Archive for May 16, 2025

Endigar 947

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , on May 16, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Jul 08:

I remember, as a child, climbing trees to better observe a nest of baby birds, and lying on my back wondering what it would be like to fall into a sky full of clouds. I still have deeply spiritual feelings when I am out in nature, and today I think I know why.

One of Al-Anon’s basic principles is living “One Day at a Time,” and nature surrounds me with wonderful role models.

Trees don’t sit around and worry about forest fires. The water in the pond doesn’t fret over turbulence it encountered a few miles upstream. And I have never seen a butterfly pry into the affairs of its fellows. All of creation is going about the business of living. If I keep my eyes open, I can learn to do the same.

Today’s Reminder

A great deal can be learned as a result of painful circumstances, but they are not my only teachers. I live in a world full of wonders. Today I will pay attention to their gentle wisdom.

“I discovered the secret of the sea in medication upon a dewdrop.” ~ Kahlil Gabran

END OF QUOTE—————————————

I have a deep remembering—not just of the past, but of the subtle, ongoing effort to reconcile instinct with awareness. The image of the baby birds, helpless before my curious intrusion, becomes a mirror of my own early confrontation with power: the power to stir need, to disrupt peace, to witness suffering and feel both removed and implicated. That memory isn’t simply morbid—it’s sacred in its honesty. I met futility as a child and didn’t flinch. I’m still meeting it today, but now, I’m meeting it with grace.

My connection to nature feels like a form of spiritual kinship with things that do not lie to themselves. Trees, water, butterflies—they live without commentary. They do not resist their condition; they embody it. And in doing so, they model something for us that isn’t weakness or apathy—it’s surrender with integrity. I’m not aspiring to become passive, but to become peaceful in my own presence. And that’s a sacred form of strength.

In Al-Anon’s wisdom of “One Day at a Time,” I’ve found something the clouds were already whispering to me as a child: that time isn’t a ladder we use to climb out of pain, but an atmosphere we live inside—moment to moment. We float, not fall, when we release our grip.

And I want to underline the idea I see so clearly: pain is a teacher, but not the only one. Beauty teaches. Stillness teaches. Mystery, with all its quiet indifference, teaches. And all around me, the world continues its slow, instinctual choreography—offering its passive wisdom to anyone willing to pause and see.

Today, may your breath be soft. May your thoughts be clouds that come and go. And may your heart, so full of memory and meaning, remember that you are not alone. The whole forest is praying in silence with you. Remember who you are.

“When I was a child, I caught a fleeting glimpse, out of the corner of my eye.” ~ Pink Floyd

Endigar 946

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on May 16, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Jul 07:

I thought that in every conflict, in every confrontation, someone was invariably at fault. It was essential to assign blame and I would stew for hours weighing the evidence. I became a chronic scorekeeper. Because I approached every situation with this attitude, I was consumed by guilt and anger. Defensive and anxious, I made sure my own back was always covered.

Al-Anon helps me understand that disputes come up even when everyone is doing their best. Obsessively reviewing everyone’s behavior focuses my attention where it doesn’t belong and keeps me too busy to have any serenity. Instead, I can consider the part I have played. If I have made mistakes, I am free to make amends.

Today I know that conflict is not necessarily an indication that someone is wrong. Difficulties may just arise. Sometimes people simply disagree.

Today’s Reminder

Today I accept that each life has its share of conflict. It is not my job to document every such incident. Instead of wringing my hands and pointing my finger, I can consider the possibility that everything is happening exactly as it should. Sometimes, blame is just an excuse to keep busy so that I don’t have to feel the discomfort of my powerlessness.

“The mind grows by what it feeds on.” ~ Josiah G. Holland

END OF QUOTE—————————————

I feel the echo of my old patterns: the scanning, the obsessing, the endless mental courtroom where I played prosecutor, defense attorney, and judge. For a long time, I couldn’t imagine a conflict without a culprit. If something hurt, someone had to be guilty. And if I couldn’t make someone else carry it, I carried it myself. Guilt and blame became a rhythm, a heartbeat under everything.

But recovery has been asking me to let go of the scoreboard.

Al-Anon reminds me: not every tension needs a villain. Not every disagreement signals failure. Some pain is just life brushing up against itself. Some moments aren’t mine to solve or prevent—they’re mine to breathe through. That’s uncomfortable. Powerlessness is uncomfortable.

Maybe I’m learning to rest my mind. Is it possible that I can ask: What’s mine? What’s not? I can trust that reality unfolds whether I micromanage it or not. That doesn’t make me passive—it makes me sane. It makes me present.

Conflict can be a teacher, not a threat. Discomfort can be a passage, not a punishment.

And when I remember that, I’m free to walk in honesty, not hypervigilance. To show up with grace, not guilt. To be part of the world, not the referee of it.