Daily Reprieve

From Courage to Change of January 13;

Al-Anon gives me great spiritual freedom because it encourages me to find a personal understanding of God, and to allow others the same freedom. Until I could think of God in terms that were meaningful to me, I was not able to truly turn my life over to a Higher Power.

My concept of God evolves. It changes and grows as I continue to change and grow. How wonderful it is, for I now sense a Higher Power that is as alive as I am! Never in my life did I dream of finding such a source of serenity, courage, and wisdom.

There is a sense of unique purpose to my journey through life. I am the only one who can live it, and I need the help of the God of my understanding in order to live it fully. Grounded in faith, I can hold tight to my course and meet the future with confidence.

Today’s Reminder

Once upon a time I was afraid to live life for myself. This was because I did not know how to do it and thought that there was no one to show me. Now I have a resource deep within me to guide me along life’s many roads. I am not alone on my journey.

“In the midst of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.”  ~ Albert Camus

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I do not have what I would call real spiritual freedom. I have negative spiritual freedom. Freedom from “us and them.” Freedom from perpetual social guilt. Freedom from the fearful censorship of ideas that might damn me. Freedom from that need to prove I am willing to save the world and freedom from the desperation of self-castigation necessary to catch God’s attention.

For me, real spiritual freedom is positive. It is the freedom to do something with my life. It is the freedom to find or create meaning in my daily living. It is the freedom to establish contact beyond the fleshly veil and walk between the worlds. I seek such a fantastic existence without repentance to realism. I stay open and embrace the possibility of all forms of communication beyond my understanding into the spirit realm, that which is not bound to the inevitability of death.

Sisyphus knew the punishment of the gods. His labors were senseless and his efforts were futile. So the God of his understanding was actually the boulder he was damned to push up the mountain. The punishing gods had made themselves irrelevant in their subject’s life. It was a God of guilt in the form of a boulder that defined his existence.

If you look closer his muscles have grown tight and powerfully hard. His callouses make him unflinching in the broken stone face of his labors. Finally the gods will relent and give him the gift of failing.

As I see him walk away from an obsession that ruled his life, I do not know how to finish the story. Spending your life ascending the mountaintop makes the journey in its shadow one of great uncertainty.

Living within me is a God of great relevance. This story is currently being written in the rooms of Al-Anon and Alcoholics Anonymous. That uncertainty is the result of an active mind exploring the possibility of freedom.

My persistent energy forges a new path.

From Courage to Change of January 12;

Early one morning I stopped to watch a colony of bees. A little intimidated by the frenzied motion and intense buzzing, I reminded myself that if I didn’t poke my nose into their hive, I wouldn’t get stung. If I hose to maintain a safe distance from a dangerous situation, I would be fine.

To me, that is exactly the lesson that detachment teaches. The choice is mine. When I sense that a situation is dangerous to my physical, mental, or spiritual well-being, I can put extra distance between myself and the situation. Sometime this means that I don’t get too emotionally involved in a problem; sometimes I am physically leave the room or end a conversation. And sometimes I try to put spiritual space between myself and another person’s alcoholism or behavior. This doesn’t mean I stop loving the person, only that I acknowledge the risks to my own well-being and make choices to take care of myself.

Today’s Reminder

Now I know how to end an argument by simply refusing to participate, to turn to my Higher Power for help with whatever I’m powerless to change, to say, “No,” when I mean no, and to step back from insanity rather than diving into it. Detachment is a loving gift I continue to give to myself and to others.

“If a man carries his own lantern, he need not fear darkness.” ~ Hasidic saying

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Divorce. Exile. Isolation. Renunciation. Escape. Disassociation. . .

Detachment.

It is difficult to escape the damming connotations of the word detachment when the strategy of withdrawing from a volatile situation is not necessarily associated with well-being and gifts and spiritual lanterns. At times, it even seems cowardly.

Add to the mix that I am creating safe distance from someone I deeply love and the strategy becomes unbearable.

When dealing with a loved one’s choices that appear to be self-destructive and personally painful, I tend to fall into the choice of being a tyrant with intervention or fall prey to a victim’s world view. I believe detachment is an attempt to provide a third option.

This third option of detachment is not something easily navigated and should not be undertaken in isolation. I have to stay connected with a network of people who are invested in my higher self. In fact, I believe detachment in one relationship area should be balanced with attachment to others.

It is a work in progress for me not to stir the beehive nor grow apathetic to the taste of honey.

Artwork: Angry Blue