Daily Reprieve

From Courage to Change of February 02;

I used to live my life as if I were on a ladder. Everyone was either above me — to be feared and envied — or below me — to be pitied. God was way, way at the top, beyond my view. That was a hard, lonely way to live, because no two people can stand comfortably on the same rung for very long.

When I came to Al-Anon, I found a lot of people who had decided to climb down from their ladders in the circle of fellowship. In the circle we were all on equal terms, and God was right in the center, easily accessible. When newcomers arrived we didn’t worry about rearranging everyone’s position, we simply widened the circle.

Today I no longer look up to some people and down on others. I can look each person in the eye, squarely and honestly. Today, being humble means climbing down from the ladder of judgment of myself and others, and taking my rightful place in a worldwide circle of love and support.

Today’s Reminder

My thoughts are my teachers. Are they teaching me to love and appreciate myself and others, or are they teaching me to practice isolation? Today I will chose my teachers with greater care.

“‘Live and Let Live’ sets us free from the compulsion to criticize, judge, condemn, and retaliate . . .[which] can damage us far more than those against whom we use such weapons. Al-Anon helps us to learn tolerance rooted in love.”

~ This is Al-Anon

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“When I was a child, I had a fever . . .” ~ Pink Floyd, Comfortably Numb

I had  a dream when I was a child of elementary school age. The dream was vivid and stayed with me after I awoke. I flew and when I was awake, I knew there was a certain feeling or inner awareness that would allow me to do it again. My nephew and playmate came over that day, and I took him and our younger siblings outside to the backyard swing set. I was excited about the prospect of duplicating the flight of inner awareness and the followed. I climbed up the on it and searched my memory for that dream feeling, and then leaped into the air. I hit the ground. Soon all of us were climbing and jumping and rolling about on the ground. That was not what I had wanted to achieve, but everyone was laughing and happy. I was able to let go and move on with the adventures of being a child with blood friends.

I never forgot that time and always cherished the flying dreams that came back over the years. I found that my desire to climb ladders was only to find the best place to jump off. Maybe this time…

And that is my childhood fever. It comes back occasionally.

Often I would stay on the ladder to appear to be normal, stable, and a rock for those I love. The 12 Step ladder has given me a safe place to practice jumping in expectation of spirit flight again. And a new group of blood friends on the ground.

Maybe this time . . .

From Courage to Change of February 01;

I thought that if I stopped enabling the alcoholic in my life, the drinking would stop. When the drinking seemed to get worse instead of better, once again I thought I had done something wrong. I was still trying to control alcoholism and its symptoms. Al-Anon helped me to learn that I am powerless. I cannot stop an alcoholic from drinking. If I choose to stop contributing to the problem, I do so because it seems to be the right thing to do, something that will help me to feel better about myself.

When I change my behavior, the behavior of those around me may also change, but there is no guarantee that it will change to my liking. Today I am learning to make choices because they are good for me, not because of the effect they might have on others.

Today’s Reminder

It is hard to stop acting as I have in the past. But with Al-Anon’s support, I can be the one to break the pattern. I can choose to do what I think is right — for me.

“You have to count on living every single day in a way you believe will make you feel good about your life. . .” ~ Jane Seymour

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What does it mean to do something to help me “feel better” about myself? How do I know that the something I chose to do to feel better about me is the right thing to do? I have stopped myself from intervening in situations that I was powerless over and yet have not felt good inside. Guilt bubbles would belch upwards as I sat locked in concern for my loved one. I believe that Al-Anon teaches me to consider how much of my moral conscience has been replaced with survival indoctrination. It is going to take time to tell what is right for me to do as I work the Steps to understand who I truly am and what it actually means to do the right thing. Telling myself I have the freedom to do what is right for me is both an event and a process. What I have experienced is that when I abandon martyrdom and embrace personal fulfillment, I empower through example those close to me to do the same. This permission via example is one of the best gifts I can pass on to those I love who struggle.

From Courage to Change of January 31;

After working Al-Anon’s Twelve Steps zealously for over a year, I was despondent over my continuing lapses into self-pity and resentment over the alcoholic’s inability to give me the emotional support I wanted. One evening during a meditation on the Sixth and Seventh Steps, three words seemed to flash in my mind: We were entirely read to have God remove all these defects of character, and we humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

I suddenly realized that much of my zealous working of the program had been the exercise of my own limited power. With a new and sincere humility, I asked God to remove my shortcomings. When I saw the alcoholic the next morning, it was as if a veil had been lifted from eyes. I saw her suffering, struggling to stay sober, and I had compassion for my own struggle as well. My self-pity and resentment were gone.

Today’s Reminder

I want to be ready for shortcomings to be removed, and I will do what I can to prepare. I can develop a non-judgmental awareness of myself, accept what I discover, and be fully willing to change. But I lack the power to heal myself. Only my Higher Power can do that.

“I accept the fact that I need help in being restored to sanity, and that I cannot achieve this without help.” ~ The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage

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Relationships test spiritual fortitude. The more intimate the relationship, the greater the test. Spiritual testing reveals nothing to an all-knowing God. Spiritual testing is not about pass or fail. It is a crucible to expose the hidden parts of my own being and to force the locked chambers of my heart open.

The first intimate relationships I worked on were with myself and with my GOMU (God of my understanding). By the time I develop my union with God from Steps 2 and 3 (restored sanity and surrendered care) to Steps 6 and 7 (willingness to change and humility to ask for that transformation), I begin to see the power of this program do more than stop the madness. It begins to develop a quiet and connective strength in my intimate life and relationships.

I welcome the tests, because I have experienced the growth. May you also be prospered in your path.