Endigar 876
From Courage to Change of May 15:
When I first came to Al-Anon, I was leery about all the hugs I saw exchanged. I would scurry out the door after a meeting to avoid them. I couldn’t imagine why all those seemingly respectable people were behaving this way. There had been no such displays of affection in my childhood, and none in my adult home, either. The only kinds of touch I knew were negative.
The people in Al-Anon were patient with me even though I refused their hugs. They invited me to keep coming back. They respected my boundaries and didn’t judge or question my need for space. Individual members sat with me as I cried and rejoiced when I laughed. Complete strangers offered their experience, strength, and hope to me as if I were an intimate friend.
In this safe and nurturing atmosphere, I have come to appreciate that there are may different expressions of unconditional love. Whether or not I express affection in a physical way, I can find reassurance, comfort, and strength whenever Al-Anon members offer me their support. Today I am finding ways to express my love for others as well.
Today’s Reminder
I will not let old fears keep me away from the support that is available to me. I am worthy of love and respect.
“Love is not consolation, it is light.”
~ Simone Weil
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Note – when these reflections quote someone I do not know, I look them up. Simone Weil was quite an interesting person. I have purchased her book A Need for Roots. She was of Jewish descent and carried her parent’s agnosticism, then became moved by Christianity but retained her desire to explore and to be inspired outside the walls of the Church. She was a French pacifist who wanted to fire a machine gun in the Spanish Civil war and to participate in the French Resistance during World War II. In her youth she was a Communist who held her own in debate with Leon Trotsky about the oppressive nature of government bureaucratic elites that rivaled any capitalistic cruelties to the working class. I look forward to reading her words.
As to the words of the reflection itself…
The Twelve Step program builds a group to focus on the individual. It is the paradox of my participation in this fellowship that my isolating idiocrasies are rebirthed into characteristics of adaption. My tendency to look for threats in the crowd become the ability to see what genuine care looks like as people allow themselves to be seen. I discover that the caring face can become a soul mirror. It is amazing how little has to be given to gain so much. My need to be accepted by a dysfunctional family has been transformed into a desire to become useful to myself and others. My process of learning to connect with others gives me greater opportunities to know myself.
I must admit that the before and after aspects of the meetings are still challenging for me. Maybe I will work on that today. One day at a time my today will become a connection nova. I know it will. So I will try.
Daily Reprieve 
February 9, 2023 at 6:39 pm
I enjoy the unusual bent Weil gives to spirituality, and I also enjoy her somewhat anarchist political bent, but I do allow for the possibility that the woman may have not been mentally sound. Regardless, she is certainly a worthy companion in our own imperfect spiritual quests. I appreciate your posts. Thank you.
February 10, 2023 at 9:32 am
Thank-you for your feedback, Ann. I truly appreciate it.