Daily Reprieve

From Courage to Change of May 8:

“Yes, but . . .” These two words have become a signal to me that I am refusing to accept something over which I am powerless. My world is rich with wonderful gifts: beauty, a loving fellowship, and challenges that strengthen and prepare me for a better life. Is it worth it to deny these gifts by wishing things were different? Will it make them change? No! I prefer to accept them gladly, enjoy them thoroughly, and humbly accept the reality my Higher Power offers without any “yes, buts.”

The harsh tone, the unkind word, the apparent indifference of another is usually over in a few minutes. What price am I paying by holding on to those few minutes? I don’t have to like reality, only to accept it for what it is. This day is too precious to waste by resenting things I can’t change. When I accept everything as it is, I tend to be reasonably serene. When I spend my time wishing things were different, I know that serenity has lost its priority.

Today’s Remember

While I am responsible for changing what I can, I have to let go of the rest if I want peace of mind. Just for today I will love myself enough to give up a struggle over something that is out of my hands.

“By yielding you may obtain victory.”

~ Ovid

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When do I seek to foster acceptance in my life? What circumstances would be better met with neutrality? The following assertions are realities for which I am learning to surrender myself:

My efforts must not require me to cut myself off from my support network. I accept that I am more likely to make good decisions in the light of invested accountability.

My actions need to have the strength and steady growth of an Oak. Explosive impulses scorch the earth like lightening blasts. My energy must find safe conductors to be useful. This is something I accept to build a life I no longer need to escape. “You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.” ~ James Clear in Atomic Habits.

I need to accept gifts in my life and recognize them with gratitude. My Higher Power does not provide frivolously. All magic that finds me has a purpose to be fulfilled. I must accept that gifts from beyond strongly imply stewardship and a personal need I may not currently understand. I accept that such gifts are a quest and not a destination.

I accept that helping others is more powerful than conquering enemies. It is this potent usefulness that I protect from the bloodlust of my isolated ego. I accept that this is how honor is built.

I accept that I will fail while trying. I accept that failure is my teacher while I work. I accept that my perception will make failure a teacher or a mental illness in my life. “There is a lion outside! I shall be killed in the streets” ~ Proverbs 22:13 and “There is a lion in the road, there is a lion in the streets” ~ Proverbs 26:13 are both quotes from the lazy man. His fears quench the fire out of his motivation. He loses heart because he sees failure as a threat. Embracing a quivering fear of failure produces a lazy, withdrawal from the interactive life. This seems to me to be the ultimate failure.

There was a man who had a face that looked a lot like me
I saw him in the mirror and I fought him in the street
Then when he turned away, I shot him in the head
Then I came to realize, I had killed myself

Exploder by Audioslave

From Courage to Change of May 7:

Why do I find it so hard to accept that alcoholism is a disease? Would I blame a diabetic or a cancer patient for their symptoms? Of course not. I know that willpower alone is not enough to defeat a disease. If alcoholics could simply stop drinking whenever they wanted, many would have stopped long ago. It would do me no good to plead, berate, or reason with tuberculosis; I will not waste my time pleading, berating, or reasoning with alcoholism.

I therefore resolve to stop blaming the alcoholic for what is beyond his or her control — including the compulsion to drink. Instead, I’ll direct my efforts where they can do some good: I will commit myself to my own recovery. I know that improved health in one family member can have a profound effect on the rest of the family. In this way, I can make a much stronger contribution to the well-being of those I love than I ever could by trying to combat a disease that can’t be controlled.

Today’s Reminder

When I accept that alcoholism is a disease, it becomes easier to recognize that I, too, have been affected by something beyond my control, and to begin to recover from those effects.

“Whether or not the alcoholic achieves sobriety, the time for the family members to begin working on their own recovery is now.”

~ A Guide for the Family of the Alcoholic

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What would my young adulthood have been like if I had found Al-Anon before I activated my alcoholism? My mother’s father died of alcoholism when she was seventeen. She idolized him and was devastated by his tragic end. And through her untreated response to his alcoholism the disease continued to take its toll on our family long after its primary host was buried. My siblings who suffered from addiction or mental distress were enabled to live on in their suffering. We were isolated by family pride. Those family members who succeeded to develop something for themselves were expected to attempt rescue of those who were in need of professional help. The rescue was to be a prevention of consequences and not an exposure to accountability. The disease had turned our family into an embrace that smothers.

The wasted life, the pain, the unfairness of this dark network makes it easy to blame the carriers of the disease. I lose the objectivity of treatment when my resentments fester. There is no emotional connection to a parasite. I take Steps to remove it from my life and let my own health act as a beacon of hope for those I love. I can safely draw close to the people I love while staying detached from that insidious blood-sucker, alcoholism.