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Endigar 1027

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on August 18, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Sep 12:

In dealing with a change, a problem, or a discovery, awareness is often followed by a period of acceptance before we can take action. This process is sometimes referred to as the Three A’s– Awareness, Acceptance, and Action.

Coping with a new awareness can be extremely awkward, and most of us are eager to spare ourselves pain or discomfort. Yet, until we accept the reality with which we have been faced, we probably won’t be capable of taking effective action with confidence.

Still, we may hesitate to accept an unpleasant reality because we feel that by accepting, we condone something that is intolerable. But this is not the case. As it says so eloquently in One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, “Acceptance does not mean submission to a degrading situation. It means accepting the fact of a situation, then deciding what we will do about it.” Acceptance can be empowering because it makes choice possible.

Today’s Reminder

I will give myself time to accept my situation before I act. Unforeseen options can become available when I accept what is.

“For here we are not afraid to follow truth wherever it may lead.” ~ Thomas Jefferson

END OF QUOTE—————————————

The three A’s are Awareness, Acceptance, and Action.

Awareness comes first, and it can feel like a light switched on in a dark room. Sometimes that light is gentle, and sometimes it is blinding. Either way, once I see, I cannot unsee. That is both the gift and the discomfort of awareness: it stirs me awake.

But then comes the pause — the liminal space called acceptance. This is where I often struggle. Part of me wants to leap immediately into fixing, doing, proving that I can handle what I’ve discovered. Yet without acceptance, my actions are frantic and hollow. They are more about escaping discomfort than walking with truth.

In my first rehab center, my counselor gave me a prescription for a text in the book, Alcoholics Anonymous, that states that acceptance is the solution to all my problems. I was afflicted with “acceptance issues.” I have feared that acceptance would mean condoning harm, weakness, or loss. But the program reminds me that acceptance is not submission. It is clarity. It is the strength to stop wrestling with what is, so I can finally decide what can be. In that surrender lies power, because choice only emerges once reality is no longer denied.

The final “A” — action — becomes a natural outflow, not a panicked reaction. It is not about perfection or guarantees. It is simply the next right step, grounded in serenity rather than desperation.

 Awareness need not terrify me, acceptance need not paralyze me, and action need not overwhelm me. Together, the Three A’s give me a rhythm for living: to see, to breathe, to step forward in trust.

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Endigar 1026

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on August 16, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Sep 11:

During the entire process of working on my Fourth Step (making a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself), I felt a nagging suspicion that I wasn’t doing it right. With my Higher Power’s help, I finally realized that the problem wasn’t that I had done my Fourth Step wrong; the fact was that I had the same sense of inadequacy about my whole life. Whatever I’m doing, I’m inclined to feel that I’m doing it wrong, that my best is not good enough. And that is simply not true. I am doing just fine.

The awareness that I have developed through Step Four puts my self-doubt into perspective. It’s just an effect of years of living with problem drinkers. So when the feeling comes up, I recognize it, share about it, accept that I feel it, and then set it aside. I no longer assume that it has any validity.

Today’s Reminder

Step Four offers me a chance to find some balance. It helps me to identify the things I’ve been telling myself about myself, and to learn whether or not those things are true. Today I will take one of my assumptions about myself and hold it up to the light. I may find that it stems from habit rather than reality.

“Let me realize… that self-doubt and self-hate are defects of character that hinder my growth.” – The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage

END OF QUOTE—————————————

The Old Reflex of Inadequacy

That nagging suspicion — I’m not doing this right — has followed me like a shadow through most of my life. It isn’t really about the Fourth Step, though it attached itself there. It’s the reflex of someone who grew up in the undertow of alcoholism, where no matter how well I tried to balance myself, it never felt steady enough. My “best” has long been stalked by the whisper that it’s never good enough. But recovery helps me name that whisper for what it is: not truth, just a scar of survival.

Step Four as a Mirror

The Fourth Step didn’t just catalog my mistakes; it taught me to hold up my assumptions about myself to the light. It showed me that the voice of inadequacy isn’t an authority, only an echo of the chaos I once lived in. Now, when it speaks, I don’t have to follow it. I can recognize it, share it in a meeting, and lay it down. That is freedom: to know I don’t have to argue with every thought that passes through me.

Balance Over Condemnation

Honesty in recovery is not about self-condemnation, nor is it about inflating the darkness. It’s about balance. It is about seeing where my habits of self-judgment come from, and daring to believe they don’t define me. If I take one assumption today — “I am not enough” — and test it against the evidence of my recovery, I find a different verdict: I am showing up, I am doing the work, and I am learning to live differently. That is enough. More than enough.

I like the idea of catching one old belief about myself, and to let the light of truth reveal whether it is habit or reality. I suspect that in that space of honesty, serenity grows.

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Endigar 1025

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , on August 15, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Sep 10:

My denial was so thick when I came to Al-Anon that I didn’t even know there were alcoholics in my life. Al-Anon helped me feel safe enough to look at the truth. As my denial began to lift, I was horrified at the lies I had told myself and others.

But I went from one extreme to the other and became a compulsive truth teller. It became my mission to inform anyone who would listen about what was really happening. I labeled this “honesty,” but I was actually expressing my anger and scorn for the alcoholic — and crying out for help.

Al-Anon has shown me that my view of a situation is only the “truth” as seen from my tiny corner of the universe. I can’t undo past denial by blaming the alcoholic for having a disease that has affected both our lives, or by bitterly insisting that I now know the real truth. But I can forgive my extreme responses to extreme situations, knowing that I did the best I could at the time. Today I can be honest and still be gentle with myself.

Today’s Reminder

When I stop worrying about how others see things and focus on myself, I gain more serenity than I have ever known. I cannot control the disease of alcoholism, but I can step away from its grip by honestly examining my motives and feelings.

“Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

END OF QUOTE—————————————

I wondered whether I qualified for Al-Anon. But I read and listened and realized that my own deceased grandfather, who died of his Alcoholism when my mother was a 17-year-old girl, had an untreated impact on her that echoed through her parenting of me and my siblings. Then my stepson came into my life when he was 16 and was dealing with continuous battles with addiction. Other later developments made it clear that I carried the impact of alcoholism and addiction through lines of blinding intimacy. Once I had my own alcoholism treated into remission, I had to face the reality that my life had been contaminated by the dysfunction that comes from loving those afflicted.

I also learned not to accept “truth” from someone who was not truly invested in my wellbeing. I remember learning to distrust the word “honesty” because of it being weaponized against me. This was an early obstacle in my own recovery from alcoholism that I had to overcome. I would hear, “I just want you to be honest with me,” to be “I just want to collect enough evidence to win in court, to subjugate your dignity, and to indoctrinate you to love in defeat.”

When that fog began to lift, the first rays of truth felt threatening. I lurched from one extreme to the other, trying to make up for lost time by telling “my truth” to anyone who’d listen. I thought I was practicing a more powerful honesty, but often I was really venting anger, shaming the dysfunctional players in my life, or just pleading for someone to understand my pain.

Al-Anon has taught me that truth isn’t a blunt instrument. My perspective is still just that — my own small corner of reality. Honesty without compassion can wound others and, ultimately, myself. I can acknowledge that my early reactions were survival strategies, born from confusion and fear, and forgive myself for not knowing better at the time.

Now I understand that serenity grows not from proving I’m right, but from examining my own motives. I can still tell the truth — but now, I aim to do it with gentleness, humility, and awareness of my own limits. The disease of alcoholism and its surrounding dysfunction are beyond my control, but my responses are mine to tend. When I let go of the need to control how others see things, I free up the space to focus on my own healing.

That shift — from weaponizing truth to embodying it — has brought me more peace than I could have imagined when I first arrived.

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Endigar 1024

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on August 12, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Sep 09:

Sometimes I sit in a meeting and I don’t know how to ask for help. I can get trapped inside my pain. Some nameless thing seems to tear at my insides. I freeze, thinking that if I don’t move, it will go away. So I don’t ask, I don’t talk, and the pain grows.

Does my face look calm? Don’t be fooled. I’m just afraid to let you see the truth. You might think I’m foolish or weak. You might reject me. So I don’t talk, and the pain remains.

But I listen. And through other people, my Higher Power does for me what I can’t do for myself. Someone in the meeting shares and expresses the very feelings I am afraid to describe. My world suddenly widens, and I feel a little safer. I am no longer alone.

Today’s Reminder

One of the miracles I have found in Al-Anon is that help often comes when I most need it. When I can’t bring myself to reach out for help, it sometimes comes to me. When I don’t know what to say, I am given the words I require. And when I share what is in my heart, I may be giving a voice to someone who cannot find his own. Today I have a Higher Power who knows my needs.

“As I walk, As I walk, The universe is walking with me.” – from the Navajo rain dance ceremony

END OF QUOTE—————————————

To withdraw or not to withdraw—that is the question. Life among humans can feel unbearably taxing, threatening, and disappointing. There’s no escaping that imagined spotlight fixed on my weaknesses, and no connection that fully satisfies my longing for something more.

I suspect others feel much the same. I also suspect that much of life is pretense—a kind of protective ritual. Whenever I encounter genuine connection in a safe space, it feels like a godsend. But inevitably, humanity finds a way to wound the inner child. And in the game of life, the safest place often seems to be the sidelines.

I know that silence can feel like safety. In my darker seasons, I’ve sat in meetings with my insides in knots and my face arranged in calm, thinking the stillness might somehow hide my storm. I’ve feared that if I spoke, I would be exposed—my weakness on full display, my worth put on trial. I’ve told myself, Just keep quiet. It will pass.

It rarely passes on its own. Pain that is swallowed whole only seems to grow heavier. But even when I can’t make my voice work, recovery has a way of finding me. I’ve sat frozen, and then someone across the circle shares a story that sounds like my story. Their words become the key I didn’t know I was holding. In that moment, the tight walls of my solitude widen, and light seeps in.

This is one of the miracles of our rooms: I don’t have to be the one speaking to be reached. My Higher Power uses the voices of others when I’ve lost my own. And when I finally dare to share my truth—halting, messy, imperfect—I sometimes see the same relief in someone else’s eyes.

Today, I am trying not to measure my recovery by how much I speak, but by how willing I am to be present—whether I’m the one carrying the message or the one being carried by it. I trust that the God of my understanding knows my needs, even when my mouth is closed and my hands are clenched.

When I cannot ask for help, I can still sit in the circle. Sometimes that’s enough for help to find me.

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Endigar 1023

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on August 11, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Sep 08:

Is there anything that stands in the way of my trusting in a Higher Power? What obstacles block me from turning over my will and my life to God? In my case, the answer is obvious: I want guarantees. I hold out, thinking that I’ll come up with a new solution to my problems even though I’ve tried and failed, again and again. The risk of faith seems so great. If I turn a situation over, I won’t be in control. I can’t be sure I’ll get my way.

Yet I want recovery. If I continue to do what I have always done, I will continue to get what I have always gotten. I want the benefits that this spiritual program has to offer. Therefore, I must take the risk and let go and let God.

Maybe faith will bring me the results I seek, maybe not. Although there are no guarantees, the benefits of building a strong relationship with a Higher Power can help me to grow confident, strong, and capable of coping with whatever comes to pass long after this particular crisis has been resolved.

Today’s Reminder

Today I will make a contribution to my spiritual development. I will try to identify the obstacles that block my faith.

“Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore, seek not to understand that thou mayest believe, but believe that thou mayest understand.” – Aurelius Augustinus

END OF QUOTE—————————————

NOTE: Aurelius Augustinus — better known in English as Saint Augustine of Hippo — was a Christian theologian, philosopher, and bishop who lived from 354 to 430 CE.

He’s one of the most influential figures in Western Christianity and philosophy, often considered a bridge between the ancient Roman world and the emerging medieval Christian thought.

Key points about him:

Death: Died in 430 CE during the siege of Hippo by the Vandals.

Early Life: Born in Thagaste (present-day Souk Ahras, Algeria), in Roman North Africa. His mother, Monica, was a devout Christian; his father, Patricius, was a pagan.

Youth & Conversion: Augustine lived a restless and hedonistic youth, famously describing his early desires and moral struggles in his Confessions. He followed the Manichaean religion for a time, then explored Neoplatonism before converting to Christianity at age 31 under the influence of Saint Ambrose of Milan.

Bishop of Hippo: He became the bishop of Hippo Regius (modern Annaba, Algeria) and served for over 30 years.

Major Works:

Confessions — a spiritual autobiography and philosophical meditation.

The City of God — a monumental defense of Christianity against pagan critics after the sack of Rome in 410.

On Christian Doctrine — guidelines for interpreting Scripture.

Theology: His writings deeply shaped Western ideas on original sin, divine grace, predestination, and the relationship between the Church and the state.

When I look at the question, What’s standing in the way of my trusting God?—my instinct is to look outward. I think of circumstances, other people, unanswered prayers. But when I slow down, I usually find the real obstacle staring back at me in the mirror.

For me, it’s not that I can’t believe in a Higher Power—it’s that I still want a contract instead of a relationship. I want terms and conditions that guarantee comfort, safety, and a life arranged according to my preferences. I want to sign on with God only if He signs off on my blueprint. That’s not faith. That’s control disguised as piety.

I’ve learned that this program asks me to risk something I’ve held tightly for a long time—my illusion of control. If I wait until I feel safe to take the risk, I will never take it. I can either keep doing what hasn’t worked and get the same results, or I can step into the discomfort of surrender and see what’s on the other side.

When I do let go, I’m often surprised to find that faith doesn’t always give me the outcome I was after—it gives me something sturdier. It builds my capacity to endure, to adapt, and sometimes to even welcome the unexpected. I find myself equipped not just for the crisis of today, but for the ones I can’t yet see.

I will name the obstacles between me and faith—fear, pride, self-reliance that’s really self-protection. And I will make a small, conscious choice to loosen my grip, even if it’s just for a moment. That moment might be all God needs to slip something new into my hands.

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Endigar 1022

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on August 10, 2025 by endigar

There is a new documentary titled Bill W.: Conscious Contact, and it’s currently available for individual streaming.

The official website for the film allows you to stream the documentary for a fee, using a pay‑what‑you‑can model—approximately $7.99—for personal viewing.

To watch the film, head over to billwconsciouscontact.com—that’s the film’s official portal, where you can stream it directly.

If you’d like to request a screening at a recovery or recovery-focused event, there’s also an option to submit those details via the site.

https://billwconsciouscontact1.vhx.tv/videos/conscious-contact-trailer

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Endigar 1021

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on August 8, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Sep 07:

I never thought much about Tradition Seven, which says that every group ought to be fully self-supporting. I thought it referred only to paying the rent. But recently I was involved with a group that maintained itself financially and still was not fully self-supporting because no one would commit to service. I already held several positions, and when my various terms expired, no one was willing to take my place. I made what felt like the responsible choice for myself and stepped down anyway. The meeting closed. In my opinion, a group that cannot fill its service positions is not fully self-supporting.

Today, in other, more flourishing groups, I have a greater appreciation of my responsibility to this Tradition. I believe that as we nurture our groups, we nurture and empower ourselves. We can make a contribution; we can make choices that help us to allow healing in ourselves and others.

Today’s Reminder

There’s more to maintaining a fully self-supporting Al-Anon group than just paying the rent. Continuity of service is important to our common welfare. Today I will think about the contribution I am making to my home group.

“I can support my group in a number of ways. When the basket is passed, I can give what I can. Just as important, I can give my time and moral support to help make ours the kind of group I want to belong to.” – Alateen—a day at a time

END OF QUOTE—————————————

Every group ought to be fully self-supporting without resorting to outside contributions. The spirit of tradition seven is that the group and its autonomy are essential for its member individuals. Part of protecting individual recovery of one’s truest self is to support the most intimate group with personal time and resource. It is also a good litmus test of the vibrancy of one’s progress in the program. The person with untreated alcoholism or addiction is obsessively selfish and prone to isolation. All the traditions test the potency of the 12 Steps in an individual’s life.

So I ask myself today:

– Am I a guest in this program, or a steward of it?
– Do I give only when I’m inspired—or also when I’m responsible?
– Is my recovery group something I take from, or something I help carry?

I’m not here to burn out or martyr myself. But I am here to take part in the sacred exchange that is community. When I offer my service, even in small ways, I reinforce the scaffolding that holds this whole miraculous thing together.

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Endigar 1020

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on August 5, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Sep 06:

A writer for a local newspaper recently maintained that most people spend more time planning vacations than they do thinking about what is really important in their lives. Of course a vacation has a certain importance, but as our slogan asks, “How Important Is It?”

In my case, the main focus of my mental activity usually is whatever problem, grievance, or irritation I am entertaining at the moment. “Now,” I tell myself, “I’m concentrating on what’s really important!” But, how important is it? When I look back on this two years from now, or next month, will it matter?

Al-Anon helps me to address the larger concerns in my life. For example, how can I make better contact with my Higher Power? Am I taking time to enjoy the present moment? Am I becoming the person I want to be? What can I give thanks for today?

Today’s Reminder

Are my priorities in order? Am I so busy with smaller, less meaningful concerns that I run out of time for the really important considerations? Today I will make room to think about what really matters.

“Today I’ll use the slogan, ‘How Important Is It?’ It will help me think things through before I act and it will give me a better picture of just what is important in my life.” – Alateen—a day at a time

END OF QUOTE—————————————

NOTE TO SELF THAT YOU MIGHT BENEFIT FROM: Reread Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

One of the things I learned when I was first learning to use a firearm was that human beings have a natural instinct to flinch into retreat or freeze in place at the sound of the sudden loud noise or something moving very quickly toward the face. The sound of the shot and the push of the recoil tend to activate this reaction. It takes frequent, consistent exposure to overwrite this natural survival instinct and use the weapon with confidence.

Life has a way of filtering the frivolous by continuously challenging a chosen activity with easy escapism. This is yet another fear response to help survive the demands of my environment. Life asks “How important is your choice. Do you really want it?” If I answer yes, life laughs in my face. If I answer no, it haunts me with the truth. “I don’t believe you.” I must answer “Hell yeah!” to the important things of my life. Then the spiritual atmosphere seems to reinforce my choice.

And here’s the hard-won truth: not everything deserves my “Hell yeah.”

This program taught me the cost of my yes is measured in attention, time, surrender, and service. That makes my no sacred, too. It’s not selfish to say no—it’s spiritual clarity. Because if I say yes to every loud thing, I miss the still, small voice.

So today, I ask:

– What am I flinching from?
– What have I been whispering “maybe” to when my soul already knows the answer?
– Where is my “Hell yeah” waiting, buried under fear?

I don’t have to bulldoze over my survival instincts, but I can retrain them. I can honor the inner reflex, even as I outgrow it. And when I choose what truly matters—when I stay with it—I become someone life starts to believe in too.

Because the universe, like recovery, respects commitment. And a heart that says Hell yeah with humility and clarity is a heart that moves mountains.

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Endigar 1019

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on August 3, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Sep 05:

When I began studying the Seventh Step, which says, “Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings,” my list of shortcomings included an extensive catalogue of feelings. I humbly asked God to remove my anger, fear, and guilt. I looked forward to the day when I would never experience any of these emotions again.

Of course, that day never arrived. Instead, I have learned that feelings aren’t shortcomings. The true nature of my problem was my stubborn refusal to acknowledge feelings, to accept them, and to let them go. I have very little power over what feelings arise, but what I choose to do about them is my responsibility.

Today I can accept my feelings, share about them with others, recognize that they are feelings, not facts, and then let them go. I’m no longer stuck in a state of seemingly endless rage or self-pity, for when I give myself permission to feel whatever I feel, the feelings pass. My emotions have not been removed; instead, I have been relieved of shortcomings that blocked my self-acceptance.

Today’s Reminder

When I take the Seventh Step, I pray that whatever interferes with my Higher Power’s will for me may be removed. I don’t have to have all the answers. I need only be willing.

“We didn’t necessarily get the results we wanted, but somehow we always seemed to get what we needed.” – In All Our Affairs

END OF QUOTE—————————————

I came into recovery with a broken guilt-o-meter. I felt guilty for things like expressing emotions. I felt no guilt for acts of manipulation in relationships. It was difficult in working the moral inventory to try and listen to my twisted conscious. I viewed the power of emotional suppression as a super power. I could do the hard things no one else could. Or so I thought. If I felt emotion, I was sure that something was wrong in me that needed to be fixed immediately so that I could regain the stoicism of a dead heart. I had to remain unshakable – immune to the turbulence of anger, fear, guilt. I thought spiritual growth would eventually mean not feeling so much, or at least not feeling the “bad” stuff. So, like a child with a broken toy, I brought my emotions to God in Step Seven and asked for them to be removed.

But what I’ve come to realize is that I wasn’t broken because I felt—I was broken because I believed I shouldn’t.

The longer I walk this path, the more I see that my emotions aren’t defects—they’re messages. Not always accurate ones, sure, but meaningful. Fear has protected me. Anger has drawn my boundaries. Guilt has whispered truths I wanted to ignore. It was never about removing these feelings, but about unblocking the channels through which grace could move through them.

Step Seven, for me, has become a kind of sacred surrender. Not a plea for numbness, but a prayer for clarity. I ask not to be emptied of emotion, but to be freed from the pride, control, and shame that keep those emotions stuck like stones in my spirit.

Now, when rage rises like fire in my chest, I don’t panic. I don’t condemn myself. I get curious. I breathe. I sometimes even invite it to tea. Because I know it won’t stay. No feeling does. They are travelers on the road of my recovery—not hitchhikers I must carry indefinitely.

I still want answers. I still want certainty. But Step Seven reminds me I don’t have to know—I just have to be willing. Willing to let go. Willing to be changed. Willing to keep feeling my way forward, one honest breath at a time.

And strangely, in surrendering what I thought I needed to get rid of, I found what I truly needed: compassion. For myself. For my process. For this sacred mess I call healing.

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Endigar 1018

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on August 1, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Sep 04:

As we let go of obsession, worry, and focusing on everyone but ourselves, many of us were bewildered by the increasing calmness of our minds. We knew how to live in a state of crisis, but it often took a bit of adjustment to become comfortable with stillness. The price of serenity was the quieting of the constant mental chatter that had taken up so much time; suddenly we had lots of time on our hands and we wondered how to fill it.

Having become more and more serene as a result of working the Al-Anon program, I was surprised to find myself still grabbing for old fears as if I wanted to remain in crisis. I realized that I didn’t know how to feel safe unless I was mentally busy. When I worried, I felt involved — and therefore somewhat in control.

As an exercise, my Sponsor suggested that I try to maintain my inner stillness even when I felt scared or doubtful. As I did so, I reassured myself again and again that I was safely in the care of a Power greater than myself. Today I know that sanity and serenity are the gifts I have received for my efforts and my faith. With practice, I am learning to trust the peace.

Today’s Reminder

Today I will relish my serenity. I know that it is safe to enjoy it.

“Be still and know that I am with you.” – English prayer

END OF QUOTE—————————————

Serenity. Coma. Lethargy. Marijuana Intoxication. Paralysis. Impotence. To me, these were near identical synonyms. The neutrality of vigilance. The rejection of relevance.

“God grant me the Serenity to. . .” Accept.

In the world I came from, serenity felt suspicious.
Stillness was not safety—it was the silence before the next scream, the quiet that meant someone was brooding, using, or gone.
So when I began to heal, when the noise dimmed and the ache lessened, I didn’t feel peace.
I felt… lost.

What do I do when I don’t need to fix anyone?
What do I do when the fire alarm in my nervous system stops blaring?

For so long, obsession and worry were my way of being involved—my illusion of control.
They gave me purpose. They filled the hours.
They made me feel like I mattered.
To let them go felt like floating in open space without a tether.

But serenity, I’ve learned, is not empty.
It is not apathy. It is not ignorance. It is not withdrawal.
It is safety without vigilance, presence without panic.
It is the return of my life to me.

The first few moments of that calm were unbearable.
I wanted to reach for an old fear, the way a child grabs a familiar blanket, even if it’s filthy and torn.
Crisis was home.
But healing asked me to make a new home in the quiet.
Not to stop the fear.
But to let it move through me, while staying grounded in a Power greater than my history.

And I learned:
I can be scared and still be sane.
I can be uncertain and still be at peace.

Peace isn’t something I earn.
It’s something I practice receiving.

Today, I’m learning that serenity is not the absence of life.
It’s the presence of me—undistracted, undivided, beloved.

So I light a candle not because I’m scared, but because I am allowed to enjoy the moment.
I breathe deep not because I’m bracing, but because I’m here.
And when the stillness comes again, I won’t flinch.
I’ll embrace.

Because serenity is no longer a stranger.
It’s my inheritance.

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