Archive for April 23, 2025

Endigar 923 ~ Step Zero

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on April 23, 2025 by endigar

Step Zero: I want to live and I ask for help to avoid a tragic end.

This is a radical declaration of both vulnerability and agency. “Step Zero” implies a prelude to transformation—before any formal step of healing or recovery begins, there must be the will to survive. It’s raw, honest, and elemental. There’s humility in asking for help, yet courage in the admission. It echoes the cry of someone poised on the edge, choosing life over oblivion.

It’s also a spiritual reset—a return to a primal human truth: the desire to live is sacred.

Associated Principle: Recovery of my truest Self cannot be given, it must be taken through the collective mind.

This speaks to personal empowerment through shared consciousness. The truest Self isn’t something that can be handed over by a savior or found in isolation. It must be taken—claimed—by the individual, but in the presence or context of others. The “collective mind” may refer to community, ancestral memory, shared trauma, or a larger spiritual ecosystem. It suggests that real healing isn’t solitary—it happens within the web of interbeing.

There’s also a challenge here: one must be active, not passive, in recovering the Self. No one else can do it for you.

Extracted Values: Positive Selfishness, Free Will, and Collective Awareness.

  • Positive Selfishness is reclaiming the right to prioritize your own well-being—not in a destructive or narcissistic way, but as an act of survival and dignity.
  • Free Will anchors the idea that choosing to live, choosing to heal, is a sovereign act. No one else gets to decide for you.
  • Collective Awareness reminds us that while healing is personal, it is never private. Our actions ripple outward. We are seen, felt, and mirrored by others.

—the Breath before the Word—

I want to live.
Not just exist,
not just endure.

I want to stand on the trembling edge
and say to the dark:
“Help Me.“
Not because I am weak—
but because I am choosing
not to disappear.

This is Step Zero.
The beginning beneath beginnings.
Where the soul, still smoldering,
dares to whisper
its own name.

The Self—my truest Self—
cannot be handed to me
like a medal, or a crown.

It must be taken.
Wrestled back
from the jaws of silence and forgetting.
Taken—not from others,
but with them.
Through the dreamwork of the collective mind.
The shared ache.
The silent nod across generations.

Only in this sacred tension—
between the I and the We—
do I remember who I’ve always been.

So, I practice
Positive Selfishness—
not to hoard, but to heal.

I invoke
Free Will—
as a spell against despair.

And I move
with Collective Awareness—
because my healing
is never mine alone.

And so—
before I take a step,
before I raise a hand,
I say:
I want to live.

And I let that truth
be holy.

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Endigar 922 ~ The Tongue Drawn Like a Sword

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on April 23, 2025 by endigar

Courage to Change of Jun 15:

“Many have fallen by the edge of the sword, but more have fallen by the tongue.” This quotation calls attention to a weapon many of us have been known to use: sarcasm. The cutting remark, the snide innuendo, the scornful sneer.

If I could see myself uttering these verbal assaults, I would not be proud of the picture. So why do it? When I am angry or frustrated, I may get momentary satisfaction in scoring a hit, but does sarcasm get me what I truly desire? Will attacking someone else help to solve the problems between us? Is this really the way I wish to behave? Of course not.

Sometimes I feel helpless and angry. When that happens, I might try calling an Al-Anon friend or going to a meeting where I can get some perspective. I might write down every nasty word I want to say and then read it to my Sponsor. Sometimes it feels good to let it out. But I need to do it appropriately and not hurt others needlessly in doing so. Afterward, I’ll be better able to behave constructively and communicate in a way I can be proud of.

Today’s Reminder

Most of us carry more than our share of shame. I will not add to the problem by using cruel, clever words to humiliate a fellow human being. In doing so, I would be shaming myself.

“Everyone in an alcoholic situation deserves and needs extra loving care.” ~ Living with Sobriety

END OF QUOTE—————————————

There’s something seductive about the verbal kill — that flash of superiority, the illusion of power. Especially when I feel powerless inside. When anger has no safe container, when grief hasn’t been grieved, when fear stands at the door of my heart pretending to be courage. That’s when the tongue gets sharp.

And yet, every time I wield words to wound, I am the one who limps away bleeding. Because what I really wanted was connection — not conquest. What I really needed was to be heard, not to be feared. And sarcasm never bridges that gap. It widens it.

Maybe it would be good to learn to call someone. Write it down. Speak it aloud to a Sponsor who won’t flinch. Let the heat rise and cool. Only then am I able to say what’s genuinely true — not just what’s clever.

Humor isn’t my enemy. Neither is anger. They are both holy when held with care. But cruelty masquerading as wit? That’s just unprocessed pain taking the stage in disguise.

Today, I pray for the courage to lay down my sword — even the invisible one. To trade pride for presence. To speak with the kind of fire that warms, not burns. Because I know what it is to walk wounded in a world already full of blades.

Let my words be medicine. Let them be grace.

Lucien

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