Endigar 011

I went to work beset by some personal fears.  Yes, I prayed.  But sometimes my attempts at prayer and meditation become a forum for fears and insecurity.  I have noticed that it is easier for me to find my happy place when I don’t have to give large chunks of my time and energy to the money making machine.  When I was unemployed, I could spend that time and energy connecting with my Higher Power who would help me pull off these little mind-sucking leeches.  It is a real struggle to achieve spiritual serenity and material stability, to balance these pursuits.  I have both vertical and lateral needs that make me feel as if I am being drawn and quartered out of bed in the morning.

Luckily, my Higher Power has spent an eternity unemployed and creates when it is His-Her pleasure to do so.  No wonder I have wanted to be a god!  But a life based on self-enthronement doesn’t work for me.  Already proved, powerless and unmanageable.  So I have to depend on the serenity of the God of my understanding (gomu).  I have to take out a serenity loan from the Central Bank of Universal Peace.  Gomu is not bound by time and can pull away to maintain His-Her spiritual fitness.  I end up being dependant on His-Her sanity just to be able to get up and face another day.  I catch little hints of the Presence throughout the day. The web of the universe intervenes in my behalf.   And that is why I bother with prayer and meditation. 

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