Daily Reprieve

From Courage to Change of Nov 03:

By the time we reach Al-Anon, many of us are starving to be heard. We bask in the discovery that the Al-Anon rooms are safe places in which we can talk about the things that have been pent-up inside. We share, and the people around us nod with understanding. They talk with us after meetings and mention how much they identify, or they thank us for sharing. Finally we are heard and appreciated by others who have been there too.

This attention can feel so refreshing that we may be tempted to overdo it. Many of us fear to let go of this chance to speak openly, as if it were our last opportunity. But when any member regularly dominates the sharing at meetings, the group suffers.

In keeping with our Traditions, the well-being of the group must come first. That’s one reason sponsorship is such a valuable tool. Our needs for self-expression are real and should be addressed. A Sponsor can give us the time and attention we need to talk about ourselves and our lives.

Today’s Reminder

My needs are important. Al-Anon helps me to find appropriate ways in which to meet them. I will take good care of myself today.

“Personal details are better left to a Sponsor who can lend a consistent ear and keep a confidence — someone who knows all about you and accepts you as you are.”
~ Sponsorship—What It’s All About

END OF QUOTE—————————————

There is something deeply human about sharing ourselves with others who are invested in our well-being. In recovery it is that early hunger to be heard, to be recognized, to be witnessed as real. Many of us arrived to Al-Anon or other forms of 12 Step recovery after years of invisibility — living in homes where emotional oxygen was scarce. Where our thoughts, feelings, and needs seemed to take up too much space or no space at all. So, when we walk into a room where nodding heads say “Yes, I’ve felt that too,” it feels like water in a drought.

The first time I spoke openly and wasn’t met with judgment or dismissal — something in me exhaled. I didn’t know I had been holding my breath for so many years.

That early relief can bloom into a kind of urgency:

• “If I don’t say it now, I may never get the chance.”
• “This might be my only room in the world where I’m understood.”
• “If I stop talking, I may disappear again.”

This isn’t selfishness.
This is the nervous system remembering loneliness.

But I need to remember something important:

I am not the only one who needs to be seen.
Everyone in that room is carrying a lifetime of unheard stories.

Al-Anon teaches me a new rhythm:

Breathe in — I share my truth.
Breathe out — I make space for yours.

This is not silence as erasure.
This is silence as communion.

And the Tradition that the group comes first is not about suppressing individuality — it is about the miracle that we are healed in relationship. Not performance. Not dominance. Not urgency. Relationship.

And this is where sponsorship enters like a quiet sanctuary.

A Sponsor is not the audience for my story —
they are the companion to its unfolding.

With a Sponsor, my voice does not have to be loud to be heard.
I don’t have to rush.
I don’t have to hold the room.
I don’t have to fear vanishing.

There is room for me.

The spiritual movement in this Step is trust.
Trust that there will be time.
Trust that my voice has a place.
Trust that I do not have to fight to exist anymore.

And I discover what might be the most healing concept of my positive selfishness:

“My needs are important.”

Not at the expense of others.
Not instead of others.
Not louder than others.

Just: important.

So today, the practice becomes:

• I speak honestly, but I do not cling.
• I let others speak, and I learn to listen for God in their voices.
• I allow sponsorship to hold what is too heavy for the group to carry.
• I trust that I do not have to disappear in order to belong.

I don’t have to dominate the room to be real.
I don’t have to stay silent to be safe.
There is room for me — and for others — in the same breath.

Today, I take good care of my voice — and I take good care of the room.