Daily Reprieve

From the Daily Reflections of January 3;

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.  (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 21)

It is no coincidence that the very first Step mentions powerlessness: An admission of personal powerlessness over alcohol is a cornerstone of the foundation of recovery. I’ve learned that I do not have the power and control I once thought I had. I am powerless over what people think about me. I am powerless over having just missed the bus. I am powerless over how other people work (or don’t work) the Steps. But I’ve also learned I am not powerless over some things. I am not powerless over my attitudes. I am not powerless over negativity. I am not powerless over assuming responsibility for my own recovery. I have the power to exert a positive influence on myself, my loved ones, and the world in which I live.

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To recognize that I am powerless over what others think of me, of missing the bus, or how others work the Steps is relevant in accepting a change in perspective of that which I have the power to change and what I do not. The only potential problem here is my potential reaction to that powerlessness.

This is very different than recognizing that I am powerless over alcohol. Powerlessness itself becomes a problem. It is like admitting that I am powerless over my compulsion to play Russian Roulette or to stand on the ledge of very tall buildings. This powerlessness must be overcome. It is also a recognition that we cannot overcome it when we are isolated and given over to self-deception.   Our solution is a Step by Step process to gain power over alcohol, which begins with honesty about our life-threatening situation.

From the Daily Reflections of January 2;

Is sobriety all that we can expect of a spiritual awakening? No, sobriety is only a bare beginning.   (As Bill Sees It, page 8)

Practicing the A.A. program is like building a house. First I had to pour a big, thick concrete slab on which to erect the house; that, to me, was the equivalent of stopping drinking. But it’s pretty uncomfortable living on a concrete slab, unprotected and exposed to the heat, cold, wind and rain. So I built a room on the slab by starting to practice the program. The first room was rickety because I wasn’t used to the work. But as time passed, as I practiced the program, I learned to build better rooms. The more I practiced, and the more I built, the more comfortable, and happy, was the home I now have to live in.

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So what is that big, thick concrete slab that allows me to erect a house, or a heart able to carry recovery?  It is the bare beginning, a spiritual awakening that allows me enough sanity to stay sober. Yet not drinking or hurting other people is a starting goal and never the finished product. There is no doubt that no other progress can be made without this beginning, but obtaining sobriety is a catalyst for the final goal and not the finished product itself.

My big, thick concrete slab is to realize I have been living my life on my knees before a power greater than myself and that merciless mistress of my fate was alcohol. I have been living with an abusive spiritual dominant that has left me battered in an unmanageable life. The program teaches me to take my habit of surrendering and turn it toward a Higher Power that truly has my best interests at heart. I will abandon my alcoholic skill of self-deception and learn the sanity of my GOMU’s to embrace truth. This is what I will erect my recovery structure on.

From the Daily Reflections of January 1;

The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves.   (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 25)

This truly is a fact in my life today, and a real miracle. I always believed in God, but could never put that belief meaningfully into my life. Today, because of Alcoholics Anonymous, I now trust and rely on God, as I understand Him; I am sober today because of that! Learning to trust and rely on God was something I could never have done alone. I now believe in miracles because I am one!

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A miracle is defined in Merriam-Webster as a surprising and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore considered to be the work of a divine agency. Somewhere along the way it became natural for me to face life intoxicated with alcohol. The scientific-medical community in all their achievements had one word for the alcoholic: hopeless. The irresistible laws of nature and man where interrupted and I stopped drinking and started living. I developed a powerfully simple and pragmatic faith in a Higher Power that required no name or doctrinal hoops to love me. My life has become that “surprising and welcome” event that I must attribute to my God doing for me what I absolutely could not do for myself. Yes, I am a miracle.

From the Daily Reflections of December 31;

The idea of “twenty-four-hour living” applies primarily to the emotional life of the individual. Emotionally speaking, we must not live in yesterday, nor in tomorrow.   (As Bill Sees It, page 284)

A New Year: 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days, 8,760 hours, 525,600 minutes — a time to consider directions, goals, and actions. I must make some plans to live a normal life, but also I must live emotionally within a twenty-four-hour frame, for if I do, I don’t have to make New Year’s resolutions! I can make every day a New Year’s day! I can decide, “Today I will do this . . . Today I will do that.” Each day I can measure my life by trying to do a little better, by deciding to follow God’s will and by making an effort to put the principles of our A.A. program into action.

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I love the movie Groundhog Day with Bill Murray.  Imprisoned in a repeat cycle of the same day, the protagonist is held in this loop until he is living the best possible version of that day.  He filters out what he thinks he wants, and begins to embrace what he knows to be truly important, only because he is forced to stop and live in one day.  Sometimes I wonder if that might not be far from the truth.

From the Daily Reflections of December 30;

Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.   (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 562)

Tradition Twelve became important early in my sobriety and, along with the Twelve Steps, it continues to be a must in my recovery. I became aware after I joined the Fellowship that I had personality problems, so that when I first heard it, the Tradition’s message was very clear: there exists an immediate way for me to face, with others, my alcoholism and attendant anger, defensiveness, offensiveness. I saw Tradition Twelve as being a great ego-deflator; it relieved my anger and gave me a chance to utilize the principles of the program. All of the Steps, and this particular Tradition, have guided me over decades of continuous sobriety. I am grateful to those who were here when I needed them.

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Focusing on personalities in a group is a divisive pursuit.  Trying to become the most popular personality, trying to diminish the most displeasing personality, surrounding myself with the most supportive personalities, all becomes a game that manifests in many forms of “us and them” schisms. For me, this dethroning of the personality game is necessary for group cohesion.  This is the power of anonymity.   What then shall fill the natural void left so that isolating ego does not return to dominate our safe haven? The way I read this tradition, I look for opportunities to understand and apply the principles of the 12 Steps in all my affairs.  We all have this necessary pursuit in common.   This simple and agreed upon pursuit helps protect our life-giving union.  Principles before personalities.

From the Daily Reflections of December 29;

. . . therefore the joy of good living is the theme of A.A.’s Twelfth Step.   (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 125)

A.A. is a joyful program! Even so, I occasionally balk at taking the necessary steps to move ahead, and find myself resisting the very actions that could bring about the joy I want. I would not resist if those actions did not touch some vulnerable area of my life, an area that needs hope and fulfillment. Repeated exposure to joyfulness has a way of softening the hard, outer edges of my ego. Therein lies the power of joyfulness to help all members of A.A.

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I don’t think you should ever fragment a quote, beginning it with the word, therefore, unless you are going to explain what it is there for.

Understanding is the key to right principles and attitudes, and right action is the key to good living;  therefore the joy of good living is the theme of A.A.’s Twelfth Step.  (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 125)

See, it demonstrates a process with several prerequisites.  You cannot have the joy of good living without having the “good living.”  You cannot have good living without being able to take right action based on the principles and attitudes revealed in the Twelve Steps.  You cannot take right action unless you have a good understanding of the principles and attitudes that are presented in the 12 Steps.  It all begins with understanding and applying the principles in all my affairs and continuing that process until I have secured the joy of good living.  I like feeling joy, so I will be motivated for even more understanding so that I can experience even more joy, and I will not be satisfied until I habitually experience the joy of good living.

From the Daily Reflections of December 28;

In A.A. we aim not only for sobriety — we try again to become citizens of the world that we rejected, and of the world that once rejected us. This is the ultimate demonstration toward which Twelfth Step work is the first but not the final step.   (As Bill Sees It, page 21)

The old line says, “Suit up and show up,” That action is so important that I like to think of it as my motto. I can choose each day to suit up and show up, or not. Showing up at meetings starts me toward feeling a part of that meeting, for then I can do what I say I’ll do at meetings. I can talk with newcomers, and I can share my experience; that’s what credibility, honesty, and courtesy really are. Suiting up and showing up are the concrete actions I take in my ongoing return to normal living.

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I find it interesting that Bill sees Twelfth Step work, the last Step of the 12 Steps, as the first but not final Step.  He seem to be thinking about a process beyond but based on the 12 Steps of recovery.  The principles of the program help to define what it means to be a true citizen of the World.   My relevance and usefulness in the World is demonstrated daily by developing the skill stated simply as the ability to Suit Up and Show Up.  It is a basic dependability, a vibrant predictability, a daily courage that makes me a silent force of nature.  I believe it is possible for my life, not just my words, to shout out that we can recover.

From the Daily Reflections of December 27;

“Quite as important was the discovery that spiritual principles would solve all my problems.”   (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 42)

Through the recovery process described in the Big Book, I have come to realize that the same instructions that work on my alcoholism, work on much more. Whenever I am angry or frustrated, I consider the matter a manifestation of the main problem within me, alcoholism. As I “walk” through the Steps, my difficulty is usually dealt with long before I reach the Twelfth “suggestion,” and those difficulties that persist are remedied when I make an effort to carry the message to someone else. These principles do solve my problems! I have not encountered an exception, and I have been brought to a way of living which is satisfying and useful.

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Absolutes are scary.  And to me they are repulsive.  It seems to me that it is an indication that we are playing God when we can easily spout out absolutes.  “…spiritual principles would solve ALL my problems.”  I have not yet experienced all my problems and do not have the capacity to know that such a statement is true.  Yet when that absolute is transformed to “These principles do solve my problems!  I have not encountered an exception…”, that is based on the experience of a mortal man who is excited about how effective the principles of the Steps are in his life.

So I can say that the spiritual principles of the 12 Steps of AA have proven effective in my own life to keep me sober.  They also lay the groundwork for even greater depth of character and usefulness in my life.  That is keeping it real and truthful.

From the Daily Reflections of December 26;

Furthermore, how shall we come to terms with seeming failure or success? Can we now accept and adjust to either without despair or pride? Can we accept poverty, sickness, loneliness, and bereavement with courage and serenity? Can we steadfastly content ourselves with the humbler, yet sometimes more durable, satisfactions when the brighter, more glittering achievements are denied us?   (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 112)

After I found A.A. and stopped drinking, it took a while before I understood why the First Step contained two parts: my powerlessness over alcohol, and my life’s unmanageability. In the same way, I believed for a long time that, in order to be in tune with the Twelve Steps, it was enough for me “to carry this message to alcoholics.” That was rushing things. I was forgetting that there were a total of Twelve Steps and that the Twelfth Step also had more than one part. Eventually I learned that it was necessary for me to “practice these principles” in all areas of my life. In working all the Steps thoroughly, I not only stay sober and help someone else to achieve sobriety, but also I transform my difficulty with living into a joy of living.

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I do not know how to take a message of recovery to those still suffering as an event separate from a lifestyle of devotion to the principals of the program.  Just as the unmanageability of life is linked to a surrender to being powerless to alcohol, the helpfulness of recovery is a fruit of devotion to self-improvement and transformation.  When my character develops in strength, my message of recovery will grow in credibility.  This is an effort worthy of devotion.

Rest in peace, Leornard Nimoy.  He lived long and prospered. It was not a shock, he stayed with us for as long as he could, and I really appreciate that.

From the Daily Reflections of December 25;

Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God’s will into all of our activities. “How can I best serve Thee — Thy will (not mine) be done.”   (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 85)

I read this passage each morning, to start off my day, because it is a continual reminder to “practice these principles in all my affairs.” When I keep God’s will at the forefront of my mind, I am able to do what I should be doing, and that puts me at peace with life, with myself and with God.

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Following the will of God means that you seek your Higher Power for direction and make your daily living a matter of following what you understand those directives to be. It implies communication, with an emphasis on increased skill in hearing and discipline in limiting what we say or petition your Higher Power for. It is my understanding that those seeking the daily will of Gomu (God of my understanding) use one of four approaches, or a combination of them all. They are the Logos Leggers, the Mystic Mergers, the Synchronistic Bump-a-longs, and the Iconic Visualization and Replacement Performers.

The Logos Leggers are those who do not trust listening to voices in their heads because of past problems with mental or psychological problems similar to dissociation disorders. So, they are dedicated to some form of Sacred or Trusted text, such as the Big Book or the Bible or the like. Their morning meditations amount to study sessions. They are able to trust God to speak primarily in this fashion and are quite wary of other approaches. They tend to think of the guidance of God as a revelation of written mission orders to be fulfilled.

The Mystic Mergers expect to develop the ability to hear an internal guiding voice, and that all revealed directives are designed to foster spiritual intimacy between the mortal and their God. They expect mystical connections that transform their sensitivities so that they can communicate with the Higher Power on a continuous basis. They expect to move to a state of transcendence, and thus the goal is transformation. It is all about the relationship.

Synchronistic Bump-a-longs are similar to the Mystic Mergers, except they seek to become aware of a path that leads them to a child-like trust of God as an all-encompassing force. They seek a state of morning serenity and then look throughout the day for magical hints to pull them along a path. The goal is to become trusting and sensitive to the omnipresence of Gomu (God of my understanding). These people tend to put more emphasis on hearing God through other people.

Finally, the Iconic Visualization and Replacement Performers see a central figure as the one you visualize and seek to become, replacing all personal expressions with attempts to become whatever your favorite icon is. You imagine how your Icon would behave in your place and you seek to emulate that icon.

I have done all four and often do a combination in my personal approach. The Mystic Merger is my personal favorite.