Daily Reprieve

From Courage to Change of February 17;

My vision can be so limited. I often think that the only possible outcomes are those that I can imagine. Fortunately, my Higher Power is not restricted by such logic. In fact, some of the most wondrous events grow out of what appear to be disasters.

But faith takes practice. Fears can loom large, and I can get lost in my limited thinking. When I can’t see any way out and I doubt that even a Higher Power can help me, that’s when I most need to pray. When I do, my actions demonstrate my willingness to be helped. And time after time, the help I need is given to me.

Today I know that even when my situation looks bleak and I can’t see any way out, miracles can happen if I turn my will and my life over to God.

I have an important part to play in my relation-ship with my Higher Power–I have to be willing to receive help, and I have to ask for it. If I develop the habit of turning to my higher Power for help with small, everyday matters, I’ll know what to do when faced with more difficult challenges.

“In the hour of adversity be not without hope

For crystal rain falls from black clouds.”

~ Persian poem

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I am like most of my kind in that I desire to control my universe. Unlike others, it becomes an obsession for me that makes me vulnerable to despair when life happens beyond my ability to set it right. During the dark days when all I trusted crumbled beneath me, when betrayal replaced intimacy, when cash ransoms and casual visits replaced the respect and responsibilities of my home-building heart, and when finally the devotion of my faith became the mockery of my life and love – I wandered the Earth with no use for discussion of miracles. I had concluded that hope was a distraction and that divine intervention was only relevant when it happened. A miracle that could happen had become the ultimate tale of quantum physics, like Schrödinger’s cat.

Yet this life is not about God’s performance, but about our performance. Hope creates a nest for the prospect of a miracle and the justification for persistence in the face of failure. Fall down and get back up. Relapsed? Vomit out the poison and go after sober living again. Keep coming back. Don’t give up five minutes before the magic occurs. The intervention of my Higher Power is a crown given for my own dogged grasp of life. This life is a proving ground for me, not God. It is my union with the God of my understanding that extends my potency. It is not the existence of God but the intimacy with my GOMU that dictates the story of my life. I will not surrender to despair. Let the Watchers of the Universe ink their quills and record the story of my strength of heart. And yours too.

From Courage to Change of February 16;

In a tornado, you not only have to look out for the tremendous winds, but also whatever the winds pick up and hurl in your direction. Like a tornado, alcoholism often brings along additional problems, including verbal, physical, and sexual abuse, illness, debt, prison, infidelity, and even death. Some of these problems can be so embarrassing that we don’t dare to talk about them. But in Al-Anon, we learn that we are only as sick as our secrets. Until we let them out into the light, they keep us trapped.

Most of us find it best to share our secrets with someone we can trust, someone who understands the disease of alcoholism. No matter how hopeless, different, or ashamed we may feel, there are Al-Anon members who have been through similar crises and are willing to listen and help.

Today’s Reminder

The times I most want to hide out with my secrets are probably the times I most need to reach out and share them with others. When facing a difficult situation, let me remember that my Higher Power speaks through other people. I don’t have to face it alone.

“We move from being at the mercy of any problem that comes along to an inner certainty that no matter what happens in our lives, we will be able to face it, deal with it, and learn from it with the help of our higher Power.”

. . . In All Our Affairs

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For me, the idea that we are only as “sick as our secrets” does not mean that it is wrong to keep some things private. It does not mean I should share inappropriate information, that I should abandon discretion, or that I should not introspect and consider the audience that is privy to my sensitivities.

What it does mean to me is that if I have toxic shame exuding from deeply embedded secrets than these are sick secrets. Their residence within will continue to poison my life. So I must risk trusting another who has no personal connection with my death seed. I cannot hurt another to achieve my own healing. An objective but caring heart can help dislodge the debris of the chaos storms I have endured so that my own psyche can heal. This provides me the opportunity to build a network of trust to replace the seeds of my own destruction.

From Courage to Change of February 15;

We talk a great deal about working the program. Actually what we do is to practice what we’re learning. It’s like studying a second language. A student reads books and attends classes, but this only gives him technical knowledge. To be able to use  the language he must be around those who speak and understand it. He practices listening and speaking while continuing to read. If he stays with it, in time it will become a lifelong skill.

So it is with many of us. We begin with little knowledge and many misconceptions. We go to meetings, learn about alcoholism, and study Al-Anon literature. But to actually be able to use this knowledge takes time, patience, and effort. We spend time around people who speak the Al-Anon language, especially those who are making a strong commitment to practicing Al-Anon’s principles in their own lives. We continue to listen, to read, to learn. In this way the Al-Anon way of life sinks in until it becomes second nature. Then, because we are constantly changing, we have opportunities to learn and practice some more.

Today’s Reminder

If I want to become skillful at applying the Al-Anon program to my life, I need to do more than go to an occasional meeting. I must make a commitment and practice, practice, practice.

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” ~ Aristotle

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I can understand the concept of improvement via study, repetition, emersion, and practice. The upward slope of transformation is rarely a straight line from valley to peak for me. I have had to learn to trust the process even when I cannot see that upward incline. Especially then. My progress looks more like radio waves traveling along a helix. The trajectory can be found over time. The forward movement comes when I trust the process of the program and keep it moving with my persistent involvement. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, the promised results will always materialize if we work for them.

My Higher Power maintains the straight line of the program – I orbit the God of my understanding.