Archive for February, 2023

Endigar 878

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on February 28, 2023 by endigar

From Courage to Change of May 17:

No problem lasts forever. No matter how permanantly fixed in the center of our lives it may seem, whatever we experience in this ever-changing life is sure to pass. Even pain.

Difficult situations often bring out qualities in us that otherwise might not have risen to the surface, such as courage, faith, and our need for one anoher. All of our experiences can help us to grow.

But we may need patience. Some wounds cannot be healed quickly. They must be given time. In the meantime, we can apprecate the new capabilities we are developing, such as the capacity to mourn and the willingness to accept. Let us share our losses and triumphs with each other, for that is how we gathercourage.

Today’s Reminder

Remembering that this too shall pass can make it easier to get through a difficult day. I will be very gentle with myself during this time. Some extra loving care and attention to myself can make everything a little easier.

“‘. . . I am equal to what life presents,’ when I use the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, the slogans, literature, sponsorship, conventions, an most importantly, meetings.”

. . . In All Our Affairs

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“Once in Persia reigned a king, Who upon his signet ring Graved a maxim true and wise, Which, if held before his eyes, Gave him counsel at a glance Fit for every change and chance. Solemn words, and these are they; ‘Even this shall pass away.’ . . .Fighting on a furious field, Once a javelin pierced his shield; Soldiers, with a loud lament, Bore him bleeding to his tent. Groaning from his tortured side, “Pain is hard to bear,” he cried; “But with patience, day by day, Even this shall pass away.”

Even This Shall Pass Away by Theordre Tilton

My Father was known for quoting poetry from memory. I often heard him quote in difficult times, . . . “But with patience, day by day, even this shall pass away.” When he passed away, I begin looking for the poetry he would quote and I found Mr. Tilton’s work.

I know this concept is supposed to strengthen, but I feel sad and deeply instrospective when I hear it. Yet I have come to accept that the cluster of emotions that fit into that bag simply labeled sadness can be useful. For me, I use sadness to open my introspection and to seek connection accross the Veil to those who dwell in the Infinite. As long as I remember that emotions make great servants and horrible masters, I can hear my Father’s words, let the sadness roll over me, and then realize the strength of standing as all that is temporary passes away.

Endigar 877

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on February 20, 2023 by endigar

From Courage to Change of May 16:

Tradition Eight states that “Al-Anon Twelfth Step work should remain forever non-professional…” We come together as a fellowship of equals, where no one is in charge and no one is an expert. Every member can contribute to the healing power of our program simply by sharing his or her personal story of experience, strength, and hope. No special training or qualification other than membership is necessary, or even desired.

Because the help we exchange is strictly nonprofessional and has a specific goal, Al-Anon does not presume to solve every problem or cure every illness. Our program is a remarkably effective approach to recovery from the effects of someone else’s drinking. Sometimes, however, we grapple with problems that Al-Anon doesn’t address. At such times, many of us have found it useful to seek help from other sources in addition to working our Al-Anon program.

Today’s Reminder

A wonderfully nurturing atmosphere is created when people help other people by being themselves and sharing their own experiences. I will contribute to this interchange today.

“. . . we meet as equals and help one another, not because some are experts and others are learners, but because we all have needs and strengths.”

~ Al-Anon’s Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions

END OF QUOTE—————————————

That is the known apple falling from the tree. Eating worms and looking out doors through unknown proximities. The life of a torrid microbe is not less significant than the universe altering nova of a star system. The thoughts that come to mind are that I don’t reallty get this at all. This need to connect, to heal, to improve. The universe broken. How can this be?

I find that you are not helpful when you are not me. I am me, but that is not the way that I desire to be. Bromide pharmacies have no place to copulate. The logos of injestion is not the reason for consumption. My mind slides off the pan into an omelette prepared before the dawn of time.

Here I am.

Sometimes when I am stuck in my writing I just let the words take their own direction so that something comes forth. Anything.

This reflection brings me to a vision of the recovery rooms. This is a normal place for me to be now. I among others who desire a better version of themselves. I come to the rooms in search of real connection, effective magic, and a history of significance. No one enters here from a high horse. The work to overcome the impact of obssessive thinking and chemical addiction allowed me to recognize other issues that where obscured. How can I recognize true chronic depression when I am injesting a depressive. How can I reconnize anxiety when withdrawal causes my heart to beat our of my chest. How can I improve my life when I am obsessing over someone’s mismanagement of their free will.

So, here I am. And the professionals are grateful.

Endigar 876

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on February 9, 2023 by endigar

From Courage to Change of May 15:

When I first came to Al-Anon, I was leery about all the hugs I saw exchanged. I would scurry out the door after a meeting to avoid them. I couldn’t imagine why all those seemingly respectable people were behaving this way. There had been no such displays of affection in my childhood, and none in my adult home, either. The only kinds of touch I knew were negative.

The people in Al-Anon were patient with me even though I refused their hugs. They invited me to keep coming back. They respected my boundaries and didn’t judge or question my need for space. Individual members sat with me as I cried and rejoiced when I laughed. Complete strangers offered their experience, strength, and hope to me as if I were an intimate friend.

In this safe and nurturing atmosphere, I have come to appreciate that there are may different expressions of unconditional love. Whether or not I express affection in a physical way, I can find reassurance, comfort, and strength whenever Al-Anon members offer me their support. Today I am finding ways to express my love for others as well.

Today’s Reminder

I will not let old fears keep me away from the support that is available to me. I am worthy of love and respect.

“Love is not consolation, it is light.”

~ Simone Weil

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Note – when these reflections quote someone I do not know, I look them up. Simone Weil was quite an interesting person. I have purchased her book A Need for Roots. She was of Jewish descent and carried her parent’s agnosticism, then became moved by Christianity but retained her desire to explore and to be inspired outside the walls of the Church. She was a French pacifist who wanted to fire a machine gun in the Spanish Civil war and to participate in the French Resistance during World War II. In her youth she was a Communist who held her own in debate with Leon Trotsky about the oppressive nature of government bureaucratic elites that rivaled any capitalistic cruelties to the working class. I look forward to reading her words.

As to the words of the reflection itself…

The Twelve Step program builds a group to focus on the individual. It is the paradox of my participation in this fellowship that my isolating idiocrasies are rebirthed into characteristics of adaption. My tendency to look for threats in the crowd become the ability to see what genuine care looks like as people allow themselves to be seen. I discover that the caring face can become a soul mirror. It is amazing how little has to be given to gain so much. My need to be accepted by a dysfunctional family has been transformed into a desire to become useful to myself and others. My process of learning to connect with others gives me greater opportunities to know myself.

I must admit that the before and after aspects of the meetings are still challenging for me. Maybe I will work on that today. One day at a time my today will become a connection nova. I know it will. So I will try.