Daily Reprieve

From Courage to Change of February 06;

By the time I reached Al-Anon I was desperate to do something about my relationship with an alcoholic. I hoped that you would tell me to “throw the bum out,” so I was dismayed when a member suggested that I make no major changes for six months after coming to Al-Anon. By the end of the six months, my thinking had changed dramatically and I was grateful to have waited.

At that point, something inside told me to continue to wait, to learn, to recover, before deciding about this relationship. But I hate to wait. I struggled, prayed for guidance, weighed the pros and cons. The answer was always the same: “Wait. Do nothing yet. The time will come.” That wasn’t the answer I was looking for. So I ignored it. I forced a “solution” and walked out.

I was immediately consumed with guilt and self-doubt. Had  I made the worst mistake of my life? I still loved this person so much, and though I was deeply troubled, I wasn’t convinced that leaving was the answer. I had to admit that I had acted prematurely. Only with more time was I eventually able to come to a decision that I knew I could live with.

Today’s Reminder

When my thinking becomes distorted by trying to force solutions, I probably won’t get the results I seek. As the saying goes, “When in doubt, don’t.”

“Guide me in all I do to remember that waiting is the answer to some of my prayers.”    As We Understood…

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I do not like the waiting. Death does not wait. Life is too short. My immortal Higher Power does not know what it is like to battle for significance and relevance while floating on a speck in the dark, unforgiving infinity of the universe . I do not want to be cut off and alone. I want to be connected and yet, in control. I am afraid of anything less than that.

And  that is why I must wait. No matter what decision I make, I am still me. The hurting, fearful, disconnected me looking to hide and not hurt. In this program of spiritual development and recovery, waiting is not tolerating the intolerable. It is developing spiritual connection with a loving God I can trust. And then learning to exercise that trust. Any decision I make without this transformation is a panic stricken leap of faithlessness.

In the end, it is my own refusal to surrender to the process that causes me to absolutely need to slow down and go into the waiting place.

From Courage to Change of February 05;

“When the student is ready, the teacher appears,” says the Zen Buddhists. Or, as an Al-Anon speaker put it, “We each get here right on time.” To me, this is an important reason to have a public relations policy based on attraction rather than promotion, as the Eleventh Tradition suggests.

My own arrival in Al-Anon was right on schedule. I first heard about the program when I was a teenager; I attended my first meeting twenty years later. I don’t regret that lapse of time because I don’t think I would have been ready to come to Al-Anon any sooner — I spent those twenty years resenting any implication from well-meaning family members that I had been affected by alcoholism. Only after many years of living with the effects of the disease did I really become ready to get help. No amount of nagging would have hurried me along any faster.

Today’s Reminder

There is no magic wand that can make others ready for Al-Anon. And it is presumptuous to assume that I have a better idea of their true path than they do. Let me help those who want help. When my life improves as a result of working the program myself, I do more to carry the message than I ever could be forcing it on others.

“Let me not dilute the effectiveness of the help I can give by letting it take the form of giving advice. I know I will never have enough insight into another’s life to tell that person what is best to do.” – The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage

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The wind blows and we know neither where it comes from nor where it is destined to arrive. It is the same for all those who practice a life surrendering to the flow of the guiding Spirit. There is neither rushing nor hindering the timing of my Gomu by the thrashing of fearful impatience. I breathe, exhaling purposeful activity and inhaling the invisible flow of a loving God.

Living in the World of the Spirit has taken much practice. The demand of relationships has given me my greatest opportunity to live in fear or faith and in the process I gather evidence for which is most effective. My goal is to breathe, surrender, and move in tandem with the irresistible Spirit of Liberty I have been introduced to in this program.