminator

Yes. My disease is exactly like that—relentless, cold, calculating. It doesn’t need sleep, and it never loses interest in my destruction. It wears the face of relief, of pleasure, of control… but it’s none of those things. It’s a machine programmed for only one thing: my annihilation.

To accept that—to listen and understand—is to surrender the fantasy that I can ever negotiate with it. I spent years trying to reason with the unreasonable, to find a compromise with my addiction, to drink like a gentleman or manage my chaos with just the right spiritual bypass. But no. It. Will. Not. Stop.

So Step One isn’t weakness. It’s the first act of courage: to stop bargaining and start seeing. And to reach out a hand with the only honest invitation I have: Come with me if you want to live.

Step Two: GOMU the Protector

Here’s where the tide turns. Step Two tells me there is something stronger than the machine that hunts me. Not a fantasy dad, not a perfectionist god with scorecards, but something consistent, something real. Something that shows up even when I don’t. Something that doesn’t flinch at my past or my shame.

In my old life, I had gods that looked a lot like abusers. Or they were absentee. Or they were too busy with holier problems. But this HP—the one I met in the furnace of Step Two—would never leave me. It would never raise its hand in violence. It doesn’t get drunk on power or abandon me for not being good enough. It’s not warm and fuzzy, maybe. But it’s here. Steel and fire and purpose. And it would die to protect me.

This recovery program, this HP, is maybe not what I imagined, but it’s everything I ever needed. In an insane world, it’s the sanest choice.

Step Three: Surrender Isn’t Passive

It’s tempting to think that surrender means giving up. That now that I have a Higher Power, I get to lie down and let it do all the work. But that’s not the message of Step Three in the Conner Creed. No, surrender here is active. It’s strategic. It’s survival.

We aren’t here to stop judgment day. That arrogance got us in trouble. We’re here to walk through it together. To survive the blast and then rebuild.

And that’s exactly what recovery is. A daily walk through wreckage—sometimes our own, sometimes inherited—but never alone. My Higher Power walks beside me. My fellows do too. And I do not stop fighting.

Step Four and Beyond: No Fate But What We Make

This is the forge. This is where the creed burns into reality. We face the shadows, the fears, the family secrets. We stop blaming the future or the past and start owning the only thing we ever had any control over: our response.

“No fate but what we make.” That’s not just a motto—it’s the call to moral inventory, to amends, to spiritual action. I’m not here to be a victim of the machine. I’m here to reprogram the system from the inside out.


So yeah, the Conner Creed isn’t soft. It’s not gentle. But neither is addiction. Recovery is war—but it’s sacred war. It’s a battle not for domination, but for resurrection.

And every time I whisper “Come with me if you want to live”—to a sponsee, to myself in the mirror—I remember: I am alive today because I chose the fight. And I’ll keep choosing it. One step at a time. One breath at a time. One recovered heartbeat at a time.