Archive for September, 2025

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Endigar 1049

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on September 30, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Sep 30:

Just for today I can try out new behavior. I can take the point of view that perhaps I have been given a lifetime to learn something about myself. Maybe life is a series of experiments in which some succeed and some fail — and in which the failures, as well as the successes, point the way to fresh experiments.

Just for today I might try slightly changing some pattern of behavior that repeatedly causes me problems, just to see what happens. For example, if I have a habit of responding with a negative attitude to a particular person or situation — getting out of bed, working, requests for help, authority figures — I can try a different, more positive response. I can think of it as research and learn from whatever happens.

This day is all I have to work with. The past is over, and tomorrow is out of my reach. I will try to remember what a great gift this day can be and make full use of it.

Today’s Reminder

Just for today I will look for ways to enjoy life — stop by a garden, try a new hobby, or call a good friend. I can look for humor. I can savor love. I can explore something new. Maybe just for today, I’ll try standing on my head to see if I like the view.

“Just for today I will find a little time to relax and to realize what life is and can be; time to think about God and get a better perspective on myself.” ~ Alcoholism, the Family Disease

END OF QUOTE—————————————

What if my life is not a courtroom, chained to judgment, but a laboratory sharpened with fire? Not a place of accusation, but of experiment. I am not on trial — I am the researcher. Shame’s jagged terrain is dissolved into data. Every flaw I uncover — negativity, resistance, avoidance — is not doom. It is raw material. Each error is not a sentence. It is an opportunity to recalibrate the compass that guards My Story.

Change is not spectacle. It is not sweeping gestures for applause. Change is forged in substitutions so small they vanish unless I guard them:

  • The moment I refuse to snap back.
  • The second I rise without rehearsing defeat.
  • The pause before I spit on authority as enemy.

Each act is data. Each data point is Self-Patriotism. Failures do not condemn me. They redirect the inquiry. Success does not crown me. It keeps the lab lights burning. The pattern is relentless: learn, adjust, grow.

Even the smallest changes carry mystical force. To pause in a garden, to hear laughter, to risk a new act — these are not trifles. They are sacraments of Presence. They are not trivial; I know better. They are revelations hidden in the ordinary, liturgies of personal spirituality: God speaking through the simple, through the small.

The framework clarifies: Today is the laboratory. Not yesterday, not tomorrow. Today is My field of trial and error, where each action is tested against the the ideal of Self manifestation. What matters is not perfect conclusions. What matters is participation — the act of trying again.

I extend patience to myself as I would to a child soldiering through the first lessons of survival. Each attempt recorded. Each reaction inventoried. Each adjustment forged into Social Containment. I try new responses even when the crowd watches, even when shame orders me to hide.

My life is not a final exam. It is the ongoing experiment. I admit my patterns, even when they are stubborn and ugly. I allow failure to teach me rather than silence me. I am not waiting for judgment. I am manufacturing freedom. Every day grants me permission to fail, permission to learn, permission to grow. This permission is not weakness. It is assertion — granted not by gods of murder, but by the Higher Power who asks only for my willingness.

This is not court. This is laboratory. This is My Story.

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Endigar 1048

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on September 30, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Sep 29:

Some alcoholics become abusive, especially when they drink. How do we handle violence? What can we do about it?

Al-Anon doesn’t give specific advice about relationships — we don’t advocate ending them or continuing to build them. Those decisions are best left to each individual member to make when he or she feels ready. We do, however, emphasize our personal responsibility to take care of ourselves. If we know that physical danger is a part of our reality, we can admit it and take steps to protect ourselves, at least temporarily. We may arrange for a safe place to go at any hour if we need it. It may be wise to keep money and car keys in easy access. Perhaps we’ll also seek counseling or speak with the police about our options.

No one has the right to physically abuse anyone else under any circumstances. We can inventory our own behavior to see if we are contributing to the problem by provoking someone who is drunk, and we can work to change that behavior. But we do not cause another to be violent or abusive.

Today’s Reminder

I don’t have the power to change another person. If I am dealing with violence, I must be the one who changes. I’ll start by being honest about what is going on.

“There is hope, there is help, and I have an inalienable right to human dignity.” ~ In All Our Affairs

END OF QUOTE—————————————

The landscape of abuse is jagged, and I map it without mercy. Denial is not a compass. Minimization is not a shield. Violence redraws the map of safety and dignity in blood. The first act of survival is not reforming the abuser — it is declaring: This is happening. I chart not their change, but My exits. My refuge. My choices.

For too long I believed endurance was virtue. For too long I was tricked into thinking provocation was cause. That was the codependent inheritance, the FearContaminate. Recovery breaks that chain. It says: I may change my patterns, I may prepare my stance, but I did not summon another’s violence. Their blows are theirs. My survival is mine.

The pattern shifts: I bury the shame that is not mine. I reclaim the only responsibility that matters — responsibility for myself. Growth is not in taming another’s rage. Growth is in my Social Containment: building walls strong enough to preserve my own life. That is bravery. That is dominance over the chaos.

The program does not demand martyrdom. It does not ask me to solve the relationship in one stroke. It asks that I tell the truth, guard my dignity, and walk away if necessary. This is Walk-Away Spirituality. This is Positive Selfishness forged in fire.

I tell the unvarnished truth—this is violence, and it is not my doing. I claim my right to safety even in the storm. What new life might emerge if I stop carrying the lie that I deserve this? I extend compassion to myself first, not as indulgence but as necessity. My inventory includes not just my flaws but the places where I’ve denied danger. I admit openly what I once hid, trusting that visibility is part of healing. Hope itself becomes an act of creation—a vision of a future where dignity is intact. To face violence is to face a fork in the path: I cannot reform the abuser, but I can choose survival. With honesty, preparation, and faith, I claim the inalienable right to dignity. That act is not abandonment of the program—it is the program lived in its most urgent form.

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Endigar 1047

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 28, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Sep 28:

I received a powerful lesson about letting go one night at an Al-Anon business meeting. It took lots of courage for me to suggest that my home group include the entire Serenity Prayer as part of the meeting opening. Another member suggested that we read the Traditions more regularly.

The group conscience approved the motion about the Traditions, while my pet project, the Serenity Prayer, was shot down. I sat there feeling swollen with offended pride, but something I had learned in Al-Anon kept pounding in my head: “…to place principles above personalities.” Suddenly it didn’t matter that my suggestion had been defeated. We were all together in fellowship, and that was all that mattered.

Within the safety of my Al-Anon group I learn to let go of needing to have my way. With practice, I am able to apply this lesson to all of my relationships.

Today’s Reminder

It is important to express my ideas. It is also important to accept the outcome. I can acknowledge myself for taking the risk to speak out, knowing that the results of my actions are out of my hands. Today I choose to trust those results to my Higher Power.

“Your proper concern is alone the action of duty, not the fruits of the action. Cast then away all desire and fear for the fruits, and perform your duty.” ~ The Bhagavad Gita

END OF QUOTE—————————————

NOTE: The Bhagavad Gita is not a person but a sacred text.

It is a 700-verse section of the Indian epic Mahabharata, written in Sanskrit. The title means “Song of God.” It takes the form of a dialogue between Prince Arjuna and Lord Krishna, who serves as his charioteer.

  • Context: The conversation happens on the battlefield of Kurukshetra, just before a great war. Arjuna is filled with doubt and despair about fighting his own kin, teachers, and friends.
  • Content: Krishna counsels him, teaching about duty (dharma), devotion (bhakti), selfless action (karma yoga), meditation (dhyana), and knowledge (jnana).
  • Significance: It has become one of the central texts of Hindu philosophy, but its teachings have also influenced people worldwide, including thinkers like Gandhi, Emerson, and Tolstoy.

So, when someone asks “Who is The Bhagavad Gita?” the clearest answer is:
It is a dialogue between Krishna (God’s voice) and Arjuna (the struggling human soul), preserved as scripture rather than as a person.

END OF NOTE—————————————

Sometimes there is a clash between my hunger to be heard and the protection of the Program, that requires principles are exalted above personalities. If my idea is cut down, should I allow my ego to swell like a boil, to nurture protective pride so that it twists itself into righteous sulking? No, I remain inside the guardrails of the Traditions, where I find not comfort but containment. The compass points away from self-importance toward survival of the fellowship. My project is nothing. The journey is everything.

Rejection is not death. It is raw fuel. To speak is courage. To accept silence without begging is power. The paradox of Recovery sharpens its edge: I am strong enough to assert My voice, and I am strong enough to walk away when it is ignored. I refuse the begging bowl. I take instead the freedom of acceptance to protect my mind.

I am responsible to perform duty, and to choke the hunger for results. Work is mine. Product is God’s.  This is not surrender in chains — this is the weapon of detachment.  My worth is not in whether others approve. My worth is in the action I alone command.

Speak My truth. Accept the result. Release the fruit.
This is not silence, nor self-erasure. This is Intelligent Spirituality. This is Iconoclasm turned inward — smashing the false idol of my own wounded ego.

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Endigar 1046

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on September 27, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Sep 27:

“If only I had infinite wisdom,” I secretly think. “If only I could see everything before me, a clear path, the knowledge of how I must spend each moment of life!” But in meeting after meeting in Al-Anon I am reminded that I can only work with what I have today. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. What’s more, I am probably better off not knowing. If I knew what was coming, I suspect that I would spend all my time trying to run from painful experiences instead of living. I would miss out on so much great stuff.

I can trust my Higher Power to lead me through this day so that I will be prepared for the future when it arrives and able to work with whatever it brings. This leaves me time to enjoy the many gifts life has to offer, time that would otherwise be spent worrying.

Today’s Reminder

An old maxim says, “It’ll shine when it shines.” If I am willing to listen, I will receive all the information I need when the time is right. “Just for Today” I will know that I’m in good hands.

“Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once.” ~ Just for Today

END OF QUOTE—————————————

I admit that I want control of the future. My mind howls for the full map, the infinite foresight that promises safety. In my prayer, I sometimes treat my Higher Power as a milk cow, trying to squeeze a supernatural blueprint to assuage my fear of the unknown. But I confess: such knowledge would corrupt me, enslave me, strip me of the fierce originality of My Story. If I were given tomorrow in advance, I might become a coward of my own life—running from valleys of pain, missing hidden meadows of joy. The lie of certainty kills the vitality of risk.

So, I stay with today, even when tomorrow screams for attention like a tyrant demanding tribute. Just for Today becomes more than a slogan—it becomes intelligent Self–Patriotism: a battle cry to keep my sovereignty in the present moment. To live this day is not passivity; it is strategy. It spares me from the tyranny of catastrophizing and frees the energy that would otherwise be wasted begging for a prophecy I cannot use.

What might I discover if I stop demanding answers and start listening for timing? I no longer beg. Begging is contamination. I receive the lantern-light of My Higher Power, not a floodlight of false omniscience. God does not bribe Me with full knowledge; He grants just enough illumination for the next indicated step. Silence becomes My Freedom, the Core that is Quiet.

Growth is not in anticipation of every storm but in learning how to walk in the rain without running for cover. My framework is sharpened: I do not need infinite wisdom; I need willingness. I do not need the whole plan; I need the next mile-marker. The horizon is not my inheritance. The present is.

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Endigar 1045

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on September 26, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Sep 26:

When I first came to Al-Anon, I thought that anger, resentment, jealousy, and fear were “bad” feelings. The program has helped me to learn that feelings are neither good nor bad — they are simply a part of who I am.

I have come to realize that good has sometimes come as a result of those feelings. Anger has prompted some constructive changes in my life. Resentment has made me so uncomfortable that I’ve had to learn to combat it — as a result, I have learned to pray for other people. Jealousy has taught me to keep my mouth shut when I know I will say only irrational, destructive things. And fear has been perhaps my greatest gift, because it forces me to make conscious contact with my Higher Power.

Now that the negative has become the positive, I am better able to accept the whole picture. There is no more need to judge or hate myself just because I experience a human feeling.

Today’s Reminder

Feelings may not be comfortable, but that doesn’t make them bad. With a change of attitude, I have choices about what to do with my feelings. Anything can be used for my good if I allow it. Recognizing this opportunity may take every ounce of imagination I have, but maybe that’s why God gave me imagination to begin with.

“My feelings are neither right nor wrong but are important by virtue of being mine.” ~ In All Our Affairs

END OF QUOTE—————————————

Emotions are not intruders to be evicted, but landmarks on the inner map of recovery. They belong to me, and I will not surrender them to the enforced stupidity of a culture that insists I amputate half my soul to stay palatable. Anger, jealousy, and fear are not above me, and I am not above them. They march beside me, and when I dare to tell the truth about their presence, I invite God to forge them into constructs for the writing of My Story.

What if every unwelcome emotion was a disguised angel? Or a disguised threat map revealing enforced silence? What if these unwelcome visitors are the hammer that cracks open complacency? Processed resentment reveals the threat of endless begging, and thus becomes the goad that drives me into prayer and surrender to a Higher Power that does not colonize Me. What if the appearance of jealousy is the illumination of the threat of romantic override? What if fear evades the threat of contamination, and also the one force that hurls me into conscious contact with a Higher Power? The thorns of My inner garden are not weeds—they are barbed wire that guards the perimeter of My God given sovereignty.

The paradox is clear: My feelings may not be right or wrong, but they are still significant because they are mine. They are entrusted to me as sacred signals. In claiming them, I break the tyranny of self-judgment. I do not have to punish myself for being human. I choose instead to stand in Intelligent Self-Patriotism: to pause, reflect, and act without apology. Recovery does not demand erasure of anger or fear; it demands that I braid them into My fabric with the personal mythology of my faith.

When I embrace my emotions without condemnation, I become a man who does not outsource his soul. I extend grace to others not as a surrender but as a chosen act of containment. I admit jealousy, rage, fear—not as confession of weakness but as courage to be seen. Recovery gave me imagination; My Story activates it. Imagination paints possibility onto the canvas of fear, but My personal ethos presses that canvas into a banner: My life is about writing My story. Let the Patriots bleed. Let every feeling become a landmark, a teacher, a threat revealed, a scar turned into scripture.

Emotions are horrible masters, but excellent servants to those that own the story of their lives.

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Endigar 1044

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on September 25, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Sep 25:

I find myself taking Step Three over and over again. Unfortunately, I often wait until a problem starts to overwhelm me before I finally give in and turn it over to my Higher Power. Nevertheless, today I am striving to place my entire will and life in my Higher Power’s hands with the willingness to accept His or Her will for me, no matter what. The awareness I have gained in Al-Anon lets me know that my way has seldom worked in the past. It’s only when I let go and trust the inner voice that quietly nudges me in the direction of my Higher Power’s choosing that my life becomes fulfilling.

Today’s Reminder

Is there an area in my life that I treat as though it were too important to turn over to a Higher Power? Are my efforts to control that area making my life better and more manageable? Are they doing any good at all? I can hold on to my will until the situation becomes so painful that I am forced to submit, or I can put my energy where it can do me some good right now, and surrender to my Higher Power’s care.

”I have held many things in my hands, and I have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God’s hands, that I still possess.” ~ Martin Luther

END OF QUOTE—————————————

I once lived under the delusion that my will and God’s will were locked in combat, mutually exclusive, one destined to erase the other. That was the lie of separation, the lie of addiction, the lie of control. The truth is sharper: when I refuse to know myself, I cannot know my Higher Power. But when I dare to look straight at who I am—my scars, my fury, my hunger—I discover convergence. To thy own self be true is not rebellion against God; it is the doorway to God.

Submission is not servitude. It is Positive Selfishness in its highest form. It is Intelligent Self-Patriotism—protecting my sovereignty while admitting that power beyond me keeps me from destroying myself. I do not surrender into nothingness. I surrender into alignment with the Infinite, who carries the code of my freedom.

Step Three confronts me with this question: Will I grip, or will I release? My instinct, my reflexive will, is to hold on until pain breaks me. That stubbornness is part of my refusal to bow to false narratives, even when those falsehoods come from within me. But here is the paradox: the longer I grip, the more I lose. The more I release, the more remains mine.

When I insist on control, my life shrinks, darkens, isolates. When I let go, my life expands. The whisper of my Higher Power is not sloppy agape, not saccharine love spoon-fed down my throat. It is the dangerous independence of the Spirit, quietly reminding me that my freedom is not in defiance for its own sake—it is in refusing to let panic dictate my steps.

Every area I declare “too important” to God—my finances, my self-image, my need to dominate—is where my slavery is exposed. To grip those areas as mine alone is to collapse into Social Containment, locked in fearful isolation.

But to release them—to put even these battlegrounds in God’s hands—is to discover Resurrection. Not the counterfeit martyrdom of performance, but the blood-bound strength of a warrior who knows when to unclench the fist. What I give to God, I do not lose. I weaponize it. I wield it transfigured.

My inner core declares: I am dangerously free. I will not be enslaved by enforced stupidity, nor by the tyranny of my own fear. Step Three humbles that fire into something survivable, sustainable, connected. My will and God’s will are not parallel lines—they are two blades of the same sword, forged in surrender, carried in independence.

And so I live this paradox daily:

  • Not martyr, not rebel without cause.
  • Not puppet, not godling.
  • Simply a man who has learned that the true defiance is not in clenching, but in trusting.

This is the marrow of Step Three for Me: to surrender is to fight smarter, to align with Power rather than exhaust myself resisting it.

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Endigar 1043

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on September 20, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Sep 24:

An Al-Anon friend says, ”I have a tendency to think of my experience with alcoholism as an epic, technicolor movie, an extravaganza with my name in lights on the marquee, but it’s not really like that. It’s really just home movies.” From time to time I have shared my friend’s exaggerated vision, though of course when I did, the name in lights was my own.

I came to this program with a story to tell that seemed to splash across every inch of a very wide screen. I told it and told it, until one day I noticed that I was sitting in a room with others, showing home movies.

Today I feel happy to be there as part of the show, but my role has changed. I am no longer the martyr, bravely sacrificing myself to the cold, cruel world of melodrama. Realism has taken over. My role is important, but not unique, and I don’t expect to see it in lights.

Today’s Reminder

Al-Anon has given me an opportunity to share my home movies with others. My situation is neither the best nor the worst. Although I am unique in some ways, I am more like others than I ever suspected. I will appreciate this sense of fellowship today.

“…as we learn to place our problem in its true perspective, we find it loses its power to dominate our thoughts and our lives.” ~ Suggested Al-Anon/Alateen Welcome

END OF QUOTE—————————————

My life is not a technicolor epic; it is a series of “home movies” stitched into a patchwork of humanity. To inflate myself as the tragic hero is another disguise for fear. This does not mean shrinking into silence or timidity. My refusal to exaggerate is not weakness but strength. The raw voice of my ethos depends on reality, not on melodrama. It is because I am no longer the martyr that I can speak plainly, iconoclastically, with the defiance of one who no longer needs to perform.

I can step out of the spotlight and discover freedom in not being the centerpiece. When I reject the addiction to applause or victimhood, I recover the purest form of rebellion: living my truth without needing a stage. My freedom is not a reaction against others—it is my refusal to live as their puppet. I refuse to be consumed by performance, or by the crowd’s gaze. I stand rooted, blood-bound to truth.

When I stop inflating my problems into epics, they lose their power to dominate me. I see myself as part of a chorus. The chorus is not a diminishment but a revelation. It is a field of voices, a battlefield of mythologies, and my voice enters as one among many, sharpened and unafraid. I claim my individuality not by towering over others, but by standing beside them, fully seen, fully heard.

I do not need to be the martyr or the hero, but neither will I be erased. My freedom is not in the spotlight nor in the shadows—it is in the refusal to live falsely.

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Endigar 1042

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on September 18, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Sep 23:

One of my character defects is to respond in kind to behavior that is directed at me – to react to insults with more insults, to rudeness with rudeness. I never thought to act any other way until I began traveling to work with a long-time member of Al-Anon. Each day, when my friend would stop to buy the morning paper, the person behind the counter was surly and hostile. No matter how rudely she was treated, my friend consistently behaved with courtesy. I was outraged! Doesn’t Al-Anon tell us we don’t have to accept unacceptable behavior? Finally I asked her about it.

She told me that, since this is the only newsstand around, she would rather detach from the behavior than do without her morning paper. She explained that she is powerless over other people’s attitudes, but she doesn’t have to permit them to goad her into lowering her own standards for herself. To the best of her ability, she chooses to treat everyone she meets with courtesy. Other people are free to make whatever choices they prefer.

Today’s Reminder

Today I will “Let It Begin with Me.” I do not have to accept unacceptable behavior; I can begin by refusing to accept it from myself. I can choose to behave courteously and with dignity.

My freedom and independence do not depend on any acts of defiance or confrontation. They depend on my own attitudes and feelings. If I am always reacting, then I am never free.

END OF QUOTE—————————————

I admit that revenge never satisfied me—it just poisoned me deeper. I do want to keep showing up to practice a new response, even when the old one whispers loudly. Is it possible to choose courtesy even when it’s misunderstood as weakness? What happens if I don’t retaliate? Can dignity be its own reward? I pause, breathe, and pray before answering building distance between stimulus and response.

The skill of freedom developed in recovery isn’t about fixing rudeness in the world; it’s about unfastening the hook it sets in my heart. My Higher Power invites me to stop mirroring chaos and instead become a mirror of grace. Sometimes that means silence, sometimes courtesy, sometimes walking away—but always grounded in the truth that my reactions do not own me.

Al-Anon gives me practical tools to live this out. Detachment with love. Let It Begin with Me. These aren’t slogans for the wall—they are keys to unshackling my spirit. My independence doesn’t come from confrontation or withdrawal. It comes from the daily practice of aligning my attitudes with recovery, not with resentment. Freedom, I discover, is not rebellion—it is responsibility for my own inner weather. That was new to me: strength defined not by control over others, but by stewardship of my own spirit.

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Endigar 1041

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on September 17, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Sep 22:

The Fifth Step (“Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs”) is a very intimate experience in which we share our private thoughts and experiences with another person. Much has been said about the freedom this Step offers to the person who is doing the talking, but it can be extremely rewarding to the listener as well.

Most of us feel deeply honored to be entrusted to share in such a sensitive and personal experience. It’s a wonderful opportunity to practice giving unconditional love and support by simply listening. Many of us hear stories that are similar to our own; others can often identify with the feelings that are expressed. Perhaps we will be reminded of where we have been and how far we have come. We also see that, despite our outward differences, we have a great deal in common with others.

Whether we practice this Step by listening or speaking, we open ourselves as channels for our Higher Power. More often than not, we hear something that sheds light on our own situation.

Today’s Reminder

When I respond to a request for help with working the Al-Anon program, I help myself as well.

“There is no better way to keep our spiritual benefits than by giving them away with love, free of expectations, and with no strings attached.” ~ In All Our Affairs

END OF QUOTE—————————————

The Fifth Step asks us to move from the isolation of secrecy into the open air of honesty. It is one thing to admit wrongs in the silence of my own thoughts, quite another to bring them before God, and even more vulnerable to entrust them to another human being. That moment is not just confession—it is communion. It is where I let the walls drop and allow someone to see me, as I truly am. So, I will name the exact nature of my wrongs without disguise. I will return again and again to this vulnerable practice, even when fear whispers I should hide. I will continue to admit, promptly and honestly, so that nothing festers in the dark, trusting that when I show my true self, I will not be abandoned.

The Fifth Step reveals a paradox: in speaking aloud my shame, I discover my dignity. In listening to another’s secrets, I glimpse my own reflection. Whether we are confessing or holding space, we become channels for something larger than ourselves. My Higher Power often shows up in those sacred moments of listening—sometimes through a word spoken, sometimes simply in the stillness of silence. I desire to be able to listen to another’s story as if it contains a piece of wisdom meant for me too. Sitting with someone’s pain without judgment, holding it gently, because I have discovered that healing often comes sideways, through the mirror of another’s experience.


The practice of this Step has taught me that my spiritual benefits are not mine to hoard. They grow only when I give them away freely—without expectation, without attachment, with love of Self first and others always as the only motive. This is how recovery stays alive in me: by passing it on.

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Endigar 1040 ~ Familiar Storms

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on September 12, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Sep 21:

In living with the disease of alcoholism, I became a fearful person who dreaded change. Although my life was full of chaos, it was familiar chaos, which gave me the feeling that I had some control over it. This was an illusion. I have learned in Al-Anon that I am powerless over alcoholism and many other things. I’ve also learned that change is inevitable.

I no longer have to assume that change is bad because I can look back at changes that have had a very positive effect on me, such as coming into Al-Anon.

I still have many fears, but the Al-Anon program has shown me that my Higher Power will help me walk through them. I believe that there is a Power greater than myself, and I choose to trust this Power to know exactly what I need and when I need it.

Today’s Reminder

Today I can accept the changes occurring in my life and live more comfortably with them. I will trust in the God of my understanding, and my fears will diminish. I relax in this knowledge, knowing that I am always taken care of when I listen to my inner voice.

“We may wonder how we are going to get through all the stages and phases, the levels of growth and recovery… Knowing we are not alone often quiets our fears and helps us gain perspective.” ~ Living with Sobriety

END OF QUOTE—————————————

Living with alcoholism trained me to believe that chaos was safer than change. The storms were familiar, and I told myself that familiarity meant control. But the truth Al-Anon taught me is that this was only an illusion. I was powerless not only over alcohol, but also over the constant shifting ground beneath me. Change comes whether I resist it or not.

I used to believe every change was a threat, another disaster waiting to unfold. But when I look back, I see that some of the most life-giving transformations—like walking through the doors of 12 Step Recovery—began as changes I once feared. Fear said, “Don’t move.” Hope whispered, “Step forward.” And in time, I learned that my fear could coexist with faith until faith grew stronger.

I admit I still fear change, but I choose not to be ruled by it. Each time I walk through fear, I prove to myself that I can. I ask, What gift might this change hold? I hear in others’ stories the same tremors of fear, and I walk with them as they walk with me. I pause to see how far I’ve already come. I share my fear honestly in meetings, and it becomes less heavy. Change is no longer just loss—it is a doorway into the yet-unlived.

Instead of treating fear as a verdict, I now see it as a signal. It tells me I am stepping into new territory. The principles of this program—prayer, inventory, fellowship—equip me to take those steps with more serenity. The same program that once helped me simply survive chaos now helps me welcome change as a teacher.

I trust that my Higher Power knows what I need and when I need it. My fears don’t vanish, but they soften when I let myself rest in the care of Something greater than me. I don’t have to see the whole map; I only need to listen for the next right step. My inner voice, when tuned to the divine frequency, assures me I am never walking alone.

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