From Courage to Change of Jun 19:
When I’m troubled by another person’s behavior, a complicated situation, or a disappointing turn of events, Al-Anon reminds me that I don’t have to take it personally. I’m not a victim of everything that happens unless I choose to see myself that way. Though things don’t always go my way, I can accept what I cannot change, and change what I can.
Perhaps I can take a different view of my problems. If I accept them at face value without taking them personally, I may find that they are not problems at all, only things that have not gone as I would have liked. This change of attitude can help free me to evaluate the situation realistically and move forward constructively.
Today’s Reminder
Blaming my discomfort on outside events can be a way to avoid facing the real cause – my own attitudes. I can see myself as a victim, or I can accept what is happening in my life and take responsibility for my response. I may be guided to take action or to sit still, but when I listen to the guidance of my Higher Power I will no longer be the victim of my circumstances.
“God asks no man whether he will accept life. That is not the choice. You must take it. The only choice is how.” ~ Henry Ward Beecher
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My mind often wants to go to war with life. It’s as if, when something hurts, I instinctively look for someone or something to blame — God, the betrayal, my internal cognitive dissonance. Blame used to feel like protection. If it was an identifiable fault, maybe I could stay safe, or at least feel justified in my anger or withdrawal.
But recovery has been slowly, patiently teaching me another way: that my peace does not depend on the world behaving the way I want it to. My peace depends on the choices I make about how to see and respond to the world.
When I read, “I’m not a victim of everything that happens unless I choose to see myself that way,” I felt a quiet tap on my shoulder. How often do I still cling to a story of being wronged? How often do I use discomfort as proof that life has betrayed me, rather than seeing it as life simply being life — unpredictable, imperfect, alive?
Today I’m reminded that much of my pain is not caused by the events themselves, but by the way I wrap myself around them, the way I resist them or try to demand that they be different. I have always had acceptance issues.
There is so much freedom in learning to accept things at face value. To feel disappointment without turning it into resentment. To experience loss without turning it into a judgment against myself or others. To see an unmet desire not as a cosmic injustice, but simply as what is.
I think this is the heart of the matter: when I blame outside events, I’m usually avoiding a harder truth — that my real suffering comes from my own fearful, grasping, controlling attitudes. It’s humbling. And liberating. Because if the problem isn’t “out there,” then the solution doesn’t have to wait for anything to change. It’s already within me.
I’m learning — slowly, imperfectly — to listen to the quiet, steady voice of my Higher Power. Sometimes that voice says “Act.” Sometimes it says “Wait.” But it always says, “You are not a victim. You are loved. You are free.”
I don’t always hear it right away. But today, I’m willing to listen.
Daily Reprieve 
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