From Courage to Change of Aug 20:
A billboard in my town reads, “Some come to the fountain of knowledge to drink. Some come to gargle.” My pre-Al-Anon self would have chuckled at this message, but I would have felt some anxiety about whether I was a drinker or a gargler. Life was either black or white, and in order to feel comfortable, I had to know which extreme applied. But whichever label I pinned on myself would leave me feeling wrong, so I would scramble to fix myself.
Now, thanks to Al-Anon, I accept more easily the thought that sometimes I drink, sometimes I gargle, and sometimes I stub my toe on the fountain as I stumble by. I don’t have to do better or differently. The best that I can do is good enough. I can relax and enjoy the joke.
Today’s Reminder
Al-Anon encourages me to examine my thoughts and actions, but this is meant as an act of self-love, not as a weapon to use against myself. When I begin to accept myself exactly as I am , life will feel a lot more gentle.
“Sometimes we try so hard that we fail to see that the light we are seeking is within us.” ~ As We Understood . . .
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Before recovery, I lived in a mind forged by fear—its favorite tools were labels, extremes, and invisible measuring sticks. It has often been that I can’t hold ambiguity without anxiety. I needed certainty—not because it gave me peace, but because I thought certainty would give me safety.
But the 12 Step program offered me something far better than certainty—it offered compassionate permission.
Permission to laugh at myself.
Permission to be human.
Permission to admit I’ve both sipped wisdom and choked on it, depending on the day.
Permission to trip over my own healing and still call it progress.
This program doesn’t ask me to strive for some shimmering perfection. It asks me to show up. It asks me to observe without judgment. It asks me to speak to myself as gently as I would to a child learning to walk.
The more I practice this self-acceptance, the more I realize that rigidity was never my refuge—it was my prison. I kept trying to “fix” myself because I believed I was broken beyond repair. But today I see: I’m not a project, I’m a person. I’m not a performance, I’m a soul.
“Rule 62: Don’t take yourself too damn seriously.” ~ 12 Steps & 12 Traditions, 2021 edition, page 164.
Daily Reprieve 
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