Daily Reprieve

From Courage to Change of Nov 06:

Step Five says, “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” But what is the exact nature of my wrongs? Is it the embarrassing moments, the words spoken in anger, the dishonesty?

For me, the exact nature of my wrongs is the unspoken, self- defeating assumptions that give rise to my thoughts and actions. These include notions that my best is not good enough, that I am not worthy of love, and that I have been hurt too deeply to ever really heal. If I dig deeply enough, I usually find thoughts such as these beneath the things I feel the worst about. I am learning to examine whether or not there is any truth to these assumptions. Then I can begin to build my life around a more realistic, more loving way of seeing myself.

Today’s Reminder

Living with alcoholism has taken a huge toll on my self-esteem. As a result, I may not recognize how many of my wrongs are built upon a faulty sense of self. That’s why the Fifth Step is so enlightening and so cleansing. Together with my Higher Power and another person, I can even change life-long patterns.

“…If no one knows us as we really are, we run the risk of becoming victims of our own self-hatred. If we can be loved by somebody who sees us as we are, we can then begin to accept ourselves. Others rarely think we’re as bad as we do.”
~ Alateen—Hope for Children of Alcoholics

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Step Five isn’t confession. It’s vivisection.

When I face “the exact nature of my wrongs,” I am not making some polite apology to the cosmos. I am cutting into the infection beneath my skin — the rot of self-beliefs that have quietly dictated my life. “I’m not good enough.” “I’m unworthy of love.” “I’m too broken to heal.” These are not humble thoughts. They are lies. Parasites. They feed on my energy, masquerading as honesty, when in fact they are cowardice dressed in humility.

The real wrong is not what I said in anger — it’s that I believed I had no right to speak at all. It’s not the lie I told to someone else — it’s the deeper betrayal of lying to myself that I was powerless, helpless, defective.

Step Five demands I drag these assumptions into the light. And the light burns. It always burns. To tell another human being what I truly think of myself is to risk annihilation — but that is exactly what must happen. Annihilation of illusion. The small self dies so something stronger can live.

Alcoholism didn’t just poison my body or my relationships — it built an entire architecture of self-hatred that felt like home. I lived inside those walls for years, calling them “personality,” “responsibility,” or “faith.” But Step Five is the demolition charge. Boom. Down goes the false structure.

The cleansing comes not from being forgiven, but from facing myself without anesthesia. When another person looks at me — really looks at me — and doesn’t flinch, it breaks the spell. Their eyes become a mirror that refuses to confirm my self-loathing. That’s the kind of violence that heals — the violence of truth against illusion.

Others rarely think we’re as bad as we do because they haven’t seen the monsters we’ve fed in private. But that’s the secret: those monsters were never real. They were shadows cast by a soul that forgot its own light.

So yes — I will admit my wrongs. Not as a sinner begging for mercy, but as a warrior reclaiming his territory from lies. Step Five is not about guilt. It’s about sovereignty.

From Courage to Change of Nov 04:

Sometimes I am called upon to accept unpleasant realities. I may wish to avoid disappointments, but I find that the only way to have serenity is to become willing to accept the things I cannot change. Acceptance gives me choices.

For instance, one day I called my Sponsor because the alcoholic and I had concert tickets for the evening, and I was afraid he would get drunk and pass out before it was time to leave the house. It had happened many times before: Our tickets would go to waste, and I’d spend the evening in despair.

My Sponsor suggested having back-up plans whenever my plans involved someone I couldn’t depend on. Plan A was the original night out. Plan B might be to call an Al-Anon friend in advance, explain the situation, and see if he or she would be interested in a last-minute invitation if Plan A fell through. Plan C might be to go by myself and have a good time. This new approach worked like a charm. It was a great way to put acceptance to work in my life.

Today’s Reminder

I no longer have to depend on any one person or situation in order to get on with my day. Today I have choices.

“Consider the little mouse, how sagacious an animal it is which never entrusts his life to one hole only.”
~ Plautus

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NOTE: Plautus (full name Titus Maccius Plautus), one of the most important playwrights of ancient Rome.

• Lived: c. 254–184 BCE
• Profession: Comic playwright (comedy writer)
• Cultural Role: He was the foundational voice of Roman comedy.

Plautus adapted earlier Greek New Comedy (especially Menander) into Roman forms—adding Roman slang, street wit, musical elements, and exaggerated characters. His plays were written to be performed, not read: loud, physical, bawdy, fast-paced. He is the grandfather of Western comedy theater.
His fingerprints are on Shakespeare, Renaissance comedy, commedia dell’arte, and modern sitcoms.

DEFINITION: Sagacious means wise in a particularly sharp, perceptive, and insightful way.

END OF NOTE—————————————

There is a particular kind of grief that comes when I realize I cannot control the world around me—especially the people I love. I used to believe that if I anticipated well enough, cared deeply enough, or tried hard enough, I could prevent disappointment. But experience has shown me that control is not love, and it is not safety. It is fear dressed up as responsibility.

There is a rage embedded in that grief — the rage of seeing how long I offered myself up on the altar of someone else’s dysfunction. I called it love, loyalty, duty. But it was sacrifice. It was self-erasure. It was me strangling my own life-force because I feared the consequences of letting someone face theirs.

Control was never about domination — it was about terror.
Terror of abandonment.
Terror of chaos.
Terror that if I did not hold the world together, it would collapse — and bury me inside.

But here is the revelation that burns:

Control is not love.

Control is the death of love.
Control is love weaponized against myself, twisted into servitude.

Acceptance is not passive. Acceptance is not surrender.
Acceptance is intelligence.
It is the reclaiming of strategic ground.

Acceptance says:
I see the terrain clearly.
I will not build my home in a sinkhole and call it loyalty.
I will not chain myself to someone else’s self-destruction and call it devotion.

Plan B and Plan C are not contingency plans.
They are escape tunnels.
They are the architecture of sovereignty.

When I say:

I am allowed to have a life even if someone else is unwell.

I am declaring a secession from emotional codependence.

When I say:

I am allowed to have joy even if someone else chooses suffering.

I am announcing the end of mutual hostage-taking.

When I say:

I will keep moving even if someone I love remains stuck.

I am stepping out of the grave I once dug beside theirs.

The soul-knot loosens.
The leash snaps.
The old servitude dies shrieking.

This is not acceptance as gentle yielding.
This is acceptance as combat clarity —
the clarity that allows me to walk away from burning buildings
without apologizing for the smoke.

When I accept life on life’s terms,
I do not kneel.
I stand.

I stop waiting for rescue.
I become rescue.

Hope is no longer a shackle.
Hope becomes a weapon I wield consciously.

I choose peace — not as retreat — but as territorial claim.

I choose to participate in my life — not as a guest — but as its sovereign architect.

I keep my heart open — but guarded by discernment sharp as a blade.

This is the rebuilding of trust — not sentimental, not fragile —
but forged on the anvil of reality.

This is the awakening.

This is the reclaiming.

This is the Path of the Self Recovered.