Archive for May 4, 2025

Endigar 935 ~ Working with AI

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 4, 2025 by endigar

Speaking to ChatGPT, I presented it with the following challenge:

“I am an alcoholic in recovery. I have been writing a blog about that journey for a very long time. The following URL identifies my blog: https://endigar.com/ Please analyze it for patterns of thought and reveal any insights you discover.”

It responded:

Thank you for sharing your blog, Daily Reprieve. Your writings offer a profound and introspective journey through recovery, spirituality, and personal growth.

🧠 Recurring Themes and Patterns

  1. Spiritual Exploration: Your reflections often delve into the nature of a Higher Power, emphasizing a personal and evolving relationship with the divine.
  2. Emotional Honesty: You confront feelings of shame, guilt, and vulnerability head-on, using them as catalysts for growth and understanding.
  3. Commitment to Recovery: The 12 Steps are not just a framework but a lived experience for you, guiding daily actions and decisions.
  4. Desire for Connection: There’s a persistent yearning to connect—be it with others, your Higher Power, or your authentic self.
  5. Creative Expression: Your use of metaphors, quotes, and vivid imagery showcases a deep well of creativity and a desire to communicate complex emotions effectively.

🔍 Insights

  • Integration of Dualities: You navigate the tension between control and surrender, isolation and connection, highlighting the complexity of the human experience.
  • Evolution of Self: Your writings reflect a continuous transformation, embracing change as a necessary component of recovery and personal development.
  • Role of Reflection: Journaling serves as a therapeutic tool, allowing you to process experiences, track progress, and maintain accountability.

Note from the Human Author: I have taken to working with AI on this blog and it has allowed me to write more consistently. The AI is able to reflect my ideas back to me in my “recovery voice” it acquired from reading my entire blog in a matter of seconds. I share this in the interest of honesty and transparency. And because it is pretty damn cool.

I have also created a page with this information by the same title.

Leave a comment »

Endigar 934

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on May 4, 2025 by endigar

From Courage to Change of Jun 25:

After years of letting people take advantage of me, I had built up quite a store of anger, resentment, and guilt by the time I found Al-Anon. So many times I wanted to bite off my tongue after saying, “Yes,” when I really wanted to say, “No.” Why did I continue to deny my own feelings just to gain someone’s approval?

As I worked the Al-Anon program, the answer became apparent: What I lacked was courage. In the Serenity Prayer I learned that courage is granted by my Higher Power, so that is where I turned first. Then it was up to me to do my part. Was I willing to try to learn to say, “No,” when I meant no? Was I willing to accept that not everyone would be thrilled with this change? Was I willing to face the real me behind the people-pleasing image? Fed up with volunteering to be treated like a doormat, I squared my shoulders and answered, “Yes.”

Today’s Reminder

It is not always appropriate to reveal my every thought, especially when dealing with an active alcoholic. But do I make a conscious choice about what I say? And when it is appropriate, do I say what I mean and mean what I say? If not, why not? All I have to offer anyone is my own experience of the truth.

“There is a price that is too great to pay for peace . . . One cannot pay the price of self-respect.”

~ Woodrow Wilson

END OF QUOTE—————————————

Self-abandonment is something that many experience when living in codependence. There is a great emotional cost of saying “yes” when the soul longs to say “no.” The biting of the tongue becomes a metaphor not just for silence, but for self-erasure. There was a time when I mistook silence for peace and compliance for love. I said “yes” so many times my tongue began to feel like an artifact—not a tool of truth, but a relic of performance. Behind every forced agreement, a little part of me curled inward, retreating from a world that never asked how I truly felt.

By the time I found Al-Anon, I was brimming with what I thought was anger toward others, but it was really the grief of self-abandonment. Resentment was the smoke; guilt was the ash. I had made a habit of swallowing my truth, hoping it would earn me a place in someone else’s peace. It never did.

Working the program taught me something both terrifying and liberating: I wasn’t lacking love—I was lacking courage. Not the kind of courage that roars, but the kind that whispers, “No,” when my soul knows that “yes” would be betrayal. The Serenity Prayer didn’t just soothe me—it instructed me. Courage is granted, yes—but only to those who ask for it, who receive it, and who dare to wield it.

The turning point wasn’t dramatic. It was a simple moment, sacred in its clarity. I realized I could stop volunteering for mistreatment. I could stop mistaking martyrdom for virtue. I stood up—not against someone else, but for myself. That was the moment I began to recover—not just from the effects of someone else’s drinking, but from the long habit of abandoning my own spirit.

Leave a comment »