Archive for August 25, 2020

Endigar 821

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on August 25, 2020 by endigar

From Courage to Change of March 28;

What happens when I physically hold on tight to something? I turn my head away. I squeeze my eyes shut. My knuckles ache as my fists clench. Fingernails bite into my palms. I exhaust myself. I hurt!

On the other hand, when I trust God to give me what I need, I let go. I face forward. my hands are free for healthy, loving, and enjoyable activities. I find unexpected reserves of energy. My eyes open to see fresh opportunities, many of which have been there all along.

Before I complain about my suffering, I might do well to examine myself. I may be surprised by the amount of pain I can release by simply letting go.

Today’s Reminder

How much can God give me if I am not open to receive? When I hold onto a problem, a fear, or a resentment, I shut myself off to the help that is available to me. I will loosen my grip on something today. I will let go and let God.

“All I had to do was become the least bit willing to open my clutched fist a tiny, grudging bit and miracles happened. That’s God as I understand Him toady.” ~ As We Understood . . .

 

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What have I done with the gift of open hands? I petted the head of my fat and happy feline friend who displays her satisfaction with life by laying on her back in her roadkill pose. I have texted my children who live lives strong and free. I have those in my intimate sphere, to include my sponsor, that I touch base with as regularly as my sputtering discipline will allow. I do not milk my Higher Power like a cow when I am able to release my fearful demands. I honor the free will of those that surround me. I resist that sense of responsibility to hold my heart in a death grip of martyred control. I inhale and exhale with all the trusting faith that I find available in the rooms and in the faces of those who are also free to invest in others. I listen for the whispers of Lady Liberty, which is the Spirit of my Higher Power.

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Endigar 820 ~ The Death of Redrum Inkwell in the Sacred Grove

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on August 25, 2020 by endigar

I imagine my addiction as a vine that wraps around a pole and uses its strength to climb, to intertwine with its surrounding and then to bare toxic fruit for myself and those I love.

The pole is a legitimate goal or pursuit. When it is embraced by the vine it is difficult to tell the two apart. The pole that my addiction finds greatest success in hijacking is my pursuit of happiness and satisfaction in the written word.

A little while back I discovered that Stephen King is a recovered alcoholic and addict. I read that there are writings such as “Christine” that he did not remember writing because it was a blur of chemical oblivion. His family and friends finally staged an intervention in the late 80’s.

My recovery applauded. My addiction looked at the work he did prior to his recovery. And then it whispered in my ear, “What about field testing that possibility? My recovery became the little boy with the Shining desperately repeating “Red Rum! Red Rum! Red Rum!” That message was only understood when I looked in the mirror.

“Murder all that you are.”

“Murder all that you love.”

“Murder all that could have been useful to others who struggle.”

So, I remove the vine and the pole and plant instead an oak sapling. It is slower but stronger. There can be no more quick and easy vines to tend. It is a long road and I cannot shy away from the pain in the journey. This is and always has been the beginning of my Sacred Grove.

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