Daily Reprieve

From Courage to Change of March 4;

The slogan, “Think” always puzzled me. Wasn’t it my “stinking thinking” that got me into trouble? The meaning of this slogan remained a mystery until I heard a neighbor’s child reciting some safety rules he’d learned in school: Stop, Look, and Listen.

Before I get into trouble, before I open my mouth to react, or get lost in obsessive analysis of another person’s behavior, or worrying about the future, I can Stop. Then I can Look at what is going on and my role in it. Then I can Listen for spiritual guidance that will remind me of my options and  help me find healthy words and actions.

So when  something unkind is said to me, I don’t automatically have to get into a loud and vicious argument. Instead,  I can take a moment to “Think.” I can  Stop, Look, and Listen. Then I might be able to engage calmly in discussion or simply walk away. If I do choose to enter the argument, at least I am now making this decision consciously, rather than letting life decide for me.

Today’s Reminder

This day is a beautiful room that’s never been seen  before. Let me cherish the seconds, minutes, and hours I spend here. Help me to think before I speak and pray before I act.

“The program helps me gain the freedom to make wise choices that are good for me. I choose to put that freedom to work in my life today”

~ Alateen —  a day at a time

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My thinking moves on a spectrum between impulse and rumination. Between those two there is a pause turned to reflection, prayer, and ultimately, action. This thinking that happens in the middle is the place where my free will is cultivated. When I operate in isolated self-will I tend toward reactionary thinking and later retreat to a depressive paralysis. Self-will run riot is not the true expression of my free will. So the between thinking is where I want to be, as much as possible.

From Courage to Change of March 3;

A recent searching and fearless moral inventory of myself (Step Four) gave me a clear message: Much of my behavior was extremely immature.  But what is mature behavior? Obviously the answer is different for each  of us, but exploring the question can help me to identify my goals and apply the Al-Anon program as I seek to change this behavior. To me, maturity includes:

Knowing myself.

Asking for help when I need it and acting on my own when I don’t.

Admitting when I’m wrong and making amends.

Accepting love from others, even if I’m having a tough time loving myself.

Recognizing that I always have choices, and taking responsibility for the ones I make.

Seeing that life is a blessing.

Having an opinion without insisting that others share it.

Forgiving myself and others.

Recognizing my shortcomings and my strengths.

Having the courage to live one day at a time.

Acknowledging that my needs are my responsibility.

Caring for people without having to take care of them.

Accepting that I’ll never be finished – I’ll always be a work-in-progress.

 

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I like the list from this reflection. I would add a few of my own.

The ability to function effectively, set goals and accomplish them with diminished rumination.

Resist the indoctrinated guilt of my past, with prayer that one day it is removed entirely.

Know the “me” that hides the most and coax him into the open for some quality time and assurance.

Feel the infinite warmth of the God of my understanding regardless of present circumstances, a perpetual serenity.

 

I am not sure that I can reach any of these be listing them. The list exists within me. I suppose I could use it as a morning mantra or maybe turn it into a song that I sing to myself throughout the day. Memorization. Repetition. This is the kind of good brain-washing techniques I would do when I was younger and the pulpit left me with laundry lists of sins to correct. I am willing. But I am not young; I do not possess that inspiring delusion that behaving right will be accompanied by super hero type powers. Life will lick me like a happy dog from time to time, but struggling and relaxing in the right balance seems to be what living life on life’s terms is about. Who knows, it might be fun to attempt a country song quilted with these assertion for positive change. Hmm.

From Courage to Change of March 2;

One of the most helpful tools I’ve found in Al-Anon is Conference Approved Literature (CAL). It took me a long time to be willing to open up to other people, but from my first meeting, this wonderful literature has helped me learn to replace a long-established, negative way of thinking with a new, healthier, more positive approach to life  and to love.

At first I used it only when I was in pain. Now I start every day off on a positive note by reading some piece of CAL with  breakfast.

It  has been especially  helpful to me  to “Think” about what I read and condense it into a sentence or two. I write this sentence on a 3 x 5 card and carry it with me throughout the day. Whenever I remember, I take out  my card and read it. You wouldn’t believe how many times it has brought a difficult situation into perspective, or offered me a different approach to a project or  conversation I’m about to begin.

Today’s Reminder

I have a wealth of information available to me which can help me grow ever freer from the effects of alcoholism on my thinking. Today I will make CAL a part of my  routine by listening to a tape or by reading a  pamphlet or chapter of a book.

“Daily reading of Al-Anon books and pamphlets opens our minds to the certainty of a better, more rewarding way of life.” ~ This  is Al-Anon

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Extracted from the following website 7 February 2018 (www.aa.org/pages/en_US/aa-literature), defining CAL for AA:

General Service Conference-approved literature reflects the group conscience of the Fellowship of A.A. and includes the book Alcoholics Anonymous (affectionately known by members as the Big Book); Daily Reflections, a compilation of spiritual reflections contributed by members; books written by one of A.A.’s co-founders (such as Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions and As Bill Sees It); and a wide variety of pamphlets and booklets that deal with the Three Legacies of Alcoholics Anonymous: Recovery, Unity and Service.

Extracted from the following website 7 February 2018 (www.alanonla.org/literature.html), helping define CAL for Al-Anon:

Since its founding in 1951, Al-Anon Family Groups has published more than 100 books and pamphlets that share a single purpose: to help family and friends recover from the effects of someone else’s drinking. This literature supplements the face-to-face meetings where Al-Anon members share their insights and experiences with each other. It is only one tool of the Al-Anon/Alateen program.

Extracted from the following website 7 February  2018 (https://al-anon.org/for-members/members-resources/literature/feature-publications/) to direct reader to the Al-Anon site for the purchase of CAL.

I had a Sponsor in AA who said that he got much out of reading Courage to Change from the Al-Anon meetings he would attend. A subsequent Sponsor suggested I read Daily Reflections to help catch my mind each day and offer it another thought path to live out. I thought that the only way I was going to keep such a practice going was to read and blog my reflections. That gave this site a better direction. I did that for the Daily Reflections and now I am on a slow but steady journey through Courage to Change. It is taking some time, but I am following the suggestions of my Sponsors.

From Courage to Change of March 1;

Sometimes knowledge isn’t all it’s cracked up tp be. Naturally it can be helpful to look at past experiences for information about ourselves and our relationships. There is much to be learned from inventories, memories, and reasoning things out with others. But waiting for insight can become an excuse to avoid action.

For example, some of us fall into the trap of trying to analyze alcoholism. We don’t want to accept the reality of our circumstances because we haven’t yet figured out the rhyme and reason of it. The fact is that alcoholism is an illogical disease; we may never fully comprehend it. Nevertheless we have an obligation to ourselves to accept the reality in which we live and to act accordingly.

Others want to ignore the spiritual nature of the Al-Anon program, waiting for a clear and comfortable understanding of a Higher Power. Many of us never attain that clarity, yet we manage to develop rewarding relationships with a Power greater than ourselves by taking the action and praying anyway.

Today’s Reminder

Information can be wonderfully enlightening, but it is not the answer  to every problem. I will be honest about my motives today.

“If you understand, things are just as they are; if you do not understand, things are just as they are.” ~ Zen proverb

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My sponsor would warn me of giving way to the “paralysis of analysis.” In subsequent readings I also discovered that those who suffer from chronic depression have a life-long habit of rumination. They would spend a great deal of time rotating thoughts over and over in their cranial caverns led by some vague hope of acquiring knowledge; mental nuggets that would prevent the reoccurrence of pain and impotence in their lives. This I have been all too familiar with. The first few hours of my day have always been devoted to this quest forged in hell. This was the source of my procrastination in breathing, the source of my tardiness to fulfill awaiting duties, and the risk of taking the inventory of the 12 Step program and turning it into morbid self-reflection.

I have not been able to stop doing this, but I have been able to limit it long enough to experience the advantage of taking action and getting away from my solitude when I realize that I am in a self-imposed coma. In fact, the continued participation in the 12 Step program these days serves to counter this old nemesis as much as it is to counter my co-dependence and addiction. It is getting better. One day at a time.