Archive for September 30, 2025

Endigar 1049

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on September 30, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Sep 30:

Just for today I can try out new behavior. I can take the point of view that perhaps I have been given a lifetime to learn something about myself. Maybe life is a series of experiments in which some succeed and some fail — and in which the failures, as well as the successes, point the way to fresh experiments.

Just for today I might try slightly changing some pattern of behavior that repeatedly causes me problems, just to see what happens. For example, if I have a habit of responding with a negative attitude to a particular person or situation — getting out of bed, working, requests for help, authority figures — I can try a different, more positive response. I can think of it as research and learn from whatever happens.

This day is all I have to work with. The past is over, and tomorrow is out of my reach. I will try to remember what a great gift this day can be and make full use of it.

Today’s Reminder

Just for today I will look for ways to enjoy life — stop by a garden, try a new hobby, or call a good friend. I can look for humor. I can savor love. I can explore something new. Maybe just for today, I’ll try standing on my head to see if I like the view.

“Just for today I will find a little time to relax and to realize what life is and can be; time to think about God and get a better perspective on myself.” ~ Alcoholism, the Family Disease

END OF QUOTE—————————————

What if my life is not a courtroom, chained to judgment, but a laboratory sharpened with fire? Not a place of accusation, but of experiment. I am not on trial — I am the researcher. Shame’s jagged terrain is dissolved into data. Every flaw I uncover — negativity, resistance, avoidance — is not doom. It is raw material. Each error is not a sentence. It is an opportunity to recalibrate the compass that guards My Story.

Change is not spectacle. It is not sweeping gestures for applause. Change is forged in substitutions so small they vanish unless I guard them:

  • The moment I refuse to snap back.
  • The second I rise without rehearsing defeat.
  • The pause before I spit on authority as enemy.

Each act is data. Each data point is Self-Patriotism. Failures do not condemn me. They redirect the inquiry. Success does not crown me. It keeps the lab lights burning. The pattern is relentless: learn, adjust, grow.

Even the smallest changes carry mystical force. To pause in a garden, to hear laughter, to risk a new act — these are not trifles. They are sacraments of Presence. They are not trivial; I know better. They are revelations hidden in the ordinary, liturgies of personal spirituality: God speaking through the simple, through the small.

The framework clarifies: Today is the laboratory. Not yesterday, not tomorrow. Today is My field of trial and error, where each action is tested against the the ideal of Self manifestation. What matters is not perfect conclusions. What matters is participation — the act of trying again.

I extend patience to myself as I would to a child soldiering through the first lessons of survival. Each attempt recorded. Each reaction inventoried. Each adjustment forged into Social Containment. I try new responses even when the crowd watches, even when shame orders me to hide.

My life is not a final exam. It is the ongoing experiment. I admit my patterns, even when they are stubborn and ugly. I allow failure to teach me rather than silence me. I am not waiting for judgment. I am manufacturing freedom. Every day grants me permission to fail, permission to learn, permission to grow. This permission is not weakness. It is assertion — granted not by gods of murder, but by the Higher Power who asks only for my willingness.

This is not court. This is laboratory. This is My Story.

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Endigar 1048

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on September 30, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Sep 29:

Some alcoholics become abusive, especially when they drink. How do we handle violence? What can we do about it?

Al-Anon doesn’t give specific advice about relationships — we don’t advocate ending them or continuing to build them. Those decisions are best left to each individual member to make when he or she feels ready. We do, however, emphasize our personal responsibility to take care of ourselves. If we know that physical danger is a part of our reality, we can admit it and take steps to protect ourselves, at least temporarily. We may arrange for a safe place to go at any hour if we need it. It may be wise to keep money and car keys in easy access. Perhaps we’ll also seek counseling or speak with the police about our options.

No one has the right to physically abuse anyone else under any circumstances. We can inventory our own behavior to see if we are contributing to the problem by provoking someone who is drunk, and we can work to change that behavior. But we do not cause another to be violent or abusive.

Today’s Reminder

I don’t have the power to change another person. If I am dealing with violence, I must be the one who changes. I’ll start by being honest about what is going on.

“There is hope, there is help, and I have an inalienable right to human dignity.” ~ In All Our Affairs

END OF QUOTE—————————————

The landscape of abuse is jagged, and I map it without mercy. Denial is not a compass. Minimization is not a shield. Violence redraws the map of safety and dignity in blood. The first act of survival is not reforming the abuser — it is declaring: This is happening. I chart not their change, but My exits. My refuge. My choices.

For too long I believed endurance was virtue. For too long I was tricked into thinking provocation was cause. That was the codependent inheritance, the FearContaminate. Recovery breaks that chain. It says: I may change my patterns, I may prepare my stance, but I did not summon another’s violence. Their blows are theirs. My survival is mine.

The pattern shifts: I bury the shame that is not mine. I reclaim the only responsibility that matters — responsibility for myself. Growth is not in taming another’s rage. Growth is in my Social Containment: building walls strong enough to preserve my own life. That is bravery. That is dominance over the chaos.

The program does not demand martyrdom. It does not ask me to solve the relationship in one stroke. It asks that I tell the truth, guard my dignity, and walk away if necessary. This is Walk-Away Spirituality. This is Positive Selfishness forged in fire.

I tell the unvarnished truth—this is violence, and it is not my doing. I claim my right to safety even in the storm. What new life might emerge if I stop carrying the lie that I deserve this? I extend compassion to myself first, not as indulgence but as necessity. My inventory includes not just my flaws but the places where I’ve denied danger. I admit openly what I once hid, trusting that visibility is part of healing. Hope itself becomes an act of creation—a vision of a future where dignity is intact. To face violence is to face a fork in the path: I cannot reform the abuser, but I can choose survival. With honesty, preparation, and faith, I claim the inalienable right to dignity. That act is not abandonment of the program—it is the program lived in its most urgent form.

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