Archive for April 25, 2014

Endigar 393 ~ Entering a New Dimension

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on April 25, 2014 by endigar

From Today’s Daily Reflections;

In the late stages of our drinking, the will to resist has fled. Yet when we admit complete defeat and when we become entirely ready to try A.A. principles, our obsession leaves us and we enter a new dimension- freedom under God as we understand Him.  (As Bill Sees It, page 283)

I am fortunate to be among the ones who have had this awesome transformation in my life. When I entered the doors of A.A., alone and desperate, I had been beaten into willingness to believe anything I heard. One of the things I heard was, “This could be your last hangover, or you can keep going round and round.” The man who said this obviously was a whole lot better off than I. I liked the idea of admitting defeat and I have been free ever since! My heart heard what my mind never could: “Being powerless over alcohol is no big deal.” I’m free and I’m grateful!

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Admitting complete defeat.  It is hard for me to stay there long enough to be more than a visitor to this other dimension.  It is my hope to learn from others rather than insisting on dwelling in a slothful skepticism.  I will keep working.

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Endigar 392 ~ Learning to Love Ourselves

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on April 25, 2014 by endigar

From Yesterday’s Daily Reflections;

Alcoholism was a lonely business, even though we were surrounded by people who loved us. . . . We were trying to find emotional security either by dominating or by being dependent upon others. . . . We still vainly tried to be secure by some unhealthy sort of domination or dependence.  (As Bill Sees It, page 252)

When I did my personal inventory I found that I had unhealthy relationships with most people in my life-my friends and family, for example. I always felt isolated and lonely. I drank to dull emotional pain.

It was through staying sober, having a good sponsor and working the Twelve Steps that I was able to build up my low self-esteem. First the Twelve Steps taught me to become my own best friend, and then, when I was able to love myself, I could reach out and love others.

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Relapse in recovery is another blow to self-esteem.  When you know what needs to be done and yet succumb to the insanity of the disease once more, that just feels doubly insane.  I can remember the first time I had to pick up a silver chip and felt the fearful disdain of my comrades in the struggle.  Whether real or imagined, I felt like a radioactive leper.  Because of the words of a few and the notorious sensitivities of the alcoholic that I am, I thought that the grace that was present for the newcomer was not there for those of us who have had trouble accruing consistent abstinence.

This is the encouragement that I cling to in my stop and go progress in recovery.  My goal is spiritual sobriety.  Although chemical abstinence is easier to measure, it is not the primary goal.  Sobriety is a surrender to the realities of the unseen world.  It is access to the power of that which is hidden to our organic eyes.  It is the assurance that there is something out there that really loves and cares for me.  When I can hold onto that truth, I began to see and experience the love of others in recovery.  In this way, I learn to love myself in spite of my clumsy march toward sobriety.  Chemical abstinence is a byproduct of spiritual health and growth.

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