From Courage to Change of Jul 11:
It seems to me that many of us deal with our anger in inappropriate ways. Denying it, we stuff it, or we go off in fury, directing the feelings outward. I, for one, opt for avoidance of any conflict, and then I turn into a doormat.
The Al-Anon program encourages me to acknowledge my feelings and to be responsible for how I express them. The problem is not that I get angry, but that I do not know how to direct my anger appropriately.
Lately, when I feel like hitting somebody, I take my pillow and beat the daylights out of my bed. When I want to wipe someone out, I attack my dirty oven. I try to release my anger as soon as I can so that I won’t build resentments that will be harder to get rid of later.
I’m learning to communicate my anger too. I may not do it gracefully, and my words may not be well received. It means facing the awful discomfort called conflict, but I can’t run away any more.
Today’s Reminder
Feeling our feelings is one important part of the recovery process. Learning how to balance feelings with appropriate action is another.
“When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, an hundred.” ~ Thomas Jefferson
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I relate deeply to the image of becoming a doormat. When I avoid conflict to keep the peace, I’m not really at peace—I’m just disappearing. And each time I do that, I lose a little more of my own voice. The truth is, I wasn’t avoiding conflict—I was avoiding being real. And if I am not careful, the recovery goal of finding serenity in order to grow spiritually might become another voice directing me to forget my humanity, to become comfortably numb like an addict to religious pretention.
What I appreciate about the Al-Anon perspective here is its gentleness. It gives me permission to feel the anger without making it wrong. Anger, when acknowledged and respected, can be a compass. It tells me something’s not okay. It tells me I need to set a boundary, speak a truth, or take action.
I’m also learning that expressing anger doesn’t have to mean exploding. Sometimes it just means saying, “That hurt,” or “I’m not okay with this,” even if my voice shakes or I say it clumsily. Recovery isn’t about being perfect—it’s about showing up, feeling my feelings, and staying in relationship with myself and others, even when it’s uncomfortable.
I’m still growing in this. But I believe it is an act of genuine living to feeling the feelings and learning how to act on them in a way that honors my healing—that’s where the freedom lives.
NOTE: I recommend watching both Inside Out movies on processing emotions. They are so good at providing a simple parable for a complex process.
Daily Reprieve 
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