Archive for May 22, 2025

Endigar 955 ~ Step Two

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , on May 22, 2025 by endigar

Step Two: “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

2nd Step Principle: My need for the ability to tell the true from the false with a whole and sane mind is the beginning of my connection with an untapped Power greater than myself. (Principles after the First Step are constructed from personal reflection and acceptance. Use my version or formulate your own.)

AA Extracted Value: Hope

ACA Extracted Values: Open-mindedness & Clarity

Other Extracted Values: Awareness

There was a time when the word sanity felt like a distant, almost mythical concept—something reserved for others who didn’t carry the chaos I carried inside. But Step Two invites me to gently question the assumptions I’ve lived under. It doesn’t demand immediate belief. It doesn’t threaten or corner. It offers a possibility. That’s all—just maybe. Maybe I don’t have to stay lost. Maybe there is a way out. Maybe I don’t have to figure it all out on my own anymore.

That possibility is where hope begins.

The principle that struck me most is this: the ability to tell the true from the false. That sounds simple, but in the fog of dysfunction—especially as an adult child—it’s not. In fact, it might be the most difficult and most essential gift I can receive. In my old patterns, I confused love with control, guilt with responsibility, chaos with aliveness, and emotional numbness with safety. That distortion of truth was the insanity I was operating under.

So when I consider a Power greater than myself, I think of clarity. Not lightning bolts or grand visions, but the quiet power that lets me see the next right thing clearly. That lets me pause, breathe, and ask, “Is this true?” That helps me discern the real from the reactive. That kind of clarity is divinely sane.

Hope isn’t fantasy. Hope doesn’t float. It leans in. Like the metaphor of archery, hope isn’t just pointing in the right direction. It’s breath control. It’s stillness. It’s trust in the strength of your own arm guided by something beyond it. There is discipline in it. There is surrender, yes—but it’s not passive. It’s a relational act. I do my part by aiming well. My Higher Power does the rest by allowing grace to guide the arrow.

I’ve spent years aiming blindly, without realizing my sights were misaligned. I’ve hoped for things that weren’t mine to carry. I’ve hoped without action. That’s not hope. That’s despair dressed in a costume. True hope is choosing to keep aiming, keep breathing, and trust that if I keep showing up with willingness, I will hit something real, something healing. Maybe not today. But the arc is shifting. The mind is clearing. And I’m learning to tell the true from the false.

That, to me, is the first flicker of sanity.

And that flicker is enough for today.

Endigar 954

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on May 22, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Jul 15:

Each of us puts the Al-Anon program into practice in our lives as best we can, moving at the pace that is right for us. That is why I avoid speaking harshly, using phrases such as “get off the pity-pot” or “quit feeling sorry for yourself.” Perhaps someone needs more time to work through a painful situation than I do. Their story may sound repetitious to me, but who am I to judge?

When I’m struggling with my difficulties, I am so grateful that no one in Al-Anon stands over me with a stopwatch, telling me that I am taking too long when I learn my lessons slowly. A nonjudgmental, listening ear can be a great blessing, and I’m leaning to offer it more freely.

Today’s Reminder

Today I will try to extend to my fellow members the respect, patience, and courtesy that I want for myself.

“Great Spirit, help me never to judge another until I have walked in his moccasins.” ~ Sioux Indian prayer

END OF QUOTE—————————————

There’s a subtle kind of arrogance that creeps in when I forget how long my own healing has taken—and how nonlinear it still is. I can look back and see the looping spirals, the relapses not just in behavior but in thought patterns, the days when I’ve needed to tell the same story again just to hear myself say it. And in those moments, what helped wasn’t advice. It wasn’t someone telling me to snap out of it or get perspective. It was someone simply being there. Listening. Letting me be messy, repetitive, scared.

Compassion isn’t measured by how quickly I help someone “get better.” It’s measured by how willing I am to walk beside them without needing to fix, rush, or judge. Everyone’s pain has its own timeline. If I rush someone else, I’m usually avoiding something in myself.

I also hear the call in this text to give myself that same patience. No one is standing over me with a stopwatch, though sometimes my inner critic plays that role. I don’t heal on command. I don’t always learn the first—or fifth—time. But when I’m met with grace, something shifts. It opens space for real growth.

I want to practice being the kind of person I would’ve needed on my darkest day: quiet, steady, and accepting. Letting people take the time they need. Letting myself do the same.