Dreams! save me from my dreams! As I slept for about two hours last night, I took an exhilarating ride. In the surreal world of slumber, I went to the restroom, and took a dump, made a fecal deposit, or pinched off a loaf as they say. There was a little golden computer chip that I brushed off or threw in the toilet and I immediately heard the nebulous dream announcer say that was a new improved computer virus from the future, like a terminator virus that merges with any organic material it comes in contact with. I looked down and saw that my feces had begun to foam in the water, merging with the chip. I hit the flush handle and backed up, but too late. A great dog looking beast jumped out and moved at lightning speed toward me. I spent the rest of the dream trying to escape the Terminating Shit Dog. I awoke around 2:30 AM caught in a lucid dream that would not go away. The room around me seemed to swirl and I felt threatened, probably thanks to the Poopy Pup of Hell snapping at my dreamworld. I finally had to turn on a flash light to break its spell. I spent the next few moments literally catching my breath. The rest of the night was spent attempting to convince a General of his military base’s vulnerability to terrorist attack, and trying to fit in with Hispanic people where I was told that the word “burrito” was a derogatory term. There was a really pretty lady, but there was no hope of a relationship in this quick tempo. I had one last image of me attempting to give advice to another alcoholic about avoiding going out when he traveled on TDY (military term for a quick assignment somewhere other than home base for a specific mission). I am exhausted. Luckily, it is an off day and I can spend some time in some real meditation. Holy Crap, Batman! Was that a bark or a fart?
Archive for May 15, 2008
Endigar 012
Posted in Uncategorized with tags Addiction, Alcoholism, Journal, Life, Personal, Recovery, Spirituality on May 15, 2008 by endigarEndigar 011
Posted in Uncategorized with tags Addiction, Alcoholism, Journal, Life, Personal, Recovery, Spirituality on May 15, 2008 by endigarI went to work beset by some personal fears. Yes, I prayed. But sometimes my attempts at prayer and meditation become a forum for fears and insecurity. I have noticed that it is easier for me to find my happy place when I don’t have to give large chunks of my time and energy to the money making machine. When I was unemployed, I could spend that time and energy connecting with my Higher Power who would help me pull off these little mind-sucking leeches. It is a real struggle to achieve spiritual serenity and material stability, to balance these pursuits. I have both vertical and lateral needs that make me feel as if I am being drawn and quartered out of bed in the morning.
Luckily, my Higher Power has spent an eternity unemployed and creates when it is His-Her pleasure to do so. No wonder I have wanted to be a god! But a life based on self-enthronement doesn’t work for me. Already proved, powerless and unmanageable. So I have to depend on the serenity of the God of my understanding (gomu). I have to take out a serenity loan from the Central Bank of Universal Peace. Gomu is not bound by time and can pull away to maintain His-Her spiritual fitness. I end up being dependant on His-Her sanity just to be able to get up and face another day. I catch little hints of the Presence throughout the day. The web of the universe intervenes in my behalf. And that is why I bother with prayer and meditation.
Daily Reprieve 